Shadow of Doubt

by S L Beaumont

  “I didn’t realize that we were moving back to Scotland,” I said, shaking my head in dismay.

  “Of course, that was always the plan.”

  “Nice of you to mention it,” I said. “But I don’t want to leave London.”

  “Not yet, but you will when the time is right.”

  Chapter 9

  November 24

  Positano was a rustic Italian restaurant crowded with wooden tables covered in red and white checked tablecloths topped with tea lights flickering in glass jars. Framed photos of iconic Italian scenes covered the walls and classical music played in the background from wall mounted speakers. The waiter took our orders and returned with a glass of red wine each.

  “How are you getting on?” Marie asked, her dark eyes, rimmed with kohl looked concerned.

  I sighed. “Okay, I guess. Everything feels like hard work all of a sudden. I still can’t believe that Dad’s gone.”

  Marie reached across the table and gave my hand a squeeze. “It must be so hard.”

  “Yeah, especially as life just seems to carry on. There’s still work to do at the bank and Colin is absorbed with his businesses, yet Dad’s no longer with us,” I said.

  “I realized the other night that I don’t know anything about how you and Colin got together,” Marie said, removing the clip holding her mane of thick black hair in place and shaking it free.

  “You mean, you wondered how I ended up with such an arse?” I said.

  Marie blushed.

  “He really is a very sweet guy, but he’s just got a lot going on at the moment with expanding his business and he’s very stressed.”

  Marie nodded and smiled. “So what’s the scoop? How did he sweep you off your feet?”

  “Not much to tell really, I was in my third year at Edinburgh University when our paths first crossed. Colin was the president of a student group supporting Scottish Independence. He was on the local TV news often as the media could always count on him for a juicy soundbite. The fact that he was a tall, good looking man, passionate about his country, didn’t hurt either.”

  “The makings of a politician,” Marie said.

  “I was the opposite, just your average student. My wardrobe consisted of short colorful skirts with black tights, Doc Marten boots and a black duffle coat to ward out the bone chilling Edinburgh cold. Bits and pieces picked up from the vintage clothing stalls at the market,” I explained.

  “Oh God, I can just picture you.” Marie laughed.

  “For some reason, I attracted Colin’s attention at an Independence rally. I’d had an unfortunate episode at a cheap student hairdresser that week and my hair was burgundy. Seriously, I was hard to miss. Anyway, Scottish Independence wasn’t really something that I’d given much thought to, but my flat mates were going, so I went along. Colin, of course, had been asked to address the crowd. He was quite something,” I said.

  “I’m sure,” Marie murmured.

  “No really. Everything he said made perfect sense and he wound the crowd up into frenzy of righteous indignation with seeming ease. On one hand he sounded like one of us, Scottish, but at the same time his choice of words, phrases set him apart.”

  “Future leader in the making,” Marie suggested.

  “Something like that. Anyway, later that night I was on my second glass of cider at a party in a damp, cramped flat on George Street, when he wandered over and asked, ‘do you think we made a difference today?’ I didn’t realize that he was talking to me until I looked behind me to find no one there. Of course, he found that hilarious and we ended up chatting for ages. As the party started winding down, I looked around for my friends, only to find that they had all left without me. Colin came to my rescue and walked me home.”

  “I bet he did.” Marie laughed.

  “My flat was only four blocks from the party and Colin continued to regale me with stories about the injustice of English control of Scottish economic interests. At my door he said goodnight and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. I was smitten, not only was this guy intelligent and interesting, he didn’t expect me to sleep with him after I had only just met him.”

  “Smart move on his part,” Marie said.

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “Good way to differentiate yourself from the other sleazy students. And that’s it. We started seeing each other. It wasn’t a hugely passionate beginning, more of a slow burn, but we very quickly blended into each other’s lives and getting married when we’d both finished our degrees seemed like the logical next move. He’d been adopted as a baby and was keen to be part of a larger family.”

  Marie nodded. “So no fireworks then.”

  “There were enough,” I replied. “Anyway, what about you? I imagine you have left a trail of broken hearts?”

  Marie laughed again. “Oh yeah. Where to begin? Hey, I meant to ask you about Will getting that job on the trading floor.”

  “Yeah, I know. Good move for him. There was an opening for a new equities analyst,” I said. “And, I’ve also got job news.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m changing jobs too. I’m going to lead the new product analysts.”

  “What? The nerds on level three?”

  “Not nerds. They’re a bunch of extremely bright techy guys who spend their days inventing new cunning and devious ways for the bank to make money,” I said. “My role will be coordinating the testing and installation components of any new product.”

  “That’s great, Jess. You’re ready for a new challenge.”

  “Yeah, I’m a little nervous about keeping up with the technical details—these guys are the rocket scientists after all,” I admitted.

  Marie laughed. “Yeah, but you’re no slouch when it comes to understanding the math and the systems. Your biggest challenge is going to be selling the new ideas to the bunch of sceptics that sit on the trading floor.”

  “Oh God, I know. I’m well in over my head,” I replied.

  ***

  My phone rang just as I arrived back at my desk.

  “I hear congratulations are in order.”

  “Thanks, Will. How’s your new job going?”

  “Good so far. Hey, I’m missing our coffee breaks, though. Do you want to have lunch instead?” he said.

  “Good idea.”

  “Can you do Tuesdays?”

  “Like each week?”

  “Yeah, let’s make it a regular thing,” Will replied.

  I smiled down the phone. “Sure.”

  ***

  “I’m glad you decided to come along tonight,” Rachel shouted over the noise of the music as we leaned against the mezzanine railing at the club in Covent Garden, having a drink and watching people throwing themselves around the dancefloor below. “How are you getting on? How’s your mum doing?”

  I shrugged. “They say it’s supposed to get easier, but I’m yet to experience that.” I spied Marie in the center of the dancers, hands in the air, singing along to the DJ. She looked up and waved to us to join her.

  “Come on,” Rachel said, downing her drink in one swallow and grabbing my hand.

  “My feet are too sore from dancing. You go,” I said shaking my head.

  “If you’re sure.” Rachel turned away, her short peroxide blonde hair bouncing as she skipped down the stairs to join Marie.

  Will and Andrew had their heads together, deep in conversation, at one end of a nearby booth. Will caught my eye and gave me a grin. I ordered a large glass of water from the bar and leaned on the railing again looking down at the Jimmy and Dave dancing like men possessed with Rachel and Marie.

  “Hey, you. Tired of dancing?”

  I turned and smiled as Will joined me. “No, but my feet are.”

  Will ran his hand through his thick dark hair and gazed at me for a long moment. “Jess, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that night?” I frowned, trying to grasp which night he was referring to. “When Colin joined us at The Tower for a drink,” he prompted.

  “Yeah?”
/>   “Is he, uh… always like that?” Will asked.

  “Like what?” I made my voice as unemotional as I could.

  “A bully,” Will said.

  I said nothing. I wasn’t sure what to say. Yes, he is often like that, but I’m used to it, or no, and come across as defending him. Instead, I turned my attention back to the dance floor.

  Will leaned closer to me. “Why do you let him do it? Jess, you deserve so much better.”

  I was shocked to find tears stinging my eyes. Will’s words had an echo of something my dad had said to me before my wedding.

  “I’m fine,” I said, turning away and grabbing my bag from under the table. “This is none of your business.”

  Will stepped in my path. “Jess, don’t run away,” he said. “It’s like you are a possession to him. You are talented, smart, gorgeous, beautiful actually, and he just doesn’t seem to see it.”

  “Oh and you do,” I blurted, without thinking.

  Will looked at me for a long moment. “Yeah, I do.”

  My mouth dropped open. The others returned to the table, chattering and laughing, at that moment.

  “You two look like you have had a fight,” Dave announced.

  “Nah, Will’s just talking about something he knows nothing about,” I said, composure recovered.

  Will pulled a face and shrugged. “How can I argue with that?”

  Chapter 10

  November 26

  Colin and I had just been seated at his favorite Italian restaurant, on the corner near our flat, when his mobile phone pinged with an incoming text.

  He sighed.

  “Can we ignore our phones for an hour?” I asked.

  He hesitated, before pulling it from his pocket and glancing at the screen. The blood drained from his face. “Uh… sure, good idea,” he said replacing it.

  I frowned. “You okay?”

  He gave me a bright smile. “Yes. Now wine,” he said picking up the wine list and ordering a bottle of Chianti from the waiter hovering near our table.

  I watched, cringing inside, as Colin made an elaborate scene out of swirling, sniffing and finally tasting the wine, before nodding to the waiter that it was okay. It was just a garden variety Chianti, for God’s sake, no need for the theatrics. I gave the waiter an apologetic look as he took our order, spaghetti marinara with a green salad for me, veal for Colin.

  “So how’s the new job?” Colin asked sitting back and fiddling with the stem of his wine glass.

  I did a double take. Colin never, I mean ever, asked about my job.

  “It’s good, it’s going to be a challenge,” I said. “Although, Brexit is a huge distraction with everyone so focused on trying to work out just what it will mean.”

  “They only have themselves to blame,” he muttered and sat back drinking his wine and letting me talk, for once, but I had the feeling he wasn’t really listening. His mind was elsewhere.

  “What about you?” I asked. “Is the new business going okay?”

  That seemed to shake him out of his reverie. “Yeah, it’s great. There’s just so much to do. At least now we’ve moved into the new warehouse. I can run both businesses from there.”

  “I’d love to come and see it,” I said.

  “Soon, once it’s fully up and running.”

  “Did you ever find out who broke in?” I asked.

  “No, but I have my suspicions.” Colin shook his head as his phone chimed again and then a second time almost straight away.

  “Jess, I am going to have to take this,” he said.

  I sighed. “Sure.”

  He pulled the phone from his pocket and with a grim set of his jaw, read his missed messages. With a sharp intake of breath, he stood. “I’m just going to have to make a quick call.”

  I watched as he paced up and down outside the restaurant, phone at his ear, rubbing his free hand across the back of his neck. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but it appeared that he was arguing with the person on the other end. He came back into the restaurant and was quiet for the rest of the meal. We skipped dessert, paid the bill and started walking home.

  “That was nice to go out, just the two of us,” I said, bumping his arm with my shoulder.

  “Mm.”

  “I think I’m going to paint every wall in the flat pink with green stripes,” I added.

  “Whatever you like,” he replied, tapping a message on his phone as we walked.

  “Colin,” I said, stopping and putting my hand on his arm. “Did you even hear what I just said?”

  “What?” He looked up, annoyed at the interruption.

  I shook my head. “Forget it. You are obviously somewhere else tonight.”

  “Yeah sorry, but I am going to have to go into the office, something has come up.”

  “Oh,” I said. “Can I do anything?”

  “No. I’ll try not to be long.”

  Chapter 11

  December 1

  I spun around as a throat was cleared behind me. Will was standing there holding a lunch bag and a tray with two takeout coffees.

  “I thought since you were too busy to have lunch with me, that I would bring lunch to you,” he said.

  I leapt to my feet, blushing. “Sorry, I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve been really busy,” I said.

  “Liar,” he replied pulling a chair into my cubicle from a vacant desk. “So I have tuna mayo on wholegrain or roast beef. Which will it be?”

  “Tuna,” I mumbled and sat down again, completely outmaneuvered.

  “Good. Here you go. How are things? Has Colin settled in at his new office? It’s in that renovated complex down at Limehouse, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah. I guess. I haven’t seen it yet,” I replied. “He wants to wait until the fit-out is completely finished to show me.”

  Will’s phone chimed with an incoming text as we finished our coffees. He pulled it from his pocket and glanced at the screen and frowned.

  “Everything okay?” I asked.

  “Looks like I need to go,” he said. “Someone’s been shorting various oil stocks all morning and it would now appear that they’re focusing on one of the companies on my watch-list.” He rose and wheeled his chair back into the cubicle opposite.

  “Thanks for lunch. That was really kind of you,” I said, turning in my seat and smiling.

  “Sure, Jess. Same time next week?” he asked.

  I nodded and turned back to my computer screen. But Will hadn’t left. Next thing his cheek was inches from mine as he said in a low voice in my ear, “You can pretend that we didn’t have that conversation the other night, but we both know we did. Let me know when you want to talk about it.”

  I froze. Shit!

  Chapter 12

  December 20

  All of a sudden, it was Christmas week. I hadn’t seen Will since we’d had lunch at my desk, which was a bonus. I still felt a little embarrassed about sleeping on him and pouring my heart out after Dad’s funeral and we hadn’t cleared the air from the argument at the club, but he was just something I couldn’t deal with at the moment. The fact that he was spending a couple of weeks in the New York office couldn’t have come at a better time, as far as I was concerned.

  I was also aware that I hadn’t stopped and properly accepted that Dad was dead. I didn’t know how, and deep down I didn’t want to. I kept expecting him to call for a chat and often found myself playing back the only voice message I had left on my mobile from him, recorded the day he died, just to hear his voice.

  ‘Jessica, my darling girl, give me a call when you get this. I need to talk to you about something’.

  Work had kept me busy with deadlines to meet before the holidays and I’d pushed the puzzle that Dad had left to the back of my mind. I really didn’t feel all that festive so I managed to avoid most of the Christmas functions too.

  However, on Friday, Rachel and Marie cornered me and insisted that I join them for a Christmas drink that night.

  I knew it wasn’t
just a quiet drink with the girls as soon as I walked into Machiavelli’s. Most of my friends were already seated around a huge table. Jimmy jumped up and called me over to a spare seat beside him. I shrugged off my overcoat and draped it over the back of the chair.

  “How are you, kid?” He pulled me into a hug. “You’ve had a shitty few weeks.”

  “Yeah, I know, Jim. It seems like everything has lost its shine.” I sighed, sitting down.

  Marie placed a glass of bubbly in front of me and I sat back and listened to everyone’s chatter. It was really soothing actually. A second drink appeared, when the first one was empty.

  “Next round’s mine,” I called across the table to Marie, as the door of the bar opened and in walked Will.

  “Hey. The traveler returns,” Dave called, raising his hand to give him a high-five. Will grinned and shook a few hands, before his eyes settled on me. He tilted his head to one side and mouthed hello, before he was pulled into a conversation across the table from where I was seated. I sat studying him as he laughed, listening to one of Dave’s stories.

  I drained my glass and wandered up to the bar to get the next round. I also got a beer for Will and was about to deliver it to him when he appeared beside me at the bar.

  “Hello, Jessica,” he said formally as he leaned over and kissed my cheek, smirking at me.

  “Hello, William,” I replied in kind. “Here, this is for you,” I said, handing him the bottle.

  “Thanks. How are you doing? Is it getting any easier?” he asked, helping me to carry the rest of the drinks back to the table. My seat had been taken and I waved my hand at the girl sitting in it, as she went to move, signaling that she could stay. Will and I leaned against the wall at the end of the table.

  “I’ve been spending each weekend with Mum, helping her sort through Dad’s things,” I said. “She thinks the sun shines out of your arse.”