He pulls the notepad and pencil from the middle of the table and scribbles down, “How are you doing?”
He’s struggled the most with learning sign language, and prefers to swap notes.
Turning the notepad, I take the pencil from him and write, “I’m good. You?”
He doesn’t take the pencil back. Instead, he looks at me, his frown setting me on edge.
I write, “What is it? Has someone been hurt?”
He takes the pencil and I read as he writes, “I want you to come home. I can’t look after you when you’re out here, getting up to stupid shit all alone. I’m letting you down.”
Shaking my head, my eyes fill with tears and I throw my arms around him. He trembles slightly in my arms, and I let the first tear fall, knowing I’m causing him this regret and fear.
Pulling away, I grab the pencil, and in block letters—my version of a strict Hear me! tone—I write fast. “You’re the best dad in the world. I’m so sorry. I’m never ever going to try it again, I swear to you.”
Swiping at his eyes, he can’t bring himself to look at me when he takes the pencil.
“I love you too much. I can’t sleep at night, knowing you’re out here and worrying about what you’re up to. I’m scared to wake up in the morning to find you not here anymore.”
His reply takes my breath away and I struggle to swallow the guilt rising in my throat.
“I promise you, I’ll never do it again. Please believe me.”
“Tell me why? I need to understand,” he pleads.
“Sometimes I sink into these dark places, and the other night, I couldn’t find the light. Everything’s different for me now, and sometimes I can deal, while other times… I can’t. But I’m going to work on it and get better, I promise.”
He finally looks at me and slowly nods. I release the breath I was holding in relief.
His phone must go off because he pulls it out of his pocket, reads what’s on the screen, and stands.
He leans over the table and jots down, “Lana’s having a cookout, and you’re coming. No arguments.”
I want to argue. I really don’t want to go, but if it makes my dad happy, I’ll do it. I don’t want him worrying about me anymore, and if he needs to see me smiling and interacting with others, then I can survive a couple hours putting on a happy face.
He waits outside as I clean up and grab my phone from the greenhouse. When I lock up, Dad’s already on his bike.
I was amazed to learn I could still drive after losing my hearing. It was scary the first few times, but I grew used to it, and driving on quiet roads helps. Between here and the Jacksons’ place, I’ll be lucky if I see another motorist.
Even going into town, it’s pretty quiet around here.
Memories of sneaking into the Jackson house to be with Luca when Cas and Lana were at the club flood through my mind. When I pull in, I look away from the white two-story house and park next to Dad’s bike.
Slamming my door, I leave my phone in the car and loop my arm through Dad’s as we walk around to the side gate. The yard is full of brothers and old ladies, and I smile when I see Emma sitting with a sleeping Penelope on her lap. She’s getting big now, and she’s the most beautiful little thing I’ve ever seen. I’m glad my brother pulled his head out of his ass, because he’s a great father, and there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her. And Emma is a great person and wonderful mom to my niece.
Dad pulls a garden chair from the stack and drags it over to the table where Cas, Sparky, Slade, and Dex are sitting. I wonder if Libby’s here? I don’t see her around often, but she’s always nice to me.
They all wave and smile, but I can’t hear any of their greetings. Waving back, I offer them smiles in return. My dad’s earlier confession is still hanging over me, making me feel like shit. I’ll prove to him I’ll be okay, even if I don’t feel it.
They return to their conversations, and I close my eyes. If I concentrate, I can hear them all. I hear the babies laughing, the old ladies chatting and calling for the guys to help with the food, and the brothers with their deep voices making jokes. Of course I hear none of this today, but I still feel a part of their world.
Sometimes I worry I’ll forget what they all sound like, that time will muffle my memories, and it hurts more than anything else. The one that hurts the most, though, is little Penelope. I’ll never know what she sounds like when she learns to speak or hear her laughs.
Opening my eyes, I start to relax before a hand lands on my shoulder, making me jump. Craning my neck to look up, I see Alannah standing beside me, but talking with the guys at the table. I hate when people do that now. Most of the time, people will tap me on the shoulder or nudge my arm to get my attention, and I get used to it. Occasionally, though, like just now, I’m so focused in my own little world, it gives me a fright.
She squeezes my shoulder before moving on to talk briefly with everyone as she makes her way to the house. She eventually pulls open the back door as it’s pushed open from the inside, and Luca steps out. Before I can look away, I see Sara stepping out behind him. He brought her here? She still looks the same, timidly beautiful, but she walks with confidence now, no longer clinging to Luca like a shield.
They cross the yard, with Alannah watching them closely, and they sit at an empty picnic bench. Her gaze flicks to mine and I smile, showing her I feel nothing, and look away. So much for Sara leaving town. I knew better, and I fucking knew she wasn’t just going to disappear as fast as she appeared. I wouldn’t be shocked if I heard he’d chased her down and begged her to stay.
I look over to their table and see his lips moving. I can’t see her, as she has her back to me, but it’s him I want to watch. I’m glad I can’t hear him. I couldn’t bear to hear him telling her the things I wanted him to say to me.
Emma steps in front of me, blocking my view from heartbreak. She passes me a sleeping Penelope, and once she’s safe in my arms, she sits on the grass and signs, “Who’s the girl?”
I pointedly stare at her until she becomes uncomfortable. “What?” she mouths.
Arranging Penelope on my lap so my hands are free, I ask her, “Why did you teach Luca how to sign?”
She has the grace to look guilty, knowing she’s been caught.
“He begged me for months and offered to pay triple for my services.”
So her price to betray me was triple her pay? I shut down the conversation and look over her head to Luca.
He doesn’t look happy. Most people would say he never does, but I know him better than most. He’s fighting something, and a part of me is glad I don’t have to sit here and watch them be all lovey-dovey with each other.
Three brothers I don’t recognise join the party. Everyone seems happy to see them, offering smiles and greetings.
The guy on the end, I assume, in his mid-twenties, is smiling at me, and I can’t help but look back over my shoulder to make sure no one’s standing behind me.
He starts to laugh at me, and then his lips are moving. He’s introducing himself as Angel, a brother from the Mercy chapter.
My lips part to reply, but I come up short. How can I fucking reply in a way he’ll understand? I haven’t used my voice since the shooting, as I’ve seen no point in it. It’s not like I can hear myself, and I’d probably sound all kinds of weird if I tried. I’d rather not embarrass myself, especially in front of a stranger.
I pass Penelope back to Emma, needing to get out of here before a bout of anxiety hits me. I don’t want my dad to witness it. I don’t want him worrying about me any longer, and he will if I don’t get out of here quick.
Moving my hands, I sign out a goodbye to Emma, and before I can move away, the new guy’s signing, to me, and I understand every word.
A smile breaks out across my lips. Turning to my dad, I find him staring at me, giving me the thumb up. Emma once promised me my world wouldn’t be so small, and I didn’t believe her, until now. This stranger has just blown my world wide open ag
ain, and my heart races with excitement.
“I’m Angel, it’s nice to meet you.”
For once, I’m speechless.
Emma gets to her feet and makes a quick exit. A chair suddenly appears at my side, curtesy of Alannah, and I can feel the heat of embarrassment rising in my cheeks.
“Do you mind if I join you?” he asks.
In my peripheral, my dad’s nodding encouragingly. Smiling, I sit down next to him.
“I’m Victoria.”
“I remember who you are. I’m sorry about what happened up in Mercy.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“If it’s any consolation, they haven’t shown their faces in town since that night.”
Smiling tightly, I sign, “Let’s not talk about that. It’s so good to meet someone outside of my family who signs.”
It’s hard to watch him speak when I’m unashamedly checking him out. His hair is as black as coal, shaved short around the sides, his stubble just long enough to know it’ll tickle in certain areas, and his eyes are dark. Not like the bright green ones I came to love.
He’s definitely older than Luca, and taller. He’s got my attention so far, and for the rest of the afternoon, life isn’t dark at all. The sun’s shining, and there are possibilities. For the first time in a long time, I find myself wishing time wouldn’t pass by so quickly.
I take a peek over at Luca to find him glaring, his attitude weighing me down, but fuck him. He’s got his precious Sara back, and the last thing I’m going to do is sit around, letting him think I care.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Luca
“I didn’t recognise her in the photo, but she’s Victoria Simmons from school, isn’t she?”
I can hear her, but I’m not listening. Victoria’s still talking with Angel, and the fucker’s blasting her with a killer smile. She’s lapping him up, and I have to dig my fingers into my thighs to keep from rushing over and punching those white teeth of his out.
“It’s her, isn’t it?” Sara asks again.
“What are you talking about?”
“The girl over my shoulder who you haven’t taken your eyes off of since we sat down.”
I’ve heard rumours that Angel and the other two, Dion and Grim, are wanting to transfer to our chapter from Mercy. And I haven’t forgotten it was Angel who kept checking Victoria out when we were up North.
“She’s a friend.” It’s a straight up lie, but I’m not attempting to explain our relationship.
“I used to be your only friend. Was she my replacement?”
Tearing my eyes from Tor, I settle on the woman in front of me. “You can’t be fucking jealous?”
She’s the one who left me.
Looking down at her clasped hands, she mutters, “I’m not.”
She used to do this when she didn’t want to tell the truth, mainly whenever I asked about her dad.
“Sure sounds like it,” I huff, reaching for my smokes from the table.
Pulling a cigarette from the pack with my teeth, I light up, blowing the smoke away from Sara.
“Luc…”
Her voice fades away as I watch Victoria stand and wave at everyone sitting at the table, Angel quick to stand up beside her. He signs something, but I can’t see what he’s telling her from this angle.
Smiling, she nods, and they walk toward the side gate where he jogs up in front and opens it for her. What a fucking gentleman. As soon as the gate slams closed behind them, I’m on my feet. I don’t give a shit who notices me following them.
Leaning against the side of the porch, I watch them sign next to her car. They don’t notice me, but I can clearly read them both. The look of shock on Victoria’s face when I signed to her in her kitchen was the reaction I anticipated. We hadn’t spoken for months. I’ve had to stand by and watch her communicate with her family and have no idea what she’s saying.
Angel signs it was nice to meet her, and if she wants, he’d like to take her out for a drink.
Victoria thinks I don’t know her every look, her expressions, but she’s wrong. Right now, she’s blushing like she used to with me.
Pulling on my smoke, I watch as he leans around her and opens her car door. I refrain from rolling my eyes. I should be happy Sara’s back and Tor is more interested in someone else, but the asshole part of me—and it’s a big part of me—hates that she’s smiling for him.
With a shy wave, she climbs into her car, and he watches her until she’s out of sight. He’s grinning from ear to ear when he turns around, but it disappears when he sees me.
Pushing away from the house, I take one last drag of my smoke and flick across the gravel.
“How do you know sign language?”
“My aunt’s deaf. My whole family knows how to sign.”
“You wanna continue to talk to your aunt, let alone ride your bike, you won’t talk to Victoria again. Don’t force me to break every one of your fingers.”
Holding his hands up, he steps back and says, “Hey, she said she was single. I made sure not to step on anyone’s toes.”
“My toes are just fine. Stay the fuck away from her and your fingers will be safe.”
I smell her perfume before she steps around me and looks warily between Angel and me.
He makes a quick exit, returning to the cookout, and Sara shakes her head sadly.
“I’m going to head out.”
I can only stare at her, having no clue what to say. I shouldn’t have followed Tor out. In my head, I know I should’ve stayed with Sara. It shouldn’t have been any of my business who walked her to her car.
Blinking, I find Sara’s no longer in front of me. She’s walking to her car, and her leaving triggers me.
“Stay with me tonight,” I call out.
Stopping, she turns to face me, but she stays where she’s at.
“I’ve been away a long time. I don’t know… you seem different. You notice others around you now.”
She’s different too. She was never jealous before. Mind you, she had nothing to be jealous over. Not that she does now.
Walking over to her, I ask, “You want me to only see you, like before?”
Latching onto my cut, she stares me straight in the eye and says, “For tonight, I want my Luca back.”
All I’ve wanted is my Sara back. I can give her me.
The club is quiet as we walk through the bar. Pope sits in his corner, nursing a beer and reading an old paperback. He looks up at our arrival, glances at Sara, cocks his brow, then returns to reading to his book.
Grabbing a couple of beers from behind the bar, I lead Sara up to the room I’ve been staying in and lock the door behind us.
I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have anywhere to stay in town.
Passing her a beer, she shakes her head, keeping her hands at her sides.
“I don’t drink, at all. You know, because of my dad.”
“Of course. I didn’t think.” Before the awkward silence gets even more awkward, I point to a door and tell her, “There’s a bathroom through there. Do you need something to sleep in?”
“Yeah. I left my bag in the car.”
Riffling through my drawers, I find a clean T-shirt and toss it to her. Once she slips into the bathroom, I fall back onto the bed.
Her turning the shower on has me peeking at the door. I should be on top of the world right now. The girl I haven’t been able to stop thinking about, the one who owned my fucking soul, is in my bathroom, and I’m tense as fuck. Unease weighs heavily over me, and I can’t seem to shake it.
The water shuts off, and I take a deep breath. She’s back, and for tonight, at least, I can get the answers I need.
When the door opens, her legs are the first thing I see, and I let my eyes roam up to the hem of my T-shirt hanging around her thighs.
She hovers nervously in the doorway before climbing onto the bed and slipping under the sheets.
“Why did you follow Victoria and that guy out?”
&n
bsp; Getting up, I undress down to my boxers, leaving my clothes in a pile on the floor before getting under the covers, keeping plenty of space between us.
“She’s been through a lot, and I wanted to make sure she was okay.” Again, I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth.
“It seemed more than that. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of her.”
I’m not talking about Tor. Not with her.
“I thought you wanted me back tonight? Tell me, what’s your life like now?” I ask, steering the conversation away from Tor.
“It’s quiet,” she says with a smile. “I work from home, I barely have to leave the house, and it’s safe.”
“What do you do?”
“I write novels. Romance, mainly.”
That’s good to hear. It used to be all I wanted for her when we went our separate ways after school.
Reaching over, I stroke her hair, finding it still as soft as it used to be. The only difference now is that she doesn’t flinch.
“You should never have come back. It’s not safe here.”
“But my father…”
“I’m not talking about him. This town, this club, me. We’re not safe for you.”
“I don’t believe that. You were always my safety. You did save me.”
Shuffling closer, she slides her leg between mine, telling me she’s brave now too. “There hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought about you, either. I guess I always knew I’d come back to you one day, and when my dad died, I knew I was coming for you, as well as making sure my dad was dead.”
“Coming for what, though? How do you see this playing out?”
“I don’t know. I’m asking for a chance to see where we end up. See what could’ve been if I never ran.”
She’s saying everything I wanted to hear when I was sixteen. I would’ve made her mine and kept her forever, but tonight, I’m not feeling much of anything.
Pulling her against me, I murmur, “It’s been a long day. You should get some sleep.”
Without argument, she settles against me, letting me stroke her hair until her breathing evens out. I spent many nights creeping into her bedroom and stroking her hair until she fell asleep. On the nights I couldn’t get to her, she wouldn’t sleep as well, and looked tired the next day at school.
His Twisted Heart : Sons of Lost Souls MC Series Book Nine Page 18