A Hundred Sweet Promises

by Sepehr Haddad

  Before Irina began, she turned to the tsar. “Dear Uncle, I would like to play Schubert’s Fantasia. Since it is a piano work written for four hands, will you allow Monsieur Minbashian to accompany me to perform it for you?”

  Nasrosoltan was startled since he was not expecting such a request on her part. He hesitated, unsure of what to do. To Irina’s delight, all it took was the tsar’s approval, who turned around, looking back over his shoulder at Nasrosoltan. The other guests in attendance turned toward him as well, and the tsar smiled, saying, “It seems kismet dictates you also perform this evening, Monsieur,” as he motioned Nasrosoltan to come forth.

  Then, with all eyes fixed on him and Irina’s enticing smile to coax him, Nasrosoltan got up from his seat in the back of the room. He moved slowly and with great focus past the other guests to take his place next to her at the foot of the Tischner.

  Once they began to play, it was evident they had practiced often, even though Irina was nervous and played her part a bit hard. Nonetheless, they were able to catch the magical essence of the composition.

  As their fingers touched on the keyboard, their anxiety gave way to exhilaration, which was reflected in the beauty of their performance. With every note, their confidence grew, as did the grace and elegance of their playing, to the point that the two were in such unison that they almost forgot where they were, performing for the tsar of Imperial Russia. Instead, they solely cared that they were seated side by side, close together, only aware of each other’s movements at the keyboard.

  The guests were completely silent. The audience was mesmerized by the music, as they had not expected to experience such an exquisite performance this evening.

  Around ten minutes into the piece, as written by the composer, Nasrosoltan completely removed his hands from the keyboard for a brief instant and rejoined Irina on the piano with his right hand only. Then with that one hand, he played several notes in between her two hands, which were still also playing in perfect harmony. This very intimate dance of his hand moving between hers, and the musical ecstasy they were engulfed in, was witnessed not only by the page-turner sitting at their side, but also some in the audience from the right vantage point.

  After they finished their performance of the Fantasia, the tsar rose from his seat and began to eagerly applaud his niece’s performance, exclaiming, “Brava, brava, my dear Irina Alexandrovna,” followed by a long ovation from the guests.

  They both got up from the piano and paid the appropriate respects, with a bow on his behalf and a curtsy on hers. Then the grand duke approached Nasrosoltan and shook his hand in appreciation for his inspired work with his daughter.

  Irina’s remarkable and passionate performance only added to the two suitors’ desire for her, and Nasrosoltan even sensed a hint of jealousy directed his way, which ignited his burgeoning confidence.

  Confidence is a curious thing, for it sometimes appears out of nowhere and departs the same way. One cannot acquire it with money, though some try, and it cannot be stored for use on a day when it is needed most. Sometimes confidence breeds confidence; as the more one displays it, the more others find it within themselves. However, it is not contagious, for sometimes the more one exudes it, it can have the opposite effect and lessen it in others. Confidence leaves no room for jealousy, for when one feels absolute greatness, there is no need to have hatred toward another. And after such a splendid duet at the piano, Nasrosoltan even felt a bit overconfident. It seemed he had finally broken out of the doubter’s castle.

  Taking in the moment, Nasrosoltan thought, Why can’t a commoner gain access to a princess’s heart? Why can’t I be the first to breast the tape in this race?

  Prince Yusupov, who had been watching from afar and listening to them perform with fixed attention, drew closer to them and congratulated Irina on her exemplary performance.

  While the princess was speaking to the tsar, Prince Yusupov turned to Nasrosoltan, gently pulling him aside, placing his hand on his shoulder in a friendlier manner than their relationship dictated. As this imposing gesture demanded Nasrosoltan’s full attention, Prince Yusupov lingered while Nasrosoltan waited for him to speak.

  Looking directly into Nasrosoltan’s eyes, the prince said, “It is truly heartening to see our dear Princess Irina Alexandrovna blossoming under your tutelage. That Her Serene Highness has so excelled on this count vouches for the passion your teaching has elicited from her. We in the audience were overwhelmed and aroused by the same feeling of excitement you both exhibited during the magnificent performance.”

  Then, as if confiding a great secret, the prince moved in closer, with the real intent of encircling and probing for a weakness in Nasrosoltan’s defenses.

  “Monsieur, please understand that the same passions you have enkindled within her through your lessons may be misconstrued as something more intimate by an innocent and sheltered princess such as she.”

  He paused briefly to choose his next words carefully. As if he was a cherub with a flaming sword, flashing it back and forth to guard Irina against Nasrosoltan, the prince added this stunning final blow in hopes of turning him away: “In this case, therefore, it may be best for all involved if one does not venture above and beyond the call of duty!”

  Nasrosoltan, who just a few moments ago brimmed with confidence, was wholly unprepared for the prince’s warning. This tacit threat made Nasrosoltan suddenly feel most vulnerable when he had felt invincible. The tough-hitting words of the prince were like a dagger tearing into the veil of secrecy of his and Irina’s relationship, shredding it to pieces. Nasrosoltan wondered whether this threatened prince may expose what others did not yet know about his and Irina’s feelings for each other.

  Nasrosoltan loathed the way Yusupov had addressed him and wanted nothing more than to offer a strong response. But he knew better, recognizing that he was powerless, and it was neither the time nor the place. Deciding that the best reply was to not show he was flustered, Nasrosoltan brushed off the prince’s words as though he did not even hear them.

  Trying hard to maintain his composure, Nasrosoltan replied, “I am gratified you enjoyed the performance this evening; it was an honor to make your acquaintance.” He then quickly excused himself and left the room.

  Prince Yusupov imagined that one blow from his verbal dagger would smite to death Nasrosoltan’s ambitions forever. But, unbeknownst to Yusupov, his intention to destroy Nasrosoltan’s resolve had launched a mightier weapon, a catapult, breaking down the walls protecting the realm of fantasy Nasrosoltan was living in. The prince’s powerful and destructive words did not have the desired effect of making Nasrosoltan fearful so that he would contemplate retreat. Instead, to Nasrosoltan’s own amazement, this conversation had the opposite effect, giving him a sense of welcome relief.

  For the first time, someone else had discovered what only Nasrosoltan and Irina knew, and he seemed to no longer fear that their secret may be revealed. He decided not to be intimidated any longer by such worries, finding no reason to recoil.

  Nasrosoltan recalled Rustam’s advice years ago about life and determined to do what his friend had suggested by playing the cards where they might fall. The prince called for Nasrosoltan’s surrender, but this, he now swore to himself, he would never do.

  Yusupov believed his words had stormed the very fortress Nasrosoltan and Irina had taken shelter in. But by doing so, the prince had instead released this amorous reverie out of their castle in the air, to no longer be trapped there. And now it was unleashed and free to roam the real world.

  Chapter 24

  Pen to Paper

  This was the most beautiful evening of my life, Irina wrote in her diary. To sit next to him, in front of all those watching. To play Schubert’s Fantasia together, with his hands keeping us steady on the keyboard. Nasrosoltan’s presence gives me energy, and I feel alive when I am with him. It seems Papa and Uncle were impressed with him, so I am overjoyed! I just wish he had not departed so soon after our performance.


  When I am with him, I cherish each precious moment. How cruel is Father Time, for he makes hours feel like only seconds when we are together, but a week like many months when I await his arrival. At dinner, in front of all our guests, Nasrosoltan told a funny story about kismet, and with all my heart, I believe in what he said. Can it be that it is this kismet that brought him to me? I am bursting with such excitement that I do not know if I will be able to sleep!

  Several weeks earlier, and thousands of miles away in Persia, a father had also put pen to paper. Salar Moazaz had written a letter to his son, which Nasrosoltan just received and eagerly opened to read. Accompanying the letter was a package of pistachio nuts that Nasrosoltan’s mother, Khata Khanoom, had sent for him.

  His father explained the pistachios were a gift she thought Nasrosoltan would enjoy, considering how he had hurried to procure some before his departure to St. Petersburg. Nasrosoltan welcomed his mother’s thoughtfulness, deciding to gift the pistachios to Madame Lazar in thanks for helping him prepare for the palace dinner. His father's letter read:

  My dear son, I was surprised not to have heard from you for so long, until last month, when we received your telegram acknowledging the funds I sent you. We eagerly look forward to your return to Persia. The shah has appointed me the Director Madrasaye Muzik—conservatory—at the Dar al-Funun, and I am relying on your assistance. You will be my strong right arm in choosing the appropriate curriculum and training the music teachers and students.

  My son, it is also time for you to settle down and start a family. As a composer, I, more than anyone, understand your love of music and the desire to immerse yourself in its study full time. However, at some point, you must think of your duty to the homeland and your family's future. It is worth a great deal to have you back with us at the earliest. Your mother has found you a few suitable choices from good families to meet upon your arrival in the fall. You know how much she prays for you to get married and give her many grandchildren.

  You will also be delighted to know that Gholam-Hossein shows excellent musical talent, and we will be sending him to the Geneva Conservatory in Switzerland. It is, therefore, essential that you do not delay your return when you have completed your coursework at the conservatory, for the sake of your family and country.

  Even though his father’s words were a stark reminder that his time in St. Petersburg was short and that once again, his mother was up to unwanted matchmaking, this did not dampen in any way his excitement for Irina. On the contrary, it made every moment in her presence more precious. With those thoughts, Nasrosoltan began to put pen to paper, not in response to his father’s letter, but instead to compose a piano work he wished to dedicate to Irina.

  After his and Irina’s rewarding duet, notwithstanding Prince Yusupov’s warning, Nasrosoltan was jubilant. He wanted to capture these feelings forever with ink and paper as a sculptor would carving a timeless inscription with a chisel on stone. The irony of it eluded him that he was now composing a piece to dedicate to a princess he tutored and loved, just as Schubert had done for a countess—the only difference being that Nasrosoltan’s love was requited.

  Just a few weeks ago, due to his confused state of mind, he could not compose, feeling the music blocked, not able to write even one line, no matter how hard he tried. But now, the notes poured out of the tip of his pen onto the paper like a waterfall. He was inspired by his love for Irina, and he willed that this work would be a testament to that love.

  He soon realized that he had never worked on a composition such as this, so full of emotion, embodying the most profound intensity of expression, and it all came so quickly to him, effortlessly, since it was music that emanated from the depths of his heart and not his head. No professor at the conservatory, not even the greatest, could show him how to compose this way, which only manifested itself through his love for Irina.

  Nasrosoltan now fully appreciated the passion with which the great masters used such emotion to compose their timeless creations, transforming their inexhaustible wealth of ideas into sublime works of art.

  He spent the next few weeks composing and improving this arrangement. He even mentioned to Irina during one of their lessons that he was writing it, but he added, “When completed, you will get to hear it performed when the moment is right, for I would present you this gift only for a special occasion.”

  The anticipation was too much for her to bear, and she kept asking Nasrosoltan to perform at least a few notes, just to give her a glimpse into the realm of his creativity, but he would not relent.

  To temper her excitement, he said to her, “It is not finished and perfect; how can you ask me to present to you, who are the embodiment of perfection in my eyes, a work that is not yet complete? I plead you remain patient, for with patience, stones are turned into diamonds.”

  Weeks had passed since the dinner at the palace, performing for the tsar alongside Irina, so Nasrosoltan’s presence for weekly lessons drew less attention from Nana and others on the staff. They now considered him not just a tutor but a friend of the family, as they were aware that after some lessons, Nasrosoltan would spend time with the grand duke in his private study, drinking and telling tales. This allowed him and Irina to spend more time alone without the usual curious oversight. These weekly appointments became more of a lovers’ rendezvous than piano lessons.

  It was during these several weeks that they grew closer through their conversations about all things. When Nana was sent on the usual errand for hot tea from the samovar or some such request, they even found time to get close physically by holding and caressing hands.

  On one occasion, as they found themselves alone for an unusual amount of time, the energy in the room was palpable. As the spirit of affection between them grew stronger, they inched closer together on the piano bench. Nasrosoltan could feel the heat of Irina’s gaze as she displayed a coquettish smile and moved her head closer to his while they both held tightly to each other's hands. They brazenly felt entitled to this moment, not worried if someone may appear unannounced.

  Irina’s face beamed with pure joy as Nasrosoltan came close to her and whispered in her ear, “I hope you will forgive me for being so bold, but I would never forgive myself if I were not.”

  And as their breaths trembled on each other’s cheeks, a kiss was set aflame between their two lips. In that one kiss, more was said between them than all the words they had spoken to each other until this point. They lost themselves, surrendering themselves in the silence of the moment.

  Nana’s footsteps in the distance broke the silence, and as they moved away from each other, Irina hurriedly said, “I wish you would never leave; I love you!” and she handed him a note she had written. He immediately hid it in his vest pocket, out of sight of the approaching Nana.

  After the tea was served and Nana retreated from the music room, Nasrosoltan, who was now overcome with emotion, gripped Irina’s hand tightly and boldly declared, “My dearest Irina, I also never want to leave your side. I feel agony when separated from you!”

  But then, realizing their predicament, he added, “However, as I express my feelings for you, I am also aware that circumstances do not seem to be in our favor. You are a Romanov princess, and I am considered a commoner by your family, no matter how much respect they have shown me.”

  Having revealed his innermost thoughts, he paused to compose himself and then continued, “My studies at the conservatory will come to an end soon, and I must go back to Persia. My father has been appointed director of the new conservatory, and he needs my assistance. I just received a letter from him urging me not to delay my return. He knows nothing of our feelings for each other, just as your family does not. Never in my life have I been both the most excited and the most unsettled about my future at the same time. I love you and cannot see any future without you, but your position dictates that you be united with someone of a royal background.”

  Deciding not to share Prince Yusupov’s insinuation that their relationship may ha
ve already been exposed, Nasrosoltan continued with a warning. “Your family will never allow our love to flourish, and if they even detect a hint of our feelings for one another, I will be banished.” He uttered those last words as if the breath left his body.

  Irina earnestly replied, “But Papa is very fond of you; if it were not so, he would not have invited you to the dinner where my uncle, the tsar of Russia, was present. I see how he enjoys the time he spends with you after our lessons. Perhaps if you broached the subject with him at the right time, he might be more agreeable than you think. Why would my family wish for anything but my happiness?”

  Then, holding back her tears, Princess Irina said, “Why do you even need to return to Persia? Stay here in St. Petersburg with me.”

  Nasrosoltan, who was caught up in her emotions and unable to reconcile fantasy with reality, replied, “You know it was always my dream to live and compose in this great city. But I now realize I will remain a nobody if I stay here, just a piano tutor to some. Even though I believe I am a worthy composer, there are hundreds of composers in this city who cannot make a living through their work. Back in Persia, I am somebody with a respected family and much honor. We may be asking the impossible; I fear they will never approve of our love. But I also do not know what else to do other than have faith that despite all the obstacles, our love has a future.”

  Peering into her eyes, Nasrosoltan could see that Irina was distressed. He recognized that his words had the opposite effect of his intention, which was to comfort her. So, in a consoling tone, he offered, “My beloved Irina, do not despair; I will keep an eye out for the right moment and hope the grand duke will be approachable.” Though Nasrosoltan had a feeling that this course of action was probably fruitless, he was attempting to protect Irina from further grief.

  Since their lesson had ended, Nasrosoltan got up to leave when Grand Duke Alexander’s secretary appeared unannounced and informed him that he had been summoned by the grand duke. Nasrosoltan bid a disconcerted Irina farewell until next week. Irina was amazed that her father had called upon Nasrosoltan so soon after discussing the matter. As he was leaving the room, she inquired with a bittersweet smile, “Do you think it is perhaps kismet?”