by Toni Aleo
“Don’t know what? Stop being stubborn. Let it happen.”
“Let what happen?” I ask, looking over at her. “Let things get serious, and when he’s all in and I’m not, he gets hurt? That’s not fair.”
“Or you’ll go all in too,” she suggests, cocking her head. “You know he’s not Drew, right?”
“Well, no shit, Sherlock,” I grumble. “It’s not that. It’s—” I cut myself off, and I shrug as I look down at my bare feet. Emotion is suddenly drowning me as I sit there, blood rushing to my head. I feel Shelli’s gaze on me, but I don’t know what to say.
“Am…what?”
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “I just don’t think I’m good enough for someone like him. What if he sees the parts of me that obviously pissed Drew off, and he throws me away? I never thought Drew would lay a hand on—” I don’t even see her moving before she cups my head in her hands. I open my eyes, and she’s upside down as she stares down at me.
Concern and sympathy fill her blue eyes as she shakes my head. “Let me say this again. Chandler is not even a smidge of Drew. I don’t even know the guy that well, but I know that. One, Ryan adores him. They’ve been best friends for years. And two, he picked you up in his arms like some kind of damn prince and carried you inside so you wouldn’t cut your feet. Tell me, did Drew ever do anything like that for you?”
“No.”
“Exactly. Now stop being a stubborn ass and see what happens!”
I blink twice. “Shelli.”
“What?”
“Can you let me go so I can sit up? I can’t breathe, and I’m getting a headache.”
She rolls her eyes but lets go of me so I can sit up.
I look up at her and shrug. “I’m just scared.”
Shelli shrugs back. “I get it, but what was it Uncle James would always say?”
I furrow my brow. “What?”
“Always run face first into fear, for it doesn’t control you, you control it.”
I blink as my heart jumps into my throat. He used to tell me that every time I got on the beam. I hated the beam—it was my kryptonite—but my dad loved watching me on it. He said that was my event and I was born to be on that beam. I was always so scared of it until finally I just threw my flight of three back handsprings on it with no fear whatsoever.
Well, a bit of fear, but I did it.
“I don’t know.”
Shelli is annoyed with me, but she doesn’t understand. She’s younger; she has a great life, doing things in New York with no one to answer to. She hasn’t been hurt—hell, she doesn’t even know what real love is. She’s carefree and has fun. To her, I should let go of the past and move on, and that’s that. But it’s not that easy for me.
When I hear the sliding door, I look over to see Shelli going outside. “What are you doing?”
“I need air. You’re annoying me.”
I scoff. “I’m annoying you?”
She flips me off as she leans on the railing. I lay my head on the back of my couch and close my eyes when I feel the sea air come rushing in. It relaxes me so. My mom texted earlier, asking when I’d be ready to come home, and it’s put a bit of pressure on me. I don’t know if I want to. I love it here. I feel good here. Would I love to work in Sofia’s gym? Of course, but Nashville doesn’t have the beach.
It doesn’t have Chandler.
Jesus, what am I thinking?
“Dude, you’re a stalker!” I open my eyes to find Shelli throwing her head back as she laughs. “Whatever.”
“Who are you talking to?” I call to her, and she points down to the beach.
“Chandler. He’s walking his dog.”
I go to get up, maybe a tad too quickly because my legs are tangled together, and the next thing I know, I’m falling on the floor. I let out a groan of pain as I scramble to get up.
“She’s lying on the floor. I think she fell trying to get out here.”
“Oh my God, I hate you,” I say to her as I get to my feet and head outside. When I lean over the railing with Shelli, Chandler is looking up, his hand shielding his eyes from the sun as Sadie jumps around him.
“Hey,” I call down, and he grins, his face bright and happy. It’s hard to believe I put that grin on his face, but I think I may have. “What are you up to?”
“Just walking my dog. I had morning skate, and now I’m just chilling.”
“You should come with us,” Shelli suggests, and I give her a confused look.
“Okay,” he answers, but he doesn’t even know where we’re going.
I shake my head. “You don’t want to go. We’re going dress shopping for Ryan’s wedding.”
“And we’re getting lunch!”
With no hesitation whatsoever, Chandler says, “Yeah, I’ll go.”
“I still feel I should have been able to see the final product.”
I give Chandler a sideways glance as I hold back my grin. “I haven’t gotten the approval from Sofia, so I don’t know if I’ll be wearing it.”
“So? You could wear it for a date. With me.”
When he winks, I giggle. “I’d want to surprise you then.”
He shrugs, and I love the playfulness in his eyes. “Fine. Real question, though.”
Shelli and I look over at him as we walk down Fourth Street, which is where the best dress shops are. It’s more of a boutique kind of setup, each storefront decorated with Halloween décor and fun fall stuff. It’s almost ninety degrees, so it’s odd but fun nonetheless.
“Where are we eating?”
Shelli shrugs as she holds her stomach. “I don’t know if I want to eat.”
I glance over at her, surprised. She was all about food an hour ago. “What’s wrong?”
“My gut hurts. I think I’m cramping.”
“Man, I hate when that happens,” Chandler adds, and I snort with laughter as I look at him. “You want to head back?”
I want to scream No, I wanted to go to lunch, but that would be rude. Shelli is my cousin. I should want to make sure she feels better instead of wanting to hang with Chandler. I’m such a bad cousin.
Shelli waves him off. “No, it’s fine. I’ll get an Uber home, and you two go have lunch.”
“Shelli—”
“Seriously,” she says, looking at me. “I’m so over being the third wheel and watching you two flirt. I gotta get out of here. You two are probably the reason my gut hurts.”
She flashes me a grin but then covers it with her phone.
I glare at her. “You’re fine. You’re just forcing us to go to lunch.”
She doesn’t answer, and Chandler laughs. “Why don’t you just drive my truck home? We can walk home. It’s only a twenty-minute walk.”
I’m glad I’m wearing shorts and sneakers today.
“If that’s okay with you?”
I look up at him and nod. “That’s fine.”
Shelli puts her phone down. “Fine with me too.”
He digs into his pocket for his keys before holding them out to her. “Can you handle my truck?”
“I can handle bigger,” she says with a wink as she takes the keys. She’s so damn confident. Drives me wild because that used to be me. “Toodle-oo.”
As she walks off like nothing is wrong with her, I glance at Chandler, feeling stupid. Am I so pathetic that my cousin has to make me go on a date with him? “If you don’t want to—”
“I’ve been practically begging you for a date for the last couple weeks. Please don’t say I don’t have to take you out. I want to. Really bad.” He wraps an arm around my neck, pulling me into him. “Want to know what else I want to do really bad?”
I’m breathless as I gaze up into his stunning eyes. “What?”
He doesn’t say anything as my heart crashes into my chest. He is so big, and with one arm, he nearly smothers me. He brings me in close, lifting me up on my toes before his eyes move from mine to my lips. I take in a deep breath, and he smiles one hell of a devilish grin befor
e he drops his lips to mine. My eyes fall shut as I lean into him, my hand coming up and holding his thick jaw. He sweeps his tongue along my lips, and I open up for him, my whole body catching on fire.
A catcall comes out of nowhere. “Get a room!”
I try to pull away, but Chandler just grins against my lips. He lifts only a breath away before he whispers, “How about Shakes and Stuff?”
I gawk at him. He kisses the shit out of me and then acts as if it’s no big deal?
His grin grows before he kisses my nose. “I feel burgers are in our future.”
He loosens his grip on me, and I settle back to my feet as I look up at him. “I like burgers.”
“Good,” he says, running his hand along my arm, my shoulder, and then my back. He leaves a trail of heat with even the simplest touch. He then slips his hand into mine, lacing our fingers together as his eyes burn into mine. “Have I told you how pretty you are?”
“Maybe a few times.”
“But not today, right?”
“Nope,” I say shyly, my eyes diverting to the sidewalk in front of us.
I don’t see him move in. His lips are right at my ear as he whispers, “By far the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen.”
I lick my lips as he kisses my ear, and it all feels so intimate. I wasn’t prepared to be okay with it. What happened to resisting him? To trying to heal myself before letting someone in? But then, I am grinning pretty hard.
What does that even mean?
We reach Shakes and Stuff within minutes and are seated right away. We order burgers and shakes, and I do a little dance as the waitress walks away.
“Excited?”
“I haven’t had a shake in a long time. I haven’t really been exploring since I moved here.”
“Well, that needs to change. We should do something new every week.”
“Do you have time for that?”
“I’ll make time,” he says with a shrug. “Except on away-game weeks. You know how that is.”
I do; I watched my uncle play in the NHL almost my whole life. “Okay.”
He leans back in the booth as he watches me. “So, when is Shelli leaving?”
“She has to leave right after Halloween, but I think she might be coming back two weeks later.”
“Nice.”
“Yeah, it’s great. I’ve gotten to see her a lot more this year than I have in the last five. When I was in Philly and New Hampshire, she didn’t come around much, and I couldn’t go see her.”
He pulls his brows in. “Why not?”
Well, didn’t I set him up there? “Drew was just really controlling once we got married. It was hard to do anything or go anywhere.”
A sharp exhale leaves his lips. “Lana was like that. She didn’t want me doing anything without her.”
Hell, Drew didn’t want me doing anything with or without him. He basically just wanted me to sit there and be at his beck and call. Not that I’d ever admit that to Chandler. I probably already seem weak in his eyes. I need to redirect this conversation. “Do you have another road trip coming up?”
“We have a few away games here and there, but I think our next long one isn’t until the third week of November.”
“Will you miss Thanksgiving with your parents?”
“No, my parents are coming to Florida, and we’ll eat at the house that day. I think a bunch of the guys will be joining us, except for the few who go home for the day. Mom didn’t want me to fly in and out, so they are planning to come.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“What are you doing?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready to go home yet. It’s one thing dealing with my family in spurts, but all of them at once, I don’t think I can do it.”
“You should come to Florida. We have a jet. We can fly you in.”
I narrow my eyes. “You have a jet?”
“Yeah. Well, my parents do.”
“Oh. I didn’t know y’all had it like that.”
He chuckles. “We do. So, you should come.”
“I don’t know,” I say softly. “Let’s see what happens.”
“Sounds good to me.” When he shoots me a grin, my heart starts aching in my chest. He isn’t pressuring me or telling me I need to go. He’s asking, which is something I haven’t experienced much lately.
Soon our food comes, and we dig in. We chat about how great the food is, and then he offers his shake to me and I do the same for him. I’m usually not a peanut butter lover, but I love his shake.
“There is more to life than strawberry.”
I give him a disbelieving look. “Um, thank you, but strawberry is the best flavor ever.”
“No way.”
“Yes, I love anything strawberry. Starburst, Airhead, oh! The little strawberries in the Runts candies. Those are my favorite.”
“You’re insane.”
“They’re good!”
“I’ll take your word for it,” he laughs as he throws a fry in his mouth.
I didn’t order fries because I wanted to be more health-conscious, but man, his fries look so good. Or maybe it’s the way he’s eating them. Mmm. When he laughs, I look up at his eyes.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I say quickly, reaching for my milk shake. “Do you have a favorite candy?”
“Chocolate. Anything chocolate and peanut butter.”
“Figures,” I tease, and he grins.
“Do you want some of my fries?”
“What?” He holds out a fry, trying to feed it to me, but I laugh. “No, it’s fine.”
“You’re eyeing my food. Take it.” I go to tell him no, but he pushes it into my mouth, his eyes so bright and beautiful. As I chew, though, I feel dumb. Why was I staring at his food like that? “What? What’s wrong?”
I look over to him. “Hmm?”
“You changed completely. Gone was the happy Amelia, replaced by the self-conscious one. What’s wrong? I’m okay sharing my fries. Really.”
“Are you sure? I’m sorry, I usually don’t ask—”
“Ask. Please. I don’t mind.” He grabs the rest of his hamburger and then passes the plate toward me. “You can’t have my burger, though.”
My face breaks into a grin as I reach for a fry. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
My heart flip-flops in my chest. Man, he gets me with that word.
“So, did Drew not let you have any of his food?”
I stop mid-chew, but I don’t dare meet his gaze. “Why would you ask that?”
“It seems that way.”
I run my tongue along my lips, savoring the bits of salt that fell off my fry. “He didn’t like to share.”
Actually, he’d lose his shit on me if I even asked for a fry. I did it twice before I learned never to ask again.
“You don’t like talking about him, do you?”
I meet his gaze and slowly shake my head. “I don’t.”
His eyes are soft, caring. He slides his hand across the table, taking mine with his. “I understand. But know this… You don’t have to walk on eggshells with me. You can be you, and I’ll still think you’re amazing.”
My heart…well, I’m pretty sure it’s stopped in my chest. I blink back the tears that are threatening to fall. Drew never told me to just be myself. He always wanted me to be skinnier, prettier, quieter.
Chandler’s hand comes up, grabbing my chin and tipping it up. His gaze is so compassionate. Kind and gentle. “Okay?”
“I’m not—”
“You are.” His words are like a promise—a promise no one has ever made to me before. “Okay?”
I don’t know what to say or even do. He runs his thumb along my bottom lip, and I find myself in a trance, trapped in his gaze.
“Okay.”
Chapter Thirteen
Chandler
It’s been a couple years since I’ve wanted to physically fight someone, but if I were to be put in a room with this Drew
motherfucker, I’d probably rip his head off.
With one hand.
And then kick his skull into the ocean like a soccer ball.
That’s a very vivid thought. I may need to see someone about that. But then, no, this dude has done one hell of a number on Amelia, and that pisses me off. She’s wonderful. Amazing. Beautiful. Funny, when she lets herself be. I feel like she’s holding back, and I don’t want that. She doesn’t have to hold back for me. She can be whoever she wants to be, and I’ll still think she’s spectacular. Why anyone would want to dim her light is beyond me and makes me irate. I’m just hoping I can make her see that she can be all of herself and I’ll still dig her.
When we leave Shakes and Stuff, it’s still beautiful and sunny. The walk back to our little houses isn’t that long, and I really don’t wish us back there quickly. I want to walk with her, hold her hand, and just be with her. I adore Shelli, she’s a hoot, but I want to be with Amelia. Only Amelia.
“Have you ever walked back from town before?”
She shakes her head as she walks beside me, leaning her shoulder into my bicep. “Nope. I didn’t even think to walk. Would be nice on the real pretty days.”
“True. I like taking Sadie into town. She enjoys it.”
“Aw, we should have brought her.”
“Next time.”
When she looks up at me, an itty-bitty smile on her face, I know there will be a next time. I’ve been a little wary that this might not happen, but I feel good. Really damn good. She smells fucking fantastic. I don’t know how she always smells so damn good, but she does. In just a pair of short shorts and a thin tee, her hair up in a no-nonsense bun, she’s absolutely adorable. She isn’t even wearing makeup. She’s just her, and I can’t get enough.
“What do you do with Sadie when you’re gone?”
I let go of her hand, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. When she brings her hand up, lacing her fingers with mine, I find myself grinning like an utter fool. It’s just so natural. “She usually stays with my parents. But if they come on the road trip, then she gets boarded, which she absolutely hates.”