His Holiday Crush

by Cari Z

  “Sure, go for it.” I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. But when I opened them again, Max was looking at me.

  He held out a hand. “Do you want to join me?”

  Relief, desire, and a strange undercurrent of desperation flowed through me like a river bursting through a dam. I wanted to savor every second of tonight. “Yes. Please.”

  I had my clothes off before he did, and I was grateful when we finally stepped into the shower. I tried to give him space, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me in close. His fingers were ice cold.

  The water was hot, though, filling the air with steam and turning Max’s legs to jelly. Or maybe that was me five minutes in, kneeling between his feet and sucking him off like my life depended on it. I was grateful for the fall of water over my face—it made it hard to single out the warmth of Max’s cock, or his specific taste, or anything else that might make remembering this harder to handle. There was just water, and heat, and Max pulsing between my lips, groaning hoarsely as I slid a soap-slicked finger inside of him and asking for more as I worked my mouth over the head of his cock. I used my free hand to grip the base and jerked him off, fucking and stroking him and doing my best to make it as good as possible. I wanted to give him a good memory to end things on. I needed to do that.

  When Max began to come, I pulled back far enough to watch, working him through it and finally, as the tremors from his orgasm slowed down, looking up at his face. I’d expected his eyes to be closed, or maybe glazed, unfocused, staring off into the distance—but he was looking right at me. I leaned back, carefully disengaging, not knowing what he saw in my face and not caring right now.

  “God,” Max whispered then held out a hand. “Come here.” I stood, wincing a little at the soreness in my knees, then leaned into Max with a gasp as he wrapped his hand around my dick. His fingers were slippery with soap, his grip tight, and it took me less than a minute to come against his hip, fucking up into his grasp while I buried my face against his shoulder. I kissed him there, all I dared to do even though I’d just had part of my body inside of him.

  Max sighed and kissed my cheek. “Let’s get out of here before it cools off, okay?”

  I wanted more time.

  I needed more time with Max.

  But I didn’t know how to ask, so I nodded and got out of the shower.

  …

  My alarm woke us both up at six the next morning. I had my top arm wrapped around Max’s waist, and the bottom one was in a position that would have put it to sleep if we’d laid there much longer. I wished it had. Max shifted in my grasp then lifted my hand off his stomach. Instead of pushing it off, though, he brought it to his lips and kissed it.

  “Hey,” he said sleepily.

  A burst of sudden longing made my chest ache. “Hey.”

  I kissed the back of his shoulder and closed my eyes, reveling in the contact and the warmth for another moment, before I steeled myself and scooted away. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and pulled them on hurriedly, facing away from Max.

  “I’ll make coffee,” I said and headed out of the bedroom before Max could ask me to leave. I couldn’t handle it if he did.

  Downstairs, I checked my phone as I spooned grounds and poured water—one text from Lauren, an emoji with a grumpy face, which was typical for her on the first morning back to work after a break. The other one was from—Ariel.

  I stared at her name hesitantly.

  Ariel and I hadn’t cared much for each other for a long time—we’d been rivals for Hal’s attention ever since they started dating. It was only once Marnie came along that we found a way to be allies and eventually friends. Listening to the girls chat to her yesterday, and feeling calmer about everything now, I had to admit to myself that I missed her. She’d been good to Hal and her girls, and even to me when I’d returned from the military a little lost.

  I took a deep breath and opened the message.

  Merry Christmas, Nicky. Marnie and Steph talked so much about you. I’m grateful every day that you’re there for them. I’m sorry.

  Yesterday, I would have sneered at her apology. This morning, I was fatigued by it. I put the phone aside and turned my attention to making eggs.

  By the time Max came downstairs, Hal was stirring and at least one of the girls was awake. That was good—he shouldn’t leave without saying good-bye. It made things less intimate between us, but that was how it should be at this point. I’d had my last night with him. This was how things would be from here on out.

  Max stopped at the entrance to the kitchen and watched me for a moment before he came in. “Hi.”

  “Hey.” I handed him a plate. “Eggs over easy, toast on the side.”

  “Dominic’s Diner is open for business,” he said as he took the plate, and there was a little clever glint in his eye that I loved seeing.

  This was okay. We could do friendly.

  It might break me to pieces, but I could do this.

  “Nah, Dinah would kill me.” I dished myself out a spoonful of scrambled eggs then covered the frying pan so the rest of it wouldn’t get cold. “Maybe I’ll moonlight there, though. Get a part-time job as a short order cook.”

  “Then when would you have time to finish your house?”

  I shrugged and sat down at the dining room table. Honestly, my house was the last thing in my mind. What did I have there, after all? A bunch of unfinished work in the middle of a heaping pile of emptiness. Huzzah.

  Max looked like he wanted to say more, but then Hal was there, ruffling his hair like Max was one of his kids—or like he was me—before getting his own coffee and food. They gently bickered then stopped once the girls showed up. Max explained that he had to go home a little early, and they were both terribly disappointed.

  “When will you be back?” Marnie asked. “Will you come back for our birthdays?” The girls were only one week apart in May, oddly enough, and always celebrated together.

  “I definitely will,” Max promised her.

  Steph crawled up onto his knee. “I’ll miss you,” she said, and Max’s face did a little thing where it crumpled partially before he recovered it. It looked like saying good-bye to them hurt.

  Good. I didn’t mean it in a petty way—or fuck it, maybe I did, maybe petty was perfectly on brand for me—but it should be hard for him to go. I might not be his family, but Hal and the girls were. It ought to hurt to leave them.

  I wished that it hurt to leave me, too.

  Max got up and put his plate and fork in the dishwasher then glanced at me. “We should go.” I nodded but didn’t trust myself to speak. “I’ll go get my stuff.”

  “We’ll help you!” Marnie and Steph jumped to the floor and ran for the stairs.

  Ten minutes and one spilled suitcase later, Max and I were on our way to get his car. I wanted to speak—to say something, to say anything—but I just didn’t know what to say. There was a distance between us now that I couldn’t breach. I had done more than my fair share to put it there, so I couldn’t complain about it, either.

  Even when I casually drove under the speed limit, we got to the mechanic’s too soon.

  I pulled in, and Max got out of the car, and after a second of internal debate, I got out with him. He grabbed his bag out of the backseat then turned to me and said, “Thanks for the ride, Dominic.”

  “It was nothing.” It was the absolute least I could do. “Drive safe.”

  Max’s mouth quirked up on one side. “I’ll do my best.” He looked hesitant, like he wanted to say something else—an apology, maybe?

  I couldn’t handle another apology from him. I leaned in, slowly, and when he didn’t pull back, I kissed his cheek, right at the edge of his lips.

  I wanted more, I wanted so much more, but it wasn’t my place to take it.

  “I’ll miss you.”

  Max gave a little nod, his mouth
open, eyes wide.

  I turned and got back into my car.

  I couldn’t watch him leave.

  Instead, I drove to work, hoping against hope that it would help me forget about Max, just for an hour or two.

  I’d never be able to forget about him for longer than that.

  I’d never be able to forget him. Period.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Max

  “It’s about time you got out of there.”

  Marcus greeted me like that when I walked into his office early on Monday, after spending all of Sunday afternoon rewriting contracts, emailing back and forth with Jessie, and settling into my apartment. The last part was the hardest—it was just me again, no playful dog or laughing kids or Hal or Dominic anymore. It seemed unreasonable that I should miss them, miss him, so damn much after only a week.

  Or maybe it was just that I missed falling asleep next to someone and waking up to find them curled up against me like they couldn’t stay away, my heart skipping a beat at the feeling of being needed like that.

  “There’s more than enough to keep you busy for the next few weeks thanks to your unexpected vacation,” Marcus went on, pushing a cup of coffee at me along with a roughed-out to-do list—another to-do list, on top of the one I’d already made. “If you work your ass off, though, you might be able to finish reeling in this client before the New Year, but if you don’t, that’s going to factor into your end-of-year bonus.” He winked at me. “I’ve got it on good authority that if you do land this whale before then, your bonus might just include a corner office.”

  I smiled. It felt decidedly forced, like my mouth just didn’t want to bend that way anymore. Shit, I needed to get it together. This was what I wanted, wasn’t it? This was my big opportunity, my shot at the next level in the firm. I should be insanely happy right now. Instead, all I could think about was how little I cared about a corner office.

  What the hell was wrong with me?

  “I’ll get to work right away.” Enough work would knock me out of my funk. Enough time focusing on something other than Edgewood and Dominic—and everyone I was missing there—and I’d be back on an even keel.

  Sure I would.

  Instead of being able to power through my mood, though, work just ended up feeling hellish. I was in the office sixteen hours a day putting out fires, schmoozing the client, and getting paperwork queued up to go through the second the courts were open for business again. I worked so much that the only thing I should have had the space to think about when I was awake was, well, work.

  My thoughts were constantly on Dominic. It was impossible not to think of Hal and the girls, too, with all the pictures he was sending along of them playing with Baby—no doubt the jerk was doing it on purpose—but it didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t painful in the same way. Hal and I had been through arguments, fights, cold spells, and worse before, and we’d always come through the other side stronger than ever. I didn’t have to fret about Hal.

  Dominic, though? I was doing nothing but fret about Dominic.

  It was hard to believe how often he was on my mind, breaking into thoughts that should have been firmly centered on the deal Marcus promised would make my career. Dominic was the first person I thought about in the morning, and I felt a shock of disappointment every time I woke up and didn’t see him lying there with me. It was harder than ever to fall asleep at night even though I was exhausted, because I kept remembering him beside me, looking at me from under those long eyelashes and reaching for me before we fell asleep—or, better yet, before we didn’t fall asleep.

  We had a compatibility I’d never felt with another person, and I missed the ease of it. It had been so…wonderfully easy. Being with him was a balm for all my self-doubts, somehow, because he’d liked being with me as much as I’d liked being with him. His presence had made every moment seem a little brighter.

  And then the going got a little bit hard, and I left.

  I shook my head. Way to go, Max.

  It was seven o’ clock on New Year’s Eve, and after kicking my own ass this entire week, I’d finally gotten the final changes to the client contract approved and signed. Hands had been shaken, champagne had been consumed—not by me—and Marcus had sent the client off with the smile he only gave to people who were worth hundreds of millions of dollars while I went to close up my office. Next up was the company New Year’s party at an exclusive bar downtown, with more drinking and schmoozing and futures being built.

  I had to be there, of course. This year, it was my future with the firm being built, and I had to celebrate that. I should want to celebrate that.

  Instead of excitement, though, all I felt at the prospect of an evening out with all the partners and their spouses, carousing and bullshitting and cutting deals, was…fatigue.

  “All right, what the hell is the matter with you?”

  I jumped.

  Marcus was leaning against the doorjamb with a frown on his face. He was already wearing his coat, and I realized that I’d been doing a lot of nothing at my desk for the past fifteen minutes while he waited for me. “Sorry, let me just—”

  “No, you stay there.” He came in and shut the door behind him then pulled out the comfortable chair across from me and sat, folding his hands across his stomach. His posture was blasé, but his expression was intense. “Are you sick?”

  Was I what? “No, I’m not. Why are—”

  “Is there some problem going on that I don’t know about, then? Were you injured worse than you’re letting on in that car accident? Have you developed some sort of addiction? Did you make a bad deal with the mob?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Of course not.”

  “Then I don’t get what’s off with you.” Marcus leaned forward. “Max, you delivered a huge client to the firm wrapped up in a goddamn bow. You’re looking at a promotion, a raise, a whole new level of responsibility here. You ought to be jumping for glee, and instead you’ve been moping around all week like you had to put your dog down.”

  I frowned. “I haven’t been moping. I got the work done, didn’t I?”

  “I didn’t say you weren’t working hard, but it’s clear you weren’t enjoying it.” His expression softened. “What’s going on, Max? Talk to me. Let me help you figure it out.”

  I stared at Marcus for a long moment. This man was my mentor, my guide, my cheerleader and ass-kicker ever since I got to the firm. He’d pushed me harder and farther than I thought I could go, and I had the feeling that no matter what I said next, I was going to end up disappointing him.

  Especially because I knew, deep in my heart, exactly why I wasn’t happy. And it was time to own up to it.

  I couldn’t help how Marcus would feel about what I was going to say. All I could do was be honest with him, for my own sake. “I don’t think I can stay with the firm.”

  Saying it out loud was like pulling a knife out of my chest. It left a wound, but I could also breathe freely again for the first time in days. I couldn’t stay here. I didn’t want to stay here anymore, no matter how much I’d once loved it. A week had been enough to change the compass of my heart, and now it pointed firmly toward Edgewood, my found family, and most of all, Dominic.

  “Okay. So what changed?”

  I was a little surprised that Marcus wasn’t shouting at me. Instead, his voice was soft, almost gentle. “You’ve never missed Edgewood before, as far as I know,” he continued. “What happened during your visit to change your mind?”

  “I didn’t think there was anything there that I couldn’t get here, before.” It was true—Hal and his family would come and visit me here, so that had never been an issue. No one and nothing else in Edgewood was necessary to my happiness. At least I’d thought so before Dominic. Before he showed me the warmth of family, the inevitable silliness of small-town drama, and the undeniable chemistry that sparked between us. “But no
w there is.”

  “You met someone?”

  “Met him again, really.” How could I explain Dominic to Marcus? How could I explain how hard he worked, or his incredible perseverance and strength, or how I felt when he looked at me like I was the only thing that mattered? “And he’s…New York City would never be possible for him, but…”

  Marcus raised an eyebrow. “Old friend or not, that’s pretty serious talk after only spending a week with the guy.”

  “He feels serious for me.” God, I was doing a shit job of explaining. “Look, I know it seems impossible, but being with him has…changed my priorities.” I shrugged helplessly. “I love this work, I do. I love being a lawyer, and I love working with you. You’ve done so much for me since I started here, and I can’t believe I’m even considering throwing all that away, but—it’s not enough anymore.”

  “Max.” Marcus held up a hand. “Are you trying to apologize to me for falling in love? Because that’s goddamn ridiculous. I know you, son—you wouldn’t bring someone up like this if you weren’t really invested.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut.

  I loved Dominic.

  Loved him.

  But I had no clue if my feelings were reciprocated in the same way. Was I about to throw everything I’d built here in New York away on a bad guess? Even if Dominic wasn’t on the same page as me… “Edgewood is where my family is.”

  The long beat of silence had me sweating.

  “Then maybe it’s the place for you.”

  I opened my eyes and stared at Marcus. “What?”

  He shook his head. “I know I’m not exactly practicing what I preach on this front, Max, but honestly, family should always come first. I don’t know what I’d do without Clara and the boys. I’m a shitty husband and father sometimes thanks to this job, but I try to be there for them when they need me.”

  He gestured around. “Am I proud of what I’ve built here? Hell yes, I am. I’m proud of what you’ve done here, too, and I think you could do a lot more. But I’ll be proud of you whether you stay or go, Max, because I know that wherever you are, you’ll always do good work. Being happy, though? That’s not a given in life for anyone, but you deserve to be happy.”