I nodded. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I hope the letter helps you. I don’t know what will happen between you and Harper, but I know you’re strong enough to deal with whatever comes your way. You are going to be okay.”
“Thanks. We’ll see, I guess. I don’t understand why he didn’t just tell me all that when he was alive. It seems like he went out of his way to make not only his life more difficult, but mine as well.”
Sawyer smiled. “I don’t know, but I do know you’re repeating his mistakes. Don’t let Harper get away without telling her how you feel.”
He was right. They were both right. I didn’t want to end up like my father. I had to take a leap of faith. If she broke my heart, so be it. It was better than never knowing what could have been.
Chapter 36
Harper
I reached for the black crayon, methodically coloring the edges of the picture from the coloring book I had chosen. Jace was across the table, coloring his own picture. I had on music in the background, and we were both quietly singing along.
It was a peaceful, relaxing morning. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I loved the quiet moments Jace and I could spend together, doing something we both enjoyed. I found a certain calm in coloring a picture. Jace did as well. It was something we had been doing together since he was a little guy.
“Mom?” Jace said.
“Hmm?” I asked, not looking up from my page.
“Are you going to have a baby?”
I nearly choked. “What? Why do you ask that?”
He shrugged. “Because I want a little brother, or a sister. You talked about it before. I thought about it and I want one.”
I nodded. “I see. Why do you want a brother or sister?”
“I want someone to play with. Someone that is a kid, not a mom.”
I smiled. “Are you saying I’m not fun to play with?”
He shrugged. “You’re a mom.”
“I get it. Is that all you want?”
“I want a friend. I want someone who can’t be mean to me because they’ll get in trouble if they do. You can’t get mad at the kids at school, but you can tell my brother to stop picking on me.”
I laughed. “This is true. What if you’re picking on your little brother?”
“I wouldn’t do that because I know what it feels like,” he said in a solemn tone.
“Jace, are the kids at school giving you a hard time again?”
He shrugged. “Not right now, but they will.”
“Why will they?”
“I don’t know. Because they don’t like me.”
“Why don’t they like you?” I questioned.
He sighed. “I don’t know. Because I’m different.”
“How are you different?”
“I’m shy. I like to read. I don’t have a dad.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay, let me address the first two things. Being shy is not a bad thing. A lot of people are shy. Being shy can be a good thing. It lets you stay back and watch. Observing is a good way to learn about people. And reading is a very good thing. Reading makes you smart. It’s like a workout for your brain.”
He shrugged. “The other kids don’t read that much. They always complain when we have to read a book. I like it.”
“Good. You can like it. That is normal. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.”
He stopped coloring and gave me his full attention. “Will I ever have a dad?”
His words stopped my heart. “You had a dad,” I whispered. “You had an amazing dad.”
“But he died and now I don’t have one.”
I nodded, blinking back the tears. “You will always have a dad. Your dad can’t be here. Trust me, if he could be here, he would. He loved you so much. He wanted to be with you all the time, but he was a special man. You can be proud of your father. He is a hero.”
He looked thoughtful. “But I want him to be here. I want him to take me places and stuff like that. Why did he have to die?”
“Oh, sweetie, he didn’t want to die. He was a soldier, and sometimes, soldiers die. Soldiers make the world safer for us. He died trying to make sure you could live in a good world.”
I wasn’t sure if it was too much for him to understand. I had struggled with how much I should tell him. I didn’t want him to know the details of his father’s death—not yet. In my opinion, he was too young to know about such things. I wanted him to hold on to his innocence for as long as he could. I wanted him to see the world as a safe place and not the dangerous one that it really was.
“Do I look like him?”
I smiled. “You have some of his features, but mostly, you look like me. You’re going to be tall like him and strong. You’re smart. He was a smart guy. He also loved to read. When you were little, he read to you a lot.”
He looked thoughtful. “I don’t remember him very well.”
“I know, sweetie. I know. We have pictures. I’ll put the photo album in your room, and you can look at it anytime you want.”
“Do you miss him?” he asked.
I sighed. “I do. He was my best friend. We laughed a lot, and we learned a lot together. We had so much fun. We were crazy in love. We were young, and both of us had so little experience in the new world. We learned together.”
“Did he go to parks?”
“Yes, he did. We took you to Disneyland once when you were very little. He liked candy too. Probably too much.”
He laughed. “I like candy.”
“I know you do.”
“Theo likes candy,” he said.
Another gut punch. “Yes, he does.”
“I think my dad and Theo are kind of the same,” he said, going back to his coloring.
“How so?”
He shrugged. “Because they are both nice. They both made you laugh. They both like candy.”
And they both got me pregnant.
“I suppose there are some similarities. I think those are all good qualities to have. I bet you have those same qualities.”
He looked at me, wrinkling his nose. “Qualities?”
“Like things that describe the kind of person you are. You are a lot like your dad and Theo.”
“Is Theo going to come over again soon?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you guys mad at each other?”
“What?” I asked. “Why would you think that?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. He hasn’t been here, and you guys haven’t gone on a date.”
I laughed. “Sometimes, you are just too smart for your own good, mister.”
“You said it was good to be smart,” he reminded me.
I groaned. “I did, didn’t I?”
“So, is he going to come over soon?”
“I don’t know. I am going to go see him when he gets back from his trip.”
“Where did he go?”
“Florida.”
He seemed satisfied with the answer and continued coloring. Little kids should be interrogators. They had a way of asking the hard questions and demanding nothing but the truth. I was going to be in real trouble once Jace had a sibling to conspire with. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the shenanigans they would get up to.
I smiled just thinking about two mischievous, precocious boys in the house. While the age difference was more than I would have wanted, it was also going to be beneficial for all parties involved. It would teach Jace good responsibility, and it would be a huge help to me. The little one would have the benefit of having a big brother that could take him places and be a personal bodyguard and best friend.
I never had the benefit of having a brother or sister. I wanted Jace to have that. I wanted him to have that natural camaraderie. I wanted him to have someone after I was long gone. It was hard to be alone in the world.
Jace put his crayon back in the art kit we always brought out for our coloring adventures. “Done,” he announced, holding up his picture.
I smiled. “Beautiful as always.”
“I’m going to play my game for a little bit,” he said and got up from the table.
“All right. I’ll start dinner soon.”
He walked away, leaving me alone at the table to finish my picture. My mind drifted to Theo. I was trying to figure out the best way to deliver my news. I was usually a straight shooter, but in this situation, I felt like a little finesse was in order. I didn’t want to give the man a heart attack.
I figured I would start slowly and give him a way out, making sure he understood I expected nothing from him. He was free to go on with his life. I wouldn’t want anything from him. That wasn’t entirely true, but I would tell him that.
No matter how he felt about having kids, I knew he was a good man. At his very core, he was a thoughtful person who would want to do right by his child and me. I kept thinking about what he had done for Jace. That had come from the heart. That had required no prompting from me. That was the kind of man that would make a good father, whether he realized it or not.
I finished my picture and cleaned up the crayons and coloring books, stashing them back on the shelf in the dining room. When I heard my phone beep, I nearly jumped over the table to get to it. I was that anxious to hear from Theo. The more I thought about it, the more anxious I got. I actually wanted to tell him. I wanted him to be happy.
I opened the text message. Theo was back. His plane had just landed, and he would be home within the hour. I checked the time and figured I could make it there and back by nine. I immediately called Kylie as I walked to my bedroom to change into something a little more attractive than the sweats and hoodie I had on.
“What are you doing right now?” I asked when she picked up the phone.
“Um, stuffing my face, why?”
“Can you babysit Jace for a few hours?”
“What’s up?”
“Theo is back. I want to go to his place and tell him the news.”
“Ohh, yes, I can.”
“I’ll bring him over in thirty minutes,” I said, stepping out of my sweats and kicking them across the room.
“No, I’ll go over there. Just in case you decide to stay the night.”
I scoffed. “I don’t see that happening.”
“I do,” she said confidently. “I’ll be over in a few. If you stay, I can get him to school in the morning.”
“Thank you. I’ll order a pizza.”
“I can order pizza. Get dressed. Brush your hair, and put on some makeup. You need to snare you a baby daddy.”
“I think that ship has sailed. He takes me as I am or not at all.”
I hung up and quickly changed, putting on some makeup and pulling my hair up in a ponytail. I did want to look good for him. After all, I hadn’t seen him in almost a week. I did miss him. I just hoped he missed me too.
“Jace,” I said, pulling his headphone from his ear.
“Are we going somewhere?” he asked, taking in my change in appearance.
“I’m going to see Theo. Kylie is going to stay with you.”
He grinned. “Tell him I said hi and I hope he comes over soon. I want to tell him about the new candy I was thinking about.”
“I will tell him,” I said, hoping I wouldn’t have to disappoint him if Theo decided he didn’t want to be in our lives.
“Bye, Mom.” He waved as I walked out of his room.
I turned to look back at him and smiled. “See you later.”
I went into the living room, tidying up before Kylie arrived. She burst through the door twenty minutes after we had talked. “I’m here! Go!”
I laughed. “Slow down, woman.”
“I’m so excited for you! I am just sure it will all work out. You better call or send me a text letting me know what’s up.”
“I will. Of course, I will. I’m sure I’ll be back by nine at the latest.”
“You better not be. I want you to stay there and work this out. Shake him until he sees reason. You’re a good woman, and he’d be an idiot not to want to be with you. If he dumps you, I will kick his ass.”
“No, you won’t. He isn’t obligated to me. Now, I’m going to go. Have fun and make sure he’s in bed by eight, please.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. When mom is gone, it’s Aunt Kylie’s rules.”
Chapter 37
Theo
I had paced and then paced some more. I practiced a speech, ready to beg her to give me a chance to be the man she needed. I could be better. I could be more open and loving. I could show affection, and I would call her a hundred times a day if that was what she wanted.
I was regretting not getting flowers for her like Sawyer had suggested. It was too late now. She would be arriving any minute. I grabbed a bottle of water, even though a shot of whiskey was probably in order. I would wait until after she dropped her little nugget of information.
I heard the gate, signaling her arrival. Butterflies took flight in my stomach as I walked to the door. I opened it and watched her park her car. She smiled when she saw me. I watched as she walked toward me. I decided to pretend all was well and pulled her in for a kiss.
She didn’t shoo me away, which had to be a good thing. “Hi,” I said.
“Hi. Thank you for letting me stop by.”
“I’ve been anxious to see you.”
“Good,” she said, and I got the feeling there was nothing good about it at all.
“Can I get you a drink?” I asked as we walked toward the living room.
“No thanks.”
“Should we go in the living room?”
“Yes, that works.”
I gestured for her to have a seat. I sat in the chair across from her, almost afraid to get too close. “How’ve you been?” I asked, my mouth feeling like I had been sucking cotton balls.
“Good. You?”
I nodded. “Good.”
“Did you get the situation taken care of in Florida?”
“I did. I haven’t been there in a while. I need to do better. I promised the manager I would do better.”
She smiled. “I’m sure you will. How’s the candy sales?”
“Very good. It is in full production, and I expect some really good things to come from it.”
“Jace said to tell you he’s got some ideas for a new flavor or something,” she said, waving her hand.
“I’d like to hear what he has to say. He’s got some very good instincts. How’s it going in school for him? Any more problems?”
She smiled, shaking her head. “No, not so far. Really, thank you for what you did. I wish I would have known all it would take is candy.”
“Everything is better with candy,” I said with a smile. “I think that was actually a company line at one point.”
She nodded. I could feel the awkward tension between us. The small talk did nothing to help ease the discomfort.
“Theo,” she said.
“Just say it,” I said with resignation.
“Say what?”
“You said you needed to talk to me in person. I’m guessing that can only be one thing.”
She raised an eyebrow. “What thing would that be?”
“You don’t want to see me anymore.”
She shook her head. “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. However, what I have to tell you might make you not want to see me anymore.”
I felt like I had been kicked. “Is there someone else?” I whispered.
“No, no, nothing like that.”
“Will you please just tell me? I’m kind of dying here.”
She licked her lips, holding her hands together in her lap. “I talked to you before about why you didn’t want to be a father.”
I nodded. “You did. I’m not saying I don’t like kids. I do. I’m just not father material. At least, I didn’t think I was. Maybe I am. I don’t know. Things are a little weird right now.”
“Weird how?”
“Sawyer gave me a letter from my father, but that doesn’t
matter. Go ahead. Please, say what’s on your mind.”
Her hands were twisting in her lap. “What I’m about to say shouldn’t change anything. I don’t want you to feel like you have to say or do anything.”
“Okay,” I said, waiting for her to spit it out.
“I’m pregnant.”
I stared at her face. I saw her mouth move. I heard the words, but I was sure I’d heard incorrectly. “Pregnant?”
“Yes. Very early.”
“Pregnant?” I repeated.
“Yes, Theo. I’m pregnant with your child.”
“My child?”
She slapped a hand to her head. “This is why I wasn’t going to tell you anything. I should have just kept it to myself.”
“Kept it to yourself?”
She growled. “Sheesh, Theo. I didn’t expect you to take it well, but you’ve really outdone yourself. I’m going to go. I just thought you should know. You are not obligated in any way. I can do this.”
“Wait,” I said, putting up a hand and stopping her midrise from her chair. “Sit. Please.”
She sat down. “What?” she snapped.
“You’re pregnant.”
“Oh my god. Yes, Theo, pregnant. As in, with child, knocked up, a bun in the oven. I’m not sure how I can make it any clearer.”
“Wow. A baby. You’re pregnant. My baby.”
I felt like a toddler just learning to speak. Sentences were out of my reach as I struggled to string more than two words together. Sawyer had been right. He’d be thrilled with himself.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “Should I get you some water?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“I knew it would take you by surprise. I guess I’m glad I told you in person. You look like you’re about to have a stroke. I would have hated for you to be alone or driving when I dropped my little bombshell.”
“I’m fine. I’m shocked, but I’m fine.”
“You said that. Look, I was serious before. I know you don’t want children. I understand. This isn’t your problem. It was an accident. I should have known better.”
“Both of us. I didn’t think.”
All About The Treats Page 23