Secret Daddy: A Second Chance Romance

by Scarlet West

  Trina’s daughter.

  I felt something in my heart stretch to snapping. The scene was so beautiful, so moving, that it took my breath away.

  Trina went closer to the child, who was pointing at something, her high-pitched voice discussing it eagerly. I saw Trina stroke her hair, a big smile splitting her face. She nodded and said something in return, though her voice was low and too soft for the sound to reach me.

  “You can take yourself in, through that gate, there,” Skyler gestured at the gate in front of me that led into the field. “I’ll wait here.”

  I went in, feeling like I was walking through an invisible barrier into a dream.

  I was almost at the fence when the little girl saw me.

  To my surprise, her face lit up. She ran toward me, smiling.

  “Hello!” she said. “Are you Uncle Tom’s friend?”

  I couldn’t help smiling back at her. Her little face was scrunched up in a grin, eyes slanting in a sort of smug delight. She was almost mischievous with it, an irresistible combination. I crouched in the grass, getting to eye-level. Her eyes were magnificent grassy-green, even paler than mine. Amelia, I remembered suddenly. Her name was Amelia.

  “I’m Drake. Pleased to meet you.” I held out a hand.

  “Hello Drake,” she said. She held out her own hand and took mine, blushing pink.

  “Hello,” I said, squeezing her hand gently. When my eyes met hers, with her fingertips on my palm, I choked up. There was something so familiar about her.

  I looked up at Trina. To my astonishment, tears ran down her cheeks.

  “Trina?” I stood up quickly, feeling shocked. Of all the reactions I wouldn’t have expected, this was easily the strangest.

  “Drake,” she said. She turned away, her back to me. I could see her shoulders shudder, and I knew she was struggling for equilibrium.

  “Trina,” I said, desperately.

  “Drake, I’m glad you came,” she said tightly. She turned around to face me. The tears had dried, though I could still see faint traces of them running to under her chin, like silver paths. “But please, don’t ask me any questions just yet.”

  “Okay,” I agreed. “I promise.”

  She looked up at me, and I could see relief in her smile, and hear it in her words when she spoke again.

  “Thanks.”

  “Can we go to the castle now?” the little girl asked, plaintive.

  Trina smiled at her fondly. She looked so tender it almost broke my heart. Motherhood suited her.

  He’s missing out, not her.

  The nameless man who’d left Trina to raise her child alone was the one suffering, not Trina or her baby girl. He was the one deprived of a beautiful family, deprived of a daughter with the sunniest smile I’d ever seen. He was the one living without Trina; without a woman who set the world on fire just by being in it. I actually felt sorry for him. And yet, something else I couldn’t quite name nagged at the back of my mind.

  “Mommy?” the little girl called.

  “Sure, let’s go,” she nodded. She smiled at Amelia, and the tail-end of her grin shone on me. I grinned back, breathlessly.

  “Hurrah!” the little girl went running off, shouting something about castles, and climbing higher.

  “Castle?” I inquired as we fell in behind Amelia.

  She led the way across the grass, running and skipping happily.

  “It’s a climbing gym,” Trina explained gently. “Randall, Skyler’s husband, constructed it.”

  “Oh,” I nodded. “That sounds really nice.”

  “Amelia loves climbing. She and her best friend Greer climb here all day.”

  “Oh,” I said again.

  She frowned at me, and I could tell my responses were coming across as wooden. I just had absolutely no idea what to do or say.

  No questions.

  I had given a promise. There was a sudden surge in me to break it as there was so much I wanted to ask. There was an idea starting to grow in the back of my mind, born out of the familiarity of Amelia’s face and Trina’s reaction to me meeting the girl. Could she be mine?

  The dates added up. Her daughter was green-eyed and looked like me when I was a child. If it wasn’t for the nagging fact that Tom would have told me that Trina had had my child, I would have believed it by now.

  “We come up here often; almost every second weekend in summer anyway,” Trina replied. “It’s good for Amelia. There isn’t enough room to play or fresh air for the kids in town.”

  “No,” I agreed. “Amelia’s a beautiful name,” I said. “Like your hero.”

  She looked at me, shocked. Her expression changed, and I saw then a little twitch at the corner of her mouth, a small tug that could have been a smile.

  We didn’t say anything more. The wind ruffled the grass around us, sighing in the trees. It felt as if the past settled lightly between us. Something shifted, melting back into the silence around us. I wondered what she was thinking, if she remembered that day, that conversation, as well as I did.

  “Mommy!” Amelia yelled, climbing up an elaborate scaffold-work of poles before us. “Look! I’m so high up!”

  “Be careful you don’t fall,” Trina called, shading her eyes as she looked up at her daughter. She was smiling, though, and again I was struck by the look of absolute tenderness on her face.

  “She’s a beautiful child,” I said softly.

  “Yes,” Trina nodded, blinking back tears again. “She is,” she agreed, her eyes fixed on Amelia as she climbed and played and swung, shutting me out.

  “Trina,” I said after a moment’s silence. “It must have been hard on you all those years.”

  “Don’t ask questions,” she said, tightly. “You promised, remember?” she swung toward me, and her blue eyes were full of hurt.

  “Yes,” I said. “I promised.”

  “You might try keeping your promises, once in a while,” she whispered as she turned back toward the climbing gym.

  “Trina?” I whispered back.

  No answer. The wind ruffled her hair, working loose from the constraints of a ribbon. I clenched my hands tightly, fighting the urge to reach over and tuck it back behind her ear tenderly.

  “Trina,” I said, when my throat had relaxed enough to let me get out words. “I’m sorry. I know that the way I left you, without a word, was horrible. I can’t imagine how betrayed you felt. I was selfish, and stupid, and I wish I’d done better. I wish I hadn’t let you down. I’m sorry.”

  Again, there was no answer. I looked at her stiff back, her hair flowing around her shoulders, skirt fluttering. She stood stone still, as if she were barely breathing.

  I waited, feeling as if my whole world rose and fell with that pause. I couldn’t say anything then. If I said something wrong, something stupid, a door would close, and I would never be able to make it open again. I had to wait.

  Finally, she turned to me and I saw tears were running silently down her cheeks.

  “Drake,” she said.

  “Trina, what is it? Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

  Wordlessly, I stepped into her space. I pulled her into my arms as I pressed her close and held her and her tears soaked my shirt. I squeezed her silently and breathed the scent of her hair. Then I stepped back. I was about to lower my lips to hers when she tensed.

  “Don’t,” she whispered.

  My insides felt as if they had been crimped together. I wanted to hold her, to kiss her. I wanted her with an intensity that was almost unbearable, but I knew how wrong I was to even think it while she was so vulnerable.

  “Okay,” I said.

  I made myself walk away across the field.

  Skyler called me over. She was setting out food on the table, and in the background her husband was buttering bread.

  “You ready to go for a hike? We’ll take the route up to the dam. Randall’s staying here – it’s a short walk. For little legs,” she added, winking at the two girls who tumbled and played outsid
e.

  “Your daughter?” I inclined my head to where a dark-haired girl ran across the lawn, a little taller than Amelia.

  “Greer,” she agreed. “She’s just turned ten.. She and Amelia are best friends,” she added with a smile.

  “They’re amazing girls,” I said, grinning as I watched them running across the field, racing each other to the construction.

  “They are, aren’t they?” Skyler said. “Amelia’s so like her mom in some ways.”

  “I’m about to put lunch on,” Randall said, interrupting us. “Why don’t you take everyone for a walk?” he grinned at Skyler. “I’ll have it done when you get back.”

  “Thanks,” she beamed. “Gorgeous and useful. What more can I ask for?”

  Randall laughed as we went out.

  I fell into step behind Skyler and Trina. The girls ran on ahead, laughing and calling to one another. I was thinking uncharacteristic thoughts. Like what it would be like if Amelia really was my daughter.

  She can’t be yours, Drake, I told myself. Trina would have told Tom. He would have told me.

  I nodded to myself. Of all the explanations, the fact that I was the father was impossible. Amelia was not my child. Wouldn’t Trina have told me herself by now? Certainly after letting me meet her.

  “Drake?” Skyler called back to me and I realized I’d fallen a few steps behind in my reverie. “See the helicopter?”

  I squinted upwards. “Yeah,” I called back.

  “Maybe he can take your cameramen up,” she shouted back, against the rising wind. “Give you some overhead shots.”

  “Maybe,” I conceded. “That’s not such a bad idea.”

  “I have them, occasionally,” Skyler teased me. “Good ideas, I mean.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  She laughed, and so did I. We headed onwards across the field. I felt better. Skyler and Trina seemed to have relented at least a bit and decided not to treat me like a leper.

  When we reached the house, Skyler – who had been sticking closely to Trina the whole morning – peeled off to go and check on Randall, in the kitchen. I shot across to Trina, taking the chance to take a seat opposite her.

  “It’s a beautiful day,” I said.

  “Yes,” she smiled.

  We sat silently awhile. The breeze ruffled her hair, and the sounds of voices drifted from the kitchen.

  “I’m glad you could make it,” she said after a long pause.

  I let out a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. “Me, too,” I said.

  And I was glad. More than I would ever have imagined possible. I was there with Trina, and she trusted me enough to introduce me to her daughter. That was all I wanted right then. I looked up at the blue sky, feeling at peace for the first time since I’d been back.

  11

  Trina

  I leaned back in my chair, sipping lemonade, and tried to calm my thoughts. My daughter and her father were together at the same table. It was like something out of a far-fetched dream. I wouldn’t have believed it was possible, except for the fact that I could smell the scent of toasted sandwiches mixing with the grass of the fields and the elusive smell of warm earth. I didn’t dream in such a sensory way.

  My eyes wandered to Drake’s face. His generous mouth twisted into a wry smile. I smiled back, feeling my tummy clench with a tingle of happiness. We hadn’t spoken to each other much, but somehow we didn’t need to. All the words were secondary to the way we looked at each other, to the softness in his eyes.

  He does still care for me, the way I care for him.

  The thought was as overwhelming as it was undeniable. It was a gift; a precious realization. I was lost for words.

  “When I grow up, I want to be a teacher,” my daughter declared to Greer, where they sat at the far end of the table, chattering away together.

  “I want to be a climber,” Greer said. “Climbing the mountains.”

  They both giggled and I caught Skyler’s eye. She was also smiling fondly. Beside her, Drake was sitting, lost in thought, like me. I caught a peculiar, wistful look on his face as he also watched the kids.

  My throat closed up with a big lump, seeing the sweetness on his face. It was almost too much to bear. He was watching Amelia, and I could see the fondness and wonder written in every line of his expression. Did he see it? Did he see himself reflected in her face yet?

  “I bet I can climb all the way to the top of the apple tree,” Greer said, her brown eyes challenging Amelia.

  “Prob’ly,” my daughter conceded. “But someone has to stay on the ground to call the ambulance when you fall out.”

  I had to bite my lips not to giggle. My eyes flashed to Drake. He had pressed his fingers to his mouth, and I could see merriment dancing in his eyes. His face was a picture of suppressed mirth. And pride.

  In that moment, I felt my heart want to burst. I felt my eyes well up with sudden tears.

  “Trina?” Skyler turned to me, concern written on her face. I blinked rapidly, knowing at any moment I was going to burst into uncontrollable tears.

  “Excuse me,” I stammered, as tears started flowing. I pushed back my chair and walked briskly inside to the bathroom.

  I started crying the moment the door was safely locked behind me. I buried my face in the hand towel to muffle the sobs, and sat on the edge of the bath, rocking in place, tears pouring down my cheeks into the stiff white fabric.

  After a while, I calmed down and took a shaky breath, getting a grip. I let out the breath slowly, gathering my thoughts.

  I wanted so badly for him to ask me who the father was.

  I imagined his face. He was half in love with Amelia already, I could see that. She was a wonderful child – sweet, funny, loveable. I knew he would love her anyway, even if he didn’t know he was the father, but if he knew; I knew now it would mean everything.

  But I had forbidden him from asking questions. I had to, because I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say if he did happen to ask me.

  “She’s yours,” I imagined saying to him.

  “Trina?” Skyler called through the door. “Trina? You okay in there?”

  I cleared my throat.

  “Yes,” I called. I tried to stop my voice from wobbling, but it wasn’t exactly easy. I took a steadying breath. “I’m fine.”

  “I can get him to leave, if you want,” she called.

  “No!” I actually opened the door, distress overriding my need for privacy. “Don’t do that.”

  She blinked. “Okay, girlfriend,” she shrugged. “Are you sure?”

  I nodded my head, impatient with myself for my chronic indecision.

  “Okay,” I sighed. “Sorry. It’s just a bit overwhelming, you know.”

  She nodded. “I get it,” she said.

  I sniffed. “You can see what I mean, right?” I asked. “I mean, about Drake.”

  “She looks a lot like him,” she acknowledged.

  “I know,” I whispered. “I don’t know how he hasn’t seen it yet.”

  “I don’t know that he hasn’t,” Skyler said with an amused smile. “It can’t be that unlikely that he’d guess, I mean,” she said.

  “You think he’s thinking about it?” I felt my face flush. In all fairness to Drake, he was a smart man. He knew my daughter was nine years old. He could see her eyes, her face. He knew her name. It was only a matter of time before he guessed. The thought made my stomach clench with anxiety.

  “He’s got to have at least considered,” Skyler agreed with me. “Maybe he’s just waiting for you to confirm it.”

  “What will I say?” I asked her again. I was feeling as if I was on a rollercoaster, my stomach left somewhere behind me as I sank abruptly. “I can’t change my life, or hers, that much.”

  Skyler frowned. “You can figure it out,” she said reasonably. “You’re smart people.”

  I pulled a face. “I don’t know how smart I am, right now.”

  “Trust yourself,” Skyler said.
“You’ll figure it out.”

  “Okay,” I conceded. “Maybe.”

  “Trust yourself,” she said again. “Now, if you’re ready to come outside? Randall’s made raspberry ice cream and he’s dying to let us all taste it.”

  I felt myself smile, despite my confusion. “Well, I think I can manage to calm down for Randall’s legendary homemade ice cream.”

  “Good,” Skyler chuckled. “Let’s go.”

  She handed me a tissue and I blew my nose and together we went out into the sunshine.

  Drake frowned up at me as I took my place at the table. “Everything alright?”

  “Yes,” I said a little more sharply than I needed to. “It’s okay, Drake,” I modified, smiling.

  “Good,” he said softly.

  We shared a quick smile.

  “Okay, everyone,” Skyler said, standing. “Who wants ice cream?”

  “Me!” my daughter yelled, rocketing out of her seat. I laughed and Drake chuckled.

  “She’s a wonderful kid,” he whispered to me. “You should be very proud.”

  Tears flowed out of me, unstoppable. “Thanks,” I whispered. “She is. I am.”

  “Hey,” he said as I wiped at my eyes. We were alone at the table, Skyler and Randall in the kitchen together, my daughter and theirs chasing each other round the yard.

  His hand slid over mine. I tensed, but left my hand where it was. His touch was warm, comforting.

  “Thanks,” I said. “I’m sorry I’m acting so oddly today.”

  “Don’t be.”

  His smile warmed his eyes, and I could see concern there, and love. I swallowed hard. It was in some ways more painful than if he’d looked indifferent toward me.

  “Thanks,” I said again.

  “Here we are,” Skyler emerged from the kitchen, carrying a glass dish with a big spoonful of soft orangey-pink confection. “Compliments of the chef.”

  I tasted it and caught Drake’s eye across the table. He was also eating the dessert, but the look on his face was appraising and approving of something else entirely. I blushed and swallowed hard.

  “What?” I asked when he didn’t turn his eyes from my face. I raised a brow, trying for a nonchalant expression. I was sure he would be able to see my blushes.