by Ana Lewin
She pulled the door open an inch, clutching her shirt against her bare chest. It drew his eyes down to her bare collarbones. “Loverboy, what kind of woman do you think I am?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Of course I’m not ready to go. Give me five minutes and I’ll meet you downstairs.”
Levi’s thoughts were going in a completely different direction now, but he managed to draw his eyes away from her and nod. “Downstairs, yeah. Meet you down there.”
Rolling her eyes as he walked away, she called after him, “You really do have a one-track mind.”
“As if you weren’t thinking about it,” he grumbled it to himself, and she’d already closed the door behind her.
He’d been hoping to avoid the kitchen this morning and with good reason. When he came into their line of sight, every set of eyes in the room turned to look at him. “Excited for your date with Maeve today?” Olivia asked, sitting on the bench seats and leaning against Grant.
“Not a date. We don’t do dates.”
They all knew it was a date. Even Finn rolled his eyes. A trip out to Bear Lake with just the two of them couldn’t be anything other than a date. He and Maeve were knowingly in denial. Neither of them did dates and they weren’t about to start now. “Sure, OK,” Oscar said crossing one leg over the other as he sat in one of the intricate chairs at the heads of the table. “Not a date. I noticed you making picnic food last night, but it’s definitely not a date.”
“Did you really?” Grant asked, chuckling. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Levi willingly cook in his life.”
Everyone took turns making dinners, so he’d cooked plenty during his time here. But while Finn took the time to cook something for his lunch and Oscar fired up the stove for bacon and egg breakfasts, he tended to go for cereal and ready-made meals. It was a simple matter of preference. A matter of preference that they were now using to call him the fuck out. “It’s not like I cooked anything,” his defense was sounding weaker by the second and he was grateful when Maeve appeared behind him.
“If you had cooked anything too difficult I would be worried for my stomach. And my life,” she patted his ass on her way past.
When he took in what she was wearing he almost started drooling. Would have, if they hadn’t had such a big audience. The dress she was wearing was bright orange with yellow flowers, coming down to mid-thigh and exposing the rest of her tanned legs. Of course, she was wearing heels - the woman didn’t wear anything else - but they were short heels, made out of a material that looked suspiciously like hay. Her hair was down as usual, but she’d put in a small orange clip to pull one side back and out of her face. Levi never could have imagined how good she would look in colors, considering how good she already looked in the neutrals she usually wore.
“If you’re done drooling, I am ready to go.”
He hadn’t even realized that she was looking at him, but he blushed and nodded, pulling his cowboy hat down further over his face. The whole damn room had been watching him stare at her, proving their point from earlier. “Yeah, we can head out. See you all later.”
Not wanting to give them a chance to comment on the staring and possible drooling, he spun on his heel and headed out the door. Maeve was hot on his heels, also uninterested in answering questions about their relationship this morning. Or, more accurately, their non-relationship. He opened the passenger door of his truck for her before hopping in the driver’s side. They were well on their way, Maeve watching with interest out the window as they headed in the opposite direction of town. “Everyone thinks we’re going to fall in love with each other,” she said after a while.
His breath caught in his throat. He hadn’t been expecting her to bring that up and God knew he didn’t know how to respond. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he was falling in love with her but that didn’t change the fact that it wouldn’t work. She wanted more than him. “Is that your way of saying that you’re falling in love with me?” he teased, trying to pull the conversation away from the serious and into their typical witty banter.
She turned to glare at him but there was something else in her eyes. Was she falling in love with him? That was even more unlikely than him falling in love with her. “No way. I was always more worried about you falling in love with me.”
Letting out his breath on a sigh, he shrugged. “Don’t you worry about me.”
The drive wasn’t long and they lapsed into silence for the rest of it, both lost in their own thoughts. By now they’d been together often enough that they felt comfortable in silence. Sitting in each other’s company was enough for them. When he turned into a parking lot beside the giant lake he was happy to see that it was near empty. As expected on a Wednesday morning, even in the heat of summer. This wasn’t the most popular little beach because it was just that. Little. “I don’t remember the last time I actually went to a lake,” Maeve said as she slid out of the truck.
“It can’t have been that long.”
“I’m from New York, remember? My family and friends care a lot less about the great outdoors than yours do. Central Park is outdoors enough for us.”
“You don’t even do out of town weekend trips?”
She shrugged, a pained look in her eyes. “Not since my grandma died. Ever since then we’ve spent most weekends at brunch with socialites. Spending our evenings at galas and networking dinners.”
He got the feeling a lot had changed when her grandma died, most of it not for the better. “What kinds of things did you do with her?” he brought a hand down to the small of Maeve’s back, leading her towards the shoreline.
“My grandma?” she looked over at him with a small smile. “We did everything. Sometimes she would take me to volunteer at the soup kitchen and sometimes she would bring me to nature, outside of New York. She was fit for her age and she took me on hikes where there was a real risk of her breaking a hip. But she didn’t care, she wanted me to experience it. In the winters we would drive out to some of the smaller towns to go through Christmas markets. Grandma didn’t like the hustle and bustle of the New York markets.”
They came to a sandy patch by the shore, far away from the few other people who were taking advantage of the hot morning. Setting down the insulated bag of food, he laid out the blanket he’d brought for them to sit on. Maeve’s story of her childhood before her grandma died reminded him of what he hadn’t gotten a chance to have. If his parents had done things like that maybe he wouldn’t have ended up in the situations he’d put himself into. “What was your childhood like?”
The question made his neck stiffen and she noticed, reaching out a hand to massage his shoulder as they settled down to sit on the blanket. “Not the greatest,” he answered gruffly, shrugging.
“Sorry I asked, you don’t have to tell me anything.”
Her eyes were glittering in the sunlight and he reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. Grant knew basics, but he’d never told anyone about what happened when he was a kid. No one except Jeanine, his ex-wife, knew the whole story. And that felt wrong. That the bitch knew what he’d gone through but the woman in front of him didn’t. “No, I want to tell you.”
Chapter 7
Maeve
Maeve wasn’t sure if she would even be able to hear when Levi told her over the sound of blood rushing in her ears. Her heart was pounding double time and she couldn’t quite put her finger on why. He wanted to tell her about a past that he hid from everyone. Why did that make her feel special? Why did that make her feel like they were the only two people in the world, her and Levi and the gentle sound of water lapping at the shore? “If you want to tell me then I’d love to listen,” she tried to speak normally but her voice came out as a whisper.
He gave her that heart-melting grin he seemed to save just for her. “It’s not a fun story.”
“That doesn’t matter. Not all my stories are fun.”
She realized her hand was still resting on his shoulder and she dropped it down to rest on her lap again. Too much
touching and this would feel like a date. But damn it, who was she kidding? This was a date, it had always been a date. The first real date she’d been on in her life. “My parents were drug addicts,” he started, setting his jaw. “I don’t remember a time when they weren’t. They tried to get clean a couple of times when I was a kid but it never lasted for very long. After a while, I stopped getting my hopes up.”
“Did they… did they beat you?” she couldn’t help but ask, as intrusive of a question as it was. The idea of anyone hurting Levi as a child made her heart clench.
His hand went out to rest on her knee. “No, they didn’t. It was just neglect, so I guess I’m lucky in that regard. A bunch of kids at school would beat me up because I had to come to school in dirty clothes a lot. They couldn’t do as much damage as a grown man would have been able to though.”
“Kids are assholes.”
He chuckled. “Kids are assholes. Yet another reason I never want to have any. I guess it’s a good thing that I’m infertile anyway.”
It took Maeve a second to realize the bomb he’d dropped. “Infertile?”
“Yeah. Jeanine was considering kids at one point and insisted I go get a sperm count done. Not that it was necessary, considering we were both in our twenties. They found out that I couldn’t have kids if I wanted to. Have to admit that was a relief.”
She thought about what Levi would be like if he’d had kids with Jeanine, who she assumed was his ex-wife. From what she’d heard, they hadn’t been happy. Levi could be miserable right now if he’d been convinced into having children. Being infertile was a blessing.
A couple walked by hand in hand, offering them a smile before looking back out at the lake. Boats drifted in the distance, some docked while other puttered across the surface of the lake, taking their time. “I had a brother, too,” it sounded like Levi was telling her a secret, something no one else knew.
“Had?”
“I don’t know if he’s dead or alive now, but I haven’t spoken to him in over twenty years. Derek was five years older than me and left as soon as he turned eighteen. Didn’t leave any kind of contact information, just disappeared.”
“That’s terrible, how could he leave you there when you were being neglected still?”
“I don’t blame him,” Levi shrugged one shoulder. “I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing if I was the older sibling. At first, I hated him a little bit, but I got over it. Now I’m curious about what he’s doing if he did better than I did when he got out.”
“But you’ve done pretty well,” Maeve watched as his expression darkened.
“Now I’m doing well. You know I was married, right?”
“Someone mentioned it.”
“The only reason I was married to her was because I wanted to get out. She was American and I’m Canadian and I guess I thought moving to a whole new country would be ideal. Of course, I fooled myself into thinking that I was in love with her. Really, though, I was in love with the idea of her. The actual woman was a raging bitch. Fucking Jeanine.”
He looked lost in thought as if he was remembering every year of their marriage. Years that weren’t the happiest time for him. With the wealth that her parents had and the opportunities in front of her she couldn’t imagine being forced into marriage to get out of a bad situation. She was sure it wasn’t uncommon, but the idea of Levi… “Why did you end up leaving Jeanine?”
Barking out a laugh, his fingers gripped her knee tightly. “That’s the worst part, right there. I’m not even the one that left. We were together for ten years, long enough that I could have left her and kept my US citizenship. I didn’t have any plans to. I guess I was so used to not being in love with her that it didn’t even matter anymore. She left me when she found an in with some 65-year-old rich man who was willing to spoil her with gifts.”
Part of her wanted to apologize, but she didn’t think it was appropriate. What are you supposed to say when someone tells you that their wife that they didn’t love left them for someone else? “Would you say you came out the other side better?”
“I came out the other side broken is what happened. Broken but with a clear view of what life is actually like. Everyone has a price, Maeve. Everyone. It might not be a monetary price like Jeanine’s was. The U.S. offered me the illusion of freedom and I sold my soul for it. But there’s always something that will draw people in.”
Based on her experiences in New York, she wanted to agree. People all over the city sold their bodies for food, sold their personal lives for fame. But she didn’t think she could. There was no price that anyone could pay to get her to work for one of the sleazy companies that had been interviewing her since she graduated. She wasn’t going to sell her dignity for a paycheck.
But then again… she didn’t need to. Her family was filthy rich, she could afford to take her time finding a company that respected women. A lot of people couldn’t. “I think you’re looking at it wrong,” she finally said. “Sure, everyone has a price. But what’s all that bad about that? I would never compromise my values for anything.”
“You’re saying that if you had no money and someone offered you $100,000 to have sex with him, you wouldn’t do it?”
Rolling her eyes, she shuffled closer to Levi. “Making up fantastical scenarios now? Fine, I’ll bite. In this scenario am I single or attached?”
His gaze searched hers. “Single.”
“Hell yeah, I would do it. Sex work isn’t anything to be ashamed of and if there’s nothing stopping me,” she shrugged. “Why not? I have sex with people for free all the time.”
“And if you were attached?”
“Then I wouldn’t, simple as that.”
“The problem is that it’s not that simple, it never is,” his expression went dark again and she leaned in to kiss him on the nose, desperate to relieve some of the tension.
It worked. Levi looked at her in confusion and she grinned, standing up from the blanket. “You’re going to piss me off with all your negativity,” she claimed, pulling her dress over her head and dropping it to the blanket beside her. “Let’s go dip our toes in the lake.”
She was wearing a bikini in the same bright orange as her dress. When she did wear bright colors, which was rarely, she insisted on matching. From the way Levi’s gaze scanned her form, he appreciated her look. Hopefully, his mind was also out of whatever negativity rabbit hole they’d gone down while talking about his past. She didn’t even notice her cell phone ringing in her purse, the call going to voicemail after going through a full set of rings.
***
“You’re insufferable,” Levi said as she patted Daisy on the head, feeding her apples.
“I’m pretty sure you say that every day,” she pointed out.
“That’s because it’s true every damn day. Insufferable woman.”
He was being gruff with her, but she could see the hints of worry in his warm brown eyes. Daisy had a saddle on and they were standing in the middle of the training area. Maeve was wearing the same clothes she’d worn when she’d tried to ride Daisy the first time. Trying to ride the gentle giant again had been on her mind since the day she had a panic attack. Now that she’d been around the horse for two weeks she felt ready.
OK, ready was a bit of an overstatement. Her heart was threatening to break out of her chest and she was already breathing faster than normal. Levi was completely against this second attempt, but when she’d asked Grant to give her a riding lesson he’d caved. Which was good, because she didn’t know if she actually would have been able to go through with it if Grant was here with her. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Obviously,” she shot back. “I’m trying to face my fears here.”
“It’s unnecessary!” his voice was loud enough to startle Daisy. “What does it matter if you’re terrified of riding horses?”
“It matters because I’m not terrified of anything and I’m not about to start now.”
She put her foot in the sti
rrup and tried to heave herself up into the saddle, not getting far until she felt the warmth of Levi’s hands on her waist. He hoisted her up and then she was there, in the saddle. Staring out at the field in front of her feeling much taller than she had been before. They weren’t moving yet but she was already gripping the saddle with white knuckles, her face pale as a ghost. Levi didn’t move an inch, keeping his hands on her waist so he could pull her off at a moment’s notice. “Did Jeanine love you?”
He stilled, his grip on her hips loosening. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m curious about the answer. And I figure making you uncomfortable too might make me less uncomfortable.”
The glare he sent her way told her that her logic was flawed, but so far it was actually working. There was less tension in her body as she focused on Levi, waiting for him to answer. If he answered. “I think she did, at first. Not for very long, because it was obvious that I didn’t even love her a little bit. Not for real. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I’m the reason she was such a bitch.”
“I would be a bitch if I’d married a man who didn’t love me.”
“What I want to know is why she didn’t divorce me sooner.”
“She wanted you to get US citizenship,” Maeve didn’t know why she thought that was true, but she did. She didn’t even know Jeanine, would never know her. But when she said it, it sounded right. If she’d been in Jeanine’s place… it’s what she would have done. Yet another reason getting married didn’t seem like a good idea for her.
Levi looked like he was thinking about it too, but before he could voice his opinion Daisy shifted and she yelped. “We need to get you off this horse,” Levi tried to lift her but she did her best to stay put.
“No, it’s getting better. It is. I doubt I’ll ever be a riding instructor like you, but this isn’t that bad.”
“Daisy moved and you nearly screamed.”