by Cynthia Eden
But, dammit, it had brought her pain. “I’m so sorry, baby.” He feathered kisses along her jaw. “I didn’t trust him, and I lied. I was trying to keep you safe, but I fucked up. You are the only one I trust.” He couldn’t afford to trust anyone else. Hell, even Barnes had apparently turned on him. The guy had shared secrets with Marilyn? Since when? Sure, Barnes was young, impetuous, but…
He turned on me?
James would deal with Barnes soon enough. For the moment, he had to focus on what mattered most. Tess. Tess thought he didn’t love her. Shit. He knew she’d been eavesdropping the night before, but he’d been so certain she’d missed overhearing that part. When he’d gone into the bedroom with her, she hadn’t said a word about that stupid denial.
He’d thought he was safe. James had been planning a big, romantic confession for her. One that involved lots of candlelight. A bubble bath. And her precious chocolate fudge. So much for that plan.
Not love her? Seriously?
She was the only thing he did love in this world.
“I want you so much, Tess, because I do love you. Because it’s not just sex and hasn’t been. Hell, baby, why do you think I wanted to change the rules?”
Her fingertips smoothed over his chest.
He stared into her deep, dark gaze. “I didn’t just want stolen moments with you. I wanted everything. I wanted all that you would give to me.”
Were there tears in her eyes? No, no, he didn’t want that. He didn’t want Tess to cry. He wanted to make her happy, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t have any experience making a lover happy. Giving pleasure, sure, he had that covered. But pleasure wasn’t happiness, and he wanted to make her happy and he wanted—
“I want to give you everything I have,” he told Tess. “I don’t want to be a ghost anymore.” Drifting through life. Not bound to anyone or anything. He wanted to be with her. “When this mess is over, when I’ve stopped the bastard out there, I want to be with you. If you’ll have me.”
“If I’ll have you?” She shook her head. “What part of ‘I love you’ did you miss? I want you, James. All of you.”
“Not all of me is so good.” He leaned forward. Had to press kisses to the curve of her neck. To the bruises that were faint now but still pissed him off.
“And not all of me is good either.” Her hand slid down to the front of his jeans. “Did you see me running when I found out the truth about your past?”
Most women would. His past was scary as hell.
“My past is dark, too. I’m not afraid of darkness. And I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“No.” Never.
“You’re a good guy, James.”
“No, baby, I’m not.”
“You didn’t hurt innocent people.”
He swallowed. That didn’t wipe his scorecard clean, not by a long shot. When he’d worked for the government, he’d become a monster in those days. Part of him would always be that monster. Because when he thought of the danger around Tess…
I want to destroy. I want to kill.
“Kiss me again,” Tess urged him. “Kiss me.”
His mouth took hers. He tried to make the kiss gentle. Tender. He didn’t want to hurt her, and James wanted to show Tess how good he could be to her.
Because he wasn’t a good man. But she brought out the parts of him that wanted to be better.
Her hand unsnapped and unzipped his jeans. Shoved them down and then she was touching his cock. Stroking him with her hot little fingers and his erection thrust eagerly toward her.
“I wanted you last night,” she confessed.
I want you always.
He stepped back.
“James!”
“Baby, you keep squeezing my cock, and I’ll come long before I have time to do what I want.” He drank her in for a moment. So perfect. He would never get tired of the sight of her.
She smiled at him. Then yanked her shirt over her head. Dropped it to the floor near his. She wore a silky bra. One that she tossed aside after sliding her hands behind her back in one of those casual, but sexy moves women did when they unhooked their bras. She kicked away her shoes. And started to unbutton her jeans.
“Let me.” He was barely managing speech. Almost drooling. But he wanted to show her how good things could be.
Sex wasn’t love. Pleasure wasn’t happiness.
But…
Fuck, at the moment, pleasure was all he had to give her.
He pulled off her jeans and tugged her panties with them. She was on the edge of the counter. Tess started to hop down. “We can go to the bedroom,” she began.
“No.” He pushed her back onto the counter. Spread her legs wider. Stared at her pretty sex. Touched her. Stroked her with his fingers.
Tess stiffened and hissed out a breath.
She was warm and already wet. He slid one finger inside of her. Loved watching the way her sex took him in. Another finger. He sank both fingers in as deep as they could go.
Her hands slapped down on the counter.
He bent. Put his mouth on her clit. Licked and sucked and kept thrusting with his fingers.
“James!”
Pleasure wasn’t happiness, yes, he got that, but he wanted to give her more pleasure than she’d ever had in her life. Wanted her to desire him more than she’d ever desired anyone.
Was he a greedy bastard?
He lapped at her sex. Hell, yes. He’d told her that in the beginning.
She moaned his name.
Was he a possessive bastard?
He tasted more of her. Got drunk on her. Hell, yes, he was possessive.
He stroked her faster. Harder. Licked and licked.
He was possessive. She was his. He was hers. No one would take him from her. She’d chosen him, said she loved him, and he would give his life for her in an instant.
She came against his mouth. Called out his name. And he didn’t want to stop. He wanted to taste her for freaking ever. Wanted to forget the rest of the world.
But he also wanted to sink deep and hard into her.
Another lick and his head lifted. Her hands were pushed down against the counter, and her head tilted back. Red stained her cheeks, and her eyes blazed with dark fire when she looked at him.
Oh, yeah, he needed to fuck her. Right then.
He scooped her into his arms.
“No! Your stitches! Don’t forget about—”
He kissed her. James didn’t even know if the stitches were still in his arm, and he didn’t care. All that mattered was getting in her. He carried her to the bedroom. Put her down long enough to grab a condom and shove his remaining clothes out of the way.
Then she was pushing him down. Straddling him. And taking him all the way inside. His hips surged toward her as her tight, hot sex gripped him. When he was in as deep as he could go, when she surrounded him completely, he smiled up at her.
Her breath came in quick pants.
“I love you, Tess.”
Her eyes flew to his.
“I will do anything for you.” He wanted to withdraw. Thrust. Pound to a completion for them both. But he needed to say this. For her. “You never need to fear when I’m close. I’d give…” Ah, Jesus, that felt good. She’d just tightened her sex around him, and his eyes wanted to roll back into his head. “Give…you…everything…”
“Then give me everything now.” She pushed her hands down on his chest. Angled her body so that she nearly slid off his cock, only to slam back down again.
He thrust like a man possessed and held her hips as tightly as he could.
She came again, and he was with her. James poured into her, the release going on and on in a seemingly endless stream of pleasure. He roared her name. Distantly, James realized it was a good thing he’d sent Cole away.
There were some things a partner didn’t need to hear. And definitely not see.
Tess collapsed on his chest.
James pressed a kiss to her shoulder. His heart pounded, and he could
swear he felt the wild beat of Tess’s heart matching his. She fit him perfectly, in every single way. James only wished that he’d met her sooner.
Now that he did have her, though, he had no plans to let her go.
“I’m squishing you.” Her voice was muffled.
He stroked her back. “Not even a little.”
“Liar.” She pushed up. Stared down at him. She was smiling, but her smile slowly faded. “Promise me you won’t do that.”
Her hair had come free and tumbled over her shoulders. Her lips were swollen from his kiss. She was absolute perfection. “Do what?”
“Anything. I don’t want you doing something crazy like putting yourself between me and a bullet. That’s not how this relationship works.”
He wanted to kiss her again. “But you’re a doctor. If I get shot, then you can patch me up.”
“James.” She was still straddling him. “I’m serious. Promise that you won’t get hurt trying to keep me safe.”
He wasn’t going to make that promise. But he could compromise. “I’d prefer to attack in order to keep you safe. Not really planning on getting injured. Does that work?”
“James—”
A phone rang. Hers. He turned his head and saw it vibrating on the nearby nightstand. He reached his hand out. Grabbed it. Stared at the screen.
Devin Goddard.
The dumbass.
Tess slid off James. Dammit. He hadn’t wanted her to move. But she took the phone and, naked, she backed away from the bed.
“I’m not due at the hospital today.” She gripped the phone. “I still need to answer, though, because it could be an emergency.”
He sat up in bed. He needed to ditch the condom, so he stalked to the bathroom. But behind him, he heard Tess say…
“Devin, what is it?”
When he passed the mirror, James caught a quick look at his reflection. His stubble appeared to have become a beard. Scars marred his chest. His hair was a rumpled mess. In short, he looked like warm hell.
And Tess still wanted him.
He was a lucky SOB.
“What?” Her voice sharpened.
In a flash, James was back at her side. He took the phone from her hand and swiped his finger over the screen and turned on the speaker.
“I lied,” Devin was saying. Even on the speaker, his voice was strained. “I need to tell you what I really saw. Jeez, I’m so sorry, Tess!”
She looked from the phone to James. Her expression was confused. Afraid.
“We need to meet,” Devin’s words tumbled out. “We have to meet. I have to tell you what really happened in that corridor.”
“Tell us right now,” James ordered.
A sharp inhale. “You…you’re not alone,” Devin stammered.
“She’s never gonna be alone, Devin,” James snapped right back. “So if you’ve got something to say, spit it out.” And if you’re trying to lure her to you so that you can hurt her, forget it. He knew the Wilde agents were investigating everyone in Tess’s life. Linc and Blair had left to coordinate and get as much information as they could from their tech agents.
“I can’t…Not on the phone.”
“Yeah, you want to meet, asshole? Let me guess. You want to meet Tess alone, in some remote location so you can hurt—”
“No, asshole,” Devin threw back. “I’m trying to help!”
“Really? Because you helped already by saying a dead man was in the corridor at the hospital, that a dead man attacked Tess. Who really did it?” He waited a beat. “Was it you?”
“No! No, I’m being set up! I didn’t—”
Join the club.
“I’ll come to you,” Devin promised frantically. “Tell me when and where. I need to see Tess. I need to—”
“When? Right now. Where? My club. It’s closed so we’ll have plenty of privacy.”
“You’ll bring Tess there? I have to see Tess!”
James stared at Tess. He put a finger to his lips. “She’ll be there.”
Devin hung up.
Chapter Fifteen
“This is some bullshit.” Tess crossed her arms over her chest and glowered at James as he headed for the door. He’d dressed in record time. So had she because she’d thought that she was going with him to face off against Devin.
Only now she was being left behind.
“It’s not bullshit.” He turned toward her. He gripped his phone in his hand. He’d been quite the busy bee on that phone in the last few minutes. “It’s for your safety.”
“I thought I was safe with you. But it looks like you’re leaving me.”
“This place now has the best security system in the city. And I ordered Cole to get his ass in here and stay with you. You’ll have a bodyguard and a fool-proof system.”
But I won’t have you. “I want to come.”
He shook his head.
“Okay, let me rephrase. I’m coming with you.”
“This is what I do, baby. I go out and I take on trouble.”
“We don’t know that Devin is trouble.” Okay, yes, they did. He’d admitted to lying. But… “He saved me. I woke up and he was there. He was taking care of me. If Devin wanted to hurt me, then he could have killed me in that corridor. We were alone. No one would have stopped him.”
She watched as the expression on James’s face completely altered. His jaw hardened. His eyes narrowed. His gaze turned cold and brittle even as his nostrils flared and his lips thinned. He stalked back to her.
“You won’t be killed,” he rumbled.
“It’s certainly not on my agenda for the day—”
He kissed her. Hard and deep and long and she grabbed his shoulders. This wasn’t the time for some crazy, passionate kiss, but she still just—hell, she just kissed him.
“You call the shots in the hospital,” he said against her mouth. “You’re the boss in the ER. But dealing with bad guys? This is my world. And I want you to stay here, to please stay here, because your safety has to come first.”
She stepped back. Her hands fisted at her sides. “He could be luring you away deliberately. We don’t know where he called from. Maybe he’s outside my building, waiting for you to leave. Maybe he’ll attack when you’re gone.”
“No one can get inside this place. Not once you set the system.” He turned away. Glanced through the peephole on her door. A few moments later, he opened the door and Cole stepped inside. “And…” James continued doggedly. “That’s why he’s here. My safety net.” He leveled a hard glare at Cole. “Anything happens to her, and you’ll find out what it’s like when a ghost breathes down your neck.”
“Chill out. You’re my partner, man. She’s your lady. Nothing will happen. Not on my watch.”
Then James was gone. Cole shut the door. Locked it. Reset her alarm.
“I don’t like being left behind.” Not one bit.
“He’s trying to keep you safe.”
Her head whipped toward him. Cole had dropped onto her couch.
He winced. “Look at it this way, if a man fell to the ground in front of you and James, and the guy on the ground needed immediate surgery, who would step in to help him?”
“That is a terrible comparison of—”
“Would James be the one to operate on the guy? Or would the doctor handle things?”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “You know I’d handle things.”
“Right.” A firm nod. “Well, in this case, consider James to be a death doctor, so to speak. This is his thing. He’s had years of training to deal with the bad guys—that training is like his medical school. He’s equipped for this situation. And if you were to rush after him, if you were to show up at the club with him, then his attention would be divided.” His voice deepened. “I’ve seen it happen before. When emotions get involved, objectivity goes out the window. Even the best agents turn to mush, and they make sloppy mistakes. Mistakes that get people killed. Considering the way James feels about you, if you were to be in a situat
ion where he felt he couldn’t keep you safe, the man would pretty much implode.”
She tried to keep her poker face in place. “You heard him last night. James told you that he didn’t love me.”
Cole looked up at her ceiling. “Yeah, right.” His gaze slid back to her. “You think I don’t know a lie when I hear one? Though to be honest, he used to be way better at lying.”
She gaped at him. Cole had known James was lying?
“You should take a breath, Dr. Barrett. I know it’s hard, but calming breaths really do help. I started this meditation program last fall—” He grimaced at her glare. “Or not. Ahem.”
“I don’t want James to be alone. He needs backup.”
Cole nodded. “He has it. You think I didn’t tell Linc and Blair to haul ass over to his club? I did. Wilde agents protect each other. We’ve got this.”
He sounded so confident.
Why was her stomach in knots?
“By the way, your friend sure left in a hurry. Drove away with a squeal of her tires.” He tapped his finger along the couch. “She dating anyone?”
“You’re making my temples throb.”
“But I’m also keeping you distracted.” He offered her a wide smile. “Win, am I right?”
***
“You sold me out.” James glared at Barnes.
The young guy was sweating. Sweating and repeatedly wiping over the same spot on the bar top. A constant, nervous move.
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
James flattened his hands on the bar top. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
“Man, look, you’ve got this all wrong! I didn’t! I swear—I didn’t tell anyone a word about you! You gave me a second chance. I wouldn’t do that shit to you.” He gulped. Behind the lenses of his glasses, his eyes were wide. That whole deer-in-the-headlights wide. Wide and twitchy.
“I know your tells, Barnes. When you’re lying, your left eye twitches.”
“I didn’t talk about you—” Twitch.
James lifted a brow. “Want to try again? Because, just so you know, when you lie, you also clean. So how about dropping the cloth and dealing straight with me, before I kick your ass?”
“It was nothing. I swear, nothing. I was just…she was hot.” His eyes squeezed shut as he dropped the cloth. “She was so fucking hot.” His eyes opened. “And she was flirting with me. Me. Most women like her just look right through me. She didn’t. She looked at me. Saw her the first night that you took your lady up to VIP. I mean, they were friends, so I figured what was the harm?”