by Alta Hensley
When we got to the restaurant, and after I had ordered surf and turf we’d share as neither of us was capable of eating the entire thing by ourself, I picked up my glass of tea. For the first time in a long while, I sincerely wished the dark liquid in my glass was the best whiskey the restaurant offered. It wasn’t my old buddy Jack, but it would have to do.
“A toast for being so irresistible they couldn’t possibly do their trial without you,” I said with a smile, determined not to ruin the evening.
“Probably helped that I told them I had a famous granddaughter who had connections,” she said.
The mouthful of tea I’d just taken went down the wrong pipe. I tried to draw breath, but only was able to wheeze, panic flooding through me. Before I knew what was happening, I was yanked out of the booth and the waiter who’d taken our order had his arms around my body and was jerking me off my feet, his fist pressing between my breasts.
“Stop!” I managed finally, gripping his forearms with my hands. “I’m fine… swallowed wrong.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, releasing me.
“Yes,” I said, nodding as I turned to reassure him all was fine. “But, thank you. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Now that one of his customers didn’t appear to be about to expire, the teenager shrugged as if he performed lifesaving maneuvers every day. “Well, good. But, they train us on the Heimlich, so if you need me…”
“I’ll remember that,” I assured him and slid back into the booth to see my grandmother’s face was even paler than the waiter’s had been. “Are you all right?”
“Oh, dorogoy, I am so sorry,” she said. “I didn’t think. I-I wasn’t talking about that horrid man. I was talking about you being the new lead dancer at the Volkov Ballet. One of the doctors on the trial committee has an affinity for ballet.”
Reaching across the table, I took her gnarled hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’s all right, Baba. I promise you we’re going to get Nikolai out of our lives forever. I’m not sure how, but we will. But for tonight, let’s enjoy our meal, okay?”
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yes, Baba, I’m fine.”
She held my gaze for a long moment and then nodded. “Good. In that case, let’s talk about Alek. He’s something else. I can see why you’re attracted to him.” When I didn’t say anything, she continued to push me. “So, what’s going on with you two? I could sense the fireworks in the room, and you weren’t even talking.”
“Okay,” I admitted. I knew she wasn’t going to let this drop, so I might as well tell her all now. “I like him. I like him a lot, and honestly I feel like something could happen between us if we allowed it. But the timing is all wrong.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, visibly bewildered by my shitty excuse. “Is this because of Kosloff?”
“No,” I said. “Well, not completely.”
I couldn’t tell her I was a coward, too damn afraid to dive in headfirst. Not when I was already telling myself how strong and capable I was. So, I needed to make something else up instead. I waited as the waiter set a basket on the table and gave him yet another reassuring smile before I continued.
“You know what my rehearsal schedule is like. I need to dedicate the majority of my time to that. Plus, I need to be around for you, too.”
“Govno,” she snapped back so fast my head spun. I’d rarely ever heard my grandmother curse, and I’d never seen her do so while waving a biscuit she’d taken from a basket around like some sort of exclamation point.
“It’s not crap, Baba—”
“It is when you are using me as an excuse. That’s not fair. I don’t need you around all the time. Especially not now that I have Judy and an entire plethora of other nurses on call.” She examined me closely for a moment, seeming to see all the things I was trying desperately to keep hidden. “You need to stop treating me as a child. You need to quit using me as an excuse not to go out there and to live your life. That isn’t what I want. Not at all. You’ve missed out on so much as it is. You’ve held yourself back for far too long because of one mistake. If you keep hiding from life, it doesn’t matter if that mafia bastard is out of your life or not — he’d win. This really is your chance to go out there and to get what you want. I urge you to… what is that saying? Oh right, take the cow by the horns and not let go. Clara, you need to take those horns with both hands and enjoy the ride.”
Despite the dark shadow of Nikolai dancing along the fringes of my perception, I couldn’t help but laugh at the image her words conjured. “Bull, Baba, I corrected. Cows don’t have horns… or big dicks for that matter.”
She’d yet to take a bite of her favorite biscuits so her choked laughter told me I’d actually said that last part out loud, the bright smile on her face telling me perhaps that was all right.
Reaching over, she patted my hand this time.
Maybe she was right. Maybe this was what I should be doing. Maybe it was time to stop dipping my toe in the water and to just fling myself into the ocean headfirst. Alek wanted me. I was the one who was holding back. Alek had told me repeatedly he didn’t give a rat’s ass what Yuri’s reaction might be to discovering we were together. I was the one who kept insisting it was better to keep our relationship hidden. Alek had made it obvious he was willing to accept me for who I was, and I was being stupid by freaking out.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” my grandmother said, waving me back when I stood to help her. “No, I can go alone. You can order a fresh batch of biscuits,” she said wiping crumbs from the one she’d crumbled off her hands before gripping the edge of the table as best she could to brace herself as she began to stand. Edging from the booth, she added, “And while I’m gone, you can sit right there and give a good think about what I said.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, dropping down on the red faux leather again, only to spring up as a blankness spread across her face. She went pale ,and her eyes rolled toward the back of her head, causing my heart to stop completely.
“Baba,” I screamed, grabbing for her, but I couldn’t reach her quickly enough. I was scrambling out from my side of the booth as she was slipping toward the floor, passing out. “Help! Call an ambulance!” I yelled. “My grandmother needs help. Someone help me please!”
I slumped down to the floor, trembling as I held my grandmother’s body closely to mine. This couldn’t be happening! What the hell was I supposed to do now? This was too soon. She had just gotten into a trial that was going to help her. She couldn’t die. No, no…
“The ambulance is coming,” a waiter said to me.
My heart was breaking. My world was falling apart. My brain exploded in my head. I’d thought we would have longer to fix this, but I could see now that just like so many other thoughts I’d had, I was wrong.
The paramedics arrived, and my grandmother was pulled from me. I answered their questions by rote, watching as they checked her over. Part of me was so grateful they were gentle as they checked her airway and her pulse. Part of me was livid they were taking so damn long to get her to the hospital. Watching them tuck a blanket in around her frail, tiny body broke my heart.
“You can come with us,” one paramedic said as she and her partner started wheeling the stretcher through the tables.
I nodded, already at the stretcher’s side, my hand holding on as if that would assure my babushka would do the same. All I could do was follow as they lifted the stretcher into the ambulance and then helped me inside. A slap against the interior gave the driver notice that their patient was safe.
Safe.
That was such a strange word. Had so many different connotations, every one of them swirling around in my head.
This couldn’t be it.
It just couldn’t.
I was not ready to lose her.
24
Alek
“I’m so sorry,” I said into my phone as Clara told me what had happened with her grandmother. “Are you okay?”
; I couldn’t believe it. They were both in my office only a few hours earlier. Although Olga had looked frail, she wasn’t exactly young, and I knew she was suffering from a severe case of degenerative arthritis, I hadn’t thought she was heading right to the hospital.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“I… I don’t know,” Clara said with a break in her voice that made me feel as if a fist were squeezing my heart. “My head is all over the place.”
“I’m coming,” I said decisively.
I didn’t know if I would do it for any other member of the theater. I’d never been in this position before, but there was no point in pretending Clara was just another dancer to me. What we had wasn’t a casual hookup. I didn’t just like her. I cared a great deal about her, and I wanted… no, I had to be there for her.
“Hang on, baby.”
“No, you don’t have to,” she tried to argue weakly, but I was having none of it. I was going to be with her whether she liked it or not.
“I’m already on my way.”
I raced the car toward the hospital, and, once inside, walked through the hallways without seeing a single soul until I finally found Clara sitting on the floor, huddled against the wall with her head in her hands. Without even thinking about it, I bent down and slid my arms around her, pulling her up and into my embrace. Her entire body trembled as if she were freezing though I knew it was far more likely to be shock.
“I’m here. You’re not alone,” I murmured against the top of her head.
She gave a whimper that wrenched my guts and, for the second time in my life, I felt completely helpless. I’d watched my mother go through a devasting illness that finally took her from me in this very same hospital. I knew the pain Clara was experiencing, the numbness, the paralyzing fear.
This incredible woman who could lose herself in the beauty of a dance clung to me, shaking, on the cusp of breaking apart. I couldn’t allow that to happen. I didn’t have a magic wand. I didn’t have the skills to fix her beloved grandmother. I wished there was more I could do, but I’d do what I could. I’d add my strength to hers for as long as she needed it.
“Shh, I’ve got you,” I whispered against her hair. “We’ll get through this together.”
I wasn’t sure if she was truly capable of assimilating my words, but I did feel her body sag from its tight ball of tension, allowing me to support her as she laid her cheek against my chest. I hooked a nearby plastic chair with my foot and dragged it toward us. Sitting down, I settled in to wait as long as it took, my hand gently stroking along Clara’s back, praying she would remember that as tiny and delicate as she was, she had a spine of steel.
I had no idea how much time had passed when Clara finally sat up. Brushing her palms across her face, she took a shaky breath and then another.
“Thank you,” she said.
“No thanks are necessary,” I assured her, shaking my head. “Not ever between us. Would you like something to drink?”
“No… actually, yes,” she said. “Water sounds great.”
“Will you be all right until I get back?” I asked, wishing I hadn’t offered her something I didn’t have readily available.
“I’ll be fine.”
Standing, I turned to place her in the chair and then cupped her face between my palms. “I’ll be back as fast as I can.”
“Okay,” she said, giving me a shaky smile.
I dropped a kiss on her lips and then left in search of the nearest vending machine. If there was anything good after having spent countless hours in this hospital, it was that I knew my way around every inch of the place. I was attempting to get the machine to actually swallow my dollar bill when my phone rang. Swiping across the screen, I tucked it between my shoulder and my ear.
“Volkov,” I said, fishing a second dollar bill from my wallet when the first was spit back at me for the third time.
“Where are you?”
“Hospital,” I said just as abruptly.
“Are you hurt?”
“Yes!”
“What?”
“No… hold on a second.” I’d said yes because the new bill had worked and I was now able to press a button to get the bottle of water for Clara. I hadn’t meant to confuse Yuri, but it was rather telling how he’d gone from pissed off A-hole to concerned little brother with a single word. Water in hand, I put my wallet away and transferred the phone to my hand.
“Okay, I’m back,” I said as I began to retrace my steps while giving him a quick rundown on what was going on. “I haven’t seen a doctor yet, so I’m not exactly sure what her grandmother’s prognosis is, but it’s not looking too good.”
“Well, fuck,” Yuri said. I was about to chew him a new one but then he added, “Tell Clara I’m really sorry. I hope her grandmother gets better.”
“I will,” I said, actually a bit proud of him. “Hey, why did you call me anyway? It’s Friday night. I thought you had a hot date with that waiter from Monti’s.”
“I do but got a strange call I thought you might want to hear about.”
“Okay, but can it wait?” I asked, turning the last corner to see the chair where I’d left Clara was empty, no sign of her in the corridor.
“Sure, I guess,” Yuri said. “It’s probably nothing anyway. Again, tell Clara everyone here will be pulling for her grandmother. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Later,” I said without thought, pushing the phone back into my pocket. Whatever it was, it could wait. I had a far more pressing matter. Where exactly had Clara gone? Approaching the chair, I heard the sound of voices coming from inside the room we’d been waiting outside.
“Are you sure?”
That was Clara’s voice and all I needed to hear in order to push through the door. Even as some doctor in a pair of blue scrubs turned to no doubt order me from the room, I crossed over to Clara, passed her the bottle of water, and slipped my arm around her waist.
“I’m with her,” I said in a tone that brooked no nonsense.
The laminated ID card clipped to his waistband identified him as Dr. Harper though the photo on the plastic showed a far more relaxed man. This one looked as if he was having a very hard day. I hoped that didn’t mean he wasn’t up to taking care of a woman who was quickly worming her way into my heart.
Nodding at me, he picked up where he’d left off. “Yes, I’m sure. Your grandmother’s collapse had nothing to do with her condition. She hasn’t even begun to take the medication in the trial, so there is no chance that had anything to do with it either. The tests we’ve done indicate she didn’t suffer a stroke or a heart attack.”
“Then why did she pass out?” Clara asked.
“Best we can ascertain is her blood pressure bottomed out when she stood. You said you were about to eat dinner?”
“Yes. We’d ordered, but our entrée hadn’t yet come. Baba… I mean, my grandmother, hadn’t even taken a bite of her first biscuit before she got up to go to the restroom. Next thing I knew, she was on the floor.”
“You told the EMTs she’d undergone something highly stressful?” Dr. Harper noted.
Clara’s gaze flicked to me and then away just as quickly. Hell, had the visit to my theater been too much for Olga? She’d seemed a bit tired, but quite happy to be there.
“Um, yes. I mean, life has been pretty stressful over the past few years. But, it was getting better until this afternoon when…”
Clara broke off, and I was about to prod her to continue when the door opened to admit a hospital bed being pushed by an orderly. I was relieved to see Olga on it and even more pleased to see her give me a small smile. It was a bit wobbly, perhaps, but it went a long way to easing the fear that had been growing inside me ever since I’d gotten Clara’s call.
“Baba, how are you feeling?” Clara asked, the relief evident in her tone.
“Like an old fool,” Olga answered.
No one spoke for the few minutes it took to transfer her to the bed in the room and for the orderly
to nod his acceptance at her politely uttered thanks. Once the door closed again, Clara immediately took her grandmother’s hand and bent to kiss her cheek.
“You scared me.”
“I scared myself, child,” Olga said with another small smile. “That’s what I get for skipping lunch and my meds.”
“Baba!” Clara said, obviously shocked by this little bit of news. “Why would you do that!”
“I was too nervous to eat and too afraid they’d do some sort of fancy blood work and state I was on something that would interfere with their trial,” she said. “I really didn’t want to be turned down. I know how important it is to you.”
“Oh, Baba,” Clara said, shaking her head.
I saw the relief on the doctor’s face as he nodded. “That actually fits with our diagnosis. Both your blood sugar and your blood pressure were too low. Combined with whatever stress you were feeling over this trial, it was a triple whammy. Your body needed something rather dramatic to get your attention.”
“You can check off that box,” Olga said sagely, her white head bobbing. “It certainly did that. I’m sorry, Clara.”
“It’s all right. But you ever do something like that again and I’ll… I don’t know what I’ll do, but I promise you won’t like it!”
Olga laughed, and the atmosphere of fear dissipated. Once the doctor had given Olga a quick check, listening to her heart and taking her pulse, he stepped back and nodded.
“Everything looks fine, Mrs. Simyoneva. But if you begin to feel lightheaded again, do not attempt to stand up alone. You’ve got a granddaughter who obviously thinks the world of you and a grandson who looks more than capable of helping you get anywhere you need to go.”
Instead of correcting him, Olga beamed and nodded. “Yes, sir. I’ll be a good girl.”
Dr. Harper nodded and then looked at Clara. “If you’ll come out to the nurses’ station, I’ll sign the discharge papers, and you and your grandmother will be free to go.”
Clara looked totally unsure, and I said, “Go ahead. I’ll stay with her.”