by Toni Aleo
I go up to bed before everyone else. As much as I want to stay up and spend time with Chandler’s family, I know I have the plane ride with them tomorrow to chitchat. I honestly adore both of them. They’re amazing and sweet. So kind. They love everyone and treat everyone as theirs. I’m pretty sure Lizzy told every guy at the table she loved him. She’s incredible, and Charles is hilarious. They remind me so much of my family, and that makes me really happy. We had so much fun. More fun than I’ve had in a really long time.
I sit down on the edge of the bed with my phone in my hand. There are billions of text messages, and I’ve been ignoring them all afternoon.
Mom: It was lonely without you. Hope you had a nice day.
I want to feel awful for not going home, but I don’t. I still need more time, and I don’t regret coming to Chandler’s.
Ryan: Wish you were here. Miss you, and if you tell me who you’re with, I won’t tell Mom.
I snort. Liar.
Sofia: Love you. Miss you. Can’t wait to see you!
I smile. I miss her too.
Shelli: Really? You didn’t come? I’m stuck here being questioned on who you’re with and what you’re doing! Jerk!
I type back quickly.
Me: Did you tell?
Shelli: No, asshole. I told them I didn’t know. Are you having fun, at least?
Relief floods me.
Me: Yeah, it’s been an amazing day.
Shelli: Well, that’s all that matters.
I bite my lip.
Me: Should I tell Chandler?
Shelli: About what?
Me: Drew. The reason we married and divorced?
Shelli: Do you want to?
Me: I do, but I don’t. I’m scared he’ll be disgusted with me.
Shelli: Well, I know for a fact he wouldn’t. He isn’t that way, Amelia.
I let my phone rest in my lap as I drop my head back. When Chandler told me he trusted me and was comfortable with me, I felt the same way. He’s been completely open with me about his divorce and his ex. I’ve been a closed book, and that’s not fair for him. He has a right to know.
When the door opens, he comes in, and immediately, his face lights up. “Hey there, gorgeous.”
I sigh softly. “Hey.”
His brow perks as he unbuttons his shirt. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I sigh roughly. “Answering texts from my prodding family.”
He chuckles. “Well, I’m sure they’re better than mine. If my mom told you one more time that she absolutely loved you, I was gonna lose it. I’m worried she’s scaring you away.”
I shake my head as my mouth quirks at the side. “Not even kind of.”
He throws his shirt to the ground as he unfastens his pants. “That’s good,” he says before taking my phone out of my hand and tossing it to the side of the bed. I smile as he covers my body with his, hooking my leg around his hip. He caresses my nose with his before capturing my mouth in a passionate kiss. He makes me wild; my whole body catches on fire as I hook my other leg around him so I can feel all of him. When he pulls back, he cups my face with his hands and kisses my nose. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
I kiss his bottom lip. “So am I.”
“I don’t want you to leave tomorrow.”
I nod. “I don’t either.”
“Just six more days until I see you again.”
“Thankfully.”
He kisses me once more, and I sink into the kiss. Into him. I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him closer as he rolls to his side, taking me with him. We kiss and play, our hands roaming over each other’s bodies, cherishing the other. My heart is singing for him, and when he pulls back, needing to catch his breath, my eyes lock with his. I swallow hard, emotion threatening to smother me as I stare into his gaze.
“I got pregnant.”
His eyes widen as his brows squish together. “Excuse me?”
When I realize what I just said, which made no sense and scared the shit out of him, I bark out a laugh. “Whoa, sorry. Let me start over.”
He just stares at me as I swallow my laughter. I lick my lips before biting them. “Drew and I got married because I got pregnant.” His gaze softens as I look at his nose to avoid his eyes. “Since my mom hated him already, I knew if she knew we were pregnant and not married, she’d hate him more. So I begged him to marry me. He didn’t want to, he wanted to wait, but I nagged him until he did. We didn’t have a real wedding or anything. It was at the courthouse, and I think that pissed off my mom more.” Tears flood my eyes, and when I squeeze them shut, the tears escape to leak down my face. “I lost the baby a month later. While I was completely terrified to be pregnant, I was also excited. I was going to be a mom. I could put the baby in hockey or gymnastics. I had all these plans. I was married to my high school sweetheart, things were perfect…but within moments, it all changed.”
Chandler lifts my chin so our eyes meet. He strokes his fingers along my cheeks, catching my tears. He doesn’t say anything, but compassion and sympathy are in his eyes. I don’t want to go on, but I know I need to. I bite the inside of my cheek so hard it hurts before I close my eyes. “When I told him I lost the baby, he was so happy. He said we didn’t need a kid, and then he told me he knew he shouldn’t have married me so quickly.” I open my eyes to see such rage in Chandler’s expression. “I think that’s when I knew my marriage was doomed.”
Within seconds, Chandler smothers me in his arms. He trails kisses along my hairline and forehead before meeting my mouth with his. His kiss is different; it’s comforting instead of hot.
When he pulls away, his eyes burn into mine. “He didn’t deserve you.”
A sob bubbles in my throat as I nuzzle my nose into his neck. Chandler is right. I just wish I had realized that before I wasted so many years on Drew. Especially when I could have spent them with Chandler. I know there is more to tell him, and I want to, but this was a step in the right direction. I’m proud of that. But I can’t help worrying what he’ll think when he learns why I left Drew. Will he support me? Or will he be completely and utterly disgusted by me? I’m disgusted by me, so why shouldn’t he be? But why do I have to think that? He isn’t disappointed now or even appalled by me. He is supportive and kind. That’s Chandler. He’s wonderful. That said, I once thought Drew was wonderful too. Why the hell do I have to be so scared to make the same mistake when they’re two different people?
I know this. I feel this in my heart. But I can’t seem to grasp it in my brain.
Chapter Nineteen
Amelia
Sadie barks angrily beside me as I run a towel down my face.
The espresso machine is broken again.
William moves around me, cleaning the floor as I groan loudly. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Sadie agrees with a growl, and I pet her head. “Good girl. That’s right. Tell that stupid machine.” I turn to William, annoyance plain on my face and in my voice. “William, we need a new machine. I’m tired of this. It happens at least twice a week.”
“I know. I’m working on it.”
I groan in frustration as Sadie agrees with a growl. Will’s been working on it for six months now! He and his dad are too cheap to hire a new person or get a new machine. I look at my customer and try to smile. “I’m so sorry. Is there something else I can get you, or would you like a refund?”
The man, who looks just as annoyed as I do, shrugs. “A regular coffee with cream is fine.”
“Fantastic.” I get him his order and wish him a good day. I’m pretty sure he wants to flip me off, but he refrains. Which is nice since my day is going oh so wonderfully. I untuck my wet shirt and try to dry it, but it’s soaked. I let my head fall back. I hate that I’m so frustrated I’m about to cry. This is so ridiculous. I hate it here. I hate coffee, and I hate machines that don’t work. And I miss Chandler. I miss him so much.
When Sadie comes over to lie on my foot, calm washes over me. I smile down at her. “Thanks, girl
.”
He’s been gone for seven days, and I still have another three before he returns home. I got to see him for the holiday, but it was only for one night before they flew off to New Jersey. Shelli will be here at the end of the week, a day before Chandler gets back, which is good. I might be going crazy.
When my phone rings in my apron, I reach for it and smile when I see who’s calling. Even drenched as I am in milk and espresso, Chandler puts a smile on my face.
“Hey.”
“Hey, where you are?” There is urgency in his voice.
“Work? Why?”
“Babe, did you forget about the plumber?”
Oh. Fuck.
I close my eyes and squeeze the bridge of my nose. “Yes, oh my God, I’m so sorry. I’m leaving now.”
“What? You can’t leave,” William says, but I throw my apron on the counter.
“I wasn’t supposed to work anyway, William. I came in to help this morning, and now I’m drenched. I have to go. I was supposed to be at the house for my boyfriend.” I call for Sadie, and we head out. “I’m so sorry, Chandler.”
“How long will it take you to get there?”
“Like, six minutes. I’ll pay the fee if he tries to charge you one. I’m so sorry.” I jump into the truck after Sadie does and start it.
“Is that my truck?”
“Yeah, I didn’t want to get dog hair in my car.”
“You have Sadie?”
“Yeah, she came to work with me. I didn’t want her alone, so she’s been coming every day I work.”
“They didn’t care?”
“William did the first day, and I told him I could leave. But he said fine, Sadie could stay,” I tell Chandler as I drive out of town. “That’s okay, right?”
“Yeah, it’s great. You just make it really hard to be upset with you.”
My shoulders droop. “You were upset with me?”
“Amelia, you forgot about this appointment. You know they only had today to dig out the pipes and replace them.”
I bite my lip. “I know. I’m really sorry.”
I expect him to start yelling, to call me stupid or an idiot. “It’s okay. I should have reminded you, though I did write it on your calendar.”
“You did,” I groan. I think I glanced at it this morning. I obviously didn’t read it. “I didn’t want to go in to work, and then I was in a rush. So I suck. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t suck, and stop apologizing.”
“You can say I suck.”
“Why would I? How does that make this situation better? I refuse to belittle you for a mistake. It’s okay. Are you there?”
I don’t know why tears are filling my eyes as I pull into his driveway. The plumbing crew is in front of the house, all smoking cigarettes. “Yes.”
“Okay, and you have my credit card for payment, right?”
“It’s in the drawer, inside.”
“Great. Call me when it’s done. If I don’t answer, I’m still on the ice, and I’ll call you back.”
“Okay.”
“And, Amelia…”
“Yeah?”
“I miss you something insane.”
“I miss you.” My heart flutters in my chest, and the anxiety of forgetting the important appointment subsides. Chandler had asked me twice if he should have his mom fly back to take care of supervising the repair of his busted sewer lines, but I insisted I would. Way to drop the ball, Justice. I get out of the truck and call Sadie with me.
An older man pushes off the truck and looks down at me. “Amelia?”
“Yes, I’m—”
“Man, Mr. Moon wasn’t kidding when he said you were the most gorgeous woman ever. You two married?”
Swoon. I press my lips together to keep my laughter in. “I am,” I lie so he won’t hit on me.
“Well, Mr. Moon is one lucky guy.”
“He sure is.” I clap my hands together as Sadie moves herself through my legs. “So, you’ll get started?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, I’ll be in the house.”
“Don’t use the bathroom, though.”
“I understand.” I call for Sadie as we head into the house.
We’ll be here for a while, and that’s fine. I don’t have anything else to do. After getting a snack and a bottle of water, I lie down on the couch with Sadie, putting on Netflix. We’re deep into a Marvel movie when my phone rings. I reach up on the arm of the couch for it and answer without looking at the screen. I know it’s Shelli from her ringtone.
“Hey.”
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“Lying on Chandler’s couch, watching Thor do Thor things and looking mighty fine as hell.”
“Mmm. I love Thor.”
“Don’t we all?”
“I’m surprised you remembered the appointment. I was convinced you would forget about that today.”
“I did,” I say with a dramatic roll of my eyes.
She laughs. “Knew it. Nico owes me money.”
A grin spreads across my face. “Huh! Guess you’re glad I didn’t find you the night of the party and make you come home with Chandler and me.”
She snorts. “It would have been weird if you took both Chandler and me home.”
“Exactly, which is why I sent the text.”
“I guess. Whatever.”
I grin as I harass her. “So you guys are like talking, talking?”
“No, we’re hooking up. It’s totally casual, and that’s it. Seriously. I don’t have time for a relationship, and I sure as shit ain’t moving to South Carolina,” she says, her voice dry as a piece of toast.
“You could,” I suggest, but she scoffs.
“No. I told you. I think I’m gonna go back to school.”
“You were serious?” I ask, furrowing my brows. “I thought you were just being emotional.”
“I’m serious. I’m kind of over this Broadway stuff.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes!” she laughs. “I miss my family. I don’t know. I don’t like the vibe here anymore. I feel like I’ll start doing something I’m not supposed to.”
“Like what?”
She hesitates. “I don’t know. Drugs and alcohol are everywhere. I don’t want to be one of those people who falls into that stuff.”
“Shelli, you’re smarter than that.”
“Seriously, Amelia, my castmates are all into it… I may have already done it.”
My heart picks up speed at what I’m hearing. “Oh, Shelli. What?”
“Coke.”
I close my eyes. “Seriously?”
“Just two times, and it freaked me out. I went off on my friend Chris for it and said I don’t want to do it again.”
“Why, though, Shelli?”
“I sing with a guy in a snowman outfit six days a week. It’s mortifying.”
I want to laugh, but I can’t. I’m scared. “But you’re not addicted or anything—”
“God no. I promise you. It wasn’t my jam—at all.”
Well, that’s a plus. “Shelli, don’t give up something you love because people are dumb and pressure you. You’re almost done with this show. You’ll get another one.”
“I know that, but I don’t think I love Broadway anymore.”
“What? Really?”
“Yeah, I’m tired of singing the same thing over and over again. I want to write and sing what I want to sing. Just…I don’t know. I feel like I jumped into this way too young.”
I nod in agreement. “I can see that.”
“I want to enjoy my early adult years. I miss my dad, and…I just want to be home.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah, I support you.”
“And you’ll go home too?”
I pause. “You’re not doing this to get me home, are you?”
“No, Amelia. God, the world doesn’t revolve around you.” I laugh at her exasperation. “I just thought it would be nice if we w
ere both home.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
“Because of Chandler?”
I shrug as I stroke my fingers through Sadie’s hair. When she licks my hand, I smile. “He’s a big part of it.”
“Well, at least you admit it.”
I roll my eyes.
“I don’t know what I want to do. I’m still figuring out my life.”
“So am I.”
“Being an adult sucks.”
“It does, and you aren’t even at the hard parts yet.”
“Great, thanks for the reminder.”
“I’ll be here for you, though, because I love you.”
“Back at ya. I love you too.”
When we hang up, I have a grin on my face. Shelli has always been my constant supporter, my best friend. As much as I want her to stay in New York and be the star she is, I think I always knew she wouldn’t last. She belongs in Nashville; it’s her home. For a long time, I thought it was mine.
But I may have been wrong.
I lay my head on Sadie’s as we continue to watch Thor’s sexy display. I’m pretty sure Sadie likes him too because she hasn’t taken her eyes off the screen since the movie started. Outside, I can hear the guys working and talking loudly, but it’s easy to ignore. Somehow, I fall asleep during the movie, which is unlike me, but I did wake up at six a.m. to go into work. I really need to quit; I hate it there. William and his dad aren’t doing right by that coffee house or me. I want to do something else, but I don’t think what I want to do will ever happen.
The ringing of my phone is what wakes me up. When I reach for it, again over my head on the armrest, I pull it down to see that it’s Chandler.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey. You just wake up?”
I nod as I sit up, stretching my arms above my head. Sadie stays in her spot across my lap. “Yeah. Catnap.”
“Nice. I’m a bit jealous.”
I stand up, going to the window to see them still working. “What are you doing?”
“Just got done with morning skate and videos. Now about to go to lunch with the guys.”
“Cool. They’re still here working.”