The Keeping Score Box Set

by Tawdra Kandle

  My father began to laugh. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry. You’re right, boys are idiots and jerks. You should stay away from them until you’re at least forty, and even then proceed with caution.”

  “Thanks, Daddy.” I stood up and crossed the room to give him a hug. “For a boy, you’re kind of cool.”

  “That’s because your mom’s been whipping me into shape for years. This doesn’t come naturally, you know. You ever meet a good man, you’ll always find out there’s a better woman in his life somewhere. Eventually, you’ll meet a guy who has potential, and you’ll take the chance to be that woman.”

  I shuddered. “Not for a long, long time. I don’t want to feel this pain again. Not ever.”

  Nate

  My last year of high school was my best one.

  First of all, my health was better than ever. Good old Dr. Randall came through with a new protocol, and while I was on that, my energy and strength were boosted. My immunity was increased, too, so I didn’t pick up every bug that came around the school. That was a relief, to me and to my parents.

  And then there was the fact that we were now at the top of the high school food chain. There was no one older to pick on me, and the guys in my own class had matured enough that they didn’t mess with me anymore. Brent Collins had even become almost friendly, out of guilt, I assumed.

  But best of all, Quinn wasn’t with Leo.

  I’d worried for a while that they might get back together. I was aware, even if she wasn’t, that Leo was suffering from their distance as much as Quinn was. When she didn’t know it, he’d stare at her, his eyes hungry. He gave her lots of space, but I also heard that the Lion wasn’t roaring so much anymore. He partied, yes, and he drank, but he wasn’t sleeping around. The cheerleaders complained that Quinn had broken their football star. Whether Quinn heard about that or not, I didn’t know, because she never mentioned him. And I didn’t ask.

  All of that extra time on his hands paid off, though, because Eatonboro walked away with the conference championship for the second year in a row. Leo was MVP, interviewed by the Philadelphia papers, and courted by a bunch of colleges.

  Quinn never talked about football. She didn’t go to any of the games. On the night we won the championship, she persuaded our friend Gia Capri to steal her a bottle of wine from the Capris’ liquor cabinet, and the three of us sat together outside at the old playground while Quinn drank the whole thing and then cried for hours.

  She’d changed, too. She didn’t laugh as much as she had before Leo. She smiled sometimes, but she seemed shut off. Like there was a part of her that I’d known before that didn’t exist anymore. I tried to do everything she liked, tried to get her excited about something, anything, but it never made a difference. She was just going through the motions of life, and sometimes, it was painful to watch.

  I’d asked her to go to prom with me in senior year, but she’d adamantly refused to even consider it. As a matter of fact, she almost seemed upset that I’d suggested it. I’d enlisted both Gia and Quinn’s mom to try to change her mind, but it didn’t work.

  She never mentioned my declaration of love, and neither did I. But I hadn’t given up, because I knew someday, Quinn and I would be together. Someday, she’d be over Leo and she’d see that life could be good again. And then I’d have my chance.

  I knew one thing for sure. Once I had Quinn, once she was mine, I was never going to let her go. I was never going to make the mistakes Leo had. I’d love her with everything I had, for as many days as I had.

  Leo

  “Leo Robert Taylor.”

  At Mrs. Colby’s not-so-gentle nudging, I stumbled across the grass, earning snickers from the row of guys sitting to my right. I shot them the finger as I crossed in front of them, earning a gasp from Mrs. Colby. I glanced back over my shoulder at her and grinned, shrugging. What was she going to do to me now? Sure, she was our history teacher and class advisor, but I was graduating. Like, now. As in, out of here. Forever. And good fucking riddance.

  Dr. Rider, the superintendent, stood at the podium, watching me approach. He offered me his hand to shake and a black cardboard folder to take. It was supposed to look like it was the diploma, but we all knew the folders were empty; the diplomas would come via mail next week. We might have been high school graduates, sure, but we weren’t quite trustworthy yet.

  “Mr. Taylor.” He didn’t let go of my hand right away, as he’d done with everyone ahead of me. “Congratulations. We expect great things from you in the future. Good luck at Carolina State.”

  “Thank you.” I felt the heavy weight of expectation fall on me, chasing away all the laughter from a few minutes before. The way Dr. Rider was looking at me, if I didn’t lead the Carolina Cougars to a championship all four years and win the Heisman, I’d be letting down the whole town of Eatonboro.

  He released me, nodding, as the principal announced the next name. I made my way around to the back of the senior class and filed into the half-empty row, dropping into my seat. The guy next to me, Greg Talb, offered me his fist to bump. I managed a smile and pounded it.

  “Taylor. Yo, Lion!”

  I raised my eyes to a few feet in front of me, where Matt was turned around in his seat.

  “Dude, Shang’s parents gave him the beach house for the whole fucking weekend. We’re there, right?”

  My chest tightened, even as I nodded and gave Matt a thumbs up. Partying the weekend away should’ve sounded like the best idea ever, but everything felt empty. Hollow. I thought of how often I’d imagined high school graduation—finally being free, finally being done. But every time I’d pictured it, I’d seen myself with one elbow slung around Quinn’s neck, her arm wrapped around my waist, and a summer of fun mapped out in front of us. I’d thought Nate would be giving me his typical crooked smile, the one that told me he saw through all my bullshit but still considered me his best friend anyway.

  Instead, Quinn sat two rows in front of me, but she never looked back. She’d pulled her hair up into some kind of twisty deal today, probably to keep cool as much as to look good, knowing Mia. I’d been staring at the back of her neck since we’d sat down, all during the droning speeches by the president of the school board and the valedictorian, and the whole time they’d been calling other students’ names. When it was her name announced—Amelia Quinn Russell—I’d cheered, whistled and cat-called, mostly because she wasn’t close enough to know it was me doing it—but I was sure she’d known anyway.

  After all, I deserved to celebrate my girl, even if she wasn’t mine anymore. Even if she never would be again.

  The row of graduates behind us stood up and filed toward the front. Nate was toward the end, stepping carefully as he always did. He glanced back at me and caught my eye when the line paused for a minute. I smiled and nodded, and after a second’s hesitation, he returned the nod. Then the line began to move, and the kid behind him shoved his shoulder. Nate rolled his eyes and started walking again. I noticed he paused by Quinn’s chair to squeeze her hand. I could see her in profile, smiling up at him, and with a pang that felt like a stab wound, I closed my eyes and wished this fucking ceremony would end already.

  Finally, it did. The principal dismissed us for the last time as students of Eatonboro High School, and then everyone was doing the whole throw-the-hat-in-the-air deal and talking at once. All the chicks were hugging each other, some of them crying, and I snorted. I was willing to bet most of them would never leave town. They’d stay here, get jobs, get married and have babies, popping out the kids who’d be standing here as graduates in about twenty years.

  I couldn’t wait to leave this fucking town. The happiest day of my life would be when I was looking at it in my rear-view mirror, when I’d know I didn’t have to live through every day dreading the possibility of seeing Quinn. Of being close to her without being able to be near her. When I could put everything about us behind me.

  “Lion!” Trish barreled into me. Two other cheerleaders stumbled next to her.
They were all giggling and weaving, bumping into each other. They reeked of alcohol.

  I held Trish away from me. “Hey, Trish. You okay?”

  “Never better.” She slurred her words and laughed again. “Drunk graduation is so much more fun than . . .” She squinted at me. “Stand still, Leo. You’re making me dizzy.”

  I set her away from me, not as roughly as I wanted to. “Good luck, Trish. See you later.” God, I hoped not.

  “But I want a kiss from the Lion! This is my last chance to bag the Lion.” The other two girls giggled again as they hung on each other.

  My head hurt. “Not going to happen, Trish. Not now, not ever. You better go find someone else who’ll hold you up.” I started to turn around and then stopped. “You’re not driving, right? Where are your car keys?”

  Trish blinked. “Not driving. We’re all going back on the bus. The parrrrrrrty bus!” She raised a fist in the air and yelled.

  “Cool. Later.” I felt like I’d done everything I could. Watching them act like fucking idiots made me sick to my stomach. I pushed through the milling students, dodging parents who were searching for their new graduates, glancing around for my own family, when I heard my name again.

  “Leo! Leo Taylor. Give me a hug, you big oaf.” Carrie Russell caught up with me and put her words into action, wrapping her arms around me tightly. “Congratulations, sweetie! Can you believe it? You guys are all done . . .” Quinn’s mom fumbled in her bag, sniffling as she dug out a tissue. “It doesn’t seem possible. I swear it was just yesterday all three of you were playing naked together in your baby pool.”

  An image of Quinn, naked beneath me, flashed across my mind. I gritted my teeth and pushed it aside as Bill Russell joined his wife, clapping a hand on my shoulder.

  “Don’t mind her, Leo. She’s been crying all week. You’d think she’s never going to see all you kids ever again.” He gave my arm a quick squeeze. “We’re all proud of you, son. I can’t wait to see you playing down in Carolina.”

  Carrie brightened. “There’s Sheri and Mark. Oh—and Quinn, finally. Come here, honey! Daddy and I’ve been looking for you.”

  And then she was there, standing in front of me, as her mom hugged her tight, leaned back to hold her face and then drew her close again. Nate’s parents beamed at all of us, with Nate between them. He spared me a glance before returning his attention to Quinn.

  “Carrie, I’m glad to see you’re emotional, too.” Sheri craned her neck, scanning the crowds. “Where’s your mom, Leo? And your dad?”

  I shrugged. “They’ll meet me up on the bleachers. This is kind of same old, same old for them, you know? Plus my mom . . . my father didn’t want her in the middle of all these people.”

  “She’s doing okay, though, right?” Carrie frowned at me.

  “Yeah. She’s in remission, but she still has to be careful.”

  An awkward silence fell over us. Quinn had stepped back away from her mother and balanced on the balls of her feet. She was wearing sandals with high heels, and I could tell she was trying to keep them from sinking into the ground. Nate watched her so intently that I was pretty sure his eyes were going to bore a hole right through her. Neither of them looked my way.

  “I better go find my parents.” I forced a smile. “I’m sure we’ll see you around.”

  “Oh, wait!” Sheri laid a hand on my chest, stopping me. “I want to get a picture of you three before everyone heads off in different directions.” She pulled out her phone and gave Nate a little nudge. He hesitated before he ambled over to stand next to me.

  Quinn took longer. She was gripping her square cap in one hand, playing with the silky tassels with the other, and her lips tightened.

  “Honey, get in the picture. C’mon, we want something we can put in a frame next to your first-day-of-kindergarten photo.” Quinn’s mother turned her daughter by the shoulders. “There you go. No, Quinn, you get in the middle. It looks better that way.”

  I wanted to laugh at that. Yup, no doubt Quinn should be in the middle in a picture, because that was where she always was. In the middle, between Nate and me. Our buffer, and the one heart each of us wanted. As though he could hear my thoughts, Nate fastened his eyes on me over Quinn’s head, only turning away when his mom instructed us to all look at the camera.

  “Get a little closer, you guys. Geez, you’d think you didn’t know each other.” Sheri motioned to Quinn. After a moment’s pause, Quinn and I both moved closer, until the side of her body was pressed up against mine. Even through the layers of clothing and robes, I could feel the heat of her. And my dick hardened, making me grateful for the first time all day that I was wearing the stupid robe.

  I took totally advantage of the situation, sliding my arm around Quinn’s waist and snugging her to me. If I had to go through hell, so did she. She stiffened for a moment, and then it felt as though she melted into me. I felt her exhale, and her eyes drifted shut briefly.

  “Okay, say . . . graduation day!”

  Both Sheri and Carrie took a bunch of pictures before they let us go. I was amazed that they didn’t feel the thick tension that surrounded Nate, Quinn and me; we didn’t joke around or laugh the way we used to. We didn’t even talk to each other except when Quinn lost her balance for a second and clung to my arm, muttering, “Sorry.”

  “Me, too.” I breathed out the words, but I wasn’t sure if she heard them or not.

  When the parents were finally finished, Quinn didn’t lose any time putting distance between us. I bit down on the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood, just to dull the ache of her loss. Again.

  “I’ll send these to your mom, Leo.” Carrie stood on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. “Give her my love. And listen, kiddo, don’t be a stranger. I know you’re a big shot college football player now, but don’t forget who used to change your diapers.”

  Sheri laughed. “That’s true, and same goes.” Her eyes traveled over the three of us, and for the first time, she seemed to be picking up on the awkwardness. “You three . . . you’ve been friends too long to let anything come between you. I hope you realize that. This is your last summer together before you all go your separate ways. Don’t . . . just don’t waste it.” She blinked, and Mark slid his arm around her shoulder, pulling her to him. I remembered what I’d overheard when Nate had been in the hospital last year—We don’t know how long we have him here with us—and I felt like scum. Here I was resenting Nate, and it was possible that he was living on borrowed time. I swallowed hard and turned to him, offering my hand.

  He stared at me for a beat before gripping it firmly. I had the feeling he was letting me know this didn’t change anything. Still, I held his gaze, willing myself to see no one but my old friend in front of me, instead of the guy who’d helped talk me into a decision that had basically destroyed my life. He gave me a little nod just before he released my hand.

  After that, it would’ve been weird if I hadn’t turned to Quinn. She lifted her face to me, and for the first time in months, her eyes actually met mine, open and vulnerable. I wanted to look into those eyes forever. I wanted to sweep her into my arms and tell her I’d been a fucking idiot to ever let her get away, no matter how messed up I was, no matter how many times I’d told myself I was doing it for her.

  I wanted to tell her how much I still loved her.

  But I didn’t. She let me pull her into a hug—shorter than I wanted it to be, but probably longer than made her comfortable. And then she pushed gently at my chest and moved away from me.

  “See you around.”

  It was clearly my cue to exit, stage left. I sketched a wave to the parents and pushed my way through all the people, heading toward the bleachers. I saw my dad standing at the railing, waving to me, and my mom, sitting on a bench next to him, beaming.

  I’d just about reached them when I was body-slammed from the right side. Matt grinned at me and smacked me on the back of the head with his graduation cap.

  “Dude, we did it! We’re done.�
�� He wrapped one arm around my neck and squeezed, nearly choking the life out of me. “Come on! Let’s get out of here.”

  I ducked away from him. “I gotta go see my mom and dad first. I’ll talk to you later, okay? I’ll text you, and we’ll meet up at a party or something.”

  Matt studied me for a few minutes. A frown creased his forehead. “What’s going on, Taylor?” He cast a glance toward my parents and lowered his voice. “Is it . . . is your mom okay?”

  “Yeah, man. She’s fine. I just—” I rubbed a hand over my face. “I’m tired. I need to chill a little bit, catch up with my parents, do the family thing.” I punched his shoulder. “I promise, I’ll get with you tonight. We’ll knock back some beers.”

  “And this weekend, right? Down the shore? You’re in?” He was watching me closely. “It’s going to be epic. It’ll make you forget all about . . .” Matt jerked his head in the direction I’d come from, and I knew he was talking about Quinn. “Distant memory, Lion. We’ll make it happen.”

  I forced a grin. “Forgetting all about high school isn’t going to take much, bro. I’m there. We’ll drive down together, okay? I’ll text you.”

  Matt nodded. “You got it. Later, man.”

  I watched him meander away, bumping into another small clump of people. Turning, I took the stadium steps two at a time and rounded the railing, making my way to my folks.

  “I can’t believe my baby—my last boy—is a high school graduate.” My mother threw her arms around me. “Look at you.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at me. You saw me this morning. I’m still the same old handsome, brilliant and humble son you’ve always known and loved.” I kissed the top of my mom’s head. “You feeling all right? The sun wasn’t too hot?”

  “Nah. Dad kept an eye on me. I’m fine.” She held my face in her hands, studying me. “But are you?”