The Keeping Score Box Set

by Tawdra Kandle

  I smiled and turned away to pay attention to the game, but I could feel Jake’s gaze on my back. It made me a little uncomfortable; I liked Jake, and I loved working with him on the school newspaper. We’d developed an easy camaraderie right off the bat, and I relaxed more around him than I did anyone else outside of Leo and Nate. But I wasn’t interested in dating him. At least, I was pretty sure I wasn’t. If I’d toyed with the idea of going out with other boys before—and I never had, not seriously—the kiss I’d shared with Leo yesterday had cemented in my mind that he was the only one I wanted. If I couldn’t have him, there wasn’t any point in dating someone else.

  My eyes rested on Leo’s back as he stood in the huddle just before they broke and lined up for the next play. I focused on him and him alone, sending him vibes of support. As though that made a difference, Matt managed to get free long enough to fire off a spiral. We all held our breath as it soared, arcing down into Leo’s waiting arms as though there’d never been any doubt that he was going to catch it.

  Unfortunately, even though the completed pass gave the Eagles at first down, they couldn’t push forward into the end zone. We all had to settle for the unsatisfactory second-best of field goal, which Beau made with beautiful precision. The half ended just after the ball went through the uprights, and the Eagles ran into the locker room leading three to zip.

  “Do you want anything from the concession?” Jake stood up, stretching. I watched him, trying to look at him through eyes that didn’t only see Leo. Yeah, Jake was cute, in a geeky, hipster sort of way. His reddish-brown hair was a little longer than I liked on a guy, but his eyes were bright blue and wide. Now they gazed down at me as his question lingered in the air.

  “Concession? Oh, food? No, thanks. I’m good.” I knew a little something about the cheap brand of hotdogs our school sold at sporting events, and it made me want to gag. As a matter of fact, I’d written an article, exposing the poor quality of the food at games. Needless to say, that piece hadn’t gone over well, any more than my cheerleader expo had.

  Jake was gone for most of half-time. I watched distractedly as the band marched onto the field and regaled us with their ability to march and play at the same time without running into each other or anything else. I sounded like Gia and her friends, I decided; they’d rather make fun of the game instead of joining in the excitement, and I was mocking people who were talented in areas I’d never even tried to conquer.

  Kickoff for the second half was just underway when Jake came back inside, whistling. He dragged his chair over closer to mine and sat down.

  “Did I miss anything?” He stretched out his legs and folded his arms over his chest.

  “Gus Walker got some decent yardage on the kickoff return. Our rushing game is basically non-existent today, though. They’ve got to do better than three and done if we’re ever going to really score.”

  “Huh.” Jake scanned the field, wincing along with me when Franklin made a tackle that resulted in a loss of yards for us. “Oh, hey, I almost forgot.” He twisted his body, digging into his pocket, and pulled out a chocolate bar, tossing it into my lap. “I brought you something.”

  “Chocolate?” My mouth watered. “But I said I didn’t need anything.”

  “Q, no one needs chocolate. But you like it, right? You’re always scarfing up the chocolate kisses in the newspaper office. And leaving the foil all over the place.”

  “I am not!” I defended myself, but I couldn’t help a little grin. I was totally guilty of just that. “Okay, well, maybe if I’m really deep in writing a story or working on layout with you, I might have left a wrapper or two.”

  Jake shrugged. “So I figured you wouldn’t say no to—whoa!” He jumped to his feet as the entire stadium came to life. Down on the field, on third and long, Matt had somehow gotten free of the defenders and sent a gorgeous pass downfield where it landed neatly in Leo’s hands. And Leo was managing to elude the Franklin cornerback who was pursuing him. Watching him run down the field, neatly sidestepping the other team, was a thing of beauty.

  And when he crossed into the end zone, still on his feet, it felt as though the entire place was going to shake apart. The noise was deafening, but even so, I could still hear Leo’s trademark roar as he raised the ball high over his head.

  “Holy shit, that was beautiful!” Jake turned toward me, scooping me into a quick, tight hug of celebration. I knew it didn’t mean anything; like everyone else around us, he was caught up in the moment, and I just happened to be the closest person to him. But still.

  It was the second time in less than twenty-four hours that I’d been held close to a boy, and I couldn’t help but compare the two. The ‘boy’ part was where the similarity ended. Jake wasn’t as tall as Leo, and where Leo was muscled and hard, Jake was thin and almost bony. His chest was firm, but it wasn’t as broad as Leo’s.

  I felt guilty comparing them. First of all, Jake was my friend. Just a friend. And Leo . . . well, he was my friend, too, but I wanted him to be so much more. Of course, it wasn’t like Jake meant anything by this quick hug.

  Or did he? He drew back from me slowly, and the smile on his face, along with the subtle question in his eyes, made my heart sink. I liked Jake, but he wasn’t Leo, and I had no experience in letting down a guy easy.

  I stepped back, intentionally focusing my attention down to the field where the team was lining up to attempt the extra point. “That was beautiful, wasn’t it? The catch, I mean. And the run.”

  “Yeah. Beautiful.” Jake’s voice sounded odd, but I refused to look back at him. I kept my eyes on Leo. He was standing on the sideline again, and he’d taken off his helmet. I could see the rapid rise and fall of his chest from here; he was still breathing hard from that run. His teammates—at least those who weren’t on the field for the field goal—were clustered around him, smacking his butt, slapping him on his back, offering congratulations. Leo turned, his gaze sweeping over the stands, and I wondered who he was hoping to find. Probably his parents and his brothers, I assumed, but God, how I wished it was me he was seeking. I imagined him finding me in the stands and a broad grin spreading over his face when he caught my eye. He wouldn’t have to do anything else, but I’d know what he was thinking. I’d know that he was thinking only of me . . .

  “Q! Earth to Quinn.” Jake kept his tone light and teasing, but a small frown hovered between his eyes. “You okay?”

  “Oh.” I gave a little laugh. “Yeah. I just, you know, get into the zone. Watching the game.” We both watched the ball fly neatly between the goal posts, giving us a lead of ten to zip. “Sorry about that. What were you saying?”

  Jake shook his head. “Nothing important. Nothing that can’t keep for later.”

  ***

  The game ended with a win for the Eagles and a final score of ten to six. As the stands began to empty, I folded up my chair and propped it against the wall of the press box.

  “Thanks for letting me watch up here. I really appreciate it.” I paused. “I’m meeting Gia and her friends over at the diner. Do you . . . would you want to come with us, or do you have other plans?”

  Jake’s face brightened. “I was going to head over there, too. I’d love to hang with you guys. Or maybe I should say you girls.” He winked. “Want a ride?”

  I shook my head. “Thanks, but I have my car. Meet you there.”

  “Okay, sure. See you there.”

  I stepped out of the box and joined the throngs of people trying to make their way down the bleachers and out of the stadium. Down on the field, most of the team was still milling around, talking to the Franklin Township players or congratulating each other. As usual, the cheerleaders were there, too. A bunch of them surrounded Leo, their hands all over his body. Watching it made my blood boil, even as I tried to rationalize it. He was a football player. He couldn’t help what those girls did. He was just being polite. Nice.

  But still, I was glad when the people in front of me moved, clearing the way for me to head
to my car.

  The Starlight Diner was in the middle of town, but it had the advantage of having a large parking lot. Even so, I nabbed one of the very last spots, since the restaurant was the most popular post-game meeting place. That was abundantly clear when I opened the door and nearly stumbled back at the crescendo of voices that greeted me.

  “Hey, Quinn! Over here.” Gia waved her arms, and I smiled, winding around the people standing in the aisles to get to the booth where the three girls sat.

  “Thanks for saving me a seat.” I slid in to sit next to Gia. “I hope it’s okay, but I invited Jake. If we don’t have room, I’ll just go sit with him . . .” I glanced around. “Well, somewhere.”

  “Nah, that’s cool. We love Jake.” Gia pushed a glass of water toward me. “We didn’t order yet, but the waiter brought us these.”

  “Thank you.” I took a grateful gulp. “Wow, it’s crowded in here, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” Heather, the girl sitting across from me, didn’t bother to try to hide her bitterness. “They rope off a whole section for the football team, so the rest of us little people have to fight for every seat.” She glanced over my shoulder. “Speaking of the devils . . . here they are. All hail the conquering heroes.”

  Suddenly, the diner felt much smaller than it had before, and my heart began to pound. The football team in all its post-victory glory came bursting through the glass doors, raising a cheer and shouts from everyone already sitting down. The defensive line appeared first, and then I saw Matt and Leo, laughing as they came into the restaurant.

  “There’s our Lion! Hear him ROAR!” The cheerleaders already inside began to chant, and Leo shook his head. I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or pleased. All I could think about was what would happen when he caught sight of me. Would he stop and say something? Or would he invite me over to sit with the team, the way the players sometimes did? My stomach turned over in anticipation.

  Someone yelled out Matt’s name, and he stopped, bending over a chair to talk to the guy who was punching him in the arm. Leo turned his head, checking out the rest of the diner.

  I knew the minute he spotted me. He froze, and then with deliberate carelessness, gave me a quick wave before he looked away. A group of cheerleaders thronged him, and he relaxed, chatting with them and pretending that they were overwhelming him.

  I dropped my gaze to the table and swallowed hard over the lump that had risen in my throat. I hadn’t had expectations—not really—but down deep inside, I’d held out a small spark of hope that had just now died a painful death.

  “Fucking football players.” Gia’s voice dripped with contempt. “Look at that. Quinn, you can’t tell me it doesn’t piss you off. Your friend’s hurt, and there’s the assholes who caused it, living it up and making out with the fucking rah-rah bitches.”

  I glanced up automatically, but instead of seeing Brent and the cheerleader who apparently was checking on the status of his tonsils—with her tongue—I saw Leo. He’d found a seat, but he wasn’t alone. One cheerleader had pushed through the rest of the crowd and was leaning over him. As I watched in misery, Leo raked his fingers through the girl’s shiny black hair and tugged her close for a kiss.

  I knew who she was. Sarah Jenkins had been the bane of my existence when we were in junior high; Leo had dated her for a little while, and the entire time, I’d been horribly jealous. What made the situation especially difficult was that Sarah seemed like a really nice girl. She was always friendly to me, and she tried to include Nate and me whenever we were all together. Her only real fault was that Leo liked her.

  Seeing them together now felt like a slap in the face. Leo ignoring me was bad enough. Even watching him flirt with cheerleaders was tough, but knowing the connection he’d always had with Sarah made their cozy little scene excruciating. It was almost as if he was trying to hurt me . . . sending me a message that the kiss we’d shared, the one that had meant everything to me, had been utterly forgettable to him.

  I pushed myself up to stand. “I’m sorry, I need to—the ladies room.” I choked out the words and pushed through the people standing between tables, desperate to get out of the diner. I heard Gia calling me, but I didn’t turn around.

  The bathrooms at the Starlight were down a long hallway, and I groaned inwardly when I saw the length of the line for the women’s room. At least ten girls stood leaning against the wall, waiting, chattering with each other. And at least three of those girls were cheerleaders.

  I didn’t relish the idea of spending quality time with this group just now, so I kept walking down the hall, passing them with my head down and my eyes on the floor. I knew there was an exit in the back; when I’d done volunteer work with a local food pantry, we’d come to that door to pick up the diner’s unsold baked goods every other day. If I could get there and then get out, at least I’d be able to breathe. I’d just tell Gia on Monday . . . well, I’d come up with something plausible by then.

  Pushing open the door, I stepped outside into the cold and sucked in a deep breath. The silence in the alley was a welcome relief after the noise level inside, and I leaned against the brick wall, taking a minute to soak it in and let my ears recover.

  But my respite was short-lived. The door to the alley opened again, and Leo stepped out. His eyes zeroed in on me right away as the door slammed behind him.

  “Quinn, what’re you doing out here?” He stood with his hands on his hips, brows drawn together as he stared me down.

  “It was too loud in there. Too many people. I needed to get out.”

  “But why did you—”

  “Leo, go back inside. Go back to your celebration. I don’t know why you’re even out here. You’ve made it abundantly clear that you don’t care about me. Don’t worry, I got the message tonight.”

  I couldn’t miss the shadow of guilt and regret that passed over his face before he got himself under control again. “Mia, I—”

  “Don’t call me that.” I spit out the words. “Don’t you dare fucking call me that, pretending that it means anything. It doesn’t. Not when you treat me like—like you did. Do you think I’m an idiot, Leo? Do you think I’m not smart enough to know when I’m being used?”

  He stepped back as though I’d struck him. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Yesterday. At the hospital.” My mouth was moving faster than my brain, but I didn’t stop speaking. “How long do you think it took me to figure out that you—you did what you did just so I’d go along with your stupid plan to protect your precious football players? Did you get a good laugh at my expense, Leo? Poor, pathetic Quinn, too busy mooning over you to realize that it didn’t mean a fucking thing. Kiss her, make her feel like you care, and she’ll go along with anything. Right? I bet you couldn’t wait to tell your good buddies how easy it was to manipulate me.”

  “I never—” Leo started and then bit off the words, pressing his lips shut. “You know what, Quinn? Fine. Have it your way. You’re going to believe the worst about me anyway, aren’t you? So go right ahead.”

  To my absolute disgust, tears had sprung up in my eyes. I wiped them away furiously. “I wouldn’t have to believe the worst if you ever did anything to prove me wrong. You’re saying you have another excuse for why you—you kissed me? Please. Enlighten me.” I crossed my arms over my chest and waited.

  Leo glared at me, but he didn’t reply.

  “Oh, come on, Leo. You’re disappointing me. Can’t come up with any plausible explanation? You’re not going to claim that you were overcome with passion for me?” I stepped closer to him, until we were nearly touching. “You’re not going to say you couldn’t help yourself?”

  “Quinn.” Leo grabbed me by the shoulders, and for a heady moment, I thought he was going to pull me against him again. And damn my weak will, I probably would’ve let him.

  But in the end, he carefully set me away from him. “Think whatever you want, but I wasn’t trying to manipulate you to go along with me. I was—it was j
ust the heat of the moment. We were both emotional, and things got out of hand.” His gaze skittered away from mine. “I felt bad for you. And I let that feeling go too far. It didn’t mean anything.”

  I stared up at him. “It did mean something, actually. It meant you’re selfish and—” I couldn’t think of a word to describe the way I felt. A pity kiss. That was what he was calling it. “Just leave me alone, Leo. Stay away from me. Stay away from Nate. Don’t pretend to be our friend.” I swiveled on my heel and rounded the corner of the diner, half-running and half-walking toward my car, praying Leo wouldn’t follow me and wishing like hell he would.

  Blinded with tears, I didn’t notice the person in front of me until I’d slammed into him.

  “God, I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” I made to move around him before I realized it was Jake.

  “Q? What’s up?” He frowned down at me. “You okay? What happened?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it, if that’s okay.” I swiped my hand over my face and tried for a watery smile. “I’m so sorry, Jake. I know I said I’d meet you here, but something kind of came up. Gia and the others are inside, though, and you’re welcome to take my seat there.”

  He smiled. “No offense to any of them, but I was coming to be with you.”

  Of course he was, because now was the perfect time for Jake to begin showing real interest in me. A week ago, I might’ve been flattered. Hell, I might’ve even been tempted, since a week ago, it had felt like there wasn’t any chance for me with Leo. But all of that had changed yesterday when he’d kissed me, and despite his words moments before, now that I knew what kissing Leo was like . . . I wasn’t sure I could accept second-best.

  “I’m sorry,” I repeated. “But I need to go. It’s so crowded in there and . . .” I shrugged. “You know. Football players.”

  “Oh. Yeah.” Jake nodded as though I’d said something that had made sense, which of course I hadn’t. “Well, are you all right to drive? You seem kind of shaken up.”