The Keeping Score Box Set

by Tawdra Kandle

  Desire flared in Leo’s eyes. “Oh, baby. I like how your mind works.”

  Nate

  My recovery from the virus that wouldn’t quit was slow. I was in the ICU for nearly a week, and then spent another five days in a regular room, arguing with whoever would listen that I wanted to go home.

  And even once I was released and got home, I was still so weak that I couldn’t go back to school right away. It was frustrating as hell.

  The only bright spot during the whole time was that Quinn came to visit me every day. She didn’t stay long, but she was always there, entertaining me with stories and making me laugh. I was glad to see that she seemed to have gotten over the whole deal with Leo and Sarah Jenkins. As a bonus, she rarely mentioned Jake Donavan, which I hoped meant she’d stopped dating him. I hadn’t been sure what was going on between the two of them, but more competition was not something I needed.

  There was something different about Quinn, though. She was somehow softer, and there was a glow in her eyes that I’d never seen before. I was afraid to even think it, but I wondered if maybe my near-death brush had opened up her eyes to her true feelings for me. I thought about how long I should wait until I declared myself and admitted how I felt.

  I’d been out of the hospital for about two weeks and was getting antsy to go back to school when Quinn stopped by one afternoon. We were getting closer to Thanksgiving, and my mother had been trying to talk me into staying at home through the holidays and returning after the new year.

  But I was ready to be back in school. I felt stronger, and I wanted to spend more time with Quinn. I didn’t want to lose another minute together with the girl I’d loved for so long. Who could blame me for that?

  “But are you sure you can handle school yet, Nate?” Quinn frowned, and I felt unreasonably annoyed. She was acting like my mother, and that was the last thing I wanted from her.

  “Yes, I’m sure. God, you guys all act like I’ll be running a marathon when I go back. I’ll go to classes and come home. No big deal.”

  Quinn glanced over my shoulder, and I was sure she was looking at my mom, silently communicating with her. They did that sometimes, like I was a kid who didn’t know when people were talking about him.

  “Well, I’ll let you two visit.” My mother stood up, her lips pressed together. “Call me if you need anything.”

  When the sound of her clicking heels had disappeared, Quinn looked up at me, worry and trepidation in her eyes. “Nate, I need to talk to you about something.”

  Warning bells went off in my head, but I ignored them. “Okay. I actually want to talk to you about something, too. But it can wait. What’s up?”

  She took a deep breath. “Nate, you know I love you, right? You know you’re my best friend. You always have been. I was so scared when you were sick. I couldn’t stand the idea of losing you.”

  I reached over to squeeze her hand. “You’re my best friend and more, Quinn. I love you, too.” I hoped she heard the extra emphasis I put on the words.

  “But . . .”

  God, how I hated that word. It always meant something shitty was about to go down.

  We understand how much rowing crew means to you, Nate, but after this illness, we all agree it’s best that you step away from that for a time.

  You’re absolutely normal, Nate, but you have a disease . . .

  “But you know, too, that Leo’s also my best friend. I love you both.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “And I wish there was an easier way to say this, Nate, some way that wouldn’t hurt you or make you mad at me, but I don’t think there is. The truth is, how I love Leo is a little different than how I love you. I’ve known that for a long time. And we’ve been, um . . . we’ve been together for a little over a month now.”

  I blinked. Together? What the hell did that mean?

  “You . . . you’re dating Leo? Like . . . he’s your boyfriend?” I was amazed at how calm my voice sounded.

  Quinn nodded. “Yes. We’re dating. We—it’s been going so well, Nate. Leo’s like a new person. Or an old person, because he’s like he used to be. He’s been wanting to come to see you since you got sick, but he didn’t want to upset you, either. But if you say it’s okay, he’d like to come over today.”

  A red tint began to color my vision. I knew what it meant; I was getting too upset, and I needed to calm down, before my breathing went to hell and I had to have a treatment.

  But damn it all to hell, this couldn’t be happening. Quinn was mine. She didn’t belong with Leo, and I thought I’d finally convinced her of that before I’d gotten sick. I’d felt bad for her, of course, but in the long run, I was better for her than Leo was. I was certain of that.

  “Are you out of your mind? After everything that Leo did to us? How he treated us? How did this happen?”

  Quinn wiped at her cheeks, biting down on her bottom lip. “It doesn’t really matter how. The fact is, we’re together. And we want you to be happy for us. But Nate, whether you are or not, whether you approve or not, nothing’s going to change. I love Leo. I’ve wanted this for a long time. Please, be glad for me. Be my friend, and tell me you’re okay with it.”

  I opened my mouth to say something socially appropriate, something about being surprised, but I was still on a lot of medication, and sometimes I said unpredictable things.

  “Are you sleeping with him?”

  “Nate!” Shock threaded through her voice. “First of all, that’s none of your business. Second of all . . . no.” She folded her arms over her chest. “Not yet.”

  Not yet. So it was going to happen, but it hadn’t yet. I was honestly surprised, because I would’ve thought Leo would’ve nailed her first thing.

  “You’re an idiot if you think this is going to end well, Quinn. Leo doesn’t do girlfriends. Don’t you remember all the girls we saw him, ah, date over the last few years? Is that what you want, to become another in a long list of his conquests? You want to be another notch on his bedpost?”

  “Oh, for crying out loud, Nate. Just stop it. You’re being rude and you’re being offensive.” She jumped to her feet. “And if this is how you’re going to talk to me, I’m leaving. I don’t need to listen to this.”

  Panic seeped into my chest. I couldn’t let her leave. I was furious, but if Quinn walked out that door, I didn’t know what it would take to get her to come back.

  This thing with Leo—whatever it was—would run its course. And when it was over and her heart was broken, Quinn would need me, her best friend, to help her heal. To pick up the pieces.

  “Quinn, no. Don’t leave. Please. I’m sorry. I was just—surprised. And I’m still on those steroids. They make me a little insane, remember.”

  She hesitated. “I’m not going to stay if you’re going to give me a hard time about Leo. But if you can talk to me like a rational person, I won’t leave yet.”

  I nodded. “I’ll be good. I promise.”

  “All right.” She pulled out her phone and checked the time. “I can stay about another ten minutes, and then I need to head out. I’m having dinner with Leo, and he has curfew tonight, since they’re playing tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, I heard about that, about the team being the playoffs. Pretty amazing, huh?”

  Quinn’s smile lit up her whole face. “It really is. If you could see how Leo’s playing . . . it’s incredible. Coach said he thinks Leo is going to be able to write his own ticket when it comes to college.”

  “Good for him.” I wasn’t going to say anything mean and risk Quinn running away, but damned if I had to pretend to be his best friend. “How’s everything going at the newspaper? You write anything interesting lately?”

  “Oh, this and that. I did a column about student safety, and I’m working on a piece that talks about bullying on campus.” She held up one hand. “No mention of you or of what happened with you. Nothing about the football team, even. Just some facts and some recommendations from the experts on how to defuse bullying in schools.”

&n
bsp; “You told me you weren’t going to write about that.”

  “No, I told you I wouldn’t write about you. I’m not. I haven’t mentioned Brent or anyone else.” She paused. “But speaking of Brent, you might be interested to know that he pulled me aside in the hall one day while you were in the hospital. He asked me if your fall had anything to do with this illness. And he told me that he was very sorry about what had gone down, and that he’d like a chance to talk to you in person and apologize.”

  “That’s big of him.”

  “He’s trying to be nice, Nate. Trying to be a better person, maybe. You could at least give him a chance.”

  “Yeah, well, we’ll see.” I twisted my fingers. “So now you’re buddies with all the football players, too? What’s next, Quinn? Gonna try out for cheerleading?”

  “No, but I don’t think it’s fair to label all of them just because we’ve met some who are . . . less than decent. Some of the cheerleaders are really nice.”

  “Huh.” I kicked at a seam in the carpet where it was beginning to pull up. “Did my mom tell you I had to quit crew?”

  “Yeah.” Quinn rested her hand on my arm. “I’m so sorry, Nate. I know you’re going to miss it.”

  “Yep.” I stared at the floor, my mind whirling. “Listen, Quinn, I’m getting tired. I think I’ll grab a nap. But if Leo wants to come over later . . . then yeah, I guess I’ll see him. I can’t promise I’ll be friendly, but I’ll listen.”

  “That’s all we ask.” Quinn smiled, relief evident. “Okay. I’ll text Leo, and then you boys can talk.”

  ***

  As it turned out, Leo came over that evening, after he’d dropped Quinn at her own house. I hadn’t seen him in weeks, and I couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually been at my house. He looked bigger than ever when he appeared in the living room where I was sitting, and that irritated me. Leo had a way of making me painfully aware that although I was technically older than him, I looked younger. I always felt immature and behind the curve when he was around.

  “Nate.” He hesitated in the doorway, as though he was afraid I wouldn’t let him come all the way in. “You look good.”

  “Thanks.” I motioned to the sofa. “You can sit down if you want.”

  He sank into the couch, right in the center, spreading out in that way he had. He just sort of sprawled, then sat forward with his elbows resting on his knees.

  “I’m glad you’re better. You scared the shit out of all of us.”

  I shrugged. “It’s all part of the disease.” I was echoing what I’d been hearing the doctors say for the last month. “Ups and downs. We control what we can. Deal with what we can’t.”

  Leo nodded. “So I wanted to tell you . . . I’m sorry for what happened the day you were hurt. I never got a chance to say that. I mean, before it happened. I said shit I didn’t mean. I was—uh, well, to be honest, I was hung over, and I didn’t mean any of it.”

  “Yeah.” If he expected me to apologize, too, he was going to be waiting a long time. And I wasn’t going to say I’d spoken in anger—I’d meant every single word.

  Something flickered in Leo’s eyes. “I also wanted you to know, I talked to Brent and Karl and Tim. They . . . I know it doesn’t change anything, but they were sorry, too. They’re stupid, and they acted like idiots, but I think they know better now. I’m keeping my eye on them. The whole team is. We don’t like that shit.”

  “Big of you.” I spit out the words.

  Leo frowned. “Nate, I’m trying here. I know I’ve been a crappy friend, but I’m trying to make it better. Be different.”

  “Yeah? So what do you want from me? You want me to hug it out and say it’s all okay, everything’s forgiven? Bullshit. You’re only here because Quinn pushed the issue. She made you come.”

  Now I’d done it. I’d named the elephant in the room, and all bets were off.

  Leo’s jaw clenched. “That’s not true. I wanted to come see you. It has nothing to do with Quinn.”

  “That’s crap. And while we’re on the subject, you dating her? That’s crap, too. What the hell are you thinking?”

  Leo stood up, hands on his hips. “This is probably something we don’t want to talk about, Nate. We’re not going to agree on this one. Quinn and I are together. Period. It’s not going to change.”

  “That’s what you say now, but let’s be honest about this. We both know you can’t stick with one girl. You’re going to play with her for as long as it takes, and then once you’ve fucked her, that’ll be it. You’ll lose interest. And guess who’ll be around to pick up the pieces? Me. I’ll be the one who sticks when you’ve decided you’re bored. When you’ve moved on to the next girl. Keep that in mind.”

  “I know how I’ve been in the past, but those girls weren’t Mia. She’s different. We’re different, together. I’m not just in this to get into her pants, Nate, no matter what you think. I . . .” He exhaled, raking his hand through his hair. “I love her, Nate. I always have. And now it’s even more.”

  “You had a funny way of showing it the last few years. You know, when you were screwing your way through the cheerleaders and—well, just about any girl who wasn’t Quinn. Do you know how much that hurt her?”

  “I was scared. I was afraid I’d let her down, and I couldn’t deal with it.”

  “Ah, poor Leo. Having to dull the pain of not being good enough for the one girl he could love . . . by fucking all the other girls. You really are a tortured hero, aren’t you?”

  Leo spoke through gritted teeth. “I’m not doing this, Nate. I’m not going to argue with you. I know you’re only talking like this because you’re hurt, and you’re afraid you’re going to lose Quinn. But I don’t want to take her away from you. Why can’t we be like we used to? When we were kids, we all got along. We could be friends again.”

  I’d thought this through this afternoon, after Quinn had left. I wasn’t going to lose her over this, even if it meant putting up with Leo and putting a happy face on a situation I hated.

  But I wasn’t going to let that happen without making myself very clear.

  “We can be friends, Leo. Sure. But never forget that I know the truth. I know what’s going to happen. You’re going to hurt Quinn—that’s a given. But worse, you’re going to ruin her. You’re going to take this girl who’s funny and smart and unique—and you’re going to try to change her. You’re going to drag her into stuff she doesn’t want to see, and you’ll break her. You’ll destroy her, and I just hope I’m still around to help put her back together.”

  I expected him to flip out at me. I expected him to rail at me, defend himself and swear none of that would happen.

  But he didn’t. I saw something in his eyes, an anguish and fear, that shocked me by its depth. And when he spoke, his voice was almost defeated.

  “You’re not telling me anything I’m not terrified about. Why do you think I pulled away from you guys? Why do you think I stayed away from Quinn, when I’ve wanted her? I know the potential’s there. But God, Nate. I’m trying. I’m doing my damnedest to not do that. I don’t want Quinn to change. I want to protect her, and see her keep growing and being who she is. Quinn’s got the truest heart I’ve ever known. And that heart loves us both. Why can’t we accept that?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not fighting it.”

  “But if you’re not on my side, Nate, I don’t really stand a chance of making this work with Quinn.”

  “I’m on Quinn’s side. If you can make her happy . . . then I won’t get in the way of that.” I managed to get to my feet. I was nearly a foot shorter than Leo, but I drilled him with a glare. “But the minute I see you doing anything other than making her happy, I won’t hesitate to get in the way. To stand up for her. You might look at me as weak, Leo, but don’t underestimate me.”

  His face tightened. “Believe me, I won’t. But I’m not going to give you any cause to get between us.”

  I didn’t drop my eyes. “We’ll see.”

  Q
uinn

  After the euphoria of the round one game, the rest of the conference playoffs felt anticlimactic. Eatonboro rolled through games two and three, and we were riding high when we reached the championship match up, pitting us against Franklin Township once again.

  I saw Leo between practices and team meetings, brief snatches of togetherness sandwiched by football. On days when it worked out, he’d pick me up for school, and we’d sit in the car, in the parking lot, talking a little and making out a lot. We ate lunch together, still with the football team; most of the guys seemed to have accepted me, although I noticed that Matt Lampert didn’t talk much when I was around. I knew he and Leo were close friends, so I tried to draw him out, but he kept stubbornly silent.

  “Don’t worry about him, babe.” Leo nuzzled my neck, touching his tongue to the pulse that thrummed at the base of my throat. “Matt’s just . . . he doesn’t have a lot of people in his life he can count on. He’s a little possessive of me, and there’s never been a girl in my life like you.”

  I shifted so that I was a little closer to Leo. I lay on top of him, our legs tangled together. We were in the backseat of his car, parked at the playground. It was too cold to be outside anymore, but the dark lot here gave us the perfect spot to fool around in the car. We tried to take advantage of those opportunities whenever they came around—which wasn’t often enough right now.

  “I don’t want to come between you and your friends.” I cupped his jaw with my hand. “Most of them are sweet to me. I feel like I have a whole bunch of big brothers, and that’s great. But I wish Matt would thaw a little.”

  “Hey, babe?” Leo slid his hands under my shirt to cover my boobs. “I’m so glad that you want to be friends with Matt, and we’ll figure it out. But right now? My hands are on your tits. And I want to put my mouth on you. We only have about another twenty minutes before I have to get you home, and I’d like to get you off first.”

  I swatted him, feeling my face go warm. “You have a dirty mouth, Leo Taylor.”

  “Yeah, I do. And I want to put that dirty mouth all over your body.” He lifted my shirt up, and his fingers curled over the cups of my bra, tugging them down so that he could get to the nipples. I hummed in appreciation when his lips touched one side, while one finger and thumb pinched the other.