by Holly Jaymes
“Well, I hope Josh Dalton isn’t your choice, Allison. Good god.” My mother let out an exasperated breath.
“Settle down, dear,” my father said.
“Don’t tell me to settle down,” she snapped. “It’s bad enough that she’s throwing her life away in that little yoga studio in nowheresville, but now she wants to be with a man who has nothing to offer her. If that’s the case, you need to ask your guy to dig deeper. I won’t have it. He’s not suitable.”
“I’ll have him investigate further—”
“No.” I shot up. While Josh was my choice, I knew I wouldn’t be his, not in the long run. There was no sense in having my parents worry about me picking him as a life mate or their digging into his past even further. “You don’t need to keep investigating. We’re not an item. The whole relationship is fake.” My belly coiled at the words.
“Oh God, did you rent him or something? I’ve heard of that.” My mother looked like she was about to pass out. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so sad. Josh was a better human being than them, but they’d never see his goodness because they couldn’t get past his smaller bank account and lack of pedigree. It made me ashamed of them.
“He’s my neighbor. He was just helping me out. But it’s nothing. We’re just friends and barely that even.”
“That’s not what it looked like,” my mother said.
“He was just pretending. We both were.”
“Well, it’s an Oscar performance. You even have your sister fooled.” My mother shivered as if the whole thing was distasteful to her.
“I just wanted to enjoy these few days without the stress of you trying to hook me up with Maxwell.” I looked to my father for help.
“I’m all for your choosing your own mate, Allison,” he said. “But you need to be careful. There are men out there who will pretend to love you but only want your money.”
“You only like people for their money,” I shot back.
My mother’s jaw tightened. “It’s not the same. We’re not gold-diggers.”
“We’re just trying to protect you.” My father turned to my mother. “Perhaps there’s been too much pressure on Allison. If you didn’t insist on matchmaking, she would have had to arrange this fake situation.”
My mother pursed her lips at my father. Then with a sniff, she pushed her slick dyed-blonde bob from her face. “This does explain that pathetic engagement ring.”
“Mother!” I stared at her, horrified. Then I looked down at the lovely heirloom on my finger. I’d be perfectly content with this ring if ever really gave it to me. “You’re a snob.”
“That’s how it is in our world, Allison, you know it.”
That’s why I wanted out of this world. But Josh was right that I wasn’t going to change their minds. It was better to quit now. I’d tell Josh the jig was up, and we could leave today.
“Now, you know the truth. He doesn’t mean anything to me. You can leave him alone.” I hoped they’d back off.
The door opened, and Josh stepped into the room. My heart hammered in my chest as panic overtook me that he might have heard the heinous things my mother said. But his eyes were on me, and in his eyes, I saw anger, maybe even pain.
“Josh.” I started toward him, but he backed away when I reached out to him.
“Is that true? Do I mean nothing?”
Joining a Monastery
Josh
For a minute after I woke, I thought last night was a dream. Allie wasn’t by my side. But her scent lingered on the pillow next to me. I picked it up and pressed it over my face, letting the memories of her body flood back. Her skin was smooth like silk. Her pussy wet and tight. I started to harden at the memories.
I considered slipping out on the deck and sneaking to her room to do it all again. But the sun was streaming through the window, suggesting it was time to get up and greet the day. Hopefully, I could have a repeat tonight.
I stepped into the shower, enjoying the hot spray, and eager to start the day. Today we were expected to attend a brunch with everyone from the wedding party minus the bride and groom who were off on their honeymoon. Then tonight, we would have dinner with just Allie’s family. That would likely be the most stressful as Allie wouldn’t be able to keep me occupied away from her parents.
I ignored my old jeans and t-shirt at the bottom of my bag, the only clothing that was truly mine, and instead slipped on beige slacks and a green polo that Allie insisted I buy. Once I was dressed, I went to Allie’s room and knocked on the door. When she didn’t answer, I figured she’d already headed down.
I trotted down the stairs and started toward the kitchen. I started past a room that I knew from the house tour was Allie’s father’s office. The door was closed but not latched, and I could hear tense voices.
“He’s my neighbor. He was just helping me out, but it’s nothing. We’re just friends and barely that even,” Allie said. Uh oh, it sounded like mom and dad figured out our scheme.
“That’s not what it looked like,” her mother said, with clear disdain in her voice.
“He was just pretending. We both were,” Allie explained.
My heart rolled in my chest at her words because I wasn’t pretending. The truth was, I’d been me the whole time, the clothes notwithstanding. Of course, they didn’t know my true background, but Allie must have spread the word about my fake history and financial status because no one really asked. When they inquired about how I met her, I told the truth; we were neighbors, and I saved her on a hike.
“Well, it’s an Oscar performance. You even have your sister fooled,” her mother said.
“I just wanted to enjoy these few days without the stress of you trying to hook me up with Maxwell,” Allie said. Having met Maxwell, I couldn’t blame her. He was shamelessly self-centered. When only men were around, he was incredibly sexist. He bragged about the high-priced escorts he used, saying, “Let’s face it, we want to fuck but don’t want the hassle of a relationship.” Yep. That was who Allie’s mother was trying to hook her up with.
“I’m all for your choosing your own mate, Allison,” her father said. “But you need to be careful. There are men out there who will pretend to love you but only want your money.”
“You only like people for their money,” she shot back. I smiled, glad to hear Allie standing up to them and pointing out their hypocrisy.
“It’s not the same. We’re not gold-diggers,” her mother said.
“We’re just trying to protect you,” her father said. “Perhaps there’s been too much pressure on Allison. If you didn’t insist on matchmaking, she would have had to arrange this fake situation.”
“This does explain that pathetic engagement ring,” her mother said. I flinched. I knew she was overly concerned about material wealth, but the ring had sentimental value. Was she really that cold?
“Mother!” Allie exclaimed. “You’re a snob.”
“That’s how it is in our world, Allison, you know it.”
“Now, you know the truth. He doesn’t mean anything to me. You can leave him alone,” Allie declared.
Everything inside me went cold. Was she just saying that, or did she mean it? It sounded like she’d fessed up to our fake engagement, so she had no reason to pretend to like me anymore. So, her statement had to be true. I didn’t mean anything to her. Last night, I told her all how I felt for her, but apparently, she didn’t feel the same.
He doesn’t mean anything to me.
I pushed the door open and entered the room. Allie looked at me, her face immediately looking guilty.
“Josh.” She started toward me, but I backed away when she reached out to me.
“Is that true? Do I mean nothing?” Jesus, my heart felt like it was being squashed in a vice.
“Mr. Dalton, this is a private conversation,” her father said.
“It’s rude to eavesdrop,” her mother added.
I didn’t give a shit. I kept my gaze on Allie, whose eyes were wide as she stared a
t me.
“Do I mean nothing?” I said through gritted teeth.
“Josh.” She looked at her parents and me.
For a moment, I considered bringing up all the wicked things I’d done to her the night before but determined that was an asshole thing to do in front of her parents.
“It’s a yes or no answer,” I pressed her.
“You heard her,” her mother said. “She doesn’t love you.”
I laughed derisively. “You don’t know love. None of you do.”
Her mother gasped. “How dare you. We are a very loving family.”
“Right. You love your daughter so unconditionally that she had to ask her neighbor that she hardly knows and doesn’t care for to pretend to be her fiancé.”
“Josh, please.” Allie reached for me again, but I stepped out of her reach.
“I understand son, that our way of life makes us seem haughty, but—”
“You don’t have to explain to him,” Mrs. Sinclair interrupted her husband. “Not to a fraud.”
“Mother.” Allie’s eyes were filled with tears, but I wasn’t swayed by them.
“You know the problem with rich people is that they equate money with character or think money entitles them to respect. Without your money, you’d be nothing—”
“Josh.”
“You’re one to talk about character, Mr. Dalton,” her mother said. “You’re the one trying to pass yourself off as one of us.”
“You’re right. It was hard to do that because I actually care about other people and how they feel. You talk about character, but what would you have without your money? The way you act and treat people doesn’t garner respect. Maybe you don’t care about that. Maybe you’re okay using your money to give you value and worth instead of your character. But don’t pretend that you’re better than me because you have money because from where I stand, you have very little to offer.”
“That’s enough,” Mr. Sinclair said, his dark eyes narrowing at me. There was no chance of Allie and me being together now, I thought as her parents shot laser glares. But we weren’t going to be together anyway because I didn’t mean anything to her.
“You’re a liar. And what have you done with your life that makes it any better than ours? You have no influence. No clout. You’re not donating to help—”
“God, Mother, please stop.” Allie closed her eyes and looked like she was going to crumble in a heap.
“Let’s see what have I done? Last year I came over here to help your local fire department put out fires destroying your neighbors' bazillion dollar homes. I even ran into one and saved a toddler from her crib. I don’t remember seeing you there. You had probably gone to your other home, away from here instead of staying to help with shelter, food, and other things your neighbors needed.”
“Mr. Dalton—” her father started.
“Your old buddies, the Trentons? They’re just like you. They think money means they can do whatever they want, so they built a fire pit that wasn’t to code and burnt their house down. That’s not so bad, I guess since they all lived and the home was insured. But they also burned down a few homes of people who aren’t independently wealthy who’s insurance companies have fucked them over.”
“Mr. Dalton!”
“But I’m sure the Trentons are fine with that. Those other people’s homes were probably obstructing their view so, good riddance, right?”
Her father’s jaw tightened.
“You know what’s really hilarious about all of you? You’re faker than I was. At that wedding, you pretended to like everyone, but the truth is none of you like each other. To your faces, you’re civil, but you should hear some of the things people were saying about you when you weren’t there. Then again, you’re not very kind either. And that Maxwell guy…there’s something seriously wrong with you if you want him for Allie.”
“You’ve made your point, Mr. Dalton,” Allie’s father said.
“The truth is, you’re the most broke people I’ve ever met. I’m so much richer than you because I have a family that really does love me and because I have a community that really does respect me.” I turned my attention back to Allie. “You told me you came to Eden Lake to find yourself. To become who you feel you really are. It appears you found her, and she had been here the whole time.”
“Josh no,” Allie's expression was crestfallen, but I didn’t care.
“You can leave now,” Mr. Sinclair said more forcefully.
I held my hand up in surrender. “I’m on my way.” I strode out of the room and back upstairs.
Allie called after me but didn’t follow me. I couldn’t decide if I was glad or pissed about that.
When I got to the room, I grabbed the bag to pack, but since none of the stuff in it was truly me, I decided to leave it behind. I changed into my jeans and t-shirt, wanting to be me again. I shoved my wallet in my back pocket and took out my phone to call for a car. I left everything else, toothbrush, razer, and hoity-toity clothes behind.
I walked out the front door and to the street.
“Hey! Josh,” Victoria called.
I kept walking.
She ran up next to me. “I thought you said you’d support her.”
“Didn’t you hear? I mean nothing to her.”
Victoria reached out to stop me. “You know she just said that to appease our parents.”
I stared at her. “If she has to do that, I don’t want her. Allie for all her talk about authenticity—”
“Josh.”
“How do you see this playing out, Victoria? You have a vision of me going back and sweeping Allie away from her parents?”
“Yes.”
“Then what? They don’t like me. I’m not good enough. Allie will have to continue to toss me under the bus or lie to one of us. I am what I am, and clearly, that’s not good enough for your parents, or for Allie.”
A car with the driving service sticker pulled up. I opened the door and climbed in. “Can you take me to Santa Monica.”
“Sure thing,” the hipster driver said.
As he pulled away from the house, I wondered if maybe Victoria was right. Maybe I should have stayed and fought for Allie. But as quickly as I thought it, I pushed it away. I might not be rich, but I was a good person. I had enough self-respect to know I deserved a woman who didn’t feel she needed to lie to her parents or me.
Once we were heading south on Highway 1, I called Wyatt. “Any chance you can come to get me in Santa Monica.”
“Something went wrong?”
“Yes. Can you come?”
“Yeah, sure. It’ll take me a couple of hours,” he said.
“I’ll text you where I’m at when I get there.”
“See you then.”
I hung up before he could ask for details. Instead, I put my phone in my pocket and lay my head back on the headrest. A half-hour later, the driver dropped me at a coffee joint. I grabbed the coffee I missed that morning, plus a breakfast sandwich. I sat outside in the warm air and texted Wyatt where he’d find me.
Two hours later, Wyatt pulled up to my location.
I climbed in, shutting the door. “Thanks, man.” I rested my head back and shut my eyes as he drove off.
“No problem. Want to talk about it?” he asked.
“No.”
“Alright.” He turned on the radio, and we headed east toward Eden Lake. He left me alone for an hour. But as we entered San Bernardino, he turned down the music. “How is Allie getting home?”
“She has her car.”
“She wasn’t going to give you a ride home?”
I sighed, knowing I’d need to tell him something. After all, he was taking four hours out of his day to get me and bring me home.
“I don’t mean anything to her.”
He winced. “She said that?”
“She told her parents that when they found out I was a fraud.”
Wyatt glanced at me for a second. “Did she mean it, or was she just saying that t
o appease them?”
“Does it matter why? If I do mean something, but she can’t stand up for me to her parents, that doesn’t bode well for me, does it?”
Wyatt nodded.
“You know what’s really fucked?” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“What?”
I looked out the window because I was afraid to admit it out loud. “I think I love her.”
Wyatt sighed. “That is fucked. Maybe when she gets home and is away from her parents—”
“Won’t matter. They’ll never approve of me. You know what’s really galling? They called me a fraud, which I suppose I was. I was lying to them, but their entire beings are fake. There’s not a single thing about them that is real.”
“Allie too?”
Hearing her name made my heart ache. “Yes. She says she wants to live her best life, but the truth is, she’s not as different from her family as she thinks she is. She tossed me under the bus pretty easily.”
“I’m sorry, Josh.”
I shrugged. “Love’s a bitch. It goes without saying that I won’t be going to her yoga class anymore.”
He nodded in understanding.
We didn’t speak of it anymore. Instead, Wyatt turned up the radio again. I spent the last hour of the trip working out how to get Allie out of my system. I’d once lived a life enjoying women, and ultimately that had become unfulfilling. So, I’d given myself to one woman, and she’d shattered my heart. My choices seemed to be to go back to hookups or join a monastery. Right now, I was leaning toward joining a monastery.
Losing Myself
Allie
Why didn’t I say, “Yes, you mean something to me,”? Instead, I froze and watched as Josh and my family hurled insults at each other. I should have intervened, but instead, I did nothing. I wanted to stop them. I wanted to tell Josh that he didn’t just mean something, but that he meant everything. But like a deer with its eyes caught in the headlights, I was paralyzed.
When he walked out, I started after him. I couldn’t let him leave, thinking he didn’t mean anything to me.