Unintended Heroes

by Paul Vayro

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  Ten minutes had been more than enough time in the village. The moment Brick started negotiating to buy a half-asleep pensioner's house Chris knew they had to leave. By the time Brick had started moving the aged fellow outside, Chris had Brick's arm in his and was dragging him away.

  The group retreated towards Chris' house, each coming around from an overwhelming need to doze.

  Brick snapped back to awareness to find a stick in his hand and a disappointed Spiritwind looking at him.

  "Nicking that guy's stick was a bit harsh."

  "He didn't try and stop me." Brick twizzled the object playfully.

  "How shall Arnold remove thy itch from thon nose in the days to come?" Chris turned to Brick. The three Earthlings walked together, everyone else straddled behind. Dandara and Bettina were in conversation, Bobby in wonder, The Magwanvu in peeved silence, and Jam in coherent.

  "With a cheeky scratch and a gentle wiggle?" Brick conducted a pretend orchestra with his new toy. Percussion were completely off time.

  "Thou underestimates thon lethargy. Arnold doth remove thy itch with the stick you now possess. He feels movement should be minimal at all times."

  "Did he just say that old bloke uses this stick to scratch his nose?" Brick spoke with mild panic towards Spiritwind.

  "Arnold discriminate not one orifice from another. Wherever the itch be he duly follows to poke with thy weapon."

  Brick dropped the stick instantly, looking down in utter disgust at the fallen item. "I'd rather we didn't discuss the stick anymore. In fact can everyone just erase the last two minutes of existence from their memories?"

  "I thought you loved your stick. What's put you off? It being a tool to remove snot from a lazy man's face?" Spiritwind chuckled in rhythm with his walk.

  "So Dandara. Lovely day don't you think?" Brick moved towards Dandara in an effort to steer away from snot and sticks.

  "Do you want something?"

  "That's charming. You try and be nice and all you get is suspicion."

  "Yes it's a lovely day." Dandara was clearly offering little more to the conversation. She wanted to get back to discussing her and Bettina's upcoming winter hero suit.

  "That's all you had to say." Brick allowed everyone to pass, waiting for Jam at the back. The drunken captain walked straight into his fellow hero without spilling a drop of his drink.

  "Sorry about that. I hope I haven't ruined your shirt. Actually I haven't spilled anything. Panic over." Jam looked up at Brick. "We're on the same team aren't we?"

  "Of course." Brick was instantly having a better time.

  "Where are we going?"

  "To the house of Chris the Curious."

  "Which one's he again? It's not you is it? I don't mean to be rude if it is."

  "I think the more important question is will you remember even if I tell you?" Brick liked nothing more than being straight.

  "Probably not. I'm always prepared to try though."

  "Give what a try?" Brick thought added confusion would be more fun.

  "Whatever it was we were going to do."

  "We did it. It didn't work." Brick scanned the trees for interest.

  "That, is a crying shame. Maybe next time."

  "Maybe."

  "We're here." Chris stopped the group to announce their arrival at his home, although only foliage surrounded them.

  "Well obviously we're here. Where else would we be? I thought I was the confused one." Jam took another swig from his flask.

  "Where is here?" Brick sought clarity. Jam answered instead.

  "Here is the place you're at, at the point in time you ask. So here is here." Jam spun a full circle to strengthen his point. At exactly the same time Chris reached behind a tree and pulled a rope. From nowhere a four storey house of palatial design appeared, complete with excessive driveway and manicured gardens. The fountains slotted in perfectly. An ornamental gate opened on Chris' command.

  "Did I do that?" Jam focused on the house that hadn't existed at the start of his spin. "Maybe I can add an extension with a quick shuffle." Jam shuffled as Brick queried.

  "How did that happen, because Jam's explanation is better than anything I can think of." Everybody began the stroll up the long driveway.

  "T'is thy security. Were mon fellow residents to spot thy home t'id would become a sleeping barn and nothing more. Mon work would be interrupted for all time. Not to mention thou visiting man of metal being made aware of mon projects. Mirrors and pulleys are needed by I to cloak thy existence. Thon pull of one rope tilted thee mirror that holds yonder illusion together."

  "Ah, obviously. It's a lot like our place." Brick commented for the benefit of Dandara.

  "Isn't your place the same as Brick and Spiritwind's from the last planet?" Dandara had a memory and simple logic to use as evidence.

  "Obviously I meant in essence."

  "You meant in your made up world of impressive lies. The shed's posher than your house."

  Brick looked longingly at the shed. It was a fine piece of garden architecture.

  "A home is nothing more than a state of mind we return to. The things that invoke this state are what we like to label as home, but the truth is it is only ever an emotion, a feeling. We each carry our homes in our hearts and minds. Even now countless datsuns away from my planet I can still evoke the warmth of being in my field, tending to fresh shoots of light." Bobby's intervention was well timed, and heartfelt.

  "What he just said." Brick hopped on to the glory of Mr Dazzler's words, pulling an unjustifiably smug face as he headed towards Chris' front door. Brick felt sure a house of such proportions had to have a games room, and he wanted first go on whatever was in it.

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