by Paul Vayro
Chapter Four
“And that’s the only reason?” Brick reeled at They’s latest revelation.
“Apparently.”
“What about….” Brick’s question remained unanswered as a fanfare filled the room. All eyes were directed towards Spiritwind. The bald hero ceased moving, mid bite of his cake. He removed the dessert from between his gaping jaws and placed it on to his plate. The plate was rested on the arm of the sofa as the bald man proceeded to search his pockets. Retrieving the envelope at the second attempt, he poured the note in to his hand and opened it. After raising his eyebrows and offering a little nod, he revealed his findings to the room: “It’s changed again. It says:
Fellow opposers of evil
Your request for transportation to the urgent gathering of The Hero's Guild has been processed. Be atop Noel Hill as the time reaches ten to ten tonight, where Hugo Cortizone shall make your lives infinitely better by his mere presence. You lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky men will be picked up by the greatest one and delivered safely. Prepare for the greatest moment of your lives.
Yours Jealously
Dolan Beganwa
Head of Transportation Facilitation Implementation.”
“Crikey. Hugo Cortizone. You’ll be the envy of every being in the universe.” Fate looked visibly impressed.
“You say that as though we aren’t already.” Brick smiled back deluded.
“I feel obliged to inform Karma that she may be able to meet Hugo Cortizone. This could place me firmly in the good books for a week and a day.” Fate disappeared, leaving Brick with an obvious question.
“What’s all the fuss about Hugo Cortizone?”
“Hugo Cortizone is the pin up of the hero world. He’s saved more planets and galaxies than any other hero in existence. He’s an unstoppable machine of good, roaming the universe and destroying evil at every turn.” They built up a dramatic speech pattern. “Women faint at the mention of his name, men feel proud to share his gender, and non conscious beings wish they could think in order to join in the hype.”
“But can he dance all night like a rhythmic God in pursuit of truth?” Brick countered.
“If it meant the universe would be safe Hugo could out dance an eight legged monster of funk.”
“Well you certainly like him.” Brick opted for scorn over competition.
“It’s impossible not to. Not only does he do the job well but he markets how well he does it even better. Planets have been known to offer megalomaniac’s tax breaks to live on them, purely in the hope they grow unruly and Hugo has to pay a visit. Out in the universe you can’t buy a box of cereal, use a credit card, or even wash your spaceship without his face beaming back at you promoting goodness.”
“I see. He’s only in it for the money.” Brick attempted to claim the moral high ground. Ignorance of his own fiscal complaints kept him there. They attempted to knock him off it with further revelations.
“It’s a well known fact that all the money Hugo makes from merchandising, after expenses and running costs are deducted, is given to charity. He’s single-handedly funded the regeneration of thousands of planets and galaxies. Everyone knows this which means they’re more inclined to buy his things, which funds more projects, makes him more popular, and thus makes people buy more things. It’s the proverbial poetry on the move.”
“Who lets everyone know about these good deeds funds?” Spiritwind had no food for the moment so used his mouth for questioning.
“His marketing department, and himself in his frequent moments of modesty.”
“Something tells me I’m not going to like him.” Brick stroked his chin believing it conveyed determination. It looked more like he was trying to find a crumb.
“Apparently he’s very friendly, and very hard to dislike.” They settled back in to his chair.
“When I set my mind to something I won’t be shaken.” Brick, coincidentally, found a crumb.
“Even if he is a genuinely nice guy?”
“Especially if he’s a genuinely nice guy. Nobody can be that nice. By the power of nonchalance I’ll find the secret underbelly that kicks puppies and laughs at old peoples dress sense and expose the truth.”
Brick's semi-passionate rally ended, leaving him to search for further crumbs as Fate reappeared.
“Karma is thrilled.” Fate rubbed his arm and grimaced slightly.
“Did part of that emotion mean you got a punch in the arm?” Spiritwind read the body language.
“I prefer to think of them as love impacts. I’ve asked Fut and Coincidence too. I expect Karma will invite Irony. Fut said we can go for pre-mission drinks and nibbles round at his house.” Fate remained standing in anticipation of the response to such news.
“Well then I have to ask what we are waiting for.” Brick stood, closely followed by Spiritwind and They. Everybody knew there was nothing to rival Fut’s parties, and any excuse for an impromptu bash was readily accepted.
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