Anything For Family

by Lola StVil

  I turned towards Gage and whispered, “Did he just quote Desperado?”

  Gage replies, “I work with him, and trust me, it could be much worse.”

  I smiled at Bot and thanked him for the flowers again. That was earlier; now I’m sitting at a dining table in a blah apartment trying not to overthink what must be going on outside. It feels like forever before everyone comes back inside. Well, not everyone. Only Gage, Lawson, and Bot. The other agents get into their cars and drive off.

  “You okay? You need anything?” Gage asks. “I’m sorry this place is so awful, but we couldn’t run the risk of taking you to the agency. We’re not sure who we can or can’t trust.”

  “Yeah, okay I guess. So, what’s going on?”

  All three of them exchange an uneasy look. When they make eye contact with me, I can’t help but note the reluctance in their eyes.

  “Come on, Gage. You’re freaking me out.”

  He takes a seat beside me. “No, babe. There’s no need for that.”

  “Yeah, in fact, this is a good thing. All of this is a very good thing,” Lawson says with an eager smile. Gage glares at him. Bot looks away.

  “Someone tell me what’s happened. Did Roger do something?” I ask.

  “We were given permission to fill you in provided you sign papers vowing not to discuss this case with anyone outside of this room. If you do so, there will be major legal ramifications,” Lawson says. I look over at Gage; he hates every minute of this.

  “Maybe we don’t need to read her in. She’s not with him anymore,” Gage argues.

  “Come on, man; you saw the report as clearly as I did. Roger Price is in love with her. He’s refusing to sign divorce papers. He wants her back. He would welcome her into his home again, and that’s exactly what we need—access,” Lawson counters.

  “Before we go further, we need to have her sign these papers,” Bot says. They hand them to me. I read them over and sign the letter basically saying this conversation we are about to have is top secret and cannot be shared. Then Gage fills me in.

  He tells me that Roger is the traitor they have been seeking out for weeks now. He’s given vital intel to foreign entities and cost CIA agents their lives. Among them was Kurt Sanders, an agent and Lawson’s dear friend.

  “But Roger has money, why would he take this kind of risk?” I ask.

  Bot opens his laptop and shows me a series of banking transactions. He talks me through it.

  “The senator had a large loan he was about to default on. But he was magically able to make the payment. However, we can’t find where that money came from. A week after that payment was made, however, a CIA operation was blown. In fact, in every instance, after Senator Price gets a large sum of money, an op is blown.”

  “You think he’s selling out his own country?” I ask.

  “Yes, Shelby, we do,” Gage says gravely.

  “We have had him tailed from morning until night, but we don’t have him meeting his contact. He’s very careful. It looked like we were screwed, but then we picked up chatter about a flash drive. It looks like Price kept a record of his dealings in case the people he was dealing with ever crossed him. We have to get our hands on the drive. That’s where you come in,” Lawson says eagerly. He squeezes my hand and gets more intense by the moment.

  “Shelby, you can help us get this guy. He’s a lowlife sack of shit and now we have a chance to make him pay for killing Kurt, for ruining our op, for everything.”

  “Okay, how about we let the lady get circulation back in her hand?” Gage demands. Lawson didn’t even realize he’d latched onto my hand and was squeezing it to death.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve waited a long time for this and I just…we can’t let this chance slip away; we can’t,” Lawson says pointedly as he looks at Gage.

  “The thing is we can’t get inside the house. But if you were to…play nice with the senator, he’d let you back inside.”

  Gage comes around to my side and puts his jacket over my shoulders, and I realize I’m shivering. It’s not the temperature that chills me, it’s Roger. The thought of being back with Roger chills me to my bones.

  “You don’t have to do it, babe. It’s not your job to fix this for us,” Gage says as he places a protective hand over my shoulder.

  “Come on, Gage; the only reason the agency isn’t ripping us a new one is that they think we can flip Shelby. She has to do it,” Lawson says as he stands up.

  “No, she doesn’t have to do it. We don’t have to use her like a damn tool to get our jobs done for us,” Gage fires back.

  “Are you fucking serious, man? We’re CIA; what the fuck do you think we do here? We flip, we push, and we take people past the breaking point to get shit done. That’s what we’ve always done. We turn people inside out until they get us the info we need to save lives and to save this country. That’s the job. And now you want to throw this job away for some woman you’re screwing?”

  “Watch your mouth, Lawson!” Gage warns.

  “Alright, guys, maybe take it down a little,” Bot says in a small whisper.

  Lawson comes around to my side and kneels down low so that while I remain seated, we have eye contact.

  “This is your chance, Shelby. This is the time to get back at him for what he did.”

  “What is he talking about? What did Price do to you?” Gage asks in a murderous tone.

  My face goes white with fear. My eyes widen and my hands shake as it all comes crashing down on me. I was so stupid. How could I think, for one moment, that the CIA didn’t know what was going on, being that they were investigating Roger? They knew all about it. And now, so will Gage. I was going to tell him, I needed to be the one that told him. That’s gone now.

  Bot takes out a file from his briefcase and hands it to Gage. He opens up the file, sees the devastation on my face, and then he does something a CIA agent isn’t supposed to do—he declines the information provided to him. He closes the file.

  “I don’t care what’s in there. If there’s something I need to know about Shelby, Shelby will tell me—when she’s ready.” He hands the file back to Bot as relief washes over me. “Come on, babe, let’s go home,” he says.

  “ARGH! YOU CAN’T BE FUCKING SERIOUS! SHE NEEDS TO HELP US!”

  “No! What she needs is a chance to process this shit show, Lawson. Maybe she will do it—I don’t think she should—but if she decides to help, it won’t be tonight. She needs time to make a decision. So, back off!” Gage declares as he takes my hand and leads us outside. Lawson follows and angrily takes a swing at Gage.

  The kind, sweet, funny guy I know is gone. Gage is a different person. He dodges the right hook coming his way a fraction of a second before it lands. He skillfully pushes me out of harm’s way and blocks yet another blow from Lawson. Bot takes me over to the side as I yell at the two of them to stop. It is no use. They are in full-on fight mode. The punches are fast and powerful from Lawson, but Gage is agile and quick; Lawson lands very few blows.

  “Stop it, you two!” I beg.

  “It won’t work, but it shouldn’t be long. Gage never fights too long,” Bot says. “He’s mostly dodging to give Lawson a chance to reconsider.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask. I get the answer to my question a few seconds later. Lawson strikes Gage in the face, causing a bloody gash just below his jaw. Gage is enraged. He does a spin kick that sends Lawson flying back and to the ground. Lawson tries to get up, and Gage strikes him again; he’s out cold.

  “Told you; Gage’s fights are never long,” Bot says.

  “Stay with him,” Gage tells Bot as he signals for me to come with him. We get in the car and Gage drives off. We don’t talk. There’s no room for words given all the tension in the air. He pulls over to a deserted parking lot.

  “Just say it,” he orders.

  “Say what?” I snap.

  “You’re pissed that I hit Lawson.”

  “Yeah, I am,” I say.

  “He can take
it.”

  “That doesn’t make it right.”

  “Did you miss the swings he took at me?”

  “No! I didn’t. I’m not a fan of his right now either. Doesn’t let you off the hook,” I reply as I fold my arms in front of me.

  “We normally don’t do that shit. But I didn’t like the way he was talking about you. I’m sorry if that bothers you, but you’re my woman, and I sure as hell won’t let you get disrespected. Period.”

  I roll my eyes and take out my first aid kit in order to clean him up.

  “You have a first aid kit in your handbag,” he says.

  “I’m a woman; I have aisle seven of CVS in my handbag. Now lean your head back,” I order. He’s looking up at me with his brilliant, sparkling, puppy-dog eyes. I hate him. Okay, I love him, but I’m mad at him. He knows that. But it doesn’t stop him from undressing me with his eyes as I hover above him.

  “Don’t look at them,” I order.

  “At what?” he says in a deep, baritone voice that makes my pussy wet.

  ARGH! Damn him!

  “You know what you’re doing,” I counter as I dab the small wound with the alcohol pad in my hand.

  “I’m wondering what’s on the other side of your blouse,” he admits.

  “Yes, well, stop it.”

  “Why?” he says softly as he gazes at my breasts and the slight “V” shaped opening in my blouse.

  “Well, for one thing, I just found out some crazy things about my ex and the connection he has with my new guy, and well, it’s not good.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “And you were just in a fight. That scared me. I don’t like violence. Now you and Lawson are enemies, how are you two going to keep working together?”

  “Babe, Lawson and I are men. We talk shit. We take jabs. Then we work it out.”

  “Just like that?” I ask.

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh. That’s good…I guess.”

  “Wonder, I’m sorry I scared you.”

  I study his face. He’s back.

  “I’ve never seen you so angry,” I confess.

  “I don’t want you to fear me. That shit would kill me. Tell me you’re not afraid of me,” he says gently, stopping my hand on the way to his wound.

  “I’m not afraid of you.”

  “Good,” he says, once again placing his attention on the opening of my blouse.

  “We have a lot of things we need to talk over,” I say, mostly to remind myself to stay on track.

  “Later,” he says thickly as he releases the first of six buttons on my blouse. My heart is racing with anticipation. But there’s also a slight panic in me. I don’t know about the future, but right now, my desire to have his hands on me outweighs my fears. He doesn’t wait to get to the last button. Instead, he places his hands inside my shirt and removes my bra with ease. I have no idea how he did it that fast or that seamlessly. All I know is that as soon as the cold air hits the surface of my breasts, the delicious warmth of his mouth covers me.

  “Oh shit,” I sigh as his lips nibble on the slope of my right breast. The heat from his mouth causes a sensational wave of pleasure to surge through me. My breathing quickens as he flicks his silk tongue over my nipple. He kneads my left breast and whisks his thumb over it, causing it to harden and distend. He fondles and works my breasts with his mouth and hands until my nipples are taut and seeking. He groans as I arch my back and give myself over to him.

  He growls, “You don’t know how crazy you make me, baby.” He leaves my chest for his hands to play with and tends to my lips. His kisses are wild and all-consuming. I grab hold of his hair as wave after wave of lust rolls in. My pussy is vibrating.

  More. Please, more.

  He effortlessly picks me up and places me on his lap. I feel him underneath me—he’s rock hard and eager to remove the obstacles between us. I don’t realize I’m hyperventilating until I hear him shouting at me—“Shelby! Breathe! Breathe!”

  When she opens her eyes, the tension that gripped me moments before disappears. I knew that she’d be okay. I felt her pulse, and it had slowed down, but it was still strong. That didn’t stop me from having a damn heart attack once she became unresponsive.

  “Shelby, you’re okay. You’re fine,” I assure her as I kneel down in front of the passenger side door and hold her hands.

  “What happened?” she asks in a small whisper as she buttons up her blouse.

  “You passed out—just for a little while. You had a panic attack, and then, you just stop letting air into your lungs. Here, drink this, babe.” I hand her a bottle of Gatorade I had from earlier. She sips on it and tries to get her bearings. I look her over, and my chest tightens. What did that bastard Price do to her to make her so afraid of getting close to anyone? I want to know—in fact, I need to know what the hell happened with the two of them.

  Not now, dickhead. Give the woman a chance to recover.

  “How are you feeling?” I ask.

  She gives me a small sad smile and averts her eyes. “Fine. Thank you for the drink.”

  “It’s nothing. Wonder, do you want to go to the hospital and get checked out?”

  She shakes her head “no,” all the while looking away from me.

  “Babe, what is it?”

  “Nothing. I’m okay.”

  I reach out and gently turn her face so that we’re making eye contact. But while her face is in front of me, her eyes drift off. She can’t look me in the eye. I’m not sure what’s wrong.

  “Shelby. Look at me.”

  “I can’t,” she whispers.

  “Why?”

  “BECAUSE I’M EMBARRASSED, OKAY?”

  My heart breaks when I hear the anguish in her voice. I don’t want to say anything to make it worse. But if I don’t say anything, it just makes it look like she has something to be embarrassed about and that’s not true.

  “Babe, you have no reason to feel that way. In the past few hours, you’ve had a lot of things dumped on you. I don’t see how anyone could adjust to all the info you’ve been given. It’s okay to be overwhelmed.”

  “Is that the reason you think I passed out?”

  “No, not the only reason. I’m sure it has something to do with Price and the thought of having to see him again. But you don’t have to; fuck what Lawson wants or what the agency wants. You are all I care about, right now. And if you can’t stand to face him again, then you don’t have to.”

  “Even if I didn’t find out he was under investigation tonight, had we been here in the car making out, I still would have had the same reaction. And I think you know that,” she says with sadness in her voice.

  “Yeah, babe; I suspected it’s more than just the recent CIA stuff.”

  “Why don’t you ask me, then?” she dares. “Why don’t you ask me why I want you, but can’t make my body cooperate?”

  “Whatever the reason, we’ll figure it out together.”

  “Ask me!”

  “Okay…why, babe?”

  “Because I’m very broken…”

  My heart sinks. I’ve never heard her this lost and dejected before. I take her hand in mine and kiss it lightly. “Babe, you’re not. Something bad happened to you, I can see that. We will get to the bottom of it.”

  “I ruined our moment. That’s what you’re in for with me—spoiled moments we can’t get back,” she warns.

  “Stop that! Babe, it’s just ‘making out in the car.’ Trust me, we will have a lifetime of that.”

  “You will; you should. But it might not be with me.”

  “Stop trying to cut yourself out of my life. You know you are the one that I want to be with. Tell me you know that by now.”

  “Yes, I do. But what if the rest of our lives are just as ruined as this moment was?”

  “That’s not gonna happen. But let’s figure it out, okay? Let’s just go home and talk about Price and what happened to the two of you.”

  “I think going home is a good idea,” she sa
ys.

  I sigh, relieved. She settles into the passenger seat and puts her seatbelt on. I go around to the driver side, and we take off.

  “It’s okay, babe. We’ll go to my place and work it out.”

  “No, I think I should go home—my home.”

  “Shelby…I don’t want you to be alone.”

  “Okay, then can you drop me off at my friend Janet’s house?”

  God, give me strength.

  I pull the car over and look at her.

  “I’m not trying to be difficult, Gage. I passed out. That’s so…I mean, who does that? It’s crazy and again, embarrassing.”

  “Look, I’m not here because I am ‘into you.’ I’m not here because I ‘kind of like you.’ I’m in love with you. And all the stuff that goes along with it. I want to be the guy that kisses your bare, ‘no makeup’ face when you step out of the shower in the morning. I want to sit and watch stupid TV shows with you wearing the same robe ten days in a row. And yeah, I’ll gladly be the guy to run out to the store in the rain to pick up a box of tampons for you. Okay?

  “I’m gonna say it one more time and hope to God you hear me: I love you. I love how you make me feel. I love how you taste. I love the way your mind works and the way that body of yours looks in jeans or gowns. I love it all.

  “But we’re not going to make it if you keep running away. So yes, I can take you to your friend’s house, or I can take you home—our home. Because ever since I met you, that’s what I call any place where you are—home.

  “So, make up your mind. Are you coming home with me or are you running again? I hope you’re not running, babe, because I’m exhausted from chasing you. Can we please skip to the part where I get to love you, and you let me?”

  ***

  Honestly, I wasn’t sure what she’d say. And when she said, “Take me to our home,” I leaned over and kissed her. We were off again, and we made it back to my place about twenty minutes later. She asked for her favorite soup from the Thai place we had gone to before and some green tea. I told her not to worry; I’d get everything while she got into the shower.

  When she’s done, she enters the living room and right away I’m a happier man because she’s within reach. She starts organizing things in the living room that really don’t need to be moved. I think she just needs something to do with her hands. I jump into the shower as she lets the delivery girl in and lays out the food. The thing is, I’m sure we won’t really be eating. I’m sure whatever she has to tell me won’t be the kind of thing that allows for casual snacking. We sit at the table. She sips from her soup, we talk about the food, and I let her lead the conversation. It’s taken so much to get here; I don’t want to spook her. After a few moments of silence, she puts her spoon down, sips the tea, and begins to tell me about the monsters that keep her up at night.