Unintended Heroes

by Paul Vayro

Chapter Forty

  Team Tranquil weren't entirely sure what they were meant to be doing, but they'd been given a direction and were determined to follow it. Between them they'd saved three planets from destruction with an equal level of cluelessness, so why shouldn't they succeed again?

  Sandbag was one reason why not, and he'd already been alerted to the faint whiff of hero in the musty corridor air. Sid had instructed him to take the floor-waxer around the whole Underground Tower. Its' inappropriate size for a giant had left Sandbag with backache from leaning over. The wires that attempted to trip him at every opportunity had merely fuelled his rage.

  Team Tranquil turned the latest corner in their meandering mission, oblivious to the presence of the irritated beast. They were the perfect vent for his frustrations, especially after walking directly into him.

  "WHO ARE YOU?" Capital letters don't do the power of the voice justice.

  "Surveyors.....of some sort. We're here to survey." The Magwanvu answered out of instinct after first stepping back in shock. For once the comment didn't require in depth analysis from itself.

  "You smell like heroes." The whispered voice held more threat than the shout.

  "That's because.......we survey heroes. Terrible smell, gets all over the clothes." The Magwanvu continued valiantly.

  "Just the five of you then? Let's get this over with." Sandbag had no intention of listening and threw a right hook straight into Mag-Wanvu's face. Part of the triple person flew away down the corridor. A left hook sent Ma-Gwanvu after him, and a swift kick completed the hat trick as Magwan-Vu joined the air. Sandbag turned to Jam and enforced a headlock. Meanwhile the default return setting kicked in on The Magwanvu: should all three separate they are returned to the last point they were together.

  "Is this real? I'm not sure this can be a real event occurring to me right now." Jam put up no physical resistance, preferring to hide in confusion. "If this is real then it's definitely no fun. I don't want to do it again."

  "There really is no need for such hostility. What are you truly achieving except the spread of hatred and violence? You should try to deal with your frustrations rather than imposing them upon those around you." Bobby tried the verbal approach as The Magwanvu reappeared exactly where he started. Neither he nor Sandbag was happy about it.

  "So, you're back?" Sandbag released the headlock from Jam and repeated his combination of punches and a kick, only in a different order.

  "If I could just have a second to get my head around thi...." Jam's release was brief as the headlock returned. "....okay so there's no time to think. I understand." Sandbag jumped up and down to accentuate the lock. "And now we're jumping."

  The Magwanvu's inevitable return gave Jam another rest as the cycle repeated itself.

  "Don't think you can talk your way out of this. Even with that stupid grin. You're next." Sandbag stared at Bobby while continuing to bounce.

  As The Magwanvu repeatedly flew through the air it began thinking of a way to break the chain of recurring events. With sticks still in hand they agreed that next time they appeared they should attack as one, hopefully distracting Sandbag long enough to flee. Retreat can be brave they told themselves, and an honourable act. To rise above such base violence is the way of the real hero.

  Unfortunately the plan took a little longer to execute than intended. Co-ordination and timing took a few goes to work out. Four attempts later, with Jam sat in a dizzy heap on the floor and Bobby running around Sandbag's legs imparting mantras of peace and wisdom as he went, The Magwanvu's plan came together.

  "GO." Swinging downwards in perfect triplicate, Sandbag was caught thoroughly by surprise. Peering between his legs to catch Bobby had exposed the top of his head. The confusion of finding himself under attack left the beast unsure who to focus his next attack on, Bobby or the sticks. The delay in deciding left him open to nine cracks on the skull, but with the decision made he reacted.

  Sandbag batted the sticks away with a wisp of his hand that he usually reserved for annoying flies. It was time for phase two of the hero's plan: "RUN." The Magwanvu instructed Bobby and Jam of their intention.

  The heroes scrambled back the way they had come. Even Jam in his delirious state understood what was needed of his legs, whether the events were real or not.

  By the time Sandbag realised what had happened the heroes were around the corner and setting a useful pace. He followed with an extra bout of anger.

  "Does anyone know where we're going?" Bobby clung to his hat as he proved short legs bear no relation to achievable speed.

  "Anywhere that monster isn't." The Magwanvu had done well to still be standing after such a beating. The benefits of a chrome head were finally paying off.

  "So that was definitely real?" Jam rubbed his neck as it burnt from the repeated headlocks.

  "The punches felt real enough to warrant a retreat." The Magwanvu didn't want to continue testing.

  "If it was real I feel obliged to let you know he's closing in on us. Even if he isn't real he's still closing in on us." Jam waffled as Sandbag drew near.

  "Round here." The Magwanvu led the team around a further corner and stopped running. "I've got a plan."

  "I'm not sure stopping is wise." Bobby took the opportunity to take a firmer grip on his hat. Jam continued jogging on the spot.

  "But this is very wise." The Magwanvu listened intently at the corner, crouched on one knee and sticks held in a baseball bat fashion.

  "NOW." The trio swung into the corridor, striking Sandbag's running knees and sending him hurtling through the air. The monster turned to the open mouthed heroes as he flew past, cursing each and every one of them as their surprised faces gawped back. Realising it would be a good time to continue escaping they turned and ran.

  Sandbag stayed in the air for long enough to worry if he'd ever land; however gravity was not a forgetful force and slowly reeled him in to the shiny floor. Landing in a perfect roll the approaching wall looked on. It had no such fancy manoeuvres to avoid an eleven foot creature with no power over his momentum. It did the only thing it could and collapsed around him.

  After several pensive moments Sandbag rose from the rubble, furious and dusty. Spitting out a chunk of wall he continued his pursuit.

  Team Tranquil had found their way back to the initial corridor they'd been in and instinctively fled up the furthest path, the one Dandara and Bettina had set out to explore. A minute later Sandbag appeared, sniffing violently and thinking thoughts even cruelty found shocking. Regaining the scent he shot off to join the growing party, not thinking to take a bottle of wine and a cake.

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