Nasrosoltan felt humiliated and dishonored at the severe scolding, holding his head down to avert the angry stare of the tsar. He could hear Irina crying in the background, every so often interjecting, “No, no, dear Uncle, please, please, you do not understand, we love each other!”
After the tsar finished speaking, he asked Nasrosoltan angrily, “What do you have to say for yourself, Monsieur?”
Nasrosoltan was caught off guard. He was genuinely terrified in the presence of the irate tsar. But he knew this was not the moment to bow to fear. Whenever he had made a choice out of fear, it had resulted in an unwelcome outcome. He wanted nothing more than to destroy this undesirable emotion that was slowly strangling him. He desired to attain freedom from it now that it had once more reared its ugly head. Nasrosoltan found it hard to breathe, with his heart racing and his palms sweating.
He valiantly tried to present an outward show of boldness, hoping that the elusive confidence he desperately needed would then slowly rise to the surface, allowing him to defend himself. But he was overwhelmed and was not strong enough to fight the fear, so he had no choice but to try to hide it. Though he could not control his feelings, Nasrosoltan hoped against hope that he could at least offer a hint of his fearlessness in the presence of Irina. He knew in his heart, she did not want to see him recoil, but instead, she wanted him to stand up and affirm his feelings for her.
When confronted by the all-powerful tsar, Nasrosoltan wanted with all his being to be courageous. As fear was all that lay between him and his dreams with Irina, he needed to muster enough strength to conquer this insecurity, even if it were only for a few more precious seconds in which he would be allowed to speak. And with that desire came the understanding that courage was not the absence of fear but the overcoming of it.
No longer wanting to be a slave to fear, Nasrosoltan raised his head and gave Irina a confident look to calm her anxiety, then turned to the tsar and proceeded to try to explain himself. But before Nasrosoltan could even say a word, Irina, who had composed herself just enough to speak without sobbing, addressed the tsar while holding his hand tightly. “Dear Uncle, if you love me as you say you do, like one of your own daughters, please allow me to say something!”
Irina’s request caught Nasrosoltan by surprise as the tsar, still frowning, unexpectedly nodded his permission for Irina to speak her mind.
Irina thanked him and continued, “You know that I am not a child anymore and that I am of an age that negotiations are already being conducted on my behalf for my betrothal. However, this is all taking place without my prior knowledge or consent. Why is it that I cannot decide for myself issues that will affect the future of my life?
“I love Nasrosoltan with all my heart. He has never given me any worthless promises or false declarations of love. Everything he has said to me is sincere; he is a gentleman. Why should he be ashamed that he has given me much happiness and joy? Is it shameful that he has given me this most precious gift?
“My heart is full of gratitude to him for that. He never once wanted to betray this family’s trust by eloping; he even advised me to not speak in this manner. He came here this evening for a private audience with Papa to explain our feelings for one another, like the gentleman he is, not as the coward you make him out to be. Nasrosoltan is not the kind of man to have absconded with me without a word to anyone. It was I who told him I wanted to go to Persia with him if Papa disagreed with his petition. I told him I would rather be with the man I love in a foreign land than with a man I do not love in my own country!”
The tsar listened carefully to Irina’s plea. As he was a tenderhearted man, his niece’s heartfelt words had some influence on him, lessening the rage he had felt just a few minutes earlier. It may have been that Irina’s words reminded him of his own love at a young age to Princess Alix, a liaison that the tsar’s parents initially opposed.
Tsar Nicholas’s own father, Tsar Alexander III, wanted him to marry another, Princess Helene, to cement Russia’s new alliance with France. When Tsar Nicholas finally decided to stand up to his father, he told him, “If I cannot marry Alix, I will never marry at all!” So his father, who became alarmed at the likelihood, eventually agreed to their union.
The tsar knew from personal experience that Irina’s words of love held much truth within them. The fundamental difference was that Alix was a princess, while Nasrosoltan was just a commoner. Of even more significance was that the Yusupov family they were negotiating with was the wealthiest in all of Russia.
The tsar turned again to Nasrosoltan. “Monsieur, so what do you have to say for yourself? She is young and does not know better, but you should!”
With the blush of embarrassment heating his face, Nasrosoltan had to once again summon the resolve to turn himself the right way up. He recalled the way Irina eloquently spoke about their feelings for each other just a few moments ago. By unfurling the gracious words from her lips, Irina had defended their love with simplicity and beauty. Words that were intended for her uncle’s ears but directly aimed at Nasrosoltan’s grateful heart. Irina’s spirited confirmation of their love infused power into Nasrosoltan’s soul such that he shed his cloak of shame and dishonor for a breastplate of valor and fortitude. Courage emanated from a source deep within him, and with a resolution he had not known a few minutes earlier, Nasrosoltan stood tall as an advocate for himself in front of the emperor of all the Russias.
Cognizant of the truth that to love was no crime, he began to speak in his own defense. “Your Imperial Majesty, Your Imperial Highnesses, I stand before you today respectfully with my sincerest apologies. I have no intention to offend or provoke such outrage with a noble family that has been nothing but kind and most gracious to me.
“As Her Serene Highness Princess Irina Alexandrovna revealed, we never had the intention to elope. I am not a common thief to steal the princess away in the middle of the night.”
The grand duchess, who seemed to be the most offended of all the royals, almost did not wait for him to finish his last sentence and interjected mockingly, “Monsieur, please save the theatrics. I can already see this will be a waste of our time!”
Nasrosoltan said nothing, not knowing how to respond to this attack, and awaited a sign from the tsar to see if he could continue.
The tsar waved him on, and Nasrosoltan once again attempted to plead his case. “I came here today of my own volition for the audience that had been granted to me, to speak face to face with the grand duke and discuss these sensitive matters. I was fully aware that it might be a challenging and uneasy conversation. I never had the intent to betray your trust or to disrespect your esteemed family.
“However, knowing that His Imperial Majesty has the power and authority to decide my fate in whatever manner His Majesty chooses, forgive me for having to completely empty my heart before you. I pray this Imperial Family does not condemn me further for doing so. I wish to leave no words unspoken, for I fear the wrath of His Imperial Majesty may never allow me to speak them again. With what I am about to say, I knowingly submit to an inexorable fate to doom me, or God willing, to redeem myself in your good graces!”
The grand duchess exhaled loudly and gestured that she was getting up to leave, proclaiming, “What nonsense!”
Even though Nasrosoltan’s expressive words did not seem to impress the royal audience, those words did give him the slightest opportunity to continue when, to the grand duchess’s surprise, the tsar threw his hand out toward him and directed, “Proceed!”
The grand duchess sat back down, fuming, hearing her brother’s command to Nasrosoltan. He was now fully aware that in what he was going to say, he could not risk trying to chase to the end. He knew his next words would determine the course of his future.
“It pains me deeply to see Her Serene Highness in such despair, for her to be shedding tears in sadness and to be hurting, all because she loves. I never thought I would be the cause of such misery for her, and now instead of bringing her unconditional joy, whi
ch is the utmost desire of my heart, I am bringing her unmeasurable sorrow. But why are we to be faulted for expressing this love?”
Suddenly, the grand duke, who until this point had remained silent, interrupted Nasrosoltan and said, “Monsieur, I am shocked. What you are saying sounds absurd for a man of your stature. Why, after all this time, is this the first I hear of this? I feel you have betrayed my trust. Please, for your own sake, reconsider your words!”
Irina turned to the grand duke, and with begging eyes, implored him, “Papa, please, please, I appeal to you, Papa, let him speak!”
The grand duke did not protest further upon hearing Irina’s plea, so Nasrosoltan continued addressing them. “Your Majesty, Your Highnesses, neither of us set out to fall in love. Nothing was planned, and we had no scheme.
“For my part, as you know, it was by chance that I accepted the offer to tutor due to Madame Lazar’s unfortunate injury. I assure you that for a long while, there was simply a professional relationship between us. But just as life is a gift that determines its own time of when it comes and when it departs, so too is the arrival of love. How can there be blame placed on someone who himself is a bystander while events are taking place around him, once love descends upon him without notice or warning?”
Hearing this, the grand duchess motioned for him to stop speaking and angrily exclaimed, “I cannot believe my ears; do you think, Monsieur, that you will stand there and teach us about love and life? This is ludicrous!”
At this point, the tsar, having also heard enough, put his hand up, signaling Nasrosoltan should stop, and dismissively said, “Monsieur, you both are from different worlds; the union you suggest cannot happen. It is forbidden!”
Chapter 28
If You Have Little, Give of Your Heart
“The sect of lovers is distinct from all others
Lovers have a religion and a faith of their own”— Rumi
Once again, Irina began to weep, and with great distress, she appealed to the tsar, “Please, dear Uncle,” but then, to add formality as a show of her seriousness, she included his title in her next address to him. Wiping away her tears and with her voice cracking, Irina begged, “I humbly ask that His Majesty grants Nasrosoltan permission to continue!”
Seeing Irina once again falling apart, the tsar reluctantly gestured to Nasrosoltan that he could go on. Nasrosoltan continued, “Your Majesty, this is correct that we have come out of the past, leaving different histories behind. But in the present, perhaps as a result of life’s mystery, in our hearts, there is a leaning forward into a future together. This love has blinded me to the princess’s station in life and has caused me to neglect my own.
“At first, I fought these feelings with all my power, and I reasoned with myself that it was improper, and therefore tried to suppress such thoughts. I am aware that in the eyes of the royal family, I am just a commoner, and my prospects are modest at best, while Her Serene Highness is a princess of the great Romanovs.
“Here at the palace in St. Petersburg, you view me perhaps as nothing more than the princess’s tutor with a conservatory education. However, in my own country, I am well-born and someone with a great future, with a highly respected family—a family that the shahs of Persia themselves have bestowed their grace upon for many years.”
Hearing Nasrosoltan going on and on in his long-winded defense, the grand duchess cursed something under her breath. Then, waving her hands, interrupted him and scornfully said, “Well, Monsieur, I think you have shamed yourself enough with your nonsense. We do not trust you, and there is no way back from this impropriety! You are only wasting your breath since none of what you are saying is helping your cause. I grant that you do have a silver tongue, but I am tired of your ramblings!”
Then Xenia turned to her brother and said, “I think we have heard enough; don’t you agree, Your Majesty?”
At that moment, Nasrosoltan felt his opportunity for redemption had fallen to the ground. He did not know how to respond, so he stood there in the deafening silence, waiting for someone else to break it.
Suddenly, in defiance of her mother and in defense of Nasrosoltan, Irina intervened. “Mama, please do not do this; please allow him to speak, if you love me!”
The grand duchess retorted, “You know we love you, and that is why we are trying to prevent this disaster of a future you are dreaming for yourself!”
And then she continued with a defensive tone while pointing directly at Irina. “Irina Alexandrovna, now that you talk of love, let me tell you, if you genuinely loved me, you wouldn’t have betrayed my trust. How could you have kept these matters from me? It is because you are selfish and only care about yourself!”
It was then that Nasrosoltan realized much of the grand duchess’s anger was aimed at her daughter for hiding their relationship. Upon hearing her mother’s scolding, Irina began to cry, unable to respond to the grand duchess’s accusation. Irina was spent, dropping her head into her hands in a gesture of complete surrender.
The tsar did not appreciate his sister taking control of the situation by lashing out at Irina and did not directly respond to Xenia’s outburst. Instead, he turned to the grand duke and offered, “Sandro, you are her father. You decide if he is to continue or not.”
Hearing the tsar’s sudden directive to her father, Irina sensed a hint of hope and addressed the grand duke. “Papa, you and Nasrosoltan had become close while he was tutoring me, so you know his character well. You know he is an honorable man. Why else would you spend so much private time with him, drinking brandy and telling tales?” Irina then implored, “Papa, let him speak!”
As Irina reminded her father of the special relationship he had with Nasrosoltan, the grand duke recalled the last few months where he had developed a genuine fondness for him. In response to his daughter’s plea, he gave allowance for Nasrosoltan to continue.
Nasrosoltan, trying hard to control his emotions, added, “I am keenly aware of the customs of nobility and the desire for unions made within their own esteemed circles. It is also such in Persia, where the nobility arranges such betrothals among themselves. However, in many instances, such unions, after much negotiation, arrange all matters except the most supreme, which is the happiness of those involved.”
Nasrosoltan then continued with an audacious claim. “I do not mean to intrude, but I believe that holy matrimony is not a game of chance. I understand it is not my place to offer this, but I believe that a house built on the foundation of love is like a house built on a rock, so when the turbulence of life’s storms beat on it, it stands firm and does not fall!”
At this point, Grand Duchess Xenia, who had enough of what she felt was Nasrosoltan’s impertinence, suddenly rose from her chair. With arms akimbo, she interrupted Nasrosoltan. “That is correct, Monsieur, it is not your place to interfere with our family affairs, and to stand here lecturing His Imperial Majesty in this manner with such insolence! We do not know how subjects address the shah in Persia, but in the presence of the tsar of all the Russias, this is surely not acceptable and is wholly improper! How dare you?”
The grand duchess threw an angry glance toward the guards stationed at the door as if threatening to have Nasrosoltan thrown out by force. She then turned to him and said, “Monsieur, you should leave at once!”
At the shock of hearing her mother heap abuse on Nasrosoltan, Irina, trying to catch a breath through her sobbing, jumped up and shouted, “Mama, please, for the love of God, what are you doing? Do not treat him this way; you are so cruel to him!”
The tsar, who had been listening intently to Nasrosoltan’s plea, was vexed at his sister’s command that Nasrosoltan take his leave. Apparently, in the heat of the moment, the grand duchess had forgotten that when in the presence of the tsar of Russia, it is only he who decides who stays or goes. The tsar gave the grand duchess a stern sideways look and, not saying a word to confront this disrespect directed at him, motioned with his head for Nasrosoltan to continue. Irina sat back down at the ts
ar’s feet, hoping that Nasrosoltan could transform his circumstance with the next words he delivered.
“Your Imperial Majesty, Your Royal Highnesses, once again, I pray that you forgive these words of mine if they sound impudent, but with this talk of love, I am not building a bridge of dreams and exaggerations. In my heart, I am not living in a fool’s paradise. I am not speaking of a love that flames up and then dies out into the darkness of a few embers, but a constant flame. The love that I proclaim for Her Serene Highness is not based on empty promises or meaningless declarations as Your Highnesses believe, but on all that is good and beautiful, compassionate and kind. The love that I offer bears no title or wealth, but what I do offer, and pray to Almighty God falls upon receptive ears, is the most precious gift I possess, my promise of enduring love, for I have little else to give.”
The grand duchess, forgetting what she had done just moments ago to anger the tsar, took the reins of the discussion in her hands once again and sarcastically said, “Monsieur, hopefully, you are done!”
But then, before her brother could feel disrespected once more, Grand Duchess Xenia salvaged the situation by turning to him and with respectable formality saying, “Your Majesty, this man should be condemned and never allowed to have any contact with the royal family. He is not to be trusted! What is your judgment, Your Majesty?”
The tsar was about to make his decision when his eye caught Irina looking up beggingly toward him. She took advantage of a moment of quiet and asked the tsar, “Dear Uncle, if you agree with Mama that Nasrosoltan should be condemned, are not even condemned men given a last chance to speak?”
The tsar thought for a second and then said to Nasrosoltan, “Monsieur, let us hear any final appeal now before deciding your fate!”
A Hundred Sweet Promises Page 22