“Seriously?”
She nodded gravely.
“Does he realize Cassian really might’ve killed him if Tristan hadn’t been there to pull him off?”
“And do you realize you’re falling for a guy who might have murdered someone for being interested in you? Sorry,” Zoe added quickly. “I’m not trying to judge you or—”
“No, it’s okay. Like I said, I’m fully aware it’s stupid. That’s why I’m not planning to buy flowers and go ask Cassian to take me to prom or something. My plan is still to ignore my feelings, because they’re stupid. But Clint needs to know I have those feelings, either way.”
“Just be careful.”
I grinned. “I’ll be okay.” Probably, at least.
27
Cassian
I came down to the kitchen before school and saw Charli standing at the stove in a sweat-soaked white tank top and a pair of tight running shorts. Apparently, she was done refraining from exercise after her concussion.
“I need to use the kitchen.” I opened the fridge and pulled out a stick of butter, setting it beside Charli. “So you can either deal with me being in your way, or you can move and I’ll let you eat some of what I make.”
“How do I know you won’t poison me?”
“You’re welcome to watch.”
I waited for the explosion—the challenge. That was the pattern with her. It was a bumping and shoving sort of dynamic, like we were two people trying to squeeze through the same narrow doorway. Except both of us kept coming back to it at the same time, almost like we wanted the excuse to clash.
Instead, she set down the box of cereal she’d been about to pour and walked to the table. “Go ahead, then. Because I’m not convinced you even know how to cook.”
I stole a glance at her as I dug eggs out of the fridge and caught her watching me.
“It’s not that complicated. You stir the shit up and then make it hot. When it’s hot enough, you put it on the plate. Am I forgetting anything?”
It looked like she wanted to list a few hundred things, but she only flicked her eyebrows up and gave a small smile. “Let’s find out.”
I laid out some bacon on the pan. It started crackling right away. I dumped the eggs on top of it, then wondered if maybe I should’ve let the bacon cook first. The truth was I usually grabbed whatever was easy for breakfast. I’d only kicked Charli out of the kitchen for the same reason I gave her shit about nearly everything else: I enjoyed it.
Charli got up and stood beside me, staring down at the pan.
“No.” I jabbed my finger toward the chair. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy. And if you die while I’m alone with you, I’ll have to eat my breakfast with a dead body in the kitchen. And that would be fucking disgusting.”
She gave me a weird look, but sat down, then folded her arms. “I wonder what the opposite of sugar-coating things is. Shit coating? Because whatever you call it, you’re shit coating the fact that you’re worried about me. Even though I’m way past the point where I need to be worried about from the concussion. I went in yesterday and passed all the tests. I’m good.”
“Fantastic.”
“So I still don’t get it. Why does the guy who supposedly wants my life to be miserable also worry about me when I get hurt?”
“What you see is what you get, Charli. I don’t like you. Is that so hard to believe?”
“A little. Yeah.”
“Being willing to let you suck my cock and liking you are two entirely different things.” I dug through the cabinet and shook some salt on the eggs and bacon, which were looking strangely gray.
“You don’t like me so much that you were the first and only one to come wait by my bedside at the hospital?”
“I already told you. If you died, all my effort to torment you would’ve been a waste.”
“I don’t buy it.”
“Buy what you want, Scarface. I don’t really give a shit.”
“Have you noticed you only pay attention to me when another guy gets involved?”
I stirred the eggs around, which just crumpled up the soggy, uncooked bacon in the thickening slop. I cringed at it. “What do you want to hear, exactly?”
“Maybe you could be honest with me. That would be a novel concept.”
“Honesty? Being honest gives people power over you. And if you give people power, they’ll use it to fuck you over.” Even though I didn’t take my gaze from the meal I was screwing up, I was almost certain she was rolling her eyes. “Don’t agree?”
“I think you try to seem like a cold-hearted dick, but it really just makes you look scared. Is that your excuse for everything you do? You’re worried someone will hurt you if you show any hint of weakness?”
I pushed the spatula around the pan, feeling suddenly angry at the fucking bacon that refused to cook even though the eggs were getting dry. “I don’t need life lessons from someone who doesn’t even have a real home. Someone whose own father doesn’t want them.”
I wanted the words to bite deep. To sting. But Charli just scoffed like they’d barely scratched—as if she didn’t even believe I meant them.
“That’s right,” she said. “I forgot your life is perfect. Maybe you can give me some pointers?”
I set the spatula down hard on the counter, then dumped the contents of the pan into the trash. “Yeah.” I closed on her, planting my hands on the armrests of her chair. “Here’s a pointer. When you want something, you take it.”
I cupped her chin and kissed her. Like most things I did, I hadn’t planned on it. I’d just gotten close and inhaled the scent of her exertion and the sweetness of her skin. I’d decided I wanted her lips between mine, and that was that.
At first, she was stiff, but then she kissed me back. She let out a little gasp that melted into a moan.
Her lips closed on mine like warm butter, deliciously soft. Kissing her was like sweet poison. I knew each moment was dangerous. Every brush of her lips and flick of her tongue threatened to sink into me and stay, to take up residence in the deep, dark corners of my mind where I wouldn’t be able to dig it back out.
She bit down hard on me, then slapped my cheek.
I pulled back, grinning at her and checking my lip for blood. “Did that make you feel better about liking it? Because you should probably slap me like you mean it if you want the guilt to fade.”
“I hate you,” She slapped me again, this time hard enough to make white spots blossom in the corners of my eyes.
“Yeah? Then why are you going to let this happen?”
“What?”
I straightened, then pulled my shirt off. “I plan to take everything from you. Your heart included. But I know that’s tricky. The heart might just be the last thing I steal. Your body, though? I’ve already won that. Yours wants mine, and mine wants yours. What does it matter if we don’t like each other?”
“It matters.”
I kissed her again, and she didn’t push me away this time. She was breathing hard and red-faced when I pulled back. “Then why are you going to ask me to take you? Why are you going to want it so badly?”
She got up from the chair, but I followed her until she bumped against the table. I took her by the waist, lifting her so she was sitting there. “This isn’t how I wanted it to be.”
“What?” I asked. “Are you trying to tell me you’re a virgin?”
She tilted her jaw up, still defiant even when it looked like she was scared shitless. Even when I could see she wished with all her being that she hadn’t so much as hinted I would be her first.
“Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll walk away. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want it.”
She looked up, lips twitching with the effort of trying to form the lie. But she lowered her head, shaking it again. “You told me you wanted me to fall for you. You said it’d just be another way to punish me. What kind of idiot would I be if I let that happen?”
“This isn’t about love.” I
ran my hand down her thigh, relishing the warm, softness of her skin. “I’m just tired of wondering what it’d feel like to take you for myself. Tired of watching fucking Clint put his hands on you. Tired of watching you stick your ass in the air before you sprint like you don’t even know how much it tempts me.”
She was breathing hard, eyes shifting between mine and my lips, which still felt bruised and alive from kissing her. “If I did this, how would I live with myself?”
I put my hand on her chest and laid her back on the table, so her legs still hung over the edge. “Don’t worry about being somebody you like. Life is a hell of a lot easier that way. Now tell me you want it, Charli. I want to hear it from your mouth.”
She closed her eyes. It was so long before she said anything that I thought she might actually change her mind, but when she opened her eyes again, there was determination in them. “Go ahead then. Ruin me like everything else you touch.”
“Not good enough. Tell me what you want.”
She set her jaw. “I’m not going to beg.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Good. This will be more fun if you still have some backbone to break.”
I cupped the back of her neck and pulled her mouth up to meet mine, shoving her legs apart as I yanked her closer to me. Her body slammed against mine, and I knew she could feel the hard length of my cock between her legs.
“You like that, Charli?”
“Not as much as you apparently do.”
I wanted to laugh. Even while she was submitting, she still couldn’t stop biting, could she?
I pressed my hand between her legs, sucking in a breath as I felt the warm dampness, even through her shorts. “I’m not the only one.”
She kissed me harder, threading her fingers behind my neck and bucking her hips into me, grinding herself against my cock, which felt like it was going to burst at the seams if I didn’t get it out of my pants.
I stripped off the rest of my clothes, then tugged her shorts and panties off in a single, hurried yank. In the back of my mind, I wanted to savor every little moment of this. I wanted to lay her out on the table and devour every inch of her bared skin—to drink in the fact that I was going to be the first. I was the one who would leave a mark she could never erase. No matter how much she might grow to hate and resent me, I’d always be her first.
But there was an engine roaring inside me, urging me forward at a speed I could barely slow.
Charli gasped, never taking her eyes from me as I ran my gaze across her.
I’d seen her in her underwear the night she came back. I’d seen her soaking wet so that the moonlight caught every curve of her perfect body.
But this…
I bared my teeth, then took her roughly in my hand. She was absolutely soaked for me. “Did Clint make you this wet?”
Charli swallowed. “Don’t talk about him.”
“You’re still a virgin. You never let Clint here. He never tasted this…” I got down on my knees. I’d never admit as much to her, but I didn’t go down on girls. I’d never admit it to a living soul, but I’d actually only fucked one girl. Sophomore year. I’d been blindingly drunk, and it had been an older girl from another high school. I preferred the simplicity of staying away from pussy. It had a way of making girls think things were serious.
I never had the time or energy for serious. Until now, apparently.
The hunger I felt ripping me apart was new.
It was exciting.
She gripped my wrist suddenly, stopping me. “What about that girl? The one I saw you with at Dead Ringers? She looked like a girlfriend.”
“I don’t have girlfriends.”
“Does she know that?”
I smirked. “You want to be exclusive, is that it?”
“I want to know I’m only fucking up my own life here. Not some poor girl I’ve never met.”
“I made our situation clear last week. After the hospital.”
Charli’s eyebrows knitted together. “What do you mean? Why then?”
I clenched my jaw. I didn’t want to have to explain any of this, especially not now. “She’s already dating someone. And I’m happily single. Need to know anything else?”
“Did you break up with her for me?”
“No more questions.” I pushed Charli’s thighs apart. Before she could think of something new to ask me, I buried my face between her legs. I kissed and licked like I was starving, and she was the first morsel of food I’d seen in months.
She was delicious.
Pure.
Mine.
I hooked my arms around her milky thighs, pulling her closer to me so I could lick her more deeply—slide my tongue inside her and feel her quiver against me. She was tight, even around my tongue. I imagined how tense she must be and running my hands across her confirmed as much. Her whole body was practically rigid, like she was trusting a wolf with her neck.
I didn’t particularly care if she was scared. In fact, I wanted her to be.
I spent several long minutes with her, teasing her within inches of an orgasm only to stop until it faded away. Gradually, she relaxed. Her tight little pussy didn’t grip my tongue like a fist anymore, and she was moaning freely.
I didn’t let her come, though. As much as I wanted to feel her quiver against my mouth, I didn’t want to give her the release she needed.
Not yet, at least. The only way she was going to come was when my dick was buried in her to the hilt—when she’d fully given in.
By the time I stood back up, she was gasping for breath and glistening. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, then met her eyes and licked some of the taste off my hand. “I don’t commit. And I don’t fall for people. So I hope you enjoy every moment of this. It’ll be the last time.”
She propped herself up. Her hair was a mess and a glowing red flush had settled into her face. “Give me that.”
She gestured between my legs, where my cock stood long and proud.
I chuckled. “You think sucking my cock will make us equals? Is that it?”
She slid from the table and got to her knees in front of me. She put her hands on my thighs, then looked up at me, flashing the whites of her eyes as she chewed her lip. With a little shrug, she twined her fingers around the base of my cock. “I think it’ll be harder for you to look smug when you’re the one about to come.”
Fuck. I’d only been holding onto control by a fraying strand as it was. Now I could feel it all threatening to come apart.
Even now, she managed to find ways to wrestle with me for power, and as much as I hated to admit it, I liked the challenge.
Just before she parted her lips and took me in her mouth, I tried to muster up the willpower to refuse her. It would be the correct counter move. Show her I didn’t need her pleasure. I didn’t crave her enough to sacrifice my position of power.
Except I did.
Even the thought of her soft lips wrapped around my cock made my body hum with anticipation.
I took a handful of her hair and pushed her mouth down. My body clenched from the wet heat of her mouth on my cock—the gentle friction of her tongue against me. I let out a groan. “Your mouth is good for something.”
She bit down just enough to make me tense—a warning.
I rolled my head back and smiled.
I put my other hand on the back of her head so I could fuck her face, pumping my hips against her. I was daring her to stay strong, to take me down her throat. I kept expecting her to pull away and gasp for breath, but she took it. She swirled her tongue around me, making my knees feel like they were going to go soft on me.
It was only a few minutes before I had to pull back to stop from filling her throat with my come.
Charli stood up, wiping her mouth with her thumb and grinning victoriously. “You sure this will be the only time?”
She was taunting me.
I’d had enough. I gripped the back of her soft, small neck and spun her so her ass was facing me. I pressed her face
down and positioned myself behind her. I stood there with my cock positioned between her legs so all I’d need to do is pull my hips back and press to glide inside her. God knew she was wet enough. “I’m going to take you from behind, and you’re going to come first.”
I was pressing her down, but not so hard that she couldn’t have squirmed free if she wanted. Instead, she just slid her eyes to the side to look back and up at me. “Cassian…”
I swallowed. Whatever she was about to say, I didn’t like the breathy, quiet tone of her voice. I didn’t need her to try to bring feelings into this. It was just flesh. Just sex.
She was a wet hole to fuck—just something to get off on. An object.
Except I was lying to myself, and I knew it.
I gripped her hips hard enough to make her soft skin dimple and turn red around my fingers. With a careful movement of my hips, I positioned myself against her and got ready to slide in. “I’m going to fuck the defiance out of you.”
28
Charli
I felt dizzy.
He was inside me.
I was naked and bent over for him. His huge hand had the back of my neck in a vise grip, like he could crush me with one squeeze. Except there was a strange gentleness beneath the rough touch. He was only rough enough to let me know he was stronger than me. Just like he was only neglectful enough to make me think he wasn’t worried about me when I had my concussion.
It was a show, not real.
But what was the real Cassian?
I pressed my palms into the smooth, cold wood of the table, wishing I had something to dig my fingers into.
“I’m going to fuck the defiance out of you.” He dug a condom out of the pocket in his discarded pants and slid it on himself.
Jesus. I had been defiant just a moment ago. I felt like I was in over my head—like the surface of the water I’d plunged into was so distant I couldn’t have even said which direction was up. Instead of panic, I’d decided to play at confidence. None of it seemed as scary if I acted like I was still in control, or like I wasn’t absolutely freaking out on the inside.
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