Vengeance & Remission (Introduction)

by Amalia Angellinni

was so scared, so scared... - Octavian repeated a couple of times.

  Nerva didn't get what his friend meant until he thought about Julia. Sometimes, the easiest ideas are the most improbable. She was the only female person in this convoy. Her female slaves were killed. An important part of her husband's guard was killed. Nerva didn't have many opportunities to get to know her, but apparently, she became a crucial factor to Octavian, who wasn't married yet. Contrary to Octavian, Nerva felt settled and conditioned. His only variation in style was spending nights and evenings with women of less moral of customs, sometimes with female slaves, when he was a visitor somewhere outside the camps. Nerva had already been married once, but he didn't like his wife. He was drunk when he got married. They divorced on his wish. He argued that she couldn’t have children and everybody understood his position. It was his excuse to leave her and he always could play the card of “I was once married, so I don't hurry to be married again”. Even in the times as he was bound to his wife, he used to sleep with many different women and avoided going home.

  Octavian was another kind of person. He had a stable, traditional idea of a happy, reliable family he could establish one day. His parents were happily in love since Octavian could remember and he wished to have such a relationship one day, too. He was positive about how difficult it could be to realise the goal, but he mostly achieved everything he planned to achieve. When he started his career in the army, he wished to be trained by Appius. Octavian already heard about the man who could estimate your potential just by one view and who could set your direction in the right way.

  Octavian was impressed by the charisma of Appius from the very first time they met. Appius was quite disturbed by the death of his best friend. He was taking-the-inward-turn and became more silent than usual. Appius never was a man of many words, but he kept silence for days. He limited himself to one-word-commands and his head movements showed his dislike or his approval during the trainings. He backed down and didn't take any weapons in his hands to show anything. He simply let his trainees do what they used to do.

  When Appius saw Octavian, he didn't react or comment anything. He didn’t give any feedback for two weeks. Octavian got doubts and wanted an advice, but Appius sent him away for further two weeks. Finally, directly after the training Octavian asked Appius for his opinion and Appius gave him a moment of square attention. His answer was straight and short: “If you were average, you would have been sent back to your camp during the first day.” Octavian was stationed in Genua for the first four years. Then, he got the opportunity to get training under Appius in Neapolis and was taken over directly to Appius's troop. It was the most significant moment of Octavian's life.

  Just few months later, they were stationed in Castra Vetera to support legionnaires on the borders to Germania. The situation there was tense and Appius was very welcome as a trainer. There were some ambushes and during the fights, some legionnaires were badly wounded, some were killed. Appius decided to go to the fights. Maybe he wanted to follow his best friend, who fell to the ground while supporting the emperor Trajan against the Dacians. Apparently, Appius felt comfortable in between dancing swords, fire balls and metallic sounds of feverish duels. He felt good risking his own life and he brought everyone to the limits of patience. Nobody wished Appius's death, so everyone was sorrowed about his lack of sense of security. One day, his sadness and silence was gone. Nobody knew what had happened, but as Appius came back from a fight, he went through the camp and selected the legionnaires, who had caught his attention during the last days. He ordered them to build up a group and come to his tent the following day at sunrise. From that day on, Appius came back to his training work.

  One of the selected men was Nerva. He was a quite choleric, spontaneous soldier with great intuition and movements of a wild animal. His eyes stayed focussed, even if his whole body seemed to suffer under lack of control. Nerva's fingers trembled, he didn't use to stay calm for a moment, he was always in motion, even minimally, but in motion. He was eighteen as Appius discovered him. Octavian was just two years older. The other soldiers from Appius's team were already over twenty five years old and they were all happily married. Without any formal family binding, it wasn't surprising that of all things, Nerva and Octavian became best friends. They were like brothers.

  There were only two good things about Nerva’s life: serving in the army under the command of Appius and his friendship with Octavian. Everything else was at least of doubtful reputation. He drank a lot, if he was allowed to feel free. He smiled a lot, and sometimes, others didn't get that Nerva wasn't smiling to them, but about them. His sense of irony was highly developed. He was the opposite to Octavian. Octavian could stay without a movement in rain during his watch for hours. He didn't smile often. He looked serious, even grave. He didn't spend nights with women or slaves. He didn't drink a lot. He was strictly disciplined. However, they both were blessed to get the trust of Appius and they were both proud about it in their own way. Noteworthy, they both weren't good planners, they rather limited themselves to fulfilling the orders.

  As they sat in the port of Londonium, they knew that Nerva would wait until the entire division had left the ship and moved forward. If everything would go successfully, Nerva could return to Appius with good news. If there had been trouble, like the demasking of Marcus Lucius by legionnaires in Britannia, Nerva would have fought to his last breath to protect Appius’s plan.

  -So, she was scared. Of what? - Nerva asked still gazing at the water.

  Octavian moved a little, maybe even trembled nervously.

  -She's afraid of water. He helped her to calm down. He knew how to handle her. Why did he know it? He didn't spend more time with her than I did.

  Octavian was bothered by a quite unusual problem. Nerva laughed and commented with “Oh, women”, then he slapped his friend on the back.

  -It's not about women, but about one woman. - Octavian was nerved. - If you could only see how scared she was. It was fascinating and I wanted to help her. She wouldn't allow me to help her in any way. She hates me.

  Octavian was deeply sorrowed, confused and uncertain. Nerva understood this and wasn't sure what to advice. He spent a lot of time with women, but he didn't analyse them. He was just interested in their bodies as long as he was in the mood for sex. Going through such a topic wasn't easy to Nerva. It exceeded his knowledge and handling of women.

  -Why do you think she hates you?

  He had seen Julia just a couple of times and only short. She was small, dainty, definitely not willing to open her tights to anyone. She looked rather like a beaten animal than a proud Roman lady. There was nothing interesting about her. Octavian's opinion was different, because he said:

  -Every time I came into the wagon to check the condition of the wounded man, she stepped back. When I ordered to burn the wound, she yelled at me. She even tried to beat me with her fly weight. She wasn't scared of me. She was furious and mad. Then, she told me she hated me. Since then, she doesn't even look at me.

  Nerva tried to imagine Julia boxing at Octavian. It had to look funny. Apparently, she tried to protect Marcus Lucius, who was called mostly “the wounded man”. If possible, neither Nerva nor Octavian used his real name. The human curiosity of a man with ears wide open for any kind of news could bring more danger than advantages. Nobody needed rumours or even suspicions.

  -She shouldn't look at you. - Nerva started maybe one of the longest utterances ever. - She has to play her role and pretend to be married. A married woman shouldn't look at you the way you wish her to do it. You're not like me. You won't stand it. You care too much about her. It scares me.

  Nerva was really worried. He has never seen his friend having such a deep affection towards any female being. Julia was maybe a pretty, lovely girl, but she was out of range for them both. She belonged to a socially recognized family. She was married to a man, who was nominated as the new tribune for Britannia. Octavian and Nerva were just simple soldiers without titles. Even their year
s of experience weren't able to compensate the lack of social level.

  -She's married. She's out of your league. - Nerva added again.

  Octavian wasn't happy to hear it. As a man of logic and discipline, he hated the rules he had to follow.

  -She lost her husband. When the whole story will to light, she won't be married. She will be free.

  -When the whole story will come to light, we all can be dead men. - Nerva replied, not even sadly, rather freely. - If we'll survive by any miracle, she will remarry someone from her social background. And, as you said, she hates you. Do what you have to do, but don't get involved emotionally. Women are not worth it.

  Octavian nodded sadly, with disappointment. Finally, he heard what he needed to hear: a voice of sanity.

  On the journey back to Aquincum, Nerva thought about sharing his worries with Appius. It wasn't normal that Octavian was analysing his state of being single and it was a sign of him falling in love. It was a warning to Nerva. It was ridiculous. It was dangerous. It had to be