But my false confidence had its limits, and apparently Cassian sliding himself inside me was the beginning of those limits.
Now I felt vulnerable and weak. I felt like he could do anything he wanted to me, and I’d let him. And I’d like it.
I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing myself for the hard push. He’d used my mouth like a sex toy, and my jaw still felt sore from it. I could only imagine what he was going to do to my pussy.
I didn’t have time to think about it because a moment later, he moved himself against me, drawing a gasp from deep in my chest. I braced for the hard push—the punishment he’d no doubt been waiting to dole out. Instead, he eased himself in gradually, letting me adjust to the size of him in a way that felt surprisingly good.
My fear melted away and desire rose up, washing everything else away. I’d have a lifetime to unpack the consequences of what he and I were doing right now. But if I was going to do it, I might as well enjoy it.
I waited for the sensation of my hymen breaking, even though I wasn’t sure if I’d accidentally broken mine in any number of ways. I felt a slight release of pressure a little ways inside myself, and then it seemed like my walls weren’t gripping him so painfully tight. I took a breath, then forced myself to relax. His breathing got heavier and the sensation of him inside me grew from pleasant to divine.
I felt full in a way I never knew I’d craved.
Connected.
Important.
No matter what he said, I could feel the pleasure I was giving him. I could feel it in the way his hands roamed me hungrily, sliding up my shirt and cupping my breasts. I could hear it in his rapid breaths.
The great Cassian Stone was thinking of nothing but me in that moment, and there was power in that. It was like our minds had connected as well as our bodies. Maybe for the first time since that night at the lake behind his house, I felt like I was on equal footing with him.
Worse than that… I felt good, like some part of the boy I knew was starting to break through the walls Cassian had built in the years since the fire.
I was digging my fingers into his hips and he was pressing into me, his hips slapping against my bare skin with each movement.
“Cassian,” I gasped.
“You’re so fucking tight.” His breath was hot against my shoulder, lips brushing me as he spoke.
I held him tighter, pressing my hips back to urge him deeper inside me. He was so strong, and I could feel the barely contained energy in him. He was probably fighting the urge to tear me apart with every bone in his body. There was a thrill in that. Of knowing he was barely contained—like an armed explosive.
I let myself get lost in it. In the sticky, warm flesh and the heavy breaths. The rise and fall of his body as he drove himself into me tirelessly, bringing me ever closer. I found myself far more interested in his pleasure than my own. I was so used to seeing him miserable and cold. Even now, he was trying to put on a stony face, but I could feel the passion running through him, just below the surface.
He flipped me over, so I was on my back. With rough hands, he lifted my legs, taking advantage of the flexibility my stretching for track had given me. With his grip on my knees, he slid me closer and buried himself in my pussy again. It felt different from this position, and something about the angle made my body feel like exploding in a burst of bliss.
I bit down hard on my lip to try to stop from moaning. His eyes were closed, and his forehead was creased with enjoyment. When he looked down at me, he slowed, like there was something he wanted to say.
“Hey,” I cupped his face, pulling him down so I could plant a kiss on his mouth. He didn’t stop pumping himself into me, and I knew it wasn’t going to be long before I had an orgasm. “You don’t need to hide. Not from me. You can show me. Show me.”
He stared back at me. I saw something threatening to break in his face, and then it hardened in an instant. He pulled himself out of me and stood.
The orgasm that had been inches away melted into nothing, and I was suddenly aware of how stupid and exposed I must look. I scooted back, tugging my shirt down to cover myself. I felt ashamed of the way I could feel myself making the table wet beneath me with my arousal.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“You think you get me?” He asked as he tugged his pants back on. He snatched his shirt up and didn’t bother putting it on or fixing his messy hair. “You have no idea. I don’t need you or your body.” With a cruel shrug, he pursed his lips. “You weren’t as tight as I hoped, and I would’ve been here all day if I tried to come.” He took a few steps away, then paused. “And clean that shit off the table.”
I held it together until he left the room, then I broke down. I’d tried so hard not to let him break me. To be strong. To stand up with my back straight.
But this was it. I’d let my guard down and believed he was ready to do the same. I’d been vulnerable and weak. And just like I should’ve expected, Cassian used it as an opportunity to cut me deeper.
29
Cassian
I closed my eyes and let my head spin. I’d already had a several beers, and I still couldn’t get her out of my fucking head. Music played from another room and the sound of dozens of voices roared in my ears.
Gage tossed a bottle cap at my chest to get my attention.
I rolled my head to the side on the couch I was sprawled out on. Sophie was sitting on my lap in a skirt so short I could see her hot pink panties. She chewed her lip and slid her hands up my chest.
With a groan, I sat up and pushed her off. I looked to Gage, feeling disoriented.
I didn’t even remember where we were. It was a party, obviously. I remembered suffering through school after hooking up with Charli. I remembered practice. Then the rest was a blur, like I’d bottled up my frustration and rage until it finally burst.
“You look like you’re drinking with a purpose tonight.” Gage gestured to the graveyard of bottles on the end table beside me.
“Those aren’t mine.”
He laughed. “No shit. Some freshman probably bought them for the privilege of getting invited to this party. But you’re the dumbass who drank all of them.”
I got up, realizing I was more drunk than I’d anticipated.
Sophie put her hand on my shoulder and scooted closer.
I slid her hand off me. “Didn’t I break up with you?”
Sophie’s expression fell, but she plastered a pained smile on. “You tried. Yeah. But you need me, Cassian. You need someone. Otherwise, you’re going to destroy yourself.”
“I never asked to be saved.”
She let her hands fall to her lap, then tugged her skirt down a little. “The ones who really need saving usually don’t.”
“Yeah? Well, I fucked someone else this morning. Still want to be my savior?”
Sophie got up suddenly and pushed her way out of the room. I felt a small stab of guilt in my chest. She was a better person than most of the girls who tried to hook up with me. I’d give her that. It was also probably the same reason I shouldn’t feel guilty for being a dick to her. If she was a nice person, the least I could do was chase her away.
“Charming, as always.” Gage thumbed through an airplane magazine.
“The fuck is that?”
He pointed at the magazine. “This? I don’t know. Somebody’s dad is into airplanes, I guess? I needed something to do while I babysat you.”
“What is with everyone thinking I can’t take care of myself tonight?”
“I don’t know? The fact that you can’t, probably.”
“Bullshit.”
“This is a Calvary High party. I don’t know if you remembered, but half their football team tried to murder you on the field. There’s still bad blood, and you’re trying to get blackout drunk on the couch here. What do you think would happen if you passed out and nobody was watching your back?”
Fragments of memory came back. It was true. I knew exactly where I was. And I think part of
me had wanted something to happen. Someone to give me the beating I probably deserved. “Are Tristan and Logan here, too?”
“Logan, yeah. Tristan didn’t want to bring Kennedy here, given the circumstances.”
“Pussy.”
“Did somebody say pussy?” Logan put me in a headlock from behind.
I stripped his muscle-clad arms off my neck and shoved him away. Grinning, he came and sat on the opposite end of the couch. “Drunken beauty finally woke from his stupor, I see.”
“Is Hugh here?” I asked.
Logan and Gage shared a dubious look.
“Where is he? No, you know what? Fuck it. I can find him myself. I’ve been meaning to thank him for being such a coward that he goes after a girl instead of me.”
Logan and Gage both tried to hold me back, but I fought free and headed deeper into the party. “Hugh!” I shouted. “Where the fuck is Hugh?”
Gradually, the sounds of conversation died down. A few seconds later, someone killed the music.
“Who’s asking?” Hugh came down from the stairs with what looked like the entire defensive unit from their football team.
“The guy who is going to kick your ass.” Truthfully speaking, I was the guy who was so drunk I could hardly see straight. But I had too much rage boiling away inside me. I needed an outlet, and every time I thought of Hugh and whatever he’d been planning that night he and Marcus cornered Charli, I felt like killing him.
“There are seven of them,” Gage said. “Three of us. I know your counting skills are probably suffering right now, but—”
“Good. Then they have a chance.”
Logan sighed. “If they kick our asses, I’m blaming you, Cassian.”
30
Charli
It was past midnight and I was sitting in my bed, staring at my phone. My dad had sent me a text a few hours ago, and I’d been desperately trying to decide if I wanted to respond.
Dad: Still mad?
My dad was technologically challenged. Typing a few syllables on a phone was probably a stretch for him as it was, so I couldn’t read too much into his phrasing. Instead, I needed to look at the fact that he’d reached out again. Even after the tongue lashing I gave him at the house, he was still reaching out.
If I had to decide, I’d say that counted for something, even if it wasn’t a whole hell of a lot.
And my experience with Cassian had somehow made me feel softer towards my dad. I’d had my own brush with weakness—with letting instinct overrule my good sense. I’d let him take my virginity even when I still actively hated him, and if I couldn’t avoid taking my clothes off for the boy who tortured me, could I still condemn my dad?
But forgiving him felt like mental gymnastics. I was bending through unlikely hoops and trying to stretch my brain into unnatural positions.
He was a grown man when it all happened, and he had a responsibility as a father.
The door opened downstairs. Normally, I wouldn’t have thought much of hearing Cassian come home late at night. For all I knew, he regularly went out and slept with girls at parties, or whatever guys like him did.
As much as I wanted that thought to feel like an offhand, inconsequential thing, the idea of him hooking up with another girl made my stomach turn.
I crept closer to the door and listened for his footsteps but heard nothing. After a few minutes, I got curious enough to go downstairs and see why he wasn’t coming up to his room.
I found Cassian sprawled out on the couch with a swollen eye, a bloody lip, and a long, bleeding slash on his cheek.
“Cassian? Jesus. Are you okay?”
He groaned, then blinked a few times as he squinted toward me. “Fuck off, Scarface.”
I carefully touched the skin below his gash. “Looks like you’re going to have a nice scar of your own when this heals. What the hell happened?”
“Did you forget I was your knight in shit stained armor?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I may be a dick, but I still had to kick Hugh’s ass for what he tried to pull with you. He thinks I’m into you, which means it made me look bad.”
I gestured to his swollen face. “And this makes you look better? Did he really beat you up this badly?”
Cassian shrugged. “You should see him.” He laughed, then coughed and winced. “Actually, I think I got a lot of blood on his shirt, and it looked expensive.”
I lifted Cassian’s shirt and saw a series of ugly bruises around his ribs. I sucked in a breath through my teeth. “This looks serious. We need to take you to the hospital.”
He laughed. “That’d be a bitch move. They’d ask who did it and sending the cops after Hugh isn’t exactly the revenge I had in mind.”
“It looks like Hugh is a brick wall and you tried to knock it down with your face. How exactly do you plan to take revenge yourself?”
“We were outnumbered.” Cassian gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “And if Tristan hadn’t been too scared to bring his girl to the party, the four of us still could’ve taken them.
“Wait, there were more of you? Is everyone else okay?”
He let out a long, suffering sigh. “They are fine. The crowd held Gage and Logan back. Swarmed them like a hungry mob. Then Hugh and his buddies went to town on me. Not before I got a few good shots in, though.” He held up his reddened and swollen knuckles as proof.
“You’re such an idiot.”
“I didn’t ask for your assessment. Now, if you don’t mind, my head is pounding, and I’d really like to sleep.”
“No. Isn’t it dangerous to sleep when you get hit in the head, or something?”
“No idea. Let’s find out.”
I slapped his cheek, then pulled my hand back when I remembered how much that probably hurt.
Cassian actually looked amused. “Was your medical opinion that I needed to be hit more? You’re not just shit at track. You’d be a horrible doctor.”
“Come on. You need to take an ice bath.”
“An ice bath?”
“Yeah. All the track kids do it after a really tough workout. It helps your muscles recover. And I’d say we could put some frozen peas on the spot where you got hit, but from the looks of it, we’d need like twenty bags of peas. Can you walk, or do I need to drag you?”
“I’d like to see you try to—hey!”
I grabbed his ankle and started tugging him toward the nearest bathroom. He shook me off, then stood, stumbling slightly. “I can walk.”
“Barely.” I made him put his arm around my neck and led him to the bathroom.
Once we were inside, I told him to take his clothes off and get in the tub.
He paused. “You going to watch?”
“Get over yourself. You’re covered in blood and bruises. I also saw more than enough when you…”
He grinned. “When I fucked you?”
“I was going to say when you failed to make me have an orgasm.”
Cassian looked like someone just used him for a punching bag, but he managed to laugh. “That’s actually funny.”
“It is. Considering everyone thinks you’re some kind of sex god and you couldn’t even get a virgin off.”
“So you were a virgin. Still wasn’t sure.”
“Get in the tub, asshole.”
He stripped off his shirt and pants but left his boxers on. It was probably for the best, because no matter how tough I talked, I didn’t need to see his cock again. The memories of pleasure and embarrassment were all still too fresh.
I went to the kitchen and got as much ice as I could. The Stones had three freezers in their huge house, two of which were in the garage. Between the three of them, I managed to gather a decent amount of ice. It wasn’t a proper ice bath, but with some cold water, I figured it would do the trick.
Cassian didn’t say anything as I dumped container after container of ice around him and then started to run the water. He didn’t even flinch or complain about the cold.
<
br /> I pulled up a chair beside the tub and waited while it filled. Most of the blood from his face seemed to have already scabbed over, or else I imagined the water would’ve turned a gruesome shade of pink.
I wrapped some ice cubes in a wet washcloth and pressed it softly to one of the swollen spots on his face.
“How do you know about treating this kind of shit, anyway?”
“My dad used to come back from bars all beat to hell. Before I wised up, I used to care enough to try to help fix him up.”
Cassian’s eyes flicked up toward me. “You wised up? What does that mean?”
“It means I realized he wasn’t worth caring about.”
“Kind of ironic, isn’t it?”
I knew exactly what he was talking about—how I was currently taking care of someone who didn’t deserve to be taken care of. I chose not to acknowledge that, instead pressing the cloth a little too hard against his cut.
Cassian flinched, but said nothing. Even swollen and bloody, he still looked like some untouchable god—like his body was just a meaningless shell to him, and the mind inside wasn’t fazed by the pain.
I found myself looking at the tangled, warped skin on his back when he leaned forward to massage a bruised spot on his knee. We were both scarred, but he was the one who got to hide his from the world. I had to wear mine for everyone to see. “Does it hurt sometimes?” I gestured to his back.”
“Like an old man’s arthritis, I guess. It lets me know when rain is coming. Or when I dream about the fire… It always feels like—” He shook his head. “That’s my shitty superpower.”
I grinned. “Like you wake up and it’s on fire all over again. Yeah.”
Cassian picked up an ice cube, then got a look in his eyes.
“What?” I asked.
He reached toward me and cupped my chin, then pressed the ice into my mouth with his thumb. A second later, he was yanking me down toward him by the neck. My knees slipped on the wet tile and I barely caught myself on the edge of the tub. His mouth was on mine and his tongue felt like a wet sliver of sunlight against the cold of the cube.
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