She nods and says nothing, just watches me with unreadable eyes.
“On breaks, I traveled around, worked in any place that would give me a job, and avoided going home. One of those jobs is where I met Gabe.” I scrub a hand over my jaw. “As much as I loved it, and as good as I was, I always managed to screw it up. Either I was too arrogant, or aggressive, or sure I was right and my boss was wrong.”
I shrugged, hating this next part but saying it anyway, because it’s the truth. “Or I’d sleep with the wrong woman and be forced to move on. I’ll spare you the gory details, but you get the point. Then my mom started slipping, mentally. Even though I mostly avoided her, it struck me that when she was gone, I’d be completely alone. By then I was getting older, and I had no roots, no family, and a shit career because I couldn’t get my act together enough to make a go at success.”
It sounds feeble coming from my lips, but it’s the truth. I hate that it shows my weaknesses, but maybe that’s my problem. I’m always trying to outrun them instead of facing them head on. Hindsight being twenty-twenty and all, I wish I’d stopped sooner.
I wish I’d done a lot of things differently, but here we are.
I blow out a deep breath. “When I got the job with Happy Harvest, I promised myself I’d change. I’d do things right, keep my mouth shut, my head low, and work hard. It worked. They noticed and rewarded me, but things just…snowballed.”
I search Cat’s face, looking for clues as to what she’s thinking, but she’s unreadable, so I continue. “Meredith told you the basics, but it’s hard to explain how it happened. There I was, making a life, establishing a career with an industry leader. Finally I was doing something good with my talents instead of wasting them. I’d learned my lesson. I started seeing results and getting recognized for my efforts instead of fired for my shitty behavior.”
She nods. “You grew up.”
“Exactly.” I shake my head. “Meredith—she was like…” I swallow, not wanting to admit this to Cat, but I trudge on, because all I have left to give her is the truth, and it’s what she deserves. “I used to see her with her family, walking through the fields, talking to investors. She was like part of some untouchable world I couldn’t even begin to understand. Everything about her was fresh and clean and new. When I got promoted and she took an interest in me, I wasn’t completely stupid. I tried to say no. But in the end, I wanted what she wanted to give me, and it was like entry into a private club you’d only ever seen from the outside. She was great at first. It was like she peered into my head and gave me exactly what I wanted in a woman. It took me six months to start suspecting it was a lie. By then, though, it was too late. The longer things went on, the more entrenched I became in the organization. The more success I had, and the more respect I gained. It became a vicious circle—one I didn’t know how to escape. I wanted to stay because I fucking loved the job. I loved everything about it. I loved the challenges, the rush of adrenaline, the long hours, the people. I loved watching how everything came alive under my care and attention. But the more successful I became, the more that success became entangled in my relationship with Meredith. Then she started talking about how we needed to get married, and how we’d run the company, and I started to panic because I knew I could never marry her. But I didn’t know how to exit the relationship without ruining my career.”
Cat nods, her lips turning down at the corners. “Then she threatened you, and it was the last straw.”
“Pretty much.” I feel like I could go on, especially now that I’ve broken the seal, but it seems unnecessary. “I climbed in my old truck with nothing but a suitcase full of my clothes and have been running ever since.”
“Why didn’t you think you could tell me any of this?” Her voice is soft.
“It was something I wanted to forget. I wanted to start over fresh, without all the baggage.” I shift in my chair. “I didn’t anticipate falling for you. I didn’t want to, but I did.”
She raises a brow. “And the fact that the situations are so similar didn’t factor into your decision to keep it from me?”
“’Course it did.” I meet her gaze. “By the time it became relevant, I knew how you were, and I didn’t want you to use it as an excuse to push me away.”
“Maybe I wouldn’t have.”
I give her an incredulous look. “Bullshit. You would have decided you were a consolation prize, when nothing is further from the truth.”
“And what’s the truth?”
I get up from my seat and come to kneel next to her. “You’re the real deal. I’m in love with you. I would do anything for you. You are the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last person I think of when I go to sleep. I find you frustrating, challenging, and exciting. When something good happens, you’re the person I want to tell. When I have a problem, you’re the person I want to talk it over with. When I look at you, you feel like home. And I think you feel the same way about me.”
She shifts away to the corner of her chair, like she wants to escape my proximity. “Isn’t it convenient that I come with my own farm?”
With that one sentence, all my hope dies. “What do you want me to do?”
She puts her finger on her chin and stares at her lap for a long time before lifting her head. “Jackson and Gwen have worked too hard to let this situation between us ruin the opening. The truth is, you’re brilliant at your job. My brothers deserve what your experience and knowledge can bring to their businesses.”
I blow out a frustrated breath. “I don’t care about that right now, Catarina.”
“Well, I do.” She clasps her hands so tightly in her lap, her knuckles turn white. “You said you’d do anything for me, right?”
I sense a trap, but nod. “Yes, I love you.”
“I want what I asked for. I just got rid of the operations stuff, and I don’t want it back. You’re going to stay so I can be selfish and do what I want for a change. With the way we split things up, we shouldn’t have to interact except at meetings. It will be awkward and uncomfortable, but I’ll get what I need, and my brothers will get you. Everyone wins. ”
I see by the set of her jaw there will be no forgiveness.
Once again, I’ve managed to screw things up beyond repair. But I still ask the question because I can’t help myself. “What about us?”
She meets my eyes with her steely gaze. “You and I are through.”
Late that night, I sit on the rocking chair, looking for signs of Cat outside on her balcony and thinking. I see no sign of her, not even the light that sits on her bedside table. I’m not surprised, but hope is dogging me.
I have decided one thing, though.
I’m done running.
Done making the wrong decisions.
I’m ready to face my mistakes.
And I’m going to get Cat back.
I don’t know how, but I’m not letting her go without a fight. Even if it takes me until I’m old and gray, I’m going to stick. If I have to spend the rest of my life proving it, fine.
Because that’s the crux of why she can’t trust me—she thinks I’m going to run. She sees the pattern. She doesn’t think she can depend on me. She believes that when things get rough, I’ll bail, just like I did before. Just like her daddy did.
It’s clear now.
Problem is, I have a shit track record. So I’m going to have to figure out a way to show her she’s not wrong to trust me, that I will support her and love her the way she deserves.
I don’t know how yet, but I know where to start.
With the past.
24
Cat
In the end, he didn’t even fight me on the decision—just nodded with acceptance, let me get up and leave.
Which means I’ve made the right choice. I’ll admit, during his story, I wavered. I understood it, how he felt. In the end, Caden and I were searching for the same thing.
Home.
Our place where we belonged.
We both hid when things got rough. We might go about it in different ways, but it amounted to the same thing.
I got it, and because I love him, I wanted to forgive, accept the past, and agree to put it all behind us.
I almost said the words. But when the time came, I couldn’t do it.
I needed something more, and the confessions he made weren’t enough.
There’s an irony here—I see that. I’ve gone along for so long, accepting what came my way, and now, when I want more than anything to accept what Caden has to give, I can’t. I picked a horrible time to demand more, but I can’t go back.
Once you see, it can’t be unseen.
I let myself grieve. I holed up in my room and cried and did all the things a brokenhearted woman should do. But something miraculous happened too: I didn’t shrivel back into my safe shell. Impossibly, I became even more determined to deal with my life. So at four in the morning, I sent a meeting request to my family, ready to deal with the consequences of my failed love affair.
As I walk into our small conference room now, I might feel like death warmed over, I might want to cry, and my voice is hoarse, but I cannot go back, no matter how much I want to. I’m showing up, even though it’s hard.
Gwen, Jackson, and Wyatt are waiting for me.
They fall silent, all shifting their worried attention to me.
I smile and slide into my seat. “Good morning.”
“Hey, Cat,” Gwen says, her voice holding a sympathy I want to smack out of her. “How are you?”
I clasp my hands on the table. “I’m hanging in there. Obviously things are a bit of a disaster right now, but I don’t want the three of you to worry about the business. Despite the mess we’ve made, I think Caden should stay on.”
Wyatt narrows his gaze, shaking his head. “Look, he’s good and knows his way around a crop, but we can make do without him.”
Jackson speaks up. “We’ll be fine.”
“Truly,” Gwen adds. “You’re the one who has our loyalty.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me. I know we would be fine without him, but this…” I clear my throat. “…situation doesn’t change anything for me. The truth is, I don’t want to deal with the operations side of the business anymore. It doesn’t make me happy. I think he should stay, at least until things calm down and the restaurant opens. We’ve got our next harvest to worry about, and I don’t want to deal with all that. I want to do what I want to do.”
Gwen leans forward, her expression tight. “Are you sure? You’re not just doing this because you’re putting our needs first?”
I shake my head. “No. One of the things I’ve realized in this mess is that I’m actually excited to dig into the business-development side of things. For the past year, I’ve had a list of things I want to do to grow the business, and I’ve done none of them because the production side always takes precedence. Don’t rip that away from me before I even have a chance to start because I fell for the wrong guy.”
“You sure?” Wyatt’s still frowning. “Because I have no problem kicking his ass off our property and putting this whole mess behind us.”
“I’m sure.” I smile at my protective older brother. All these years, and he always has my back. He’s dependable and sure, and I don’t appreciate him enough. “He’s a good business decision.”
“What about working with him?” Jackson asks, his expression searching. “You going to be okay with that?”
I sit back in my chair and swivel a bit. “How much will we work together? Yeah, we’ll have meetings, and it will be awkward at first, but we’ll get over it. I want to do this. I need to. And as much as I hate to admit it, I can’t do that without Caden running things. Yes, he’s a bastard, but he’s the only one I trust and won’t have to worry about.”
A sharp nod from Wyatt. “As long as you’re sure, we’ll do whatever you want.”
“I appreciate that.” I take a breath to steady myself. My emotions are still rocky and unpredictable, and I don’t want to start crying. “I’ve been thinking a lot about things, and I’ve come to realize I love you guys.”
Gwen reaches across the table and pats my arm. “We love you too.”
I keep going, not willing to be distracted by the support. “This house, land, and business—they are important to me. I’ve spent my entire adult life building it, and I don’t think I want to walk away.”
This was one of my late-night revelations, and maybe I should have bigger dreams, but I’m not willing to walk away from this life. All I want is to find my place in it.
I turn back to the subject at hand. “I love working with you, and I love what we do here and what we are building. I just need something I own, that I’ve chosen—not the leftovers of what you guys don’t want.”
Wyatt’s brows furrow. “I’m sorry we ever made you feel that way. I don’t tell you this enough, but you are my rock. I don’t want to do this without you.”
My eyes sting a bit, and my throat grows tight. “You’re my rock too. I hope, with me taking charge of growing the business, I will be happy with my role.” I bite my lower lip. “I think you’ll be happier too. You hate all that stuff.”
He nods. “I do.”
“I’m not saying you don’t have to show up to client meetings, but I think this will free you too. You can get back to what you love, making rum, and leave the business stuff to me.”
Wyatt’s eyes, so similar to my own, flash with what I think is hope. “Are you sure? I don’t want us to hold you back out of obligation.”
“You’re not. I have a lot of ideas, and I can’t wait to get to them.” I wipe my tears. “When I picture the future, it’s you guys I see. I guess what I want is to run a business with my family.”
Caden’s there too, off to the side, waiting to be invited into the fold. I try to erase him, but he doesn’t want to go.
I’ll get there eventually.
For now I just remind myself that it’s my choice. My family has made it clear: if I want him gone, he’ll be gone. But maybe I’m more of a businesswoman at heart, because I can’t deny he’s good for our farm, and we can’t afford to lose him.
It doesn’t have to be forever. If I can’t stand seeing him every day after six months, I can reconsider. I’m trying to learn that every decision I make isn’t set in stone. It’s not life or death. It’s just a direction I choose to take—one I can change if I decide it doesn’t suit me.
It’s growth. The price has been a hefty one, but I’m making the best out of what I can. All I can do is walk toward what I think will lead to happiness.
And hope that one day it sinks inside and becomes a part of me.
Caden
I knock on Wyatt’s office door, and he calls for me to come in.
When he sees it’s me, he gives me a hard nod. “What’s up?”
I point to the chair. “Got a minute?”
He shrugs, and I take it as permission to enter and slide into the chair. “I wanted to talk to you about a few things.”
He leans back. “All right.”
“I want to be with Cat.”
His brow rises. “Don’t you think you should be discussing this with her and not me?”
“Well, since she wants nothing to do with me right now, I thought it best to come to the brother who’s been with her through thick and thin.”
“I’m listening,” he says.
I take a deep breath and plunge in, hoping for the best. “I’ve made some mistakes, and I’m sorry about that. I tend to be shit at making things right, even when I want to.”
He nods. “Seems that way.”
I give a gruff bark of a laugh. “But I love Catarina, and I want to make things right. I’m going to work as hard as I can to make her believe I’m worth taking a risk on.”
“Are you, though?” His expression is skeptical.
“I can’t blame you for wondering, but I’m not going to give up on us just because the odds aren’t great. Which le
ads me to the purpose of this visit.” I lean forward and put my elbows on my knees. “After the opening, I’m going to have to quit.”
His brows slam together, and his shoulders bunch. “Why’s that?”
I huff out a breath. “The job, the similarities between Happy Harvest and here, they give her reason to believe I want the job and not her. I’m trying to eliminate roadblocks.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“You got a better idea?” I’ve thought long and hard about it, and I’m not sure I see another way.
He rolls his eyes. “You think I want my sister involved with an unemployed drifter?”
“I hadn’t thought of it like that.” I smile a little. “But this is about what Cat wants, not you.”
“Cat’s smart enough to not want a bum for a partner.”
“I’ll get something else.” I run a hand through my hair. “I need her to see it’s her I want. I don’t care about anything else but getting her back.”
“What about the woman sitting in the motel not too far away?”
“I’m taking care of that.” I clear my throat. “Her being here hurts Cat, so my goal is to get her out of here as fast as I can.”
“Well, I don’t think quitting solves anything.”
“I won’t hand in my notice until after the dust settles from the opening, and I’ll try to convince Cat before I take that step. But if it comes down to it, I’m going to choose Cat.” I stand up. “I have a few things I need to take care of this afternoon, but I wanted to be upfront about my intentions.”
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