by Toni Aleo
“Chandler.”
His lips quirk a bit. “Amelia. Wow. It’s been a long time,” he says, and then he moves toward me. Across the counter, we embrace, and I swear he swallows me whole in his big arms. Lord, he smells divine. His hair is freshly washed, and I shouldn’t be sniffing him, but I am. I feel his heart beat against mine, and I’d forgotten how great he hugged. He kissed great too, but his hugs were the best. I needed a hug like this; I haven’t had one in so long. Which is probably why I’m still holding on tight longer than I should.
“So, is the holy shit better than shit, or where are we with that? I’m unsure what I want to get.”
The voice interrupts our hug, and I pull away. I try to compose myself. I didn’t expect for emotion to take over, but it’s nice to see someone familiar. Someone who doesn’t know a lick of what I’ve been through and can’t judge me. I look back up to the guy standing next to Chandler. The other guy is bigger than Chandler, if that’s possible, with dark-brown eyes and long, surfer-like blond hair. Standing next to Chandler, though, he’s so young, he looks like a baby.
I clear my throat, and my voice is still thick with emotion. “Sorry, what?”
“You said the special is holy shit. Just wondering how that is.”
I blink, a bit confused. Thankfully, Chandler comes to my rescue. “He’s an idiot. Ignore him.” His laughter is music to my ears, though I don’t think his friend thinks he’s funny. “How are you? Man, it’s been forever.”
I lean on the counter, my eyes trapped by his. “I’m alive, and it has.”
“You haven’t changed a bit. Still as gorgeous as ever.”
My cheeks warm as I wave him off. “Stop. I look a mess.”
“If this is how you look a mess, then I don’t know how I could handle you all done up.”
A small smile covers my lips. “Well, it’s good to see one thing about you hasn’t changed. You’re still a sweet-talker.”
He scoffs. “I’m still the same.”
“No, you’re huge now.”
“I put on about thirty pounds,” he laughs.
I gasp. “In muscle, I assume.”
He smiles shyly, which is so damn cute. “You know how it is.”
“Please, I lost muscle. I haven’t been in the gym in a while.”
“Can’t tell at all.” He folds his arms and leans his hip into the counter. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I can’t believe you’re here. What are you doing here?” I ask, leaning into the counter and matching his stance.
“I live here. I play for the IceCats.”
“Oh, duh!” I laugh, feeling stupid. “I knew that. I’m surprised I haven’t seen you before.”
“I just moved to this side of town.”
“Oh, nice,” I say with a smile.
“Yeah. How long have you been here? Last I heard, you were in Pennsylvania.”
My heart speeds up a bit, and I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Yeah, I moved here about a year ago.”
“Well, since Drew isn’t on my team, I’m guessing that’s over?”
I inhale sharply, letting my breath out in a whoosh. “Very over.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he says, and I know he means it. His eyes are full of such beautiful compassion, and it makes my heart skip a beat. “I thought you’d go back home.”
So did I, but that wasn’t an option. “I needed some time to myself. You know how my family is.”
His face lights up. “Yeah, loud and crazy. I actually just had dinner with your family a few weeks ago when we played the Assassins.”
It is like being hit with a bucket of cold water. He’s still in contact with my family. They can’t know where I am. “Oh, that’s nice,” I say as I reach for the iPad to take their order. He must have taken the hint that talking about my family is forbidden, but before he can ask anything, I say, “So, did you want some coffee?”
“The holy shit is off the table, right?” When we both look at Chandler’s friend, he holds his hand up. “Sorry, I gotta get in where I fit in. You two apparently have a lot to talk about.”
“We do,” Chandler says then, meeting my gaze. “I was actually looking forward to seeing you at Ryan and Sofia’s wedding.”
I take in a quick breath, but I don’t say anything. My eyes stay locked with his. In another time, another world, I would jump at the chance to be excited to see him, but everything is just so messed up.
“Maybe you can join us. I’d love to catch up.”
Oh. No. “Um, I don’t know. I’m really busy.”
Chandler looks around and then laughs. “There is no one here.”
“No, I know, but I’ve got paperwork and stuff,” I say quickly. I tear my gaze from his and look to the iPad. “So, what can I get you?”
“Ha, she blew you off,” the friend says, and I pull my brows together.
“You have no filter, do you?”
The guy shakes his head with no shame at all. “None.”
“Good to know.”
He holds out his hand. “I’m Nico. Wanna go out with me?”
I laugh when Chandler pulls back and punches Nico in the arm. “Dude.”
“What? Just ’cause she doesn’t want you doesn’t mean she doesn’t want all this,” he says, running his hands down his body. He then leans on the counter. “I’m the starting goalie for the IceCats. I can show you a great time.”
“Er…no, thanks.”
He shrugs like my rejection is nothing to him. “Fine, can I get a mocha latte?”
“Sure can,” I say, pushing the buttons that need pushing to place the order. I glance at Chandler, but he’s looking at me and not the menu.
“I’ll take a cup of black coffee, and I’d love for you to join us. You sure?”
Oh, if only he had asked me that eons ago. Wait, he did. I chose Drew instead.
“I’m sure,” I say before looking at the total. “That’ll be $8.75.”
“I got it,” Nico says, handing me his card. “Since I’m loaded and all.”
He waggles his brows at me, and I laugh as I ring him up. In another world, a guy like Nico would be someone I would go for. I wanted Chandler, God I wanted him, but he was so off-limits. Plus, I always thought he was too good for me. He was too kind, too funny, and too loyal. He is probably still all those things, and I’m nothing but damaged goods. It’s best that I “blow him off,” in Nico’s words.
Even if I want to run into his arms again for another hug.
I feel Chandler’s gaze on me as I move around the coffee shop. I do my best to ignore him, but it’s really hard. Our eyes keep meeting, but I look away immediately. I don’t miss the little grin that sits on his face. I’ve missed that grin, and I hadn’t even realized it. The last five years haven’t been the best, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought think of Chandler here and there. Especially when I regretted going back to Drew. I should have stayed, seen what could have happened with Chandler—if Ryan had ever let something happen. Part of me wishes he had. Then I wouldn’t have ended up with Drew. I don’t know. I was just young. Stupid. Thought I knew it all. That was total shit. Even now, at twenty-three, I know I don’t know it all.
Hell, I know nothing. Adulting is way harder than I thought.
I reach for the inventory book and lay it out on the counter with my iPad. When I took this job, I was only supposed to serve coffee, but somehow, I’ve become the manager of this place. Not sure how, not sure I like it, but here I am. I should be in a gym—there are two here in Molten—but I can’t bring myself to go. I’ve already failed at so many things, walking into a gym and asking for a job would just turn into another failure. Who wants a college dropout? Especially when that dropout had a full-ride scholarship for gymnastics.
Yup, I’m a winner.
When a cup appears by my book, I look up and then up some more to meet Chandler’s gaze.
“Hey.”
I stand up, and still my head tips ba
ck to look at him. “Hey, need some more?”
“No, I was bringing it to you.”
“Oh. I would have cleaned up when you left.”
“Save you some time so you can give me your number.”
I can’t help it, I grin. I lean my hip into the counter. “Wow. Just assuming I would give you my number?”
He shrugs, the gold of his topaz eyes sparkling back at me. “I don’t know about assuming. Maybe hoping?”
I look away, sliding my fingers along the papers of the inventory book. “I’m not really—”
“Ha, take a hint, dude. She’s blowing you off again. She doesn’t like you,” Nico calls from the door. When Chandler looks over his shoulder at him, glaring, Nico goes out the door. “Bye, Amelia!”
When Chandler turns back to me, his face is full of color. “I hate him sometimes.”
“Having no filter will cause that.” We share a small laugh. “I’m sorry, Chandler. I’m not dating right now.”
“Who said anything about dating? I just want to know you.”
His words knock the air out of me. “You do know me.”
“Not this version of you.” Out of nowhere, he takes my hand, and heat shoots up my arm. He grabs a pen with a huge yellow sunflower on the end and writes his number on my hand. “If you get bored and want to chat, this is my number.”
When he lets go of my hand, I wish he hadn’t. His eyes move along my face to my lips before meeting my gaze once more. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He starts for the door, and I’m wrong for checking his ass out, but I do before I croak out, “Tomorrow?”
He grins over his shoulder at me. “Gotta start my day with a cup of joe—and a shot of the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen.”
“Wow, that’s some line.”
“What? I thought it was brilliant.”
I giggle. I giggle like a little girl. His eyes light up as he heads out the door, and I realize I’m grinning. For the first time in five years, I’m smiling for real.
All because of Chandler Moon.
I park my little Kia up against the side of my small house. It’s only a two-bedroom, mostly because that’s all my grandparents need. They only come here once a year, and they don’t need much space. While my grandpa hates how pink the outside of the house is, I love it. I feel like it’s a tiny dollhouse, just for me. When Shelli suggested I move here for a while, I wanted to fight her, but I’m glad I listened. I like it here, but I do miss my family.
Ryan.
Damn it, I have to call him. I don’t want to—God, I don’t—but I know I have to. It’s hard, though. I still find myself hurt by how everything went down. I head up the stairs onto the porch that overlooks the amazing ocean before sliding the doors and entering my living room. When I arrived, the house didn’t have much. Grandma wanted to remodel but hadn’t had the time. Somehow, she gave me the task, as rent I guess, and I think I’ve done her justice.
The walls were a pale green, but I changed them to a robin’s egg blue. I made the décor very nautical-inspired. Anchors, boats, and most of my grandpa’s catches that he had mounted. While the dead fish freak me out, especially the marlin he caught the last time he was here, it ties everything together. On the south wall by my TV hang loads of pictures of my whole family. Really old, black-and-white ones of my great-grandparents, then snapshots of my mom and uncle growing up here, and then modern photos that were taken with our cell phones when we were here for family vacations.
The kitchen is small and connects to the dining room with only a bar between them. My room is bigger than the living room and painted a nice pale purple. The white wicker bed from the seventies goes great. I had to replace the mattress, but hell, the bed itself was just fine.
Isn’t like I’m sharing it with anyone.
Great, now I’m thinking of Chandler.
I’m so dumb. Nothing could ever happen between us. If things are rocky with my brother now, I can just imagine how bad they would get if we hooked up. Not that we’re hooking up. I glance down at my hand and roll my eyes. This is ridiculous. I am in no place to even consider calling or texting him. I lean against the counter, tracing his number with my finger. I can’t. I won’t.
I push off the counter and head to the front door where my mail is lying on the floor. I know my mailman probably wants me to get a mailbox, but I like the door slot. It’s charming. As long as my neighbors don’t have one, I won’t get one. As I head back to the counter, I look through my mail, which is mostly bills. When I come to one envelope from my lawyer, my chest goes tight. I glance up at the calendar and see the date.
“Right on time,” I mutter as I open the envelope to a check.
My hush money.
I throw it down on the counter and swallow back the tears. I refuse to think about anything that has to do with Drew. I was actually having an okay day, but now, after getting that, a huge reminder of my shittastic marriage and knowing I have to call Ryan, I can pretty much chalk this day up to shit. Though, I did see Chandler. And he did hug me.
I exhale loudly as I walk out the open sliding doors onto my porch. I lean on the railing before pulling out my phone and hitting Ryan’s number. He answers on the first ring.
“Wow. I didn’t expect you to call.”
“I told you I would.”
He exhales heavily, and I close my eyes as the ocean air whips my hair around. “How are you?”
“Alive.”
“That’s a plus.”
“Eh, some days.”
“Am, what’s going on? What’s with the radio silence?” My brother’s voice is so desperate, so full of hurt, and it guts me. Not many can say they’re close to their siblings, but Ryan and I always were. “I miss you. Mom misses you. Sofia, Elli, Shea, everyone… We miss you.”
I swallow back my sob. “I’m just trying to figure out my life.”
“Can we not help?”
They turned their backs on me. “You didn’t want to help, remember?”
I’m met with silence. “That’s not how it was.”
“But it was,” I insist. “You stood there as Mom and Shea looked down at me and told me to choose—the family or Drew. You were on their side, not mine.”
“He was garbage. You gave up everything for him.”
He only knows the half of it. “Which was my choice. I followed my heart. Was it a mistake? Yes. But it was my mistake. Y’all had no right to do that to me.”
“But we knew you were making the wrong choice.” I can hear the irritation in his voice.
“So? If I thought you and Sofia were wrong together, and I told you to leave her or you’d lose me, what would you do? You’d choose her because you love her.”
“Amelia, Sofia is nowhere even close to what Drew is. He made you give up everything. I never asked Sofia to do that, nor did she ask me. You deserved better. You deserved the world, and he couldn’t give you that. Obviously.”
“It was my choice,” I reiterate. “No one’s but mine. So when y’all turned your backs on me, I knew you wouldn’t be there for me when I needed you. So I went off on my own.”
“Amelia, it isn’t like that. I was mad, but if you’d called me and asked me to come get you, I would have. I would do anything for you.”
Tears well up in my eyes as I look out at the ocean. In the far distance, a family of dolphins swims happily. I wish I were a dolphin and not a human with too many feelings.
“I’m so sorry, Amelia. I never meant to make you feel like I wouldn’t be there for you. I never meant to make you cut off contact with us. I thought you would change your mind.”
I scoff. “When has an ultimatum ever worked on me? I’m not nine anymore. I’m an adult, and I made an adult decision. Yes, you were right, it was not the best, but I learned. I’m using this time to find me. If I come home, I’ll sulk, and Mom will baby me. You’ll baby me. Everyone will, ’cause that’s what we do. We care passionately for our family, and I love that. But, Ryan, I need to st
and on my own feet. I need to find me again.”
His voice breaks a bit as he says, “I love you, Amelia.”
My heart aches. “Ryan, I love you too. I do, and I miss you guys so much.”
“I’m really sorry. Really.”
“We can’t dwell in the past. It will only ruin us,” I whisper, my dad’s words rattling my soul. If he were here, he never would have let Ryan or Shea speak to me that way. He would be pissed that I went with Drew, but he would have supported me. I was his princess. I thought I was Drew’s princess, but boy, was I wrong.
“Right,” Ryan agrees with a deep sigh. “Will you come to the wedding?”
I don’t even hesitate. “Of course I will.”
“Sofia wants you to stand up there with her.”
“I’ll text her and get the details.”
“She’ll love that. She misses you greatly too.”
I miss her. My college roommate and best friend. Our first year together was perfect, but I ruined it when I left. We still talked over the years, but when things got really bad with Drew, I started pulling away. She was busy with opening her gym, so I don’t think she noticed much. The only person who did notice was Shelli. She’s my constant hemorrhoid. I love her, though.
“You should call Mom.”
“Sure. I will.” Not today. Maybe tomorrow. Too much family drama for one day, and of course, I’m still thinking about that damn check on my counter. I know if Ryan ever found out why I got those checks, he’d kill Drew. Dead.
“Will you tell me where you are?”
I don’t want to, but I know Ryan talks with Chandler almost daily, and he’ll find out one way or another. “I’m at Grandma’s beach house.”
He laughs. “I knew it. I told Mom you were there, but Grandma said you weren’t.”
“I told her not to tell.”
He groans loudly. “It didn’t have to be like this.”
“Maybe, but it is. Now we repair.”
“Yeah, which will be easy since I’m basically the most important guy in your life now.”
His words make me smile. “I’m your sister, Ryan. I’m not Sofia.” He laughs, and I chuckle softly. “I miss you.”