Shelter Me Home

by T. S. Joyce

  She shoved her hands in his pockets and melted into his hug. He didn’t know it, but she was the lucky one.

  By the time they left the warmth of the cabin, the cattle bellowed hungrily, and the two heavily furred horses, Milo and Tuck, nickered a greeting. Aanon patted her firmly on the bottom and offered her a smoldering grin before he headed toward the tractor. Snatching the bucket from the barn, she set out for the chicken coop, humming under her breath. The steam from each note mesmerized her so that she didn’t notice anything amiss until she was standing inside the chicken wire. It was a large enclosure, half house, half yard, but none of the chickens had ventured out for food. They clucked and pecked around the nest boxes, but not even the sound of grain against the feed pale drew them outside. Bloody feathers lay strewn across the enclosure and against the fencing.

  “Oh no,” she whispered as a hole under the coop pulled her gaze. It was large, and when she took a head count inside, two chickens were missing. Shoving the bucket into the hole to block it, she latched the coop door and jogged for the cattle pen.

  Aanon was unloading a bale of hay so she waited, hopping from foot to foot until he finished. When he passed through the gate, she closed it behind him so he didn’t have to dismount, and he held out his hand.

  She hoisted herself upward, then leaned against the side of his seat as he pulled the tractor to the barn. “Something got two of the chickens.”

  “Is the fence down?”

  “No, but some kind of predator dug under and now there’s feathers everywhere.”

  “Shit,” he muttered, throwing the tractor into park. “And you’re sure it wasn’t Luna?”

  “She was sleeping by my bed all night. She paced the room at around three, but I thought she just had to go to the bathroom, so I let her out and then right back in. Maybe she heard whatever was out at the chicken coop.”

  One look at the damage, and he had a guess. “I’d bet my good tools it’s a fox. And he won’t be satisfied with last night’s kill. He’ll come back night after night until all of our birds are in his belly. We’ll have to dig a trench around the outside of the coop and rig it with extra fencing so he can’t get in again. You want to water the horses while I take care of this?”

  “Sure. Hey,” she said, resting her hand on his arm as he turned to leave. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” His hat crumpled in his hand as he removed it. He ran a glove over his hair. “We just can’t afford to lose meat to predators this winter. We’re cutting it close as it is.”

  “Okay. I’ll take care of the horses and then come help with the fencing.”

  His lips lingered on her forehead for a long moment, and then he was off for the barn. The man was right. She scanned the destruction the fox had brought. Two chickens that could’ve been holiday dinners and leftovers for days were now gone.

  The horses weren’t as scary as they used to be. Likely because they were older and borderline comatose, and neither of them paid much attention to her. With two scoops of grain poured into their buckets, she filled their trough with water and kicked clean hay around their stalls. As she turned to head back to the coop, the sound of crunching tires echoed through the clearing.

  Snow still poured over the homestead at a steady pace, and it was colder than a witches vagina, so who in their right mind would be dropping in for a visit? Unless someone was hurt or it was an emergency.

  Heart beating with worry, she rounded a large snow drift and called for Aanon. “Someone’s coming,” she said as he jogged toward her.

  “In this weather?”

  She followed him to the front of the house, and as they rounded the west side, a delivery truck came into view.

  “Did you order something?” she asked breathlessly.

  “No.”

  A man in uniform hopped out of the passenger side door and handed Aanon a thick manila envelope.

  “Aanon Falk?”

  “Yes, I’m him.”

  “You’ve been served,” the portly man muttered with an apologetic quirk to his lips. As the truck pulled back down the road, Aanon stared at the return address with wide, frightened eyes.

  “What has she done?” he murmured.

  The address was listed in Anchorage with a law firm’s logo decorating the name. Such a well of dread hit her stomach, she fought down the nausea that clambered up the back of her throat.

  Breath shaking, Aanon ripped into the thick paper and scanned the first few pages of the documents. “She’s filed for sole custody of Dodge. She’s taking me to court.”

  “On what grounds does she think a judge will grant her sole custody? You’ve paid all of your child support on time, right?”

  “I’ve never been late, and I made sure to write checks so I have proof, a paper trail if something like this ever happened. Here,” he said, pointing to page five. “She is testifying that my home is an unsafe environment and that I was unfaithful to her. And also that I put Dodge in danger and have him around parties who are bad influences.”

  “Wow,” she whispered, stunned. That woman was out of her mind.

  Aanon’s cell phone rang, and he pulled it out of his pocket. A look of red rage took his eyes as he read the caller ID. “What did you do, Erin?” he growled into the receiver. “I’ve done nothing to warrant you blasting these false claims to the court. I’ve done everything you wanted. I pay your ridiculous demands. You don’t even have to work because I provide for you and Dodge! I want to be a part of his life, and you’re trying to kick me out of it!” His yelling caused the birds in the clearing to go still.

  A lengthy, muffled reply sounded from the ear piece, and Farrah slumped onto the bottom porch stair.

  He stood with his back to her, a rigid silhouette against the churning clouds above.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” His voice was low and tortured.

  Another muffled reply, and he hung up the phone. For a long time, he stared off into the woods, shoulders slumped like he’d been defeated.

  Tears stung the backs of her eyes, and she squeezed them tightly closed to keep her heartbreak inside. Aanon didn’t need her falling apart.

  “She said she’d drop everything if I distanced myself from you. Said she has further instructions for us that she’ll give in a week’s time, but for now, she doesn’t want us talking or seeing each other at all.”

  “Oh, Aanon,” she whispered. “She’ll own you forever if you do as she asks.”

  “Don’t you think I know that? I do! But it’s Dodge, Farrah. He’s the most important part of my life. How can I fight her in court and risk losing him forever?” The papers folded helplessly in his furious grip. His voice thick with emotion, he gritted out, “It should’ve been you. If I’d gotten to know you in high school, you would’ve been it for me. I should’ve started a family with you. I made a bad choice, and now I’ll lose you to pay for it.”

  Tears rimmed his eyes, and she couldn’t swallow, couldn’t breathe under the suffocating waves of dismay. “No, Aanon. There has to be another way.”

  Skirting her post on the stairs, he flung open the door. “I’m sorry,” he rasped before closing it behind him.

  ****

  Days fused together, none more or less important than the last. The snowfall was especially melancholy. Aanon’s entire life was awaiting his instructions from Erin. He’d do anything to keep his rights to Dodge, but at some point along the way, he’d sold his soul and pride to appease an undeserving woman’s ego.

  The best and worst part of every day was seeing Farrah. It didn’t matter that he tried to ignore the ache in his chest when he thought of her, or that he did his best to avoid her. When Farrah worked the homestead, no matter where he was, he had stop and watch her. She was a drug—the more time he spent near her, the more he needed her. But then he’d look at her face, at the sorrow in her eyes and the absence of her smile, and he knew her unhappiness was because of him.

  Oh, he’d known what Erin was capable of. She’d been
cruel when they were together, kept her friends and family under her thumb with this insane instinct to control everything around her. He’d been ready to break it off for good when she’d come to him with news that she was pregnant with Dodge. That day changed everything.

  He’d been wrong to develop feelings for Farrah. She was vulnerable, and he’d put her right in the path of Erin. Her heartache was on him. His heartache at losing her was nothing less than he deserved.

  She’d picked up shifts for the last four days in a row, and if he had to guess, it was to avoid him. Her being away made it easier to resist the temptation to deepen their connection, but her absence stole his breath away. The homestead wasn’t home without her. She’d stamped her presence on everything there so wholly, he couldn’t go two steps without a memory tied to something.

  Now, she stood on the side of the house, arms crossed in front of the freezer as she chose a cut of meat. It was the middle of the day, so she was likely choosing something to thaw for dinner. He closed his eyes against the vision of them sitting at her tiny table, sharing a meal, as they’d done before the legal documents. He had planned on making her a big dinner at his house that night, but the court papers ruined any plans he had about their future.

  Clenching his jaw against the ache of loss, he turned deliberately away from her and shut himself in the Chevy. If he was going to make it through the day without giving in to his irritating need to touch her, he had to get away.

  The snow had stopped, and though Cooper Landing was doused in white powder, the roads would be drivable for a vehicle made for the terrain. It took two tries to turn over the engine, but when the truck roared to life, he hit the gas and aimed his escape for town. A well-worn dirt road sat under two feet of snow, but no one had driven it, and he couldn’t tell where the lane began and the forest ended. Good thing he knew his way to The Landing so well he could drive it with his eyes closed.

  The street in front of the general store was a bustle of activity. It seemed he wasn’t the only one who’d decided to wander into town while the weather was holding. Fumbling for a list in his pocket, he pulled into a parking space. Mr. Clement was talking to Walter Hodge and a couple other old timers in front of the general store, and he waved a greeting as he hustled through the doors. Scouring a row of fruits and vegetables, he pulled a bag and started to fill it.

  Maybe he could pick up some construction jobs in Anchorage or maybe get hired onto a snowplow crew. If he went to a bigger city, with more means, he could probably get placed somewhere within the week. Traveling would be tough, but worth it if he could keep his distance from Farrah. He wanted to pull his freakin’ hair out at the thought. Nothing was worth staying away from her.

  Except Dodge.

  This was a situation he wouldn’t be able to think himself out of. He was utterly stuck in this tar pit Erin had trapped him in. Hating the feeling of complete helplessness, he gripped the bar of the shopping cart and took a deep breath.

  “Hey Aanon,” Mayva said from behind him.

  He had to bite his tongue against the urge to tell her to get lost. His patience with her had disappeared the night he’d taken her home from the bar.

  “Hi,” he said, pushing forward toward the bread aisle.

  Mayva wasn’t good at receiving hints. She followed, swinging the little red shopping basket in her hand. “I’m just so glad the weather let up enough to get out into some fresh air. I thought that storm would never let up.”

  He grunted a response and pulled a loaf of whole wheat into the cart.

  “So anyway, I was thinking since this is the last time you’ll probably be in town for a while, and since the snow has let up, maybe we could grab a bite to eat at the diner and catch up.”

  He turned and cocked his head. She was being especially cordial and bold today. What gave? “It was you, wasn’t it?”

  “Me? I don’t understand what you mean.”

  “You called Erin the night I told you I was seeing someone.”

  “No I didn’t!” Her mouth set in an unhappy frown. “I called her the next morning. You should be thanking me, Aanon Falk. You don’t need to be tethering yourself to that trash, Farrah Fennel, anyhow.”

  “Don’t call her that. Farrah has more class in her pinky than you and Erin combined. She’d never throw anyone under the bus like you two have. Now back off and let me shop in peace.” She was starting to give him a serious headache.

  “Erin has the right to know who you’re fooling around with. You have a family together,” she called as he headed for the opposite side of the small store.

  Family? Mayva and Erin had a really jaded view of family. Family didn’t hold each other hostage or use children as bargaining chips. Family didn’t thrive on its members’ unhappiness. No, Erin wasn’t his family. Only Dodge was. She’d lost the right to control his romantic life when she left him. And oh, she spun a pretty story, telling everyone about how he was the one to ruin her life. She’d been the one to leave. Him taking the homestead meant he’d never make the kind of money that would keep her happy. She’d marched out the door spouting awful, vengeful things the day his father’s will had been read.

  Erin wasn’t the type of woman to stick around when things got tough.

  His only option to fight back would be to sell the homestead and all of the land he owned. The livestock would have to be sold at auction along with all of his farming equipment, four-wheelers, and snowmobiles. Just the thought of selling the land that had been in his family for generations made him sick to his stomach. It would be something he’d always regret losing. But what other option did he have? If he was going to afford a decent lawyer to get him a shot at joint custody of Dodge, he’d need a lot of money up front.

  But then Dodge wouldn’t have the land passed to him when he got older.

  The homestead or Dodge.

  Either way, Aanon would lose something vital.

  Chapter Sixteen

  For Farrah, the worst part of it all was that Aanon didn’t dislike her. This wasn’t a mutual break where they’d decided they were better friends or separated bitterly. The worst was that Farrah cared deeply for him and saw the same affection in his tortured gaze. The hardest part was being separated unwillingly by someone else’s hand.

  As if she sensed Farrah’s melancholy mood, Luna whined and jumped up to lick her fingertips. Aanon had left for town a couple of hours earlier, and Bruno trotted behind them loyally. He wasn’t an overly affectionate dog, even with Aanon, but he seemed to like her fine when his owner wasn’t around. Luna, on the other hand, stuck to her like moss on a log no matter who was present.

  “Come on, pups,” she said as she pulled their dog bowls from atop Bruno’s house. They were filled with snow from last night, so she dumped them out and knocked them on her leg. “Let’s eat in the barn today, shall we? It’s cold as sin out here.”

  The rattle of dog food sounded against the plastic bowls as she poured them each two scoops, and she folded into an old chair in the corner while the dogs inhaled their dinner. Dark fell earlier now, and long shadows stretched from the open door across the dirt floor. Touching the farthest reaching shadow with the toe of her boot, she sighed. She missed everything about him, and he lived fifty yards away. He may as well lived across the ocean.

  Maybe she should find a new place to stay. This wasn’t something that would ease with time. She cared about him. No, it was more than that. Their connection was bottomless, and time wouldn’t mend their forced separation, knowing she’d never share a stolen kiss or his affectionate touch ever again.

  Tires crunched from a distance, and she stood and stretched her back. The seed had taken root in her mind. Maybe her moving on was what he wanted, too, but he was just waiting for her to approach the subject.

  Leaving the dogs to their meal, she squinted against the ray of sun that poked through the clouds and doused the homestead. Aanon arranged grocery bags on his arms and jumped slightly when he turned and she was there.
/>   “Can I talk to you?” she asked.

  “I should’ve asked if you needed anything from the store.”

  “No, not about that. Um, do you think I should find somewhere else to stay?” Every feature on his masculine face froze, so she continued. “You could maybe find a better tenant, and if I left, it wouldn’t feel so heavy around here anymore. I just want to make this as easy as possible. On both of us.”

  “Please don’t go,” he pleaded. “I can stand the heaviness if it means I get to see you.” His eyes cast to the toe of her boots, and he frowned before hopping the porch stairs and disappearing inside.

  Her heart thrummed a painful rhythm, and she choked on a helpless sound when the door closed behind him. He’d torture them both.

  ****

  Aanon pressed his back against the door and dropped the grocery bags. She wanted to leave. He hadn’t thought of it before she suggested it, but just the vision of his homestead, empty of her presence, sent suffocating sadness, black and roiling, through him.

  No. There had to be another solution. Hell, he’d pine for her for the rest of his natural born life from ten tortuous feet away if only she’d stay. What a selfish creature he’d become.

  The taste of happiness she’d given him was too sweet, too tempting, and now he was powerless to let it go. His chest burned as if some great weight sat upon it. He squatted down and ran his hands through his hair over and over until he could draw painful breath.

  He’d made a colossal mistake with Farrah. He’d begun to imagine a future with her. One where she was his helpmate on the homestead until they were old and gray. He’d imagined holding her child and raising it as his own, imagined her as a mother. But the biggest mistake he’d ever made was falling in love with her.

  He’d been careless to think only Dodge and the homestead made up his dreams. Farrah was the final tier. Standing, he hoisted the supplies into the kitchen and set them on the counter. Out the window, Farrah walked slowly away. He couldn’t see if she was crying, but she seemed to be wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.