God, didn’t she know what she did to me when she looked at me like that?
One kiss was never going to be enough when she looked at me like that, but one kiss was all I was going to take…for now.
She looked so uncertain and worried, like she was at war with herself. Her face was flushed, but she hadn’t let me go or made any move to step out of my embrace.
“Austin, I’m sorry…I shouldn’t-”
I ran my thumb over her lip. “Don’t be, there’s no need.”
I smiled at her warmly, even though my chest ached a little at her words. I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere with her if I pushed or showed I was upset when she pulled back. If she was going to like me, she had to do it in her own time. I had to prove to her – and to myself, if I was honest – that I didn’t expect anything more from her than her friendship, and that I was okay with that.
“Come on, let’s get you a drink.” I smiled, letting her go.
She took my hand and let me lead her over to the drinks table.
“Right, pick your poison, Williams has brought out an assortment.”
We both got drinks and went to find our mates. We found them where I’d left most of them, and my guitar. I sat down and invited Lily to do the same.
Lucas and Gerald jumped up as we came over and claimed their kisses from Lily before she found a seat. I suddenly decided it was a stupid tradition. And, to be honest, I wanted to punch them in their faces. But, they kept it quick and clean, and Jax was beside me, so I refrained.
And, you have no claim on her… I reminded myself.
After laughing and chatting with them for a bit, she sat in the empty seat on the couch beside me and I resisted the urge to put my arm around her.
Lily seemed a little nervous, even hesitant, for a while after we sat down.
I laughed and talked with my friends, reminiscing about old times; games, parties, holidays, stupid school stuff. The music from the stereo wasn’t loud on our side of the room, so, when Lucas convinced me to pick up my guitar again, I did.
I saw Lily watching me now and then, but did my best not to stare at her.
“Go on, then, Oz, give us a go,” Tony said, waving his hand at me. I passed him my guitar just as Anne and the Brewers joined us.
Kate and Gemma sat in any laps that were available – namely Lucas’ and Gerald’s – and Anne sat on the arm next to Lily.
“Here, I’ll scooch over,” Lily said, moving closer to me. She turned to me and nudged my arm. “Make some room, yeah?”
I lifted my arm up and she settled in under it next to me. She snuggled against me so she was facing Anne better and I rested my arm on the back of the couch. I talked with the others while she and Anne talked. I could feel her getting less tense as they chatted and laughed.
Jax talked to me over the couch arms. I saw him looking at Anne every now and then. I was about to tell him about what Lily had said, but was interrupted when Brickwell arrived among us, trophy back in hand, singing ‘We Are the Champions’ very drunkenly, loudly, and off-key.
He stood in the middle of us until he finished his rendition, and then fixed his eyes on Lily and Anne. “Come dance with me, Lily!” He smiled.
“I’m sure I’d be poor company at the moment, Brick, take Anne,” she replied, shoving Anne off the couch.
Anne smiled as Brickwell pulled her to the dancefloor.
I watched Jax watch Anne go and felt Lily shift next to me. My arm slid and rested on her shoulder, but she didn’t move it.
“Hey-o, did I miss something?” Williams asked, coming up and looking pointedly at Lily and me.
“What?” Lily said, just looking up from her phone.
“You two are very cosy.”
Lily looked to me as though she hadn’t realised I was there. “Oh, no, just had to make space when Anne sat down.” She smiled.
“I see.” He sounded like he’d had a few more drinks than usual and like he wasn’t terribly impressed.
“What? Two friends can’t hug on a couch?” she asked, looking at him like she dared him to argue.
“You sit with all your friends like that, then?”
Lily seemed to miss the challenge in his tone. “I’d sit like this with you, Jax, Lucas, Gerald, heck even Brickwell.”
Williams’ face seemed to relax somewhat. He nodded and held his hands out, but they fell as someone called his name. He looked up, nodding and smiling to whoever it was.
“My lady awaits,” he said to us, winking.
I watched him go and had serious second thoughts about whether he liked Lily or not. If he did, he was going a funny way about showing her. I mean, I know I wasn’t an expert – obviously, or we’d be together – but, even I knew enough not to gallivant around with other girls while trying to woo her. I’d never known Williams to get hung up on anyone. Maybe, like me, he just didn’t know how to go about it.
She patted my knee, bringing me out of my musings. “I’ll be back, need anything?”
“Another?” I asked Jax, he shook his head. “Just me, then, thanks.”
Lily nodded as she stood up.
“You don’t want a hand?”
“Nah, I’m right.” She smiled as she left.
I turned back to Jax, who was staring out at the dancefloor as though he could part the couples and see Anne. Some of the couples could do with a parting, quite frankly. Though it was a small party – in comparison to most of them – couples were still stuck together like there was no space.
“You think it’s really over?” Jax asked.
“What?” I asked.
“Anne and me.”
I sighed. “Mate, I don’t know.”
“Did she really never like me?”
I was about to answer him when his attention was diverted to Gemma and Kate, who were doing their best hyena impersonation.
“Dad says it a terrible shame the Military College boys weren’t here longer,” Kate was saying.
“They were such nice boys.” Gemma nodded. “Such good prospects, too.”
Kate sighed. “Certainly as eligible as half the boys at Netherfield.”
“Daddy would have thoroughly approved,” Gemma agreed.
I saw Lucas and Gerald exchange a glance from under the girls, but Lucas’ attention was soon demanded by Kate.
“I heard some of them are going to Australia for New Year’s,” Kate said, sighing wistfully and I knew who she was thinking about.
“Penny Foster’s family’s going as well,” Gerald said. He happened to look at me and, whatever he saw on my face, made his pale.
“Penny Foster?” Kate asked, looking around. “Who’s she?”
Gerald looked at me and shrugged noncommittally, but Lucas decided to be helpful. “The little brunette over there in the yellow dress.”
Gemma and Kate were gone before the boys knew what was happening.
“Great, that’s all we need,” I muttered.
“What is going on there?” I heard Jax say and turned to see what he was looking at.
Lily and Williams were dancing, obviously talking as they did. She laughed at something he said before looking over to me and giving me a small wave over Williams’ shoulder.
I waved back.
“Wow, that’s it?” Jax laughed, mimicking what was truly a pathetic wave.
“Shut up, brother.” I smiled.
“You still like her?”
I watched as Williams spun her around and she laughed. “Yeah, but I’m trying not to hope with that one. I have no idea how she feels.”
“Well, she doesn’t hate you, that’s a start.”
I nodded. “You’re right. But, is it enough?”
****
Later, the party was still in full swing and the vibe was a ridiculously happy one.
Every member of the team had demanded at least one dance with Lily; Jax and I just as eager as the rest. I assumed someone had said some
thing to her, though who or what, I didn’t know. All I knew was, when I finally managed to get her to myself, she was oddly hesitant towards me; sort of a combination of wanting to let her guard down but being entirely unable to do so.
I sighed inwardly, having thought we’d got past that point in whatever relationship we had. I leant beside her on the wall as she watched Brickwell singing another rendition of ‘We are the Champions’ as he used the trophy as a microphone.
“You okay?” I asked.
She nodded, smiling though her eyes were guarded. “Yeah, fine. You?”
“Yeah, good. I don’t think I needed that last beer, though.” I smiled.
Lily looked at me, a strange look on her face; like she’d never seen me before. “You gonna hurl?”
I laughed. “No! Nowhere close. But, I suspect I’ve hit the point where, if I drink anymore, I may not be in full control of my actions.”
“So, we’ll get to see a repeat of the great Austin Cooper/Hunter Williams make-out fest?” she giggled.
“We didn’t make out…much.” I smiled.
“Well, you have a chance to make up for it tonight.”
“Only if I keep drinking. Although, I may have to move onto hard liquor.”
“I’m not sure how Hunter will feel when he finds out you need hard liquor to make out with him. That’s the sort of thing that could hurt a guy’s feelings, I’m sure.”
“It’s unlikely he’ll take it to heart, he knows there are few people I’m willing to kiss without a very decent amount of alcohol in my system.”
She chuckled. “Life can be such a hardship. How many is few, by the way?” She smiled as she waved back to Brickwell.
“At the moment, one.”
“Well, that does significantly reduce the pool. Perhaps we should get some more drink into you?”
“Perhaps.” I smiled wryly. “Would you dance with me first, though?”
She looked back to me, uncertainty written all over her face. I was about to tell her not to worry about it, but she finally smiled and nodded.
I pushed off the wall, held my hand out to her, and bowed dramatically.
I was rewarded with a small laugh as she took my hand and let me lead her to the other dancers. I didn’t see Anne anywhere and I annoyingly saw Kate and Gemma talking to Penny Foster.
“Where’s Anne?” I asked as I spun Lily around and back into me.
“Oh, she went to bed.”
“She okay?”
“Just a headache.”
I nodded and looked to Jax. He was sitting on the couch, drink in hand and laughing at something Lucas said.
“Beer pong!” I heard Williams yell. “I challenge Austin!”
I sighed and looked at Lily.
She smiled. “Now you can both get drunk and make out.”
“Oh no, only one of us will be getting drunk, and it will be me.”
“You’re no good?” she asked.
“Nowhere near as good as Williams. He beats me every time.”
“Can you play doubles?”
I looked at her as I heard Williams yell my name again, wondering if we could get away with doubles. “I don’t see why not. How would we do it?”
“Take it in turns to drink and to throw?”
I was nodding. “Yeah, that could work.”
“OZ!”
“Keep your knickers on, mate!” I yelled back, putting an arm round Lily to direct her to the ping-pong table. “Right, let’s try doubles,” I said to Williams and explained Lily’s theory to him.
Williams grinned. “All right. Gemma, come and be on my team!”
Gemma giggled and bounced over to the table.
“Okay, you ready?” I asked Lily and she shook her head.
“It’s got to be easier than pool, though right?”
I laughed. “Not so much.”
“Oh well, we’ll just have to get drunk together.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
We shook hands and got ready to play.
True to form, Williams got the first one in and I took a drink. And, the game played on from there with Lily and me getting more and more drunk. The good news was that Williams had to drink every second time Gemma missed a cup, so his throws started missing now and then.
“Oh, you have to be kidding me,” I heard Lily mutter.
“Everything okay?”
She tore her gaze away from Kate and smiled at me. I just caught the tail end of Kate saying something to Penny Foster about rich boyfriends and Lily’s dad. I gave Lily what I hoped was a sympathetic smile and nudged her playfully with my shoulder.
She laughed, but it was more tense that I would have liked. “You want to watch how you jostle a girl in heels after she’s had a few drinks.”
“If you fall, I’ll catch you,” I promised.
She gave me an odd look before nodding and taking her throw.
Williams groaned as Lily got it in and he had to drink. “Are you getting better at this, Lil?” he asked.
Lily smiled warmly at him and shrugged. “I hear everything’s easy with practise, Hunter.”
He threw me a smile at the reference and then whooped as Gemma actually got her ball in a cup.
It was difficult to say who actually won the game, but I suspect it was Williams and Gemma, even if our combined teams had been relatively easily matched.
“Oh, my head’s spinning,” Lily giggled as the next group of people started setting up for the next game.
“Do you want to sit down?”
“No, I think a bottle of water and a lie down is what I need. Jesus, it’s almost three,” she said, looking at her phone.
“Can I walk you back to your room?”
She started nodding then stopped. “No, that’s stupid. You’re already at your dorm.”
“I’d feel better if you didn’t walk alone.”
She smiled. “You’re going to insist, aren’t you?”
I nodded and she sighed.
Looping her arm in mine, she said, “Fine, but only because I know how stubborn you can be.”
We chatted a little as we headed to the Longbourn Wing. But, as we got closer, she got quieter. I made no comment, just tried to keep her talking. Finally, we stopped outside her door.
“Thanks for walking me back.”
“My pleasure.”
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I’d think so.”
She nodded. “If you make out with Hunter, I want pictures.”
I laughed. “Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”
She nodded again.
“Well, night, Lily.”
“Night, Austin.”
I smiled and started to head back. About halfway down the hall, I heard her call my name. When I turned, she was in front of me, her arms around my neck and kissing me. It took me barely any time to respond, my arms wrapping around her and pulling her close.
I was in the midst of feeling ecstatic that she’d chosen to kiss me goodnight, until I realised it felt an awful lot like goodbye.
Chapter Thirty-Nine: Lily
In my panic, I closed the door too hard and it banged shut.
“Lily? You okay?” Anne asked, sounding half-asleep.
“Crap, sorry,” I whispered loudly, tiptoeing into the room.
“It’s fine, as long as you’re okay?” she yawned.
I nodded, then realised she couldn’t see me in the dark. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just… God, Anne, I just did something utterly stupid.”
She flicked on her bedside light and patted her bed. “Come and tell me all about it.”
I sighed, plonked myself down on the bed and pulled off my shoes. I leant back against her pillows and she propped herself onto her side to look at me.
“What happened?”
“I kissed Austin.”
It was sort of an understatement, I knew. I mean, ‘kiss’ didn’t r
eally cover what that was. It was more like fireworks, butterflies, a choir of angels, and everything right with the world. Or, it would have been if I hadn’t been all-too aware I was never going to be kissing him like that again. God, what had I been thinking? I should have just left it at ‘goodnight’, not decided one last kiss would be fine.
I decided I’d blame him. If he hadn’t kissed me so wonderfully at the party, I wouldn’t have been tempted. I wouldn’t have-
Anne nudged me.
“A lot of people kissed a lot of people tonight, Lil,” Anne said as though it was no big deal. And, I knew what she was referring to wasn’t a big deal; I’d kissed Brickwell twice and still had no clip to show for it.
“No, I mean, he walked me back to our dorm and I kissed him.”
Anne squealed in excitement and sat up, obviously very much awake now. “And he kissed you back?”
“Yes,” I said, sighing loudly.
Anne was grinning like an idiot. “Like a peck on the cheek ‘you’re a good mate’ kind of kiss, an ‘I’m a little drunk and you’re good looking’ kind of kiss, a ‘take me here and now’ kind of kiss, or an ‘I’m completely in love you with but don’t have the guts to tell you’ kind of kiss?” She winked.
“Har-di-har. If I’m honest it was bordering on the last one, only add in a very obvious dose of ‘but we can’t be together so this will be our last kiss’.”
Her face fell a little. “From him, or you?”
“Me.”
She smiled again. “So, he didn’t seem to think it would be the last?”
“And, therein lies the problem.”
“What?” she asked, utter confusion written on her face.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Lil, you are making no sense,” she said tersely. “How drunk are you?”
“Not drunk enough to make no sense. Just drunk enough to kiss boys I can’t be with.”
Anne did her best scandalous gasp impression. “As in plural?”
I gave her a sarcastic glare. “No, not plural. I was…being whimsical.”
“I don’t get the big deal; you kiss him, he kisses you… Isn’t that good?”
I shook my head and wriggled down the bed. “No. Because I can’t be with him. I thought it was because I didn’t like him. Now, I know that, even if I did like him, which I’m still not entirely sure I do-”
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