by Toni Aleo
“Chandler.”
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“If that invitation hasn’t expired for me to come to Thanksgiving with you and your family, I’d really like to accept.”
My heart can’t fucking take it. I kiss her cheek then her jaw and her nose before her top lip. I stare into her glossy blue eyes, and my soul screams for her. “I want you there.”
A small little smile curves her lips before she nods. “I want to be there.”
A sigh of completion leaves my lips, and I’m thinking those three little words. Actually, they’re screaming in my head, but I don’t think either of us is ready for them. So instead, I take her mouth with mine and know the only thing I’m truly thankful for this year is her.
Chapter Eighteen
Amelia
“I won’t be alone.”
“Amelia, honey, just come home. Elli will send the plane now,” my mom insists. I know she’s getting upset, but I’m not ready. The thought of being around my whole family, having them look at me like I’ve messed up my life completely, is not how I want to spend the holiday. Plus, I know they’ll try to pressure me into moving back home. Sofia will come at me with the perfect job. Ryan will say I need family. My mom will stress that she has a place for me to stay, and then my aunt and uncle will fill in what everyone else hasn’t covered. It’s what my family does. They love until you’re completely suffocated and start to agree with them.
“Mom, really, I’m good.”
“We haven’t had a holiday together in years. This was our year.”
“No, it wasn’t. Not yet. I promise, I’ll come home next year.”
She lets out an aggravated sigh. “So you’re staying there?”
Damn, why did I say that? “I don’t know, Mom. I’m trying to figure things out. That is what this year is supposed to do for me.”
“But it’s been over a year now.”
I want to slam my head into the dashboard. Chandler must feel my anxiety, because he grabs my hand, kissing my palm. I send him a weak smile as I sigh deeply. “I know, and I’m still working things out. I won’t apologize for wanting to better myself and heal, Mom.”
She lets out a long breath. “Fine. I understand. I took a solid three years when I lost your dad.”
“Exactly. Thank you.”
“But you’re not alone?”
“No, I promise I’m not.”
“Who are you with?”
I look to my left, where Chandler is driving with absolutely no clue that he may be saving me one day at a time. I don’t know how in the world this all happened, but it has. I find myself wanting him all the time. He was only gone for four days, and I’ve been so lonely without him. I fear I’m depending on him, but then I remind myself it’s just my broken confidence that makes me feel that way. I was okay before him, I was finding myself, and I was working. I didn’t just lie in bed, crying over my failed marriage. I was living. But now, I’m living my best life because he’s adding to it in such a beautiful way.
He makes me happy.
“I’d rather not say.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ll jump to conclusions.”
“So it’s a guy?”
“Mom—”
“Please, do not let it be Drew.”
“Ew,” I say quickly, my face scrunched up. “No, never.”
“Oh. Thank God.” She breathes out a sigh of relief, and I smile. “I sort of hope it’s Chandler, though I’m sure Ryan will have something to say about that.”
“Okay, so I’m gonna go.”
“Fine. I love you. Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Love you. Happy Thanksgiving.”
I hang up the phone and tuck it into my purse. Chandler looks over at me, and I smile. He’s wearing a nice dress shirt and slacks. His hair is brushed to the side, and he’s had his beard neatly barbered. Mostly because his mom hates it. But I adore it. He looks devilishly handsome.
“You didn’t tell her you were here?”
“No,” I say, lacing my fingers with his. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” he says with a shrug. “All that matters is that you’re here.”
I eye him. I feel like he wants more than what I am giving him. Like maybe he thinks I should have told my mom where I was? I lick my lips. “Are you sure? You seem upset.”
He raises a brow. “Upset? I’m great. I’ve missed you.”
I don’t believe him. “Did you want me to tell her?”
“I mean, it would be cool. But at the same time, I know why you didn’t. You’re not ready to do all that. Also, I’d really like to talk to Ryan first.”
I want to believe him, but I feel like I’m doing wrong in some way. “Oh.”
“The thing is, Amelia, I don’t care who knows about us. I’m with you, you’re with me, and that’s that. No one will change that except you or me. It’s that simple.”
I chew on the inside of my mouth as he pulls into a driveway. He puts the car in park and then looks at me. “Okay?”
“So, you’re not mad at me?” I find myself asking, and his brows pull together.
“Did I say I was?” he asks, but before I can even answer, he shakes his head. “Listen, this is the only time I’ll come out and say this. I don’t know what your ex did—you haven’t told me—but if something is wrong, I’ll tell you. I have no problem communicating with you what I am feeling or what I think because I trust you and I feel comfortable with you.”
He doesn’t ask about Drew at all, so I know he means what he says. “I do trust you.”
“Okay, then don’t put me in the category he’s in because he didn’t know how to love. Love didn’t hurt you or mess you up. It was his inability to love you right.”
I know I should be focusing on what he just said and not that fact that he said love twice in one sentence, but it’s hard. Is he telling me that he loves me? That he knows how to love me? Surely not. There is no way he could love me. That’s just insane. I don’t have my shit together, and I can’t even admit that he and I are doing something way more than just dating. I don’t know when it moved past that, maybe after the Halloween party, but it’s definitely become more significant. Maybe it was always more significant.
“Okay, now come on. My mom has already opened the curtains twice looking out at us.”
He leans over, kissing my lips before getting out of the car. He gets my bag out of the back seat as I throw open the door. He comes to me, holding his hand out. When I take it, he smiles, bringing my knuckles to his mouth. “My parents are great, but they’re still a little hesitant because of the whole Lana thing.”
“Understandable.”
“So I’m not sure how they’re going to react to you, okay?”
“Okay. They know I’m coming, right?”
“Yeah, they sent the plane. But still, just a warning.” He sends me a flashy grin before opening the door and leading me into the house with his hand. “Hey, Mom, we’re—” Before he can finish his sentence, his mom is in the foyer, grinning from ear to ear. She’s petite, with long blond hair and dark-green eyes. She has wrinkles by her eyes and around her mouth, but her eyes are so vivid. She’s wearing a pair of brown leggings with an oversize turkey shirt that reads “I’m ready to wobble gobble.” Chandler seems a little taken aback as he says, “Oh. You know we’re here, I see.”
“Yes. Hello, I’m Elizabeth. But you can call me Lizzy or Mom. Whatever makes you happy!” She is practically bouncing with excitement, and I really don’t understand why.
“Whoa. Okay, Mom. Cool your jets. You’re scaring her,” Chandler laughs as he puts my suitcase by the door. “This is Amelia.”
“Hi.”
“Hello, gosh, you’re just so gorgeous. I didn’t expect her to be so pretty.”
“Wow, thanks, Mom.”
I snicker at his offended look.
“And sweet-looking. She doesn’t look like a bitch.”
I giggle. “That’s a plus.”
>
He gives me a dry look. “Apparently.”
“Holy crap. You upgraded, Chandler.”
I look to the doorway of the kitchen to see an older man with a matching wide grin. His eyes are dark brown, and his brown hair is dusted with gray. He has a large nose that doesn’t really fit his face, but his grin is so bright, it’s hard to really notice it. He has a matching shirt to his wife’s, and that fills me with such joy. My mom used to make my dad match her.
A grin pulls at my lips as I glance up to Chandler. “Do you not date good-looking people?”
He shrugs with a roll of his eyes. “I thought so, but maybe not.”
“He didn’t,” they say in unison, and Chandler rolls his eyes.
“They weren’t awful. But then again, I didn’t know what beauty was until I met you.”
Air rushes from my lungs as he closes the distance between us, kissing my nose tenderly. As if he doesn’t care that his mom and dad are standing there. As if I’m the only person in the room. When he pulls back, he gazes into my eyes, and everything just fades away. I quirk my lips before taking his chin in my hand and kissing him softly. He squeezes my hip before pulling away slowly.
When he winks, I grin as he turns to his parents. “So, yeah.”
Lizzy is beaming, and Charles looks pretty pleased. Before anyone can say a word, the door flies open and a bunch of guys file in. I remember them from the party. Chandler’s teammates.
“Moon! Football. Now!” Nico says as he tosses the ball up and down. “Let go of your girl and come on.”
A bunch of the guys agree, razzing him as he rolls his eyes. “You good?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’ll help your mom in the kitchen, if that’s okay.”
She almost comes out of her skin with glee. “I’d love that.”
“Great,” he says, kissing my temple. He looks to his dad. “Listen, you can play, but it’s not my fault if you throw out your hip again.”
His dad chuckles. “Shut it. Let’s go.”
“Please be careful,” Lizzy calls after them, but I don’t think they hear her. When she looks at me, I smile. “He’s gonna throw out his hip again.”
I widen my eyes. “You think so?”
“Well, I sure hope not.” She grins back at me. “So, did you have a nice ride in?”
I nod as we head toward the kitchen. “I did. Your plane is almost the same as my aunt’s. Hers is a tad bit bigger, but then, she has five kids.”
Lizzy grins as she goes behind the counter. The house we’re in is one Chandler’s parents just bought. It’s on the beach and really roomy. When I asked why they bought it, he said his mom wanted a winter home. Not sure what that means, but who am I to judge? It still surprises me how well-off they are. I thought my aunt and uncle were pretty set, or even my mom, but they don’t have multiple homes in different states. Kind of crazy. The best part is that Chandler never acts like their money is his. He’s very humble about it, and I love that about him.
“I’m so glad you could join us. Chandler talks about you all the time.”
“Good things, I hope,” I say as I lean into the counter.
“Always,” she gushes as she hands me a bowl of vegetables. “Cut those for me, please. They’re for the stuffing.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
As I get to work, she says, “You two seem pretty smitten with each other.”
I smile. “He’s amazing. You’ve raised a great guy.”
“I think so. He’s my everything.”
We share a smile, and then she asks, “So, tell me about yourself. I only know what Chandler says, which is that you’re extremely beautiful and very funny. Oh! He told me you were a fantastic collegiate gymnast. Finished eighth in the region your first year, right? That’s exciting.”
I grin. “He told you that?”
“Yup. He used to talk about you when he was in college. It’s sweet that you guys reconnected.”
My heart flutters. “Yeah, what are the chances, huh?”
“I think it’s fate,” she says sweetly, her eyes so kind and nice. She has to be where Chandler gets his kind eyes from. I know he’s adopted, but I feel like if you’re around someone all the time, you inherit some of their mannerisms. “Do you miss it? He told me you aren’t doing gymnastics anymore.”
“I do,” I admit. “A lot, actually. I followed my ex-husband to where he was, and I worked for a bit as a coach. But then things changed, and I stayed home.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. Chandler did tell me you were divorced. Again, it’s a one-in-a-million chance you two would get together after all this time—and after both of you divorcing. It’s good, at least, that you both know what a bad marriage feels like.”
“Yeah,” I say softly.
“Have you thought about getting back into it?”
“Marriage?” I ask incredulously, and she laughs.
“No, honey. Gymnastics.”
Oh. Thank God. I nod. “I want to, but I’m a bit scared.”
“Scared?”
I bite my lip as I cut the carrots into quarters. “Well, I dropped out of school to follow my ex, and I’m worried people will think of me as a failure.”
She makes a face. “Well, that’s understandable, but I don’t like the word failure.”
I look up. “You don’t?”
“No, because I don’t truly feel like someone fails. It’s a state of mind to me. When I do something and I don’t succeed, I look at it as a learning experience. If you allow yourself to feel like a failure, then you won’t try again. You’ll let it define you. So instead, look at it as a teaching moment and try again.”
Her words knock the air out of me as I stare at her. “Wow.”
“You see, honey, I don’t know if Chandler told you, but I couldn’t get pregnant. I had fourteen miscarriages in five years.”
I press my lips together, feeling awful for her, but there is no pain on her face.
“We were devastated each time. But through it all, I knew I had to work for my goal, and that goal was to have a child to love as much as we loved each other.” She smiles as she leans on her elbows, her eyes locked with mine. “We were going to use a surrogate—my sister would carry the baby for us—but she kept telling me about this little boy who would come into her bar who had these unbelievable topaz eyes. His mom was really deep into drugs and alcohol, and she didn’t take care of him at all. My sister would feed him when his mother would bring him into the bar, drinking and acting a fool, while he sat in the corner, coloring. My sister suspected that was the only time he ate. She called Child Services on the mother over and over again, and finally, they took the child from her. My sister told me about him, and something inside me told me he needed me. I knew Charles and I could show him what love was. So after a load of money in legal fees, we became Chandler’s parents.”
That poor child. These amazing people. God, he is so lucky. Tears flood my eyes. “That’s amazing.”
“I could have said I was a failure at becoming a mother over and over again, but I didn’t. Charles wouldn’t let me if I tried. He didn’t have to stay with me—it wasn’t his problem, it was mine—yet he stood by my side.” She reaches over, taking my hands in hers. “A real man looks at your flaws and loves them because they’re a part of you. He doesn’t look at you just as a right now. He looks to the future. Charles knew we would be great parents, one way or another.”
I’m speechless. My heart is in my throat as I gaze into her eyes. “You are.”
She gives me a wide smile, patting the back of my hand. “You’re a good girl, Amelia.”
I grin back. “I try.”
“Lana,” she says with such distaste, “was the most awful person I’ve ever met.”
“Really?”
“Oh yes. I knew she was with him for his money and she would take him down. I just knew it, and I told Chandler that. He didn’t like what I had to say and fought with me about it, but I stood my ground. I tolerated her because of Chandler,
but I never cared for her.”
“My mom hated my ex too.”
“Well, if someone made my child give up on his dreams for them, I wouldn’t care for them either.”
I press my lips together as I look down at the cutting boards. “Yeah, dumb mistakes.”
“True, but we learn from them,” she says with a shrug. “At least no children were involved in either of your mistakes.”
My heart starts to pound as I nod. “Yeah, true.”
When tears spring to my eyes, I look back down as I take a shaky breath.
The back door opens then, and Chandler comes in. I put a smile on my face as he wraps me up from behind. He’s sweaty, but I don’t care. “Feed me a carrot. I need strength.”
I giggle as I give him a piece of carrot, and he chews it up. “Thank you.” He then turns his mouth to my ear. “You are so hot when you cook.”
I grin. “You could be too.”
He scoffs. “Mom, can I cook?”
She laughs. “I had to move for him so he wouldn’t starve.”
We all laugh, and then Chandler kisses my jaw. “Okay, I’m out. Just wanted to check on you.”
As soon as he lets me go, rushing out the door, I miss him. I feel as if he protects me from all the bad decisions I made. I want nothing more than to follow him out there and watch, but I want to spend time with his mom. When I glance up, she’s studying me with a knowing look on her face.
“Oh yeah, I really like you.”
I smile. “I like you too.”
Her grin widens. “Good, because I’m pretty sure that boy is completely taken with you.”
My smile falters a bit because I want to believe her words. I want to believe he loves all my stupid issues, but it’s so damn hard. So hard.
And that’s a problem.
Because I’m completely taken with him.
Dinner was perfection. Lizzy cooks like a dream, and everyone enjoyed themselves immensely. A bunch of Chandler’s teammates ate with us—the single ones, mainly—and they were a hoot. Especially Nico, though he wouldn’t look me in the eye. I guess he thinks I’m mad he hooked up with Shelli, but I’m not. She’s a grown woman; she can do what she wants.