Barely Above Water

by Pallotta, Gail;

  Clearly Margaret didn’t understand. This disease already consumed much more than its fair share of her life. Suzie hardly had the time and energy to work. She extended her arm and placed the first supplement bottle next to her chest with her right hand while she waited for an opportunity to tell Margaret about the reaction.

  “This is something good for Suzie’s body.” Margaret tried to drive Suzie’s arm down and couldn’t. “She’s not allergic to it.” Margaret pushed on Suzie’s arm, but it didn’t budge. “Your body likes this. It will help.”

  Margaret and Suzie repeated the action until they’d gone through all of the herbs, vitamins, and tinctures.

  Silent screams flooded Suzie’s mind. They would help, but she couldn’t take them. She couldn’t eat. She couldn’t tolerate medicine. How could she live? “These made me very ill Thursday night. Dr. Granger told me not to use them but to come see him today.”

  Margaret’s mouth gaped as she snatched up a chart from a chest at the end of the examining table. “None of them?” Disbelief filled her voice.

  “Right”

  “What happened when you took them?”

  “First, indigestion hit. Then weakness overwhelmed me. My insides raced, and I started shaking. The symptoms struck me in waves every few minutes. Dr. Granger said I detoxed too fast.” Looked as if there was nothing left but color and sound therapy to treat her. What good would that do?

  Margaret stared at Suzie’s chart. “I’ve never heard of that happening, but we’ll go in and see Dr. Granger as soon as we finish here.” Margaret laid down the clipboard and pulled back her shoulders. “It appears that indigestion caused problems even before you took the supplements.”

  “Yes.”

  “We’ll go through the protocol. Then, I’ll desensitize you to some of the foods you can’t eat.” Margaret gazed at her with compassionate blue eyes as she waved a thin, silver wand back and forth in front of her. “You look very pretty today.”

  That was impossible. “These dark circles under my eyes are awful.”

  “No. No. You appear a little tired, but you look lovely. Purple’s your color.” Margaret spoke with a sincere tone as though she really meant what she said. Then she flipped through the pages in a thick white book. “The color and sound therapy will help balance your nervous system. Each color enlightens patients in a different way. Violet, I know; indigo, I see; blue, I speak; green, I love; yellow, I can; orange, I feel; and red, I have.”

  A cardboard rack at the end of the examining table held glasses that coincided with the colors Margaret mentioned. She pulled a violet-tinted pair from it and handed them to Suzie. “Each of the colors correlates with certain parts of the body’s organs, glands, and even emotions. For instance, yellow relates to digestion. Indigestion has plagued you, so we’ll probably use the yellow during one of your visits, but today your color is violet, the ‘I know’ color. Go ahead and put these on.”

  I know? Suzie stared at the tinted spectacles then turned them around a few times. Colored lenses were going to heal the horror inside her? It seemed like an ant trying to step on an elephant, but the sincere loving concern in Margaret’s eyes convinced her Margaret had her best interest at heart.

  Margaret turned the pages in the white book to a particular spot and read it. Afterward, she pinged metal prongs in front of Suzie while saying something about violet representing our connection to a spiritual nature. She read about gathering energy through kind actions and acts of faith. “This relates physically to the top of the head, the central nervous system, muscles, and skin.”

  Margaret could have spoken Chinese and her words wouldn’t have seemed any more foreign to Suzie. However, she had to give Margaret and Dr. Granger a chance. They were her only hope. If picking a color out of a book and dinging prongs while discussing body parts associated with that color would make her well, so be it.

  “When the energy is low, fears of spiritual abandonment, loss of identity, and loss of connection with life and people around us can surface. We can experience a spiritual crisis, which feels like something is trying to wake up inside of us and there is a sense of losing touch with self-identity, as well as a need to experience devotion to something greater than one’s self…” Margaret gazed up from the book and focused on Suzie. “Repeat each sentence after me.”

  “God be in my head and understanding,

  God be in my eyes and in my looking,

  God be in my mouth and in my speaking,

  God be in my ears and in my hearing,

  God be in my back and in my standing,

  God be in my arms and in my receiving,

  God be in my guts and in my feeling,

  God be in my heart and in my loving.”

  Suzie hadn’t abandoned her spirituality, or it hadn’t abandoned her, but she agreed with the words, so she said them.

  Then Margaret removed the glasses. “This comes from the seven chakras.”

  Suzie yearned for treatment to make her well. “What are chakras?”

  “They’re the seven energy centers in the body—our foundation, connection to others, confidence, love, the abilities to communicate and evaluate beliefs, and a spiritual connection. They match the order of the colors of the rainbow.” Margaret slid the book on a shelf. “I’ll do the color and sound protocol with you once a week.”

  Mumbo-jumbo weekly, huh?

  “We’re finished. Let’s talk to Dr. Granger about your supplements.”

  What was the point when she couldn’t take them? Why had she moved to Destin to come here? A power much stronger than her had sent her to this place. She hopped off the examining table and walked with Margaret to Dr. Granger’s room.

  He stood beside his desk with his back to the door.

  Margaret knocked a couple of times. “Hi, can we talk to you?”

  He turned around and waved them in. “Sure.”

  “She can’t tolerate the supplements. We can’t treat her unless she uses them, can we? What do you want me to do?” Desperation lined Margaret’s voice.

  Suzie took the blame in her heart for not being able to take the supplements, as though she’d done something wrong. That probably was because of past irate reactions she’d gotten from some medical doctors when she told them she couldn’t take a particular medicine.

  Margaret tapped her foot while they waited for Dr. Granger’s answer.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Suzie’s heart raced as she stood in front of Dr. Granger’s black examining table, the blinds splitting the sun shining across it. His intense eyes stayed steady while he remained silent. Was it all over, or could he help?

  “Laser them into her body. It will trick her system into thinking she’s taken them, and she’ll heal.” He spoke with a matter-of-fact tone as though he solved unsolvable problems every day.

  Margaret’s eyes widened. “Okay.” She backed out of Dr. Granger’s office.

  Suzie’s mind flashed to Dr. Granger using the laser on her. It didn’t hurt, burn, or cut. It would make her better and there’d be no ill side effects. Optimism coursed through her ragged nerves as she followed Margaret to her room and sat on the examining table. Margaret gave Suzie a vial. She grasped the herb and held it close to her chest while the red beam passed through it to her.

  Margaret repeated the action with the rest of the supplements. “Wait here. I’m going to see if Dr. Granger wants to add anything.”

  Margaret’s strawberry blond hair swayed across her back as she strolled to the other side of the hall and tapped on the paneled door to Dr. Granger’s office.

  Suzie turned and peered out the window at the fan-like shiny green leaves on the palm trees. They seemed so strange compared to the hardwoods and pines on the sides of the North Carolina Mountains. A part of her wanted to cling to those hills. She was like a leaf blowing in the wind. She had no control over this illness, and she wasn’t rooted anywhere. Would Dr. Granger’s help, the sunshine, and sandy beaches anchor her to this place one day?


  Margaret returned brushing her hands together. “Dr. Granger wants to have our prayer before you leave.”

  Suzie walked into the hall where Margaret, Dr. Granger, a woman wearing a blue dress, and a tall man with blond hair joined her.

  “We’re ready, Courtney,” Dr. Granger called out.

  Courtney’s full black skirt swished as she hurried to them and clasped Suzie’s right hand. Margaret caught hold of the other. Then everyone bowed their heads.

  “Heavenly Father, we thank you for all of our blessings. We’re especially grateful for the tools you’ve given us and the knowledge to use them to treat patients. We ask that they bring healing to each person who comes to this place. In Christ’s name we pray. Amen.”

  Margaret and Courtney squeezed Suzie’s hands, and the group disbanded.

  Margaret turned to Suzie. “Have Courtney make an appointment for you for Wednesday. We’ll start footbaths.”

  Suzie checked out and sang a hymn softly as she stepped lightly to her car, slipped in, and backed out. Something about this office, Dr. Granger, Margaret, and Courtney put her in a comfortable place. Could they really laser tinctures into her body and use colors and sound to cure her? Dr. Granger had mentioned the footbaths briefly when he went over the costs with her. What would they be like?

  With the hope that had filled her today, logic told her why she’d been sitting in Dr. Granger’s office and why she’d keep sitting in it. Even though she hadn’t made much improvement, she’d only seen Dr. Granger two times. In Blue Mountain she had no one to turn to for healing. Then, too, she was bound to see Carson. An image of him scowling at her popped in her mind, and her skin crawled.

  Probably more importantly, a commitment was a commitment. She’d always kept hers, and forty children expected her every day until summer league swimming ended. She breathed in deeply and pulled back her shoulders. If she set her mind to it, with God’s help, she could make Destin her home, carve out a new life, and start over.

  She parked in front of her tan stucco apartment building and stepped onto the sidewalk. A brown lizard darted in front of her, and she brushed against the palm tree beside her stoop to avoid it. Hey buddy. You got an easy life. Get under a bush when the sun goes down, crawl out when it comes up, eat a few bugs, and relax. If only her life could be so simple.

  She opened the door. The sound of it closing echoed into silence, signifying her solitary existence. She walked upstairs and fell onto the blue and white comforter for a nap, her arms and legs meshing to it as she dozed off.

  Weakness surged through her. Then the racing and shaking charged into every fiber of her being. She tried to pry her muscles up to walk off the excess nervousness. She might as well have been glued to the bed. She pulled her knees to her chest. Please, go away. Please, stop. The trembling ran amuck, jarring her until she could no longer lie still. She was like a person trying to die in peace while being tormented by an electrical charge.

  She uncoiled her legs and shoved them over the side of the bed with all her might. Moving with the energy of a light bulb burning out, she showered and plodded downstairs to eat. In the refrigerator, bunches of broccoli stems and florets lay on the shelf beside a jug of water. Not the green monster again. She’d risk the indigestion and pain radiating from her stomach to her chest to taste something else. She slammed the refrigerator door and charged out of the apartment to the car. She slid in the driver’s seat and backed out, heading nowhere in particular, just somewhere they didn’t have broccoli.

  In moments, she pulled onto Highway 98. Resentment that she had only three foods to eat coursed through her bones as she stopped for a red light and let her gaze wander around the area. Why did she not know a health food store sat on a corner she passed every day? Probably because it was behind a gas station in the small strip mall. What might they have? She wheeled into the parking lot, cut her engine, and charged inside, a bell announcing her arrival.

  The odor of fresh herbs and burning incense tickled her nostrils. The aromas of cloves, cinnamon, and lemongrass wafted from the aisles as she wound around shelves holding bottles of natural remedies and boxes of wheat and gluten-free foods.

  A lady with dainty features and long dark hair emerged from a room just beyond the freezer. “Hi, can I help you find something?”

  Suzie tried to no avail not to stare at the healthy glow emanating from the woman. Would she ever have that? “I’m looking for bison.”

  “We carry it ground in one-pound packages. We also have pre-formed patties and hot dogs.” She opened the door to cold storage and stuck her hand into a foggy mist.

  Excitement growled in Suzie’s stomach. “I’ll have one of each.”

  The woman pulled out three packages, carried them to the cashier’s stand, and laid them in the only spot not filled with pamphlets and brochures advertising vitamins, protein powders, and power drinks.

  “I like the dogs with pickle relish and coleslaw. Do you have any?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes.” The lady stepped to the refrigerator and brought out a plastic container. “We’re noted for our coleslaw. We make it fresh daily along with tuna salad and a few other dishes our regular customers request.”

  The clerk walked to a shelf past the cash register and held up a jar of relish. “How’s this?”

  “Yum. I can’t wait.” If the lady only knew, this health food store looked like paradise.

  The woman put down the items then picked up the hot dogs, scanning them. Suzie wanted to grab them from her. She couldn’t help but imagine the rich juicy flavor as the woman dropped them in a bag. Her mouth watered while the clerk moved in slow motion. Finally, she rang up the ticket, and Suzie paid.

  “Thank you so much.” Suzie snatched up her treasure like a kid grabbing a piece of candy and breezed out to her car. Within five minutes, she returned to her apartment. “Get out of the way, lizard.”

  She swung open the door and marched to the kitchen, depositing everything in the freezer except the hot dogs. She placed them on the white counter. All frozen together, they formed a solid block. An image of eight dogs on one plate popped in her head. How much indigestion would that cause? She rubbed her stomach.

  She yanked open the cabinet drawer, the utensils rattling. A chef’s knife. She stuck the tip of the big silver blade between two frozen dogs and pounded on top of the handle with all her might. The package slipped out and slid across the counter. She pulled it back and tried two more times. The frozen package plunked onto the floor. How weak was she? There must be something else here. The sharp knife.

  She chipped away at the ice between two dogs. Whittling took too long. What about the hammer she’d seen on the bottom of the floor in the coat closet? Yeah. She wandered through the dining area to the small foyer, grabbed the tool, and hauled it back to the kitchen. The phone rang as she heaved it over the food. Not now. I’m about to eat. Oh, all right.

  She stopped her swing in mid-air and answered. “Suzie speaking.”

  “This is Matt. I wanted to let you know I not only made an appointment with a sponsor tomorrow. I made one afterward for you to see Cammie O’Shea. She may have an assignment for you.”

  A writing job and extra money. Joy rippled over Suzie’s skin. “That’s wonderful news.” She eased the hammer onto the counter. “Uh, Matt where are you?”

  “I’m on Highway 98 parked at a stoplight in front of the health food store.”

  “Great. You aren’t far from me. Could you stop by my apartment for a second?”

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “I’ll tell you when you arrive.”

  They hung up, and Suzie narrowed her eyes. “Now, we’ll see how frozen you are.”

  The doorbell rang, and she hurried to it, flinging open the door.

  Wrinkles creased Matt’s brow. “Is everything all right?”

  “It will be after you take care of something for me. It’s in the kitchen.” Suzie hurried to the bison dogs with Matt on her heels.
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  The frozen slab lay with the chef’s knife, the sharp knife, and the hammer beside it, little puddles of water on the counter.

  Matt’s full lips turned up on the corners and slowly spread into a grin. “Sure, I’ll get that for you. How many do you want?”

  “Two.”

  He spread his feet apart a little, picked up the chef’s knife, and stuck the tip between two frozen dogs. One pound on top of the handle, and two of them popped away from the rest. He repeated the action until four sets lay on the counter. “There ya go. Anything else?”

  Why couldn’t she have some of his strength? “No. Would you like one? They’re actually bison, but I hope they taste as good as the real thing.”

  Matt raised his eyebrows. “They look delicious, but I was in the middle of an errand.” He started out of the kitchen but turned and looked over his shoulder. “I hope you enjoy them.”

  “I will.” Suzie showed him to the door and waved. “Thank you so much.” A gentleman.

  He slipped into his sporty car and stuck his head out the window. “You’re welcome. See you tomorrow. Don’t forget the appointment at two o’clock. If you have time, we can stop at The Sun Dial office afterward.”

  “Thank you. I promise. I’ll be on time.”

  Suzie would show him she was responsible. She’d help him land that sponsor.

  She shut the door, practically ran to the kitchen, and flung the cabinet doors open one at a time until she found a sauce pan. Soon, the two hot dogs floated in bubbling water. Her stomach growled as she wrapped the other six hot dogs two at a time in heavy tin foil and placed them in the freezer. Finally, she lifted out her entrée, and her mouth watered.

  She topped the dogs with a squirt of mustard, some relish, and coleslaw then carried them to the dining room as though they were prepared for royalty. The chair scraped across the floor as she pulled it up. She sat down and cut into the bison dog with her fork. Juice oozed out and her taste buds tingled. People in the finest restaurants couldn’t be enjoying their meals any more than she was. Savoring one bite after another, she cleaned her plate.