Lessons in Love

by Jerry Cole

  He still wasn't sure how much of his desire to impress Victor was a crush.

  Whatever the case, he wanted to get to know Victor. It was too inviting a prospect. He needed to get to know the man he would be working with for so long. Well, at least he hoped to work with Victor for a while. He knew better than anyone that work could come and go like food in a house with four kids. He had seen his mother go through it. He hoped that in a job like education, he would have some sort of ability to keep his actual job.

  ***

  Walking into the teacher's lounge, Nate quickly realized it was only he and Victor there. The other man seemed to not have noticed him and was busy sorting through some files in a ring binder.

  "Good morning, Mr. Walker! I mean, Victor, you know." Nate said with a big grin. He noticed Victor flash a grin back, almost instinctively, before blushing and turning back to his work.

  "Sorry, where are my manners?" Victor suddenly remarked. "Good morning to you too, Nate. Sorry about the slow reply. Not enough coffee."

  "You drink a lot of coffee, too?" Nate asked.

  "What's with the chirpy attitude? You seem almost happy to be at work," Victor remarked with a faint smile, his cheeks lightly flushed still.

  "I am. I like it here. Don’t you?" Nate asked back.

  Victor paused a moment. "What's with all the sudden questions? You had too much coffee?"

  "I just think that we're going to work together a while, we may as well get to know one another," Nate said. "Nothing else. I guess I'm a bit of a people person."

  "I'm not, but... I guess I can make a bit of an effort, for you," Victor said.

  Nate felt his heart do backflips. He could almost have been sick, from the sudden onset of nerves that Victor gave him. What did that mean? Was Victor interested? Or was he reading too much into a few simple words? He should reply with something just right, or ask for clarity, or —

  "Thanks, I appreciate it," he said, immediately feeling like a complete and utter dork. They barely spoke on their way to the classroom, or as the first lesson started.

  As the lesson progressed, Nate found himself settling in again and his thoughts turned back to Victor. What had he meant by that? Did he want to get to know Nate better? Get a little closer? Or was he just being friendly?

  If Nate had any other experience of the world of work, then he'd at the very least have a point of reference. But he didn't. All he had was an awareness that Victor treated him differently to how Victor treated other people. Which might be perfectly normal, seeing as Victor was the one instructing Nate. Then, Nate began to notice it. A slight fogginess to Victor. He was slightly less able to put his thoughts together, slightly less coordinated with his movements, blushing and smiling a bit more than usual. His hair was not quite perfectly spiked, and a few of his piercings were missing, like he'd forgotten to put the rest in after inserting his lip stud.

  The man was still as handsome as ever though. He just looked a bit of a mess today, like he'd been stressed all night. Nate could see why Victor was so hard to read. He was tired, stressed and having a hard time. No wonder he was run down, too, with so much on his plate!

  Nate knew what he did when he felt stressed. He went out. He saw people. He had some drinks, tried to make a few friends, and generally relaxed. It wasn't perfect, or easy. Especially not considering that he didn't have any close, long-term friends to do that with. Even in college, he had managed to make a little time to go out, to get away from his stressful life and responsibilities and have a few drinks.

  Victor may not be a massively social person, but he could probably do with a break, going away to somewhere that didn't remind him of his duties or worries. Even if he didn't want to talk and only wanted to get a bit tipsy and eat some junk food.

  At break time Nate walked over to Victor, determined to help the guy he was coming to see as a friend.

  "I was just thinking..." he began, looking around a bit nervously. Did people even ask their workmates out for drinks? Was that just a sitcom thing, or a service work thing?

  Victor looked up. Nate could see the purple marks under Victor's eyes, the slight pallor to his cheeks, and the slightly distracted expression on his face. "I was just thinking you look a bit overworked. And I was wondering if you wanted to go out for drinks with me. As a social thing, to chill out a bit, relax, just forget about work for a while," Nate explained.

  Victor looked a little reluctant, and for a moment Nate wondered if he had done the wrong thing by asking. He reminded himself that Victor's unconventional clothes were not necessarily a sign of unconventional beliefs, or attitudes toward life. Perhaps he was confused, or even insulted, by the suggestion that Nate and he should go out for drinks.

  "I'm sorry," Nate said. "I just figured you might want to. I didn't mean anything by it."

  Victor shook his head. "No, it's nothing personal. I would like to go out and have a break, to be fair, but I'm not too sure."

  "Why not?" Nate asked, sitting down in the chair by Victor's workstation and watching as Victor sorted some papers into his ring binder.

  "I'm just not sure I have the time," Victor said with a shrug. "I have a lot going on right now, so it's a bit hard to get time off."

  "A lot going on?" Nate asked. "Then isn't that even more of a reason to try and get some time away from work, where you can just kind of chill out and forget everything?"

  "It is, but the time is an issue. I have lessons to plan, family stuff, some banking to sort. My weekends are fairly busy," Victor insisted.

  "Really? What are your plans tonight?" Nate pressed.

  Victor paused. "Just plans. Sorting the stuff from today's work, getting ready for the week ahead, that sort of stuff. Nothing specific, just general stuff that needs doing."

  "Bullshit," Nate said with a grin. "You're just trying to get out of it without feeling like you're being rude."

  Victor blushed. "Okay, a bit."

  "Why don't you want to go out?" Nate asked again.

  "I just don't. It's not one of the things I usually do, you know? Where I grew up, you have a glass of wine at home, or if you do go out it's to some person's place, where you're still working, in a sense," Victor explained.

  Nate paused, then shook his head. "I don't get it. How can going to someone's house be work?"

  "Because you're only there to make your family look good, not to have fun. Having fun is sort of seen as being lazy, or dumb, and makes your whole family look bad. So you're working hard not saying or doing the wrong things, talking to all the right people," Victor explained, looking exhausted simply talking about it.

  Nate was a bit shocked. He thought that when rich people went to parties it was just that—a party—but with more expensive stuff. He shrugged. "It won't be like that, though. We're just going out for a drink, to chat and relax and have a good time. All the fun you want, I won't judge you. You need it.”

  Victor smiled. It was a lovely smile. White teeth, his lip piercing bobbing slightly, his eyes gleaming with genuine, relaxed happiness. Nate loved it. "Well, if we go out for drinks will you let me be?" Victor asked, picking up the pile of books on his table and turning to Nate again.

  "Yeah, I'll give you some peace and quiet if you come out with me," Nate replied, feeling excited already. "But you have to promise, or else I'll nag you all day long."

  Victor laughed, face bright red, smile still wide. "You'll nag me all day long, will you?"

  "Yeah. And I'll carry on all next week, Monday to Friday, until you actually go out with me for drinks," Nate said.

  "Why does it matter so much to you?" Victor asked.

  "Because to be honest, you look like shit," Nate admitted. "And I can't just stand here and let you stress yourself to death."

  A moment of silence lingered between them, but it was not the tense, awkward silence Nate had felt before. It was warm and comfortable. Their eyes met and he wanted to step in and embrace Victor, ask him on a date right away. It was all Nate could do to stop hims
elf.

  "We ought to get back to class," Victor said, the smile still spread across his lips. "We can talk tomorrow night, when we go out."

  Nate nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good to me. There is so much stuff I’ve always wanted to talk about, but never had anyone to talk about it with.” "Then we’ll talk about that," Victor said, exiting the lounge and walking toward the classroom.

  Nate felt sort of excited about Friday night already. His mother's warning rang in his mind, but he also knew not to be too paranoid. It was a new era, after all. People thought differently, people looked beyond appearances, beyond race. Not everyone, but most people. And the sort who would hate Nate just for the color of his skin probably wouldn't be teachers in such a diverse area, at a school with a black woman as a principal. They would either be rooted out, or not even apply in the first place.

  Besides that, a gay guy with such alternative looks as Victor wouldn't judge based on appearances, or would he? Hadn't Victor complained about discrimination? Why would he go ahead and discriminate after that.

  A slight doubt kept pushing its way into Nate's mind, but he pushed back against it as hard as he could.

  Victor seemed like a nice enough guy. A little unhinged at times, or was that just Nate stereotyping him?

  Nate took out his phone and texted his mother, letting her know he was going for drinks with a friend the next night and would be home a bit late. It wasn't anything worse than he'd already done during his college days, but he felt almost guilty. He couldn't bring himself to tell his mother who this friend was, that this was the guy she had told him to watch out for.

  She didn't need to know. She would inevitably find out, of course. Maybe by then Nate would have a definitive answer about what sort of guy Victor was, and it would all be over and done with.

  The little bit of doubt pushing into his mind worried him, though. His mother had told him to be careful. And going out for drinks with a guy he barely knew, in an area of town he had never been to other than for work, while lying to his own mother about who he was with and where... that was kind of the opposite of being careful. He almost wanted to cancel the night. What if it went wrong?

  Looking up at Victor and feeling his heart melt and his crotch grow a little warmer, he realized he had to take the chance. There was too much that could go right after all.

  Chapter Seven

  Victor sighed and wondered briefly what he was doing with his life. It was ridiculous to be so paranoid about Nate and then agree to go out with him. What sort of a message did that send? How could he tell himself that this guy was the enemy, to be defeated, to be gotten rid of forever... and go out for drinks with him?

  Victor tried telling himself he was just hanging out with a coworker. But he never did that. No, he knew that the only reason he had agreed to drinks with Nate was because he felt Nate was cute. That was it. He would never do this for anyone else.

  Even if he knew, in his heart of hearts, that he had no innocent hopes for that night, he felt it would be wrong to let Nate know. After all, it was one thing to wrestle with his own thoughts about Nate, but it wouldn't be fair to lead Nate on.

  He hadn't even bothered to change after Friday's classes. He wasn't sure if that would make it seem too much like a date. So he'd want to just look like himself. Even though he really, secretly, wanted to impress Nate. He wanted to look sexy. And he couldn't.

  Why had he even agreed to this in the first place?

  Walking into the bar, he instantly zeroed in on Nate, who looked amazing, even though he hadn't changed either. He had clearly freshened up, and he looked as confident and happy as always. How could someone who had been through all that Nate had been through, who had fought so hard all his life, somehow still be confident and happy?

  Victor knew full well he had not gone through the same hardships as Nate, and yet he was a constantly self-doubting, paranoid, stressed wreck. How could Nate be so happy?

  As Nate made eye contact and beamed, Victor felt as though he had been infected with that happiness and smiled back. He couldn't help himself. He loved everything about Nate. He was trying so hard not to like him, but he couldn't argue with the heart.

  They sat down and ordered their drinks, and at first there was a slight tension in the air, a slight nervousness in both of them. Victor knew full well, in that moment, that Nate felt about him just as he felt about Nate. There was chemistry, there was love, there was something deep starting to grow between them. It couldn't happen, but it was happening anyway because life was a complete and utter bitch.

  "So... why did you really want to take me out for drinks?" Victor asked. "You called me out when I made an excuse not to come. So I want to know why you even bothered asking me out."

  "Besides the fact you genuinely looked so stressed, I thought you might die? I guess I just wanted to get to know you, we have a lot in common and we're going to be working together, right?" Nate said.

  "You can't die from stress," Victor replied.

  Nate shrugged. "You can die of a stroke, a heart attack or even an ulcer. Stress is kind of like when you're playing video games and there are these little enemies that clip your life back. It won't kill you, but it makes it easier for something else to kill you."

  "That's kinda morbid," Victor replied. "Do you often overthink things this much?”

  "Do you deflect this much and refuse to talk about yourself often?" Nate asked back.

  Victor laughed. "I do."

  If anyone else said these things to him, he'd be pissed off. He wouldn't take it. But from Nate? It was funny. It was sweet. You could tell everything he said came from a place of love and care, from genuine emotion. It wasn't even tough love because it didn't hurt. There was something about Nate that was just likable. He was the sort of guy everyone got along with. Which made it all the weirder that Nate didn't seem to have friends outside his family and work. How could someone this lovely go through life without developing a close connection to other people? Unless he simply never had the time to connect with anyone. But who didn't have time to go out, to do precisely what they were doing now?

  Victor knew, as the night progressed, that he would never be able to dislike Nate. No matter how hard he tried, he would always find him funny, attractive and generally a great guy… because he was. Nate was the sort of guy every guy wanted to be with long term, perhaps even marry. Nate was the sort of guy whose ex boyfriends spoke well of him.

  It was odd to hear so much about all Nate had been through. It was even more than Victor had imagined, and it just kept coming. Raising his little siblings as his mother worked? Finding out he didn't even meet his real father? Living in such a rough area as a gay kid? Victor was surprised Nate could smile at all, much less be so happy.

  As they carried on drinking and talking, Victor began to feel bad for ignoring Nate so much. Nate had spent his whole life being ignored at best, abused at worst. He hadn't done anything wrong. He'd just been born in a position where people found it hard to relate to him, no matter how wonderful of a person he actually was.

  Now Victor was going to add to that long list of people who had hurt or disappointed Nate throughout his life. Now Victor was going to make it all worse. Victor tried to tell himself that it was justified, because of what Nate represented.

  Although, it wasn't Nate's fault that he was being used to either upset Victor or else replace him. Nate didn't choose to come to town and anger Victor. Nate was just so likable. Just so handsome and charming all round.

  "Are you okay—?" Nate asked, interrupting himself mid-sentence and looking a little surprised.

  "Huh?" Victor muttered.

  Nate shrugged. "You were looking a little spaced out. I was worried."

  "Just enjoying the view," Victor said before he could stop himself.

  Nate froze, then grinned. "So you like what you see?" he asked with all the false confidence of a high school kid asking someone out to prom.

  Victor nodded.

  "You're not j
ust saying it because you don't get out much and you're drunk?" Nate asked.

  "I'm not drunk from two beers. I'm not a lightweight, you know? You're actually just my type," Victor said, feeling his face flushing and hoping Nate didn't notice how nervous he was feeling.

  Of course Nate wasn't. Nate was far too busy with how shy he felt to realize that Victor was nervous. It was a bit surprising to see the shell crack and realize that someone who was usually so confident was actually just a soft, fragile little kid under it all.

  "So you're into black guys?" Nate asked.

  Victor almost choked on his beer.

  "So... I'm right?" Nate carried on. "I guess that's cool, but it's a little bit superficial, really."

  Victor felt almost panicked, rushed to explain himself without making things worse. "No, my type as in... you're cute. And such a nice guy. And easy to talk to. I guess I just like you for you," Victor finally said.

  "You like me for me?" Nate asked, somehow sounding more skeptical than he had when he believed Nate was just into black guys.

  Victor nodded.

  "What about me do you like?" Nate pressed, looking a little suspicious.

  "You're cute as fuck. And even though you've had a hard time in life, you're normally so confident and happy. It's infectious, and I feel great around you. Plus, you're so dedicated to teaching. It's lovely. And I want to get to know you better," Victor explained.

  "You don't like opening up like that, do you?" Nate asked.

  "I don't," Victor replied, "but I guess that's what you do when you really like someone."

  "I guess it is," Nate agreed. "I’ve never had anyone really like me before."

  "I haven't liked someone as much as I like you before," Victor said.

  Nate's eyes were shining, and despite his dark skin and the low light of the bar, Victor could see a reddish hue across his cheeks. Victor could feel Nate's hand rest on top of his. It was the most gentle, understated display of emotion he had seen from Nate, and it sent shivers down Victor's spine.