Shelter Me Home

by T. S. Joyce

  Suddenly, everything was too green. Too vibrant, to engorged with melted snow, and the browns and yellows blurred across an Alaskan canvas. She stomped the brake, then stumbled from the machine and made her way to the tall reeds that lined the road. Gasping, she fell to her knees and gripped her stomach. Adoption seemed like a viable option until she thought of Miles with full custody of her unborn child. The hurt would be too great.

  Her eyes tightly closed, she gritted her teeth against the urge to sob. That lying cheat didn’t deserve her tears. The low hum of an oncoming vehicle was only a minor annoyance. What she was dealing with was so much bigger than one of the neighbor’s seeing her moment of vulnerability.

  Except it wasn’t one of the neighbors.

  Aanon’s Chevy pulled to a stop behind her, and the door closed. The old truck creaked as it rocked out from under his weight and, in moments, a gentle hand was rubbing circles on her back. “Does the baby have you sick again?”

  “No. Your girlfriend does.”

  “Erin? She’s not my girlfriend and besides—”

  “I talked to Ben! I know what’s she’s done.” Her voice hitched, and she gasped to try and steady herself. “She’s ruining my life, and for what? I do as she wants. I stay away from you, even though it kills me to do it. I watch you suffer so that you can see your son and when she says jump, I ask how fuckin’ high. Surely, I’ve done nothing to deserve this.”

  He knelt down, and his steady hand went around the nape of her neck, massaging gently. “It kills you to stay away from me?”

  “Not the point, Aanon.”

  “She hasn’t told him you’re with child. Yet. If she did that too early, she wouldn’t have any leverage on you. On me.”

  “What do you mean, on you?”

  “I don’t want her telling him either. I don’t know everything about the situation, but if you think Miles will take your child or your options away, I don’t want him within a thousand miles of you.” A scratching sound drew her gaze. He ran a hand over the short, gold stubble of his jaw. His eyes were hollow, tortured. “Apparently Erin knows that.”

  “She hasn’t told him about the baby?”

  “I don’t doubt she talked to him, and I don’t know what she said, but she assured me she hasn’t mentioned your pregnancy.”

  “So, she’ll hold that over us so that we’ll do as she says? She uses Dodge, and now she’ll use my child to keep you unhappy?”

  Aanon stared off into the late evening sunset and gave a bare nod. “I don’t know how to feel. She gave me Dodge. A piece of me will always love her because she’s the mother of my child. I know it’s hard to understand, but I was there when she was different. When she held Dodge for the first time. Even now that she’s become so desperate to make me pay for accepting the homestead, it’s hard to get the past out of my head. I don’t care for her or respect the person she is anymore, but I don’t know how to hate her either.”

  Well, she could probably hate her enough for the both of them, but he didn’t have to know that. “She talked to my mom.”

  “I was wondering how she figured out about Miles. I didn’t think you’d be the one to spill information about him.”

  In a ragged whisper, she said, “Maybe I should just tell him, and then she’ll lose that leverage. She’ll only have Dodge over you, and when you save up enough to take her to court, that’ll work itself out, too. I don’t know, maybe Miles should know.”

  He stood and held out a hand to help her up. His rough palm was warm as she took it.

  “I don’t think you should make a decision under pressure or because you think it’ll help me. You have to decide based on what you and your child need. Don’t worry about Erin. I’ll put her mind at ease about you and hope she backs off. Until then, think long and hard about the pros and cons of letting Miles in on this part of your life.”

  “You fight so hard for Dodge. Do you think less of me for trying to keep my child from Miles?” The answer mattered.

  “At first it upset me, before you told me what he’d done. My situation is different, though. I wouldn’t ever do that to someone I loved. He misused you, and he’s in a powerful position to make things really bad for you. I can see why you’d want to get your head together before you involve him. No, I don’t think less of you. You’re already a good mom.” His fingertips brushed her stomach, and the flutters there shook so hard she trembled and closed her eyes. “What you’re doing makes me think more of you.”

  She cast her gaze up to the sad smile that crooked one corner of his lips. It likely matched her own. “If you want me to leave, tell me now before I fall more in love with this place.”

  His fingers slipped to her waist, and he ran his thumb against the swell of her stomach. “Even if I can’t talk to you, working the homestead with you settles something in me I’ve been missing for a long time. It’s nice not to feel so alone. You know what’s going on with me and this really messed up situation I got myself into, and you haven’t run for the hills. It’s been such a relief to share the muck of my life with someone who isn’t judging me for it. I don’t want to go back to being empty again. I don’t want to look out my window, knowing you won’t be there. Don’t leave.”

  “Me being here causes trouble for both of us though, Aanon.”

  A deep seriousness swam in his eyes, and he shook his head. “I don’t care. I can’t ever have you, but I don’t want to lose you. If the most I get is watching you work the homestead, that’s okay. It’s better than nothing.” He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “It’s better than I thought I’d ever have.”

  Her throat was so tight it hurt, and she whispered, “Should I start dating Ben? Should I go out with him casually and take the spotlight off of us?”

  Cupping her face, he splayed his legs and beseeched her with the vibrant blue of his eyes. The wind lifted the gold tendrils of his hair, and his eyebrows drew down as his jaw clenched. “No. I couldn’t stand it. Thinking about you with him—I just can’t.”

  “So, I can’t have you, but I can’t date anyone else either?” She grimaced at the unfairness of it all. She wasn’t in a hurry to move on from Miles, but Erin controlling who she spent time with prickled her pride.

  Aanon growled, a low and dangerous sound. “Dammit, can’t you see what you do to me? I don’t want Ben’s hands on you. I don’t want him feeling the baby move before I do and I don’t—”

  She stood on tiptoe and kissed him. Clenching his jacket in an unbreakable grip, she let everything go. All of their problems could wait, but right now, her insides were knotted, and the only thing that would untie them was Aanon’s touch.

  A moment’s hesitation, and then he dragged her closer, licking the seam of her lips, as if he was asking permission. With a trembling sigh, she parted her lips, and he lapped gently against her tongue with his.

  His fire was catching. She was burning from the inside, and her knees went soft. His mouth moved against hers in an easy rhythm, and she fought the groan of ecstasy that bubbled from her throat. He was everything in this moment. Shelter, sustenance, warmth, safety.

  Impatient fingertips worried the hem of her shirt, and heat filled her as his hands found the bare skin of her back. Without warning, he folded her into his arms and made for the brush of the woods.

  She soared in the strength and purpose of his stride, and when they came to a giant pine, he set her down to run burning kisses down her jawline and neck. “I’ve been waiting so long to taste you,” he murmured.

  Gently, she raked her fingers through his hair, brushed a thumb over his cheek. The stubble that shadowed his jaw rasped against her fingertips, and she pressed her hips against his. Never would she be close enough to him.

  Desperate, her fingers pulled at the fly of his jeans, and as she brushed his taut lower abdomen, he inhaled sharply and closed his eyes for a brief moment like he’d never been touched before. God, he was beautiful.

  He bucked against her hand and gathered her hair at the na
pe of her neck before giving it a gentle pull. Grazing teeth against her throat, he unzipped her jacket and cast it to the ground. The air was cool, but the warmth he was causing inside made up for it. She pulled his shirt over his head, then stroked and caressed the length of his shaft until he tensed.

  So fast she gasped, he spun her and splayed her hands on the trunk of the great pine. With his erection pressed against her back, he reached around to brush the top of her leggings, touching just under the hem against her skin, and she heaved a great shuddering sigh. “Please,” she moaned.

  “Farrah,” he gritted out. “Tell me to stop now or I won’t be able to.”

  It wasn’t in her power to deny him. She was too far in, too far gone. If they were going to hell, well, they were going there thoroughly. “Don’t stop.”

  His fingers slipped inside of her lacy panties and found her slick folds. Teasing, he withdrew and found her again until she begged shamelessly.

  In a blinding moment of rapture, he plunged two long fingers into her and she cried out. How had she lived so long without his touch? Nothing in her life had even come close to this feeling. No act had been filled with more love and desire. Pressing his hips against her back, he rocked to the cadence of his touch, every stroke bringing them closer to release. His lips found the back of her neck and in the final moments, he bit her flesh as she cried out his name. The onslaught of pain in the poignant moment of utter pleasure was overwhelming and shudders wracked her body. She arched against him as Aanon groaned with his own release. Warmth trickled down her back.

  Panting, he chuckled low against her ear as her body pulsed against his fingers, begging for him to stay buried inside of her. “Come here,” he murmured as he withdrew slowly.

  His jacket made a soft bed on the forest floor, and hers a comforting blanket. He didn’t bother with his shirt, just lay down and drew her in close.

  Lightly, she traced the curving tattoo that coiled down one shoulder. How many times had she imagined it since she’d seen the first hint of ink peeking from underneath his sweater at the gas station in Homer? Surely, none of her imaginings could ever come close to how seductive he looked in reality. His skin was smooth and belied the deep musculature etched beneath the surface, borne of the hard physical labor necessary to maintain his place among the predators.

  His lips lingered on her forehead as she absorbed his warmth and his capable hand palmed the side of her stomach, as if he were protective of the tiny life that grew there.

  A strong kick from her middle echoed through her, and Aanon frowned. He stilled until nary a muscle twitched. The second kick against his hand couldn’t be mistaken.

  “Oh, my gosh,” she whispered. “Did you feel that?”

  Aanon rolled her onto her back and pushed the jacket down, watched his hand with single minded concentration. Moments later, another kick. His stunning smile mirrored the elation she felt at having shared this experience with someone who mattered—with someone who appreciated the magic of the moment.

  “Yeah,” he murmured, an absent grin lingering on his lips. “I felt it.” With more tenderness than anyone had ever shown her, he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. The giant pine branches above them rustled in the deep evening light, and the breeze gathered dry leaves into swirls around them. Gazing into Aanon’s eyes, there on nature’s pillow, she’d never forget or take for granted this moment as long as she lived. It was perfect.

  A half hour later, as Aanon drove the four-wheeler up the ramp and into the Chevy, she huddled into her jacked and smiled. He was strong and tender in turn—a man she could trust. She’d put her faith in the wrong kind of man before, and her bad decision caused her pain.

  “What now?” she asked as he held the passenger door open for her.

  He sighed and ran a hand down his face. After shutting the door, he rounded the truck, hopped in and turned the engine. “I don’t know. Nothing has changed with our situation, except that maybe we know more about what the other is feeling now. Erin still has leverage.” His warm hand slid over her thigh, and he gave her a serious look. “She’s cooking up revenge.”

  “I know. It’ll be hard going back to ignoring each other, though. I feel…different about you.”

  A slow and sexy smile took his face. “Me, too. What do you think we should do?”

  “Until I figure out when and what I’m going to tell Miles, and you save up money for a lawyer, we have to at least appear indifferent to each other. At least anywhere Erin possibly has eyes.”

  “It’s going to be a while on saving up. Like I told you, she has child support set so high, she’s getting everything from me right now. And as soon as the snow hits for winter, construction jobs will dry up. If we can keep the cattle fed this winter, and we don’t have to butcher any, selling the herd will get me closer. I just can’t do it right now when we’re going into winter and don’t know if we’ll need them.”

  “I have five hundred and thirty dollars in my suitcase. We can add that to the savings.”

  “Hell no are you helping me with this. It wouldn’t feel right.” He gestured to her stomach. “You have your own baby to save for. No. I have to do this on my own.”

  “Okay. It’s just… I’d like to be able to hold your hand in public.”

  He laced his fingers with hers and brought her knuckles up to his lips. “We will. Someday this will all be behind us, and we will. And we’ll never take it for granted because we know how hard things were in the beginning. We’re just going to have to work hard and be patient.”

  “I don’t like feeling like I’m another man’s secret.”

  His eyes swam with emotion. “I never want to make you feel like that. I’d be proud to have you on my arm. But my son—”

  “I know.” And she did. Dodge was an amazing kid, and she’d never want to be the one to ruin Aanon’s chances to watch his boy grow up.

  As the big house bumped into view, she squeezed his hand and enjoyed the last few moments of unencumbered affection.

  Chapter Thirteen

  With the palm of her hand resting on the sorest part of her lower back, Farrah stirred the bear stew in the iron skillet so it wouldn’t scorch on the bottom. She’d never had cause to actually cook bear before, but from the mouthwatering aroma that filled her small home, she’d been missing out on something delectable.

  The steady rhythm of wood being chopped had calmed an hour before, and when she fed the cattle, Aanon had been working in the barn. He filled her head. Everywhere she wandered or worked, she looked for him. He’d offered her a wave and a smile this morning but had kept his distance. Who could blame him? She was a giant risk to the most important part of his life—Dodge. Still, trying to convince her heart she needed to stay away only made it yearn to latch onto him with vice-like determination.

  A knock sounded at the door, and her heart hammered in her chest. The pan made a scraping sound as she removed it from the heat. When she opened the barrier that stood between her and Aanon, a shy smile tugged his lips. He carried a large, rectangular piece of furniture under his arm.

  “Look, don’t take this as me pressuring you either way,” he said. “Your decision on whether to keep your child is up to you, but if you do, I imagine you’ll need a place for the baby to sleep.”

  “Come in,” she said, eyes glued to the hand carved planks and polished wood grain of the bassinet.

  “If I’m overstepping, just tell me. My mom and dad made this for me before I was born. It was always meant to be passed on through our family, but Erin said she didn’t want Dodge sleeping in something so primitive. I completely understand if you think the same—”

  “Stop,” she said, resting a hand on his tensed forearm. “It’s beautiful.”

  His eyes dropped to the crib, and his voice lowered to a whisper. “I just thought while you live here, you could use this. If you want to.”

  This was the moment. She’d been in deep with Aanon for a while. Hell, if she was completely honest,
she’d carried feelings for him since high school, but this was the exact moment she would always remember. The moment when she knew without a doubt, she loved him.

  “You aren’t overstepping any bounds with me, Aanon. Could you set it by my bed?”

  With a nod, he placed it near the head of the bed, then squatted and rearranged until he seemed satisfied. His fingers brushed the smooth surface, and when he looked up at her, his eyes swam with some emotion she was helpless to interpret. “It’s hard staying away from you now,” he admitted, standing. He towered over her like some ancient oak, steadfast and strong.

  “I’m going to call Miles and tell him,” she blurted. She’d thought about it and made the decision this morning. “I can’t stand Erin having anything else on you, and I know it bothers you that my life could be changed by her vengeance. Wielding Dodge like a weapon is enough. If I tell Miles, her threats about him are hollow.”

  Leaning against her dresser, he cocked his head to the side. “Do you think he’ll come here and make trouble for you?”

  Sighing wearily, she gestured to the small dining table in the corner. “You hungry? I made stew.”

  “Starving.”

  Heat rushed her cheeks as he pulled one of the chairs out and waited for her to sit before he spooned two heaping bowls of the hearty broth and set one in front of her. Steam wafted from the soup, and she unfolded a paper napkin and placed it in her lap, stalling.

  “I don’t know what he’ll do or how he’ll react. I’m out of my element with him. I thought I knew him better than anyone else in the world, but he had this entire other life, you know? How could I possibly think I could guess anything about him now?”

  Reaching across the table, he squeezed her hand, his gaze filled with promise as it held hers. “I’ll never let anything happen to you or the baby.”