by Alta Hensley
“You’re sure?”
“Of course he is, child. We’ll be fine,” Olga said in the same exact tone she’d used to dismiss us the first time I’d visited their home.
“Okay, but I’ll be right back. Do not get out of that bed!” With that, Clara gave her grandmother another kiss, turned to go up on her tiptoes to give me one as well, and followed Dr. Harper out the door.
“Anything I can do for you?” I asked as I stepped closer to the bed.
“Run interference for me?” she asked. “Clara was all sweet with that doctor, but I have a feeling she’s going to be a lot more sour when she gets me alone.”
I chuckled and reached down to take a frail hand in mine. “I’m not making any promises. You really scared her, Olga. Scared me, too,” I said sincerely.
“I know,” she said softly and then looked up and smiled. “And what’s this Olga nonsense. You heard the doctor. You’re my loving grandson who will make sure my obstinate granddaughter won’t rake me over the coals too badly.”
“You can’t blame her,” I said, bending down to kiss the top of her head.
“I know,” she said softly, giving a long sigh. “I certainly didn’t mean to scare her. She deserves so much better, you know?” she said sincerely. “I know my granddaughter has done some bad things. But she isn’t a bad woman.”
“I know.” I nodded at her. “I can see that.”
“Has she told you about her birth parents?”
I instantly shook my head at this. Sure, I knew her favorite color was red and her favorite TV series had been made from her favorite books of the Outlander series. She enjoyed cheese of all kinds and had surprised me by stating she adored jalapeños. But those were really superficial things. Clara hadn’t mentioned anything personal about her past that went further back than the last few years. It was almost like she had shut everything else out. As if in her mind, the true beginning of her life had been the moment she’d walked away from the one she’d led until that moment of epiphany she’d mentioned to me.
“Well, I hope this will make you understand a little more. I lost my husband in the war, but found solace in raising our daughter. I immigrated to America to begin again. When our Katerina discovered she was pregnant, she was so happy. Even though Clara’s father wanted nothing more to do with Katerina once he discovered she was going to have a baby, she was looking forward to having a child.”
Olga spoke so softly, and there was a look in her eyes that told me she wasn’t seeing the room around her; she was seeing the past.
“Those years weren’t always easy, but they were some of the happiest I’ve ever known. Katerina loved that little girl more than anything else. I’ll never forget the sight of Katerina dancing around the room with Clara in her arms… a tiny replica of herself.”
I didn’t like where this story was going. I could already tell there was a lot more sadness, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear it. Olga didn’t offer me the choice.
“Then, when Clara was two years old, Katerina’s car was struck in an intersection. Clara was in the crash, but she managed to survive with only a few scratches. The car that hit them lost all the passengers as well, which included several children. Clara always wondered why she alone survived.” Olga sighed deeply, and I felt a bolt of sickness coursing through me.
“People assured me they could place the baby with an adoption agency, but I refused to allow that. I told them my angel had died, and it was my honor to raise another, to make sure her own little angel knew how much her mother had wanted her… had loved her. It was a heartbreaking tragedy to lose my only child, but an incredible blessing to be allowed to raise hers. Clara was never a difficult child. Even when she was older and decided to try reconnecting with the man who’d fathered her, she didn’t scream and rant when she learned he’d disappeared without a trace. But inside, I knew she was hurting…”
Olga paused again and then looked at me.
“You have experience with the same sort of tragedy,” she said quietly. “You’ve lost both your parents as well.”
I wasn’t sure I could trust myself to speak for a moment, and yet I nodded. “Yes, but at least I was given the gift of knowing both.”
Olga nodded. “And they had the blessing of you for at least a little while. I think Clara feels she’s cursed or something. Like a dark cloud follows her. I think that’s why she went so crazy when she found out I was ill. I think she’s too afraid to lose me.”
“She loves you,” I said as if that was an answer to soothe the older woman’s heart.
“I’ve never doubted that for a moment. I don’t fear death. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled I have at least a small chance of spending what years I have remaining in less pain if this trial goes well, but I’m not afraid to go except that it breaks my heart to know Clara is absolutely terrified of being all alone.”
My heart stopped dead in my chest. This was the saddest story I’d ever heard in my life, and it related to someone I knew. Someone I cared a great deal for.
“I’m not telling you this to try to convince you to… feel more than you do or to feel as if I’m asking you to take responsibility for a woman you haven’t known all that long,” she said.
“I know and—”
She shook her head, cutting me off. “Clara would be angry if she discovers I’ve told you any of this, but I can live with her anger. I’m telling you so you’ll understand why she holds back. I think she’s afraid to care about anyone because she’s scared to lose them. But, Alek, she does like you. She likes you a whole lot.”
I smiled. “I like her quite a lot as well,” I reassured Olga.
Did Clara really like me that much, or was Olga seeing what she wanted to see because she was afraid of leaving her granddaughter alone? Sure, when we were together, it was like two halves becoming one. We had an intense connection, and I felt like we were both all in and could really be something special. But even then I often caught Clara looking at me as if there was something she wished to say but either didn’t trust herself to do so or didn’t trust me to listen.
I’d seen Clara’s eyes light up as she had bent down to give her grandmother a gentle hug. There was such a strong emotion there, and now I felt like I really saw a side of Clara and her connection with her grandmother few could understand. It reminded me of my own relationship with my mother, and I understood the fear of losing someone you were so close with. Clara had lost everyone. Olga was all that she had left, and now Clara was scared she was about to lose her, too. Death was a part of life, but losing a parent was never an easy thing. Never.
“She doesn’t need any more on her plate.”
The words turned my attention back to the bed. “No, no, she doesn’t. I promise you I will do whatever I can to help her. Perhaps show her it’s time to put down the burdens she’s been carrying for far too long.”
“I thought whatever penance was expected of her had finally been paid in full until…”
The silence wasn’t filled even after a moment or two, long enough for her to take several breaths, so I knew she hadn’t stopped speaking because she was out of air.
“Until what, Babka?”
“Nothing,” she said, closing her eyes. “I’m just a bit tired.”
I could understand that. She might be putting on a brave face, but Olga was elderly and suffering. Listening to her, watching her gave me another insight into the woman she’d raised. The two were far more alike than they might believe. Yet for some reason, I wasn’t quite buying her act. I looked from her to the door and back again. What were these two women not telling me?
Clara had been through so much. How much more could she shoulder before she fell the fuck apart?
25
Clara
“We’re done here,” Dr. Harper said, scrawling his name across a sheet of paper and handing it to me. “Your grandmother was a lucky lady, but she does need to eat and take her medications as prescribed. If you need help—”
“I don’t,” I said and then shook my head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. We have homecare nurses coming in, and I promise we’ll make sure my grandmother is taken care of. Thank you for saving her life.”
He smiled. “I wouldn’t go that far, but even without dealing with degenerative arthritis, age alone makes her more fragile. She’s very lucky she didn’t break a hip, and I’d certainly rather not see her passing out again.”
“Me either,” I agreed quickly, grateful that hadn’t happened.
He nodded and shook my hand before walking away. I turned to go back to the room but found a woman standing in my path. “May I help you?”
The woman glanced down at the clipboard she was holding. “Miss Simian?”
Before I could correct her pronunciation of my name, she said, “I’m afraid we can’t let you leave until you’ve completed the insurance portion of the intake form.”
Ahh, that pinched expression on her face should have told me this woman was from the billing department.
“Wow, you really hold patients hostage?” I said and then realized this woman wasn’t the type to find humor in my rather feeble joke. “I’m sorry, I’m a little stressed.”
She gave a curt nod, clicked her pen, and pressed the tip against the paper clipped to her board. “Name of insurance and policy number?”
I couldn’t help but wonder if the woman had ever heard of empathy. As warm and concerned as Dr. Harper had been, this woman… Anne Wilkenson according to her nametag, was as cold as the iceberg that sank the Titanic.
“I don’t have the information memorized. The card is in my billfold.” I reached for a purse that was not hanging off my shoulder because it was sitting in a booth at Johnny Red’s. “Um… I’m afraid in all the chaos of my grandmother’s collapse… I don’t have my purse.”
“I can wait while you run and get it,” she said primly.
A hospital was a true godsend when one feared a loved one was about to die. Everyone was professional and working their asses off, their only concern being to save a life. But, behind the scenes, a different world existed. One of calculators and columns on spreadsheets. One that didn’t see the people within its walls as patients, but as dollar signs. So much for Dr. Harper’s you’re free to go.
Sighing, I shook my head. That wasn’t fair. It wasn’t this woman’s fault I’d run out without grabbing my purse. “Ms. Wilkenson, I’m afraid that’s impossible. In all the chaos of my grandmother’s episode, I totally forgot about my purse. I left it at the restaurant.”
“Of course you did,” she said, clearly not believing me.
Gritting my teeth, I reminded myself it really didn’t matter what she believed. “I assure you I’m not attempting to skip out on the bill—”
“I never said you were, but the very fact that you mentioned it has me wondering, Ms. Simian—”
“It’s Simyoneva,” I said through clenched teeth. “I’ll get the card as soon as the restaurant opens and finish filling in your form.” Reaching for the clipboard, I lifted the little silver bar holding the pages in place only to have the clipboard snatched away.
“Those forms are confidential,” she said sharply, detaching a few of the papers after making a final mark on the top sheet before holding them out.
I took them, about to apologize for losing my temper when I saw she’d circled a number at the bottom of the page. No way that amount could be correct. Right? Looking up, I saw she was already walking down the hall, no doubt seeking out her next victim to sink her blood-sucking fangs into.
I folded the papers in half. I’d just paid off one card… I should have known that little victory would be snatched from me as fast as she’d ripped the clipboard out of my hands.
Remembering the reason for my being here, I mentally shook myself. I didn’t care if I were in debt up to my eyeballs. I’d do whatever it took to make sure my babushka had the best care available.
Pasting a smile on my face, I returned to my grandmother’s room.
Both occupants were sleeping. My babushka in the bed, Alek in the chair beside her, his head thrown back, his feet braced against the bedframe as if to keep his huge body in the rather rickety chair. If that wasn’t enough to make my heart swell, seeing his hand pushed through the railing of the bed, his fingers wrapped about Baba’s had tears threatening to fall. I wanted to curl up between them and cherish the fact both were in my life. Instead, I turned to close the door as quietly as I could.
“Hey.”
I looked over my shoulder to see Alek looking at me, a soft smile on his lips.
“Hey,” I returned softly.
“You hanging in there?”
The fact he didn’t even bother asking if I was all right said so much about this man. Remembering he had personal experience with hospitals only reinforced the fact he knew I wasn’t truly okay.
“Yes, thank you,” I said. “She looks so peaceful, I hate to wake her, but I need to get her home and in her own bed.”
“I’m awake,” Olga said, her eyes opening. “Just resting my eyes. An old woman’s heart can only stand looking at such a handsome man for so long.”
Alek chuckled, and I smiled, moving to the bed and bending down to kiss her cheek. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired, a little cold, pretty hungry, but better than I deserve,” she said.
“You deserve the best the world can offer, but how about we start with warming you up?” I asked, pulling her clothing from the plastic bag holding her personal belongings and laying it at the end of the bed.
“I’ll bring the car around,” Alek said.
I’d completely forgotten that, like my purse, my car was at the restaurant. “Thank you, Alek. I—”
“No problem,” he said as he stood and bent over to give my babushka his own kiss.
By the time an orderly gave a knock on the door, we were ready to go. I helped my grandmother into the wheelchair and, when she opened her mouth, I said, “Don’t say a word. It’s hospital policy all patients are wheeled out the door.”
“Well, I rolled in, so I suppose it only makes sense I come out the same way,” she said.
26
Clara
Fucking hell. My brain swam with chaos as I turned into a side street several blocks away from the restaurant where I’d picked up my purse. Grabbing my phone, I unsilenced it and scrolled down, reading the messages in the order they’d come in. The time was stamped on each call. The first one had come in probably less than five minutes after the ambulance had pulled away from the restaurant. The second a half hour later… the third a half hour after that.
Clara, you knew I was going to call. Where are you?
By the time I’d read through the first screen full, they were coming in every few minutes.
Call me back.
Clara, I’m not amused.
Answer your damn phone.
Each progressive text acknowledged his patience was rapidly coming to an end.
Where in the fuck are you?
You really are pissing me off.
I can’t believe you’re fucking around.
That one had me fearing Nikolai had somehow discovered Alek was more than just my boss. I couldn’t drag another person into the hell I was being dragged into yet again.
Lesson.
What? I’d skimmed over the last few, but this one word had my heart stopping as I reversed direction to read the entire text again.
It’s clear you need another lesson…
Oh God… no, no… no. I’d never survive another of Nikolai’s lessons.
“Please… please…” I begged, my eyes scanning the remaining few texts as if perhaps thinking he might hear me and offer me some sort of mercy. My chant was interrupted by my scream as the phone blared.
“I can explain—”
“Where in the fuck have you been?” Nikolai growled, cutting me off. “I’ve been trying to reach you for fucking hours.”
“I’m sorry—”
&n
bsp; “Not as sorry as you’re going to be when I—”
I had absolutely no doubt he was speaking the truth, and yet basic survival instinct had me cutting him off this time. “I was in the hospital!”
“Get hold of… wait… what?”
His rant curtailed for at least a moment, I rushed to explain where I’d been. “I couldn’t answer your calls because I didn’t have my phone,” I finished, practically hyperventilating as I’d not taken a single breath since cutting him off. After drawing in some much needed oxygen, I said, “I wasn’t attempting to ignore you, Nikki.” I almost gagged on the last word, but at this point was willing to pull out all the ammunition at my disposal if that meant keeping this toxic man away from those I loved.
“I’m glad to hear that,” Nikolai said, his tone slightly less condemning. “You can show me how much you weren’t ignoring me.”
“Show you?”
“Yes, Clara. I’m giving you a chance to demonstrate how contrite you are at making me waste my time wondering where the fuck you were.”
“But…”
“I’m glad you remember how much I love your butt,” he said with a chuckle that had my stomach crawling up into my throat. “If you’re a very good little girl, I might even use lube this time.”
Oh God, I’d rather die.
Of course, that would be the easy way out, and God knew that I had never been given the gift of ease. I couldn’t afford the luxury of death… not when my grandmother needed me…
“When—”
“Now,” Nikolai said, cutting me off. “I believe you’ve made me wait long enough, don’t you?” Evidently the question had been rhetorical as he continued, “I suggest you get your ass home within the next half hour, or I will begin this little reunion without you.”
Home? Oh fuck! He is at my house!
“Wait—”
“I’ll be there in thirty minutes, Clara, and I suggest you be there to greet me.”
“Why wait?” I practically screamed into the phone. My mind was stumbling over invisible tripwires as I struggled to come up with something… anything… to keep him away from my house where not only my babushka was, but where Alek could come by to check on Baba. “Nikki, I’m already in my car. Tell me where to meet you. Somewhere a bit more—”