Divine Hart

by Heather Shere

  “I’m going to set up right here by the sofa, it will just take a moment.”

  I stand off to the side and watch in silence as she carefully sets her machine up and examines everything, making sure it’s clean. I swallow hard and start to bite on my thumbnail. I take a deep calming breath and will myself to move closer to Shaina.

  “You ready, Skye?” She sits back on a footstool she pulled over.

  “Yeah, where should I sit?” I ask as I take a small step toward her.

  “I need you to lay on your back, right here on the couch.” She pats the space with her hand and doesn’t make any move toward me. Good move making me come to her, putting me at ease.

  I nod my head and then look at my feet. Slowly I lift one then the other and walk over to the sofa. As I sit across from her I look at my knees and breathe in as I lift my legs and lay down on my back.

  “Relax, Skye, this won’t hurt a bit,” she says softly.

  I turn my head to look at her and only see concern. I have to remind myself she is a good person and not here to hurt me, but old habits are hard to break. “What do you need me to do?” I manage, trying to make my voice sound strong.

  She has a soft smile. “If you could just lift your shirt and make sure the band of your shorts is pulled down low by your pelvic bone.” She pulls out a paper blanket, handing it to me. “You can use this to cover yourself, and I’ll push it aside if I need to, ok?”

  “Ok.” I lift my hips up to pull my shorts down first and moan in pain as I stretch sore muscles.

  “Do you need help?” she asks with a small frown.

  “No, I’m ok.” When I lift up my shirt the black and blue bruises are bright on my skin.

  I look up at Shaina and see the concerned look on her face. Glancing at the vivid bruising, she frowns. She looks down at her hands but then takes a deep breath and looks up into my eyes.

  “Who did this to you, Skye?”

  I freeze. The shame I feel at my situation prevents me from answering.

  “You know whatever you tell me is completely confidential, right? You can trust me.” She glances at the door, then looks back to me. “If you are in danger, I can help you.”

  All at once I realize what she is asking. “It wasn’t Preston, he would never—”

  Shaina releases a sigh of relief. “I know, it’s just that he’s being secretive. He wouldn’t tell me anything, and I had to make sure for my own peace of mind. I need you to know you can trust me as your doctor and as your friend.”

  I give her a small smile. “Thank you.”

  “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

  I take a deep breath. She may as well know now that she has seen me in this state. “My father,” I state simply. “This was my welcome home.”

  “I see. And is this an isolated incident?”

  A bitter laugh escapes. “Oh no, I’ve had worse over the years.”

  A deep crease forms on her forehead as she probably works through all the years she knew me and all the times something happened that I had an excuse for. I can see the guilt forming on her face.

  “It’s okay,” I reassure her. “I covered it well, not even Preston knew.”

  She nods. “I just want you to know if you ever need to talk, I’m here to help.”

  Breaking the tension, I adjust the paper towel. “Thank you, I’m ready.”

  She gives me a small smile and turns back to her equipment. There’s a little wand object and a small TV monitor. She’s very systematic as she turns everything on and squeezes some gel looking goop onto the wand.

  “This is going to be cold, let me know if it hurts you when I’m near your bruises.” She then reaches under the paper and sets the tool on my stomach. I hiss out a breath because it’s cold, but it also feels good on the bruising.

  The next few minutes pass in silence while she works. She concentrates on the screen, and I try not to panic about her touching me. I turn my head to look at the little monitor as she makes sweeping moves across my belly. I don’t know how anyone can read the images on the screen, they look like a jumbled mess to me.

  She keeps going back to the same two places on each side, and I’m starting to think I might have to go to the hospital. That’s enough for me to break the silence. “Is everything okay?” My voice has more confidence than I feel.

  She looks up confused. “Have you had any surgeries?” Her hand stills the wand on me.

  My breath hitches. “Why?”

  Her jaw tenses and she moves the wand back and points to the screen then she looks up. “Because you’re sterile, you have coils implanted. Did you do this after you left?”

  “No. I’d never…” I stop talking, I can’t seem to find the words to finish.

  “How then? Hmm…they’re not fresh, this is something that’s been here for a while, scar tissue has built up.” She moves the wand back to the other side examining both areas.

  “You don’t want to know, Shaina. Let’s just drop it,” I say very softly.

  “You are mistaken, I need to know.” She pulls the ultrasound wand out from the paper and sets it down by the machine then sits back giving me a little bit of space.

  I sigh. I knew the day would come when I would have to explain what happened to a doctor. I’m sick of keeping secrets, of covering for the piece of shit father I have.

  “It happened one of the times we were on a family vacation to Mexico.” I pause for a moment.

  “But that was in high school, right? I believe it was in my senior year, so you were just a freshman the first time you went.”

  “Yes, you were getting ready to graduate,” I confirm, surprised that she remembers that far back.

  “I came home for spring break and you were gone, Preston was pissed because he wanted to spend spring break with you. I’m sorry for interrupting, keep going.” She gives my hand a small pat.

  “My father drugged me and when I woke, it was already done. He had his doctor friend sterilize me. He wanted to be sure I never had kids.” My tone’s flat as I recall the moment when I realized what depths my father would go to for money.

  “Oh my God…” she says.

  “That’s why I don’t trust doctors, they either cover for his abuse or do his dirty work,” I spit angrily.

  Shaina grabs my hands in hers and squeezes. “You can trust me, Skye, I won’t ever betray you.”

  I nod my head and pull my hands back, eager to change the subject. “Do I have internal bleeding?”

  She shakes her head. “No, thank God. I’ll get some iron pills for you.” She starts to pack away her portable machine.

  “Do you hear from Lea?” I’ve been frightened to ask, because I know she’s probably hurt and mad.

  “Yes, I see her quite a bit. Do you have any idea how happy she’s going to be to see you?”

  “Happy?” I frown.

  “Sure.” She grins.

  “I’m so afraid, Shaina,” I whisper.

  “Afraid, of what? She’s going to shit herself.” Her eyebrows are raised.

  “I ran, I was a coward. She’s going to be sickened by the sight of my face. What I’ve allowed to happen to me.” I catch my breath, and I’m able to stop the tears from falling.

  “Don’t be silly!”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready, it’s just…I thought she might have shown up here if she knew I was back, that’s all.” I press my teeth into my bottom lip. I’ve shared so much, and I have lived so long with these secrets I feel sort of relieved.

  “She doesn’t know yet, she’s away for work right now.” She pulls her phone out, looks down and swipes through to the calendar. “She’ll be back in a month.”

  “Oh…”

  “She’ll be happy, I promise.” She squeezes my knee and there is a knock on the door. “He thinks I’m going to hurt you,” she whispers and rolls her eyes. “Come in, Preston, we’re done.”

  Preston peeks his head from around the door. “How’s everything going?”

>   Shaina gives me a smile. “I’ll let you tell him.” She then turns toward Preston. “I’m just finishing up.” She quickly folds the rest of her tools back up and closes the case, turns and says, “You need anything, Skye, you call me. Preston, make sure she rests and takes some ibuprofen. I’ll check in with you both later.”

  As fast as she came, she shows herself out of the house.

  “Well, what’s the verdict?” Preston asks.

  “Anemic, I need to take some iron.” I slump my shoulders, emotionally drained from the morning.

  “Perfect, I am going to get you some medicine and then you can rest. We need you better, Skye.”

  Fourteen

  Skye hangs out with my Mama most days. Mama looks after her and I’m still trying to give her space, time to think, but we really need to sit down soon and talk about things.

  I’m not the boy who left her anymore, I’m the man who spends every night with her in my arms. That’s when I don’t have to give her space. That’s when she is mine. It’s an unspoken agreement, we sleep wrapped in each other and there are no bad dreams. It’s complete hell, she feels so right there but I hold myself back. Over the last month she has physically healed, but there is a long way to go on the inside, she has so many invisible scars. And there are things I need to know, questions that still need to be answered. I am too chicken shit to ask them though.

  She’s still quiet, but she is generally at ease here which pleases me. More often now, I’ll find her working alone, whereas she was my mama’s shadow when she first came. She has taken to the role of my mama’s assistant which is a relief because I’d been worried about the workload Mama insisted on carrying alone. Mama knows I can hire someone to come in and take care of the house. I had to negotiate with her just keeping the inside in order. They’re both very stubborn but I’m happy they get along well.

  Mama and Skye have been out all day, shopping and doing a little pampering at the spa. I told Mom what I had planned and she agreed to occupy Skye and bring her back all done up.

  Skye has been very stubborn about accepting the things I want to provide for her, but Mom is very smooth about buying clothes and such for her in a way Skye can’t refuse. Today is no exception. She made up some nonsense about having a spa gift card that was due to expire and how none of her friends are into that kind of thing, so Skye would really be doing her a favor if she came with her. The woman is devious, but I love her.

  I noticed that her clothes were starting to hang off her. I had felt the odd poke at night from her hipbones and thought it might be in my head. But it looks as though she’s getting even smaller. I want to have a closer look, but I can hardly march up to her, lift her shirt, and demand her to present herself for me to examine. That would be a dick move. So instead I had my mom ‘notice’ while they were at the spa and true to her ever persuasive nature, she managed to convince Skye they needed to go buy some better fitting clothes.

  Craig has been on my ass about having a party to welcome Skye back. But Lea had been away on business and in truth, I wanted to keep her to myself. I’m a selfish bastard I know. So, the plan was to have her return from her day out to a surprise dinner with Craig, Shaina, and Lea. No way is she ready for a party, but this I think she can handle.

  The doorbell chimes and I jump up and walk briskly to the door while it chimes again and again, Lea’s way of letting me know how excited she is. She just about barges in, giving me no time to berate her about it. “Where is she?” Her crystal blue eyes search the room.

  “Nice to see you too, Lea, she isn’t back yet.” I shake my head and give Craig a questioning look.

  Craig holds up his hands. “Don’t look at me, I can’t control her.”

  Lea turns around and has a stubborn tilt to her chin. “That’s right, I’m the boss of me.” She points her finger at the both of us.

  “Don’t get too mouthy, Lea, it’s not too late to cancel this whole night.” My voice is firm. She knows how stubborn I’ve become and is wise enough to not poke further.

  She presses her lips together in a pout. “How’s she been? Have you told her why you left yet?”

  “Lea, she doesn’t know yet and I’m still not sure how she’ll take it, so I’d appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself for tonight. I’ll find a good time to tell her.”

  Lea’s eyes widen slightly, she opens then closes her mouth. “You know what’s best…or so you think.”

  “Wiseass. Craig, when’s Shaina going to get here?”

  “Sorry dude, she’s going to be late. They had a trauma come in to the ER that she had to handle.”

  “It’s cool, at least she’s coming.”

  Skye should be home any minute. I am starting to have second thoughts about this, but it’s a little too late to back out now. Craig and Lea are happy she’s back, heck everyone is happy to have her back, they have no reason to think that she won’t feel the same way. They don’t blame me for her leaving, I blame me.

  The front door shuts and the room goes absolutely silent. Skye walks in with my mom and stops, two things happen in quick succession. First, Lea screams and rushes over to Skye, grabbing her in a crushing hug. Second, Skye looks over Lea’s shoulder at me with murder in her eyes. Shit.

  I run a hand through my hair, yep it could have gone either way, but she does not like this surprise.

  “I thought you weren’t due back for another week?” Skye asks Lea.

  Lea shrugs and wipes the tears from her face. “Job got done early, and I was sick of us catching up on the phone.”

  I didn’t realize they have been chatting it up on the phone, now I look for an escape. I see Craig talking with my mom and notice how tired she looks, so I take the coward’s way out.

  “I’ll see you home, Mama,” I tell her as I reach her side. She just nods her head in acceptance. She says goodnight to Craig and Lea and pauses for a moment with Skye, thanking her for a lovely day and giving her a reassuring squeeze.

  As I pass Craig he chuckles quietly. “Pussy,” he whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

  I flash him a grin. “Or a smart man,” I mutter and usher my mom out of the house.

  We walk out of the sliding glass doors onto the patio. The main reason I bought this house is because it had its own guest house. I wanted Mama with me, but she didn’t want to impose. This was the best solution. Her house is set back into the side of the mountain and has its own entrance which we never use. We walk the path around the pool in silence and I open the door for her and usher her inside her cozy home. Waiting in her sitting area as she gets ready for bed, I begin to pace nervously. Coming out here removed me from the tension for a few minutes, but soon I’ll have to go back in there and face Skye. I saw the look in her eyes, and I don’t like my chances. Mama comes out into the living room in her flannel pajamas. Only my mama would wear flannel pajamas in the desert. I stop pacing and give her my warmest smile, her eyes sparkle. “Did you do something wrong, Preston?”

  I chuckle, my smile has gotten me out of many situations. “Besides organize a surprise dinner?” I lean over and kiss her on the forehead.

  She inclines her head at me and studies me for a moment then gives me a serious look. “Make sure Skye eats, the silly girl is wasting away.”

  Ahhh, so she has noticed too…She is always so astute. And although she has never been the matchmaker type, I get the impression she is trying to encourage me by the sunny smile she is giving me now. “I’ll make sure she eats,” I assure her, leaning over and giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight, Mama, sleep well.”

  As I walk back to the main house, I see Skye standing in the kitchen alone, waiting for me. “Hey,” I say cautiously as I walk through the back door.

  She grips the counter, her head hanging down. “You should have told me about this.” She lifts her head up, and I can see the anger in her eyes.

  “Why? So you could say no and keep hiding away?” I keep my tone level so I don’t start a shouting match
with her.

  “Yes, you had no right!” she raises her voice slightly.

  I move closer to her and lean down so I’m in her space. She doesn’t step back. I have to clutch the counter to keep from touching her. “I’m sorry, Skye, but you can’t hide forever, she’s your best friend. She was dying to see you and I thought that this would be easier on you. Everyone at once and now it’s over.”

  She presses her lips together and inclines her head. We stare at each other for a few seconds and she then breaks eye contact and turns her head away. She’s so beautiful and she has no clue, that just makes her even more beautiful in my eyes.

  “Don’t be mad,” I plead. “This will be good for you.”

  “They served the food already, and Shaina is here now too,” she says, ignoring me. She turns without another word and walks into the dining room.

  I sigh, this plan has totally backfired.

  Craig, Lea, and Shaina are in deep conversation as we sit down, the catering company I hired has set out dinner for the five of us. I had ordered enough for mom to take some home, but she was tired and declined.

  The conversation flows around us as we eat, but Skye doesn’t join in unless she is asked a question directly. It’s beginning to irritate me. Craig makes eye contact with me and then leans in and says something in Shaina’s ear. She blushes, then looks over at Skye and frowns. Skye has been pushing her food around, not really touching it.

  “Skye?” I ask, drawing her attention.

  “Yes?” she replies absently.

  I look down at her plate and raise a brow. “Is the food not good?”

  She just shrugs and takes a sip of the wine that was served with dinner. “It’s ok.”

  Our guests fall silent and watch the exchange. All eyes are on us.

  “Have you even tasted it yet?” I slowly set my fork down.