by Zandria West
There’s nothing but a stunned, horrified silence on the other end. For a moment, I am unable to even breathe. I shake my head and force myself to take one breath and then another, to bring myself back to this place.
I begin walking again. Walking towards my end.
28
ALEX
I’m distracted for a moment. One of the demon soldiers lunges at me, leering, wielding a huge, bloodied sword. I dodge to one side, then make a sudden move, grappling my enemy, bracing myself as I reach an arm around his solid neck. I think of Lana, preparing even now to go to her death and in a single jerk I tear his ugly head from his neck. I let his body fall beside me and toss his head back towards where the heaviest fighting is taking place.
The dead are mounting. Most of those killed have been human, unsurprisingly, though between Grayson, Irena and I, we’ve made a dent on the demon forces.
I stagger, struck by a wave of grief. Lana, Gabriel, Reuben. It is their grief, tangled and heavy and bitter. The shock is terrible. I’m not sure exactly what’s going on, but I know it’s bad. I know it’s the worst.
No fucking way. There’s no way can I stay here fighting demons and just let this happen.
Around us, the combat is fierce, but I manage to pull Grayson aside for a few moments. He’s bleeding from a wound in his shoulder. The injury seems to only make him more stoic and more determined, like he didn’t already have those attributes in spades.
‘Something’s happening,’ I say.
‘I can feel it.’
‘We need to be there. Lana needs us, she needs our help.’
‘We can’t just leave,’ Grayson says. I can tell from the expression on his face that he means it. He wants to stay in this shithole village in the ass-end of nowhere and keep fighting, while Lana goes to her death.
‘You’re kidding me, right? This is Lana we’re talking about. Remember her? Blue hair, short, feisty, sexy as hell? If we don’t fucking do something, memories are all we’ll have. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could live with myself if we lost her.’
I turn and begin to stomp away, not attempting to hide the fact that I’m retreating from the demon leader who’s commanding the forces near the outskirts of the village. I have no doubt he is watching our little tete-a-tete with interest.
‘I’m sorry, did you have somewhere to be?’ Irena yells after me. To be honest, I’d almost forgotten she was even there. All I can think about now is Lana. I narrow my eyes and keep walking.
‘These people will die without you,’ she yells, the fear pitching her voice high.
I turn around and throw my arms wide and shrug. ‘Believe me, we’re all going to die. It’s just a matter of when.’
Serve her right for putting her faith in a blood-sucking denizen of the night. It’s been hard enough as it is staying focused on the fighting with all the fresh blood being spilled around me – including Grayson’s, the scent of which almost sent me over the edge when he was wounded. Irena curses me in a low voice then turns and takes another perfect shot, dropping a demon who had approached the village perimeter by putting a bullet directly into one of his eyeballs.
‘Just keep shooting,’ I call. ‘This will all be over soon enough.’
I turn to the sound of her curses and keep walking. Every instinct in me tells me to run. If I use my vampire speed, I can be beside Lana in moments. But I need Grayson to see me leaving, to have time to think about the choice he is making. I know if he stays, he’ll regret it for an angel’s eternity. He has to come with me. We all should be there, with Lana, whatever is coming. We face it together.
I don’t look back, just follow the pull of the Binding, step after painfully slow step, as the yelling and explosions and gunshots recede behind me. I don’t have to look back to know Grayson hasn’t followed. My hearing is acute; I’d have heard his footsteps. Grayson has chosen his angel’s dog-guilt over doing what he should do for probably the only woman he’s every truly loved. I try to think what I’ll tell Lana, how I’ll cover for his weakness, when I hear a strange sound coming from directly above me. I feel a faint breeze ruffling my hair. I look up, shading my eyes out of habit although there’s no need. The sky is softly pastel. It’s almost dawn. Dawn, when the spell must be re-made. Then I see him.
‘Jesus fucking Christ!’
He’s flying. Grayson is flying on wings of tattered flame. He looks down at me with something like pity, then with a powerful stroke is gone at a speed that would put any bird to shame.
Well that changes things. I look back one last time at the desperate battle behind me. It’s not true to say I feel nothing. There’s a tug of regret to be leaving these people, who are so weak as to be almost entirely helpless, but it’s not enough to slow me. A moment later, I find my speed. I bend time and space to chase the scent of Lana through the forest, up the mountain and to the opening of a dark cave. I arrive just a few seconds before I see the glow of Grayson above.
‘Lana!’ I cry.
She turns to me and I see the decision in her eyes. I shake my head. This can’t be happening.
‘No. No way. Gabriel, you can’t let her do this. Use your powers, stop her!’
Gabriel looks like he is made of stone: heavy and ancient and tired. ‘Is that really what you want me to do, Alex? She’s made up her mind.’
‘Then fucking unmake it,’ I yell, rage roaring through my veins, exploding in my chest. I’m blind with anger, fear and grief.
And then I hear her. ‘Please.’ She’s crying. ‘Don’t make it like this, Alex. I need you here. I need you more than ever. But not like this.’
She reaches out to touch me and I pull away. I can’t bear it. I can’t bear to be near her, to be loving her so much and to know that I will lose her.
‘I love you,’ she says. Hearing her saying those words out loud, the longing breaking in her voice, almost destroys me.
‘Don’t do this then,’ I beg her. ‘You don’t have to do this. The villagers can die. They’re dying anyway. I can’t let you throw your life away when the people you’re trying to protect are being fucking slaughtered as we watch.’ I turn to Graciela. ‘Can’t she use that? Capture their life energy before it passes and channel that into your goddamn spell?’
‘That is not how it works, as you well know Alexander. A sacrifice is only a sacrifice because it is voluntary and conscious, a choice to offer something of great value selflessly and for a noble cause. These villagers are dying as most people die; unwillingly. In fear and pain, desperately fighting to stay alive. Their deaths will achieve nothing. Their blood is fit to do no more than water the jungle floor.’
Lana shakes her head. ‘It should be me. My life, the Binding, that will be enough. Then the village will be safe. The whole world will be safe.’
I turn away from her and strike out at the nearest thing beside me – the trunk of a huge ancient tree. My fist meets it with a crack like a gunshot and then there’s a low groaning and the whole thing falls, crashing down with a tremendous ground-shaking thunder beside us.
Lana turns on me. ‘Seriously? You’re knocking over the fucking trees? What did they ever do to you, hey Alex?’ The look of absolute fury in her eyes does what her sorrow never could. It brings me back from the edge.
‘What? You never heard of a stake?’ I say, narrowing my eyes.
She snorts with laughter, then a moment later her face crumples as the laugh turns to a sob. I see her re-compose herself. She is trying so hard to be strong for us. She has decided. I’m not going to be able to change her mind. And right now, I’m just making what is already the hardest thing she will ever face even harder.
‘I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know how to let you go,’ I murmur, but she’s already turned away, and started to follow Graciela down the path.
29
LANA
I feel sick. Seeing the pain in Alex’s eyes was almost more than I could bear. I can’t look at him. We walk in silence, a funeral march
through the half-light. And then, at last, I see it – the first spark. There’s no way I could miss it. It rises above me and then cascades down in rivulets of blue light like some kind of celestial fountain.
Graciela looks across to me.
‘It’s started,’ I say. I know my men can’t see it. That was part of the magic, and what made the enchantment so complex to work. Graciela created a kind of protective encryption, so the countdown to casting the Barrier spell will only be visible to myself and members of the Circle, and not to any other onlookers.
‘Ten minutes,’ Graciela mutters.
‘I hope it will be enough time,’ Gabriel says.
‘I hope it will not be too much time,’ Graciela returns. ‘There is every likelihood we will find ourselves surrounded by demons at any moment. Not the most conducive circumstances for the casting of deep magic such as Lana must attempt.’
Attempt.
‘Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence,’ I say.
The sparks are set to go off every minute for nine minutes. The first few startle me, though of course I should be expecting them. They begin as a bright blue then I know from Graciela’s preparations that the shade will shift gradually through purple to red as the count comes closer, then in the final minute they will pulse brilliant white ten times as they count down to the final moment.
I imagine the Circle members scattered far and wide in all corners of the globe in every imaginable circumstance and station of life, standing up, alert as the countdown begins, readying themselves in whatever way they feel most appropriate.
The thought of all those witches preparing to help should make me feel better about my chances of success, but it doesn’t. Somehow it just makes me feel more terrified and alone. The Circle is made up of powerful, learned witches, they have magical abilities beyond what I can even imagine, and not one of them could cast this spell.
What if I fail? After all this, after everything I’m giving up, what if I still fail?
As we approach the cave where the Leestone waits, I can hear the sounds of fighting in the distance.
I feel a sudden rush of nausea and everything spins, darkness descending on me like a bag being pulled down over my head. I feel hot. I can barely breathe.
‘Stop, both of you,’ I just make out Reuben’s voice. ‘Lana, are you alright?’
A strong arm around my shoulders pulls me closer and supports me as I lower down to sitting on the ground, my head between my knees.
I can’t do this. It was madness to even think that I could try.
‘Here,’ Graciela says. Something is thrust before my face and a waft of scent, sharp and bright, makes its way into my nostrils. The sensation is startling, almost like being slapped, and I regain my consciousness immediately.
Reuben crouches beside me, looking into my eyes. ‘Listen to me Lana,’ he murmurs. ‘You don’t have to do this. We can protect you. Whatever happens with the Barrier, we can find somewhere that’s safe for you. The world is large enough, and I know the wild places, places where you can lose yourself. Demons, witches, none of them will touch you. You can live in peace –’
I shake my head hard, swallowing down the tears that want to rise. ‘Thank you, Reuben, but that wouldn’t be a life. I couldn’t live knowing I’d left the world to burn.’ I rise to standing, feeling stronger, whether because of the potion Graciela waved under my nose or from my own determination I’m not sure.
Another flare rises, this one a gorgeous violet. Every colour looks perfect to me now, each shade captivating in its loveliness. Everything that is not nothing seems precious when you know that nothing is all that is waiting for you.
The cavern containing the Leestone is smaller than I remember. I was terrified last time I was here at the thought of having to appear before the Witch’s Circle; everything seemed bigger and more frightening than it was. The idea of feeling so scared about something so small is almost laughable now. I wish I could go back to that moment, go back to not knowing what I must do. Back then, I still had hope. Another flare rises, this one shading into deep, ruby red. Time is almost up. I turn to my men, not bothering to hide my tears.
‘I couldn’t have asked for more,’ I say, just managing to get the words out before my voice breaks completely.
One by one they come to me and wrap their arms around me tightly. I close my eyes, breathing in a darkness that is warm and protective and real. It’s okay, I tell myself. They loved me and I loved them, and in the end that’s the only thing that really matters.
One by one I let them go. Alex kisses me fiercely, his passion burning bright and cold. Grayson takes my hands and looks into my eyes and it feels as though he’s looking into the hidden places of my soul. Reuben squeezes me so hard I almost pee my pants. Gabriel strokes my hair then takes my hand, draws it towards himself, and with one finger traces the outline of the crow on my arm.
‘You were my purpose,’ he whispers. ‘For so long, I thought my life and my heart would always remain empty. Then you came and filled them.’
He lets my hand go and steps back.
‘Are you ready?’ I ask, knowing that the first step will be to break the Binding, and that requires both of us.
‘I have no choice.’
I close my eyes and listen as he begins to murmur words. They’re in a language I don’t know, some ancient, secret tongue, and yet they seem as familiar to me as my own breath, like they’ve been humming in my blood and singing in my dreams for as long as I’ve been alive. I feel a strange, sharp sensation and then a rising heat in my skin where each of the signs mark me: Crow. Snake. Wolf. Angel.
‘Let them go now, Lana,’ Graciela says, her voice dull with grief. ‘They have served you well.’
I take a breath, and harden myself, and then begin to push them away. Grief turns fierce and angry and I feel the magic tear at my skin where the marks have been. I remember how Garenda tried to take the marks from me to break the Binding, how she left me bleeding and in agony, near death. There’s no blood this time, though the pain is like being sliced with knives. More than that, a deep, empty coldness moves through me as I feel not only the surface marks of the Binding release, but the deeper connections too.
It was a sacred magic, I realise, that Gabriel cast upon us. To know four men so well, to love them so completely, to be utterly connected with them is a gift that can only be from the Gods. It feels as though it comes away in layers, one after another after another. Memory and longing, understanding and trust. All of it peels away like it was nothing but old paint on a wall. And at the end, I’m left alone, shaking and cold, numb.
For so long I’ve been conscious of my men: my every thought and feeling have had a subtle echo in their minds and hearts. I’ve known when they were angry or frightened, and sure as hell known when they were aroused. Now, it’s like I’m alone for the first time in my life.
I reach for them with my mind and they’re gone, all trace of them wiped from me.
What have I done?
Sobs rise from somewhere deep within me and I fall to my knees in the dirt.
‘This is bullshit. I can’t watch this,’ I hear Alex say and as I look up, I see that he’s turned his back on me and is walking away. I want to cry out, to beg him to stay, to not leave me here alone but the thing is he should know. He always knew what I wanted almost before I knew it myself. I glance around, desperate, panicking. I see Grayson’s gaze – cold and stark. His eyes are like those of a stranger. I feel myself starting to shake.
It’s true, the thing that I feared the most. They never really loved me. It was the magic, all along. It was the magic that drew them to me, the magic that kept them close, the magic that made them care. None of it was for me, for my own sake.
Oh god, I feel sick. I think I’m going to throw up.
The sparks rise around me again, as though mocking me with their brilliance. This time they’re a fiery gold. The end is coming.
‘Stand up, child. The path you chose is befo
re you. The hardest part is done.’ Graciela reaches out a hand and helps me to my feet. I’m dusty and dirty, my cheeks and chin streaked with tears and snot. I can’t believe that I have to look like this before my men. I still have some pride left. And the truth is, they may no longer feel anything for me, but I love them just as fiercely as I ever did when the Binding joined us.
It’s not fair. If I broke the spell, surely it should free me from its effects too? Then I remember how Garenda taunted me in the cave: Do you really think men like them would ever be interested in a girl like you in the real world?
I’ve been an idiot, I know I have, letting myself believe that what they felt for me was real. Letting myself love them truly, with all my heart, and not just because the magic made me.
I wipe my face with the back of my arm and steady my breathing. I can’t look at Reuben or Grayson. I’m too scared that what I see in their eyes will break me. Gabriel is looking away, so when I glance his way all I see is his broad muscular back and shining dark hair.
‘I’m ready,’ I say. And as I do, a brilliant white spark rises, bursting into a myriad of small sparkling stars like fireworks in the sky. Fucking hell. Like there’s anything to celebrate.
I shake my head to try and clear it, then look across to Graciela, willing myself to recall the words I spent so long learning. Another spark. And another. I close my eyes. Only one thing matters now. I am the Key. I have carried the power within me since before I was born. I was infected by an ancient magic, product of a deal that should never have been made between the Great Witch and a banished God. And now I must make that magic real. I open my eyes again and see the final shimmering glow fading into the dark. I begin to form the words of the Barrier spell with quivering lips, trying as hard as I can to make my words strong and clear.
As I speak, I feel my voice joined by others: so many voices from so many lands. The Circle of Witches has come to my aid. I feel them lending their power to mine. It is a sudden rising tide of magic and I am floating on it, though it feels just as likely that it will crash all around me and drown me in its wild depths.