Couldn't Cheat Death

by A. P. Eisen

  “Problem?” Cliff asked, curious who Paul contacted.

  “No. Rob told me to go out and get drunk.” He snorted.

  “I don’t disagree. You seem a bit wound up. It’s got to be stressful. I can’t imagine how you deal with it on a daily basis.”

  “Not very well, if I’m being honest.”

  With those words, Cliff remembered the bathroom stall at the Light Bulb and wondered if that was how Paul dealt with his stress. By hooking up with anonymous men.

  “Well”—Cliff forced himself to remain lighthearted—“the case will be waiting for you tomorrow morning. Why not let yourself relax tonight?”

  Paul’s large hands restlessly clasped and unclasped. “I’m not making any promises, but I’d like to try.”

  “Good. I have a full bar waiting.”

  Paul said nothing, and Cliff proceeded down Main Street, turned on Walnut, and after traveling several miles, pulled into the driveway of his brick ranch. The sun had begun to set over the hills in the distance, sending streaks of colors through the sky.

  “Nice place.” Paul unbuckled his seat belt and opened the car door. “It’s like the country, but close enough to the city.”

  Cliff beckoned him. “Come with me.”

  Paul’s eyes narrowed, but he kept silent and walked beside him to the backyard, which was approximately a quarter of an acre, with flowering rhododendrons and azaleas and a line of maple trees between his property and the next. But it wasn’t the lush green grass or the flower beds he’d planted earlier in the season that he wanted to show Paul. It was the unobstructed view of the mountains and the colorful beauty of the burgeoning twilight.

  “When I’m lucky enough to make it home at this time, I’ll take my dinner outside so I can catch a glimpse of this.”

  To his shock, Paul ignored the deck with its patio furniture set, and lowered himself, suit and all, onto the grass, then tipped his head up to gaze at the darkening sky. “It’s beautiful. I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever stopped what I was doing and taken the time to appreciate it.”

  Cliff joined him on the ground. “Makes everything else pretty insignificant. Like we’re here only for a minute and we should grab every second we can while we’re able.”

  A soft breeze stirred the leaves, an errant bird chirped, but otherwise it was silent except for their breathing, something Cliff found hard to do in Paul’s overwhelming presence.

  “What if you don’t know how?” Paul murmured, still gazing up at the sky.

  “I guess you keep trying? I don’t know, but I’m damn glad the sun rises and sets each day and I’m around to see it.”

  They were close, so close that if he turned his head, his lips would touch Paul’s rough cheek.

  So he did. And froze when instead of Paul’s cheek, he met his lips. Hard, warm lips brushed his, gently at first, then harsher, signaling an almost desperate need to connect. Paul’s hand slipped to the nape of his neck and held him steady while he took control. His tongue pushed past the seam of Cliff’s lips, and he accepted the smooth, hot glide of it into his mouth.

  Relentless and with surprising skill, Paul took him apart with a single kiss, rendering every dream Cliff had ever had of him since his teenage years laughable in its ignorance. His heart pounded loud in his head, drowning out the embarrassing noises he made, and he grabbed on to Paul’s suit jacket, balling the fabric tight in his fists as he molded his lips to Paul’s, drinking him in. Their lips clung while their tongues slid together in a silky, velvety slide of heat.

  Paul murmured incomprehensible sounds, his kisses turning softer, almost sweet in their light touch. That broke Cliff apart even more than the fierce, hot kisses that left his lips wet and tingling.

  They separated, foreheads still touching. Cliff attempted to regain his equilibrium but found it difficult with Paul’s harsh breath stuttering against his cheek. A bit shaky, he released the hold he had on Paul’s jacket.

  “I’m afraid I might’ve wrecked your suit.” His feeble attempt at humor was met with Paul’s unflinching dark gaze. He felt naked, stripped raw by its intensity.

  “That’s the least of my concerns,” Paul said in a gravelly voice Cliff wanted to hear across his pillow in the morning.

  Cliff sat back, the pleasure buzzing through him draining away. Somehow he didn’t think he was going to like what Paul had to say. “So what’s the problem?”

  Instead of answering, Paul braced his arms behind him and again tipped his face up to the sky, allowing Cliff to admire his strong profile. “I’ve known I was gay since I was a kid. But it was never something I talked about with anyone.”

  “So you kept it hidden.”

  “Yeah. I never even thought about telling my parents. They were so conservative. Old-fashioned and…unbending. And when Harley died, a piece of them died with him. I didn’t feel I had the right to upset them anymore.”

  Cliff understood what he was about to say might ruin this tentative beginning of a friendship, but he had to know. “Are you ashamed?”

  “Yes.” No hesitation, and for the first time, he turned to face Cliff. “But not how you think. The shame isn’t in my sexuality. It comes from hiding for so long.”

  “Do you ever think about coming out?”

  The dim night sky couldn’t hide the pain in Paul’s face. “I’m not sure I’d know how.”

  Taking a chance, though Cliff knew it might end up with him being hurt, he put his hand on Paul’s. “I’m willing to help you. If you want.”

  “Why? We barely know each other. Believe me when I tell you I’m not a good risk.”

  Cliff admitted to himself it would be stupid to open up to a man who’d stated in no uncertain terms he might not ever be able to give him what he wanted—a stable, loving relationship. Still, he couldn’t turn away. Once again, he was that thirteen-year-old boy, staring out the window, pining after his golden hero. Paul had been this unattainable dream, someone he’d imagined sailing through life with ease. Discovering his foibles and struggles made him more real to Cliff. Paul was a man in crisis, and therefore, someone Cliff couldn’t turn away from.

  “Maybe you’re a risk I’m willing to take.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  Darkness fell, and Paul was no longer able to see Cliff’s face. Considering he’d been hoping the ground would open up and swallow him since they kissed, it was the next best option.

  That kiss.

  That kiss had fucking wrecked him, and Paul didn’t know what to do about it. Coward that he was, he didn’t trust himself to speak, mostly because he didn’t know what to say. Kissing Cliff had released the yearning he’d battled with for years—to be with someone, have someone…something permanent. He’d grown into a life of resolute solitude, just work and more work and the occasional hookup. Now approaching forty, Paul grappled with his life and where he was heading, and had no idea which way to go.

  “Why?” His fingers dug into the earth. “I still don’t get it. And I’m not fishing for compliments.”

  A smile flickered on Cliff’s lips. “I’d never think you would.”

  Paul pushed on. “I’m stuck in my own head, spinning my wheels. I don’t want you to get caught up in my shit.”

  “Maybe I already am.” Cliff hugged his knees to his chest. “All these years…I never forgot. Losing Harley so young, I thought maybe at some point to reach out to you and see how you were doing.”

  Paul’s chest hurt from the empty place his brother had left in his heart. A place he’d never known existed until it was too late. “But you didn’t. Why not?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe I was afraid you wouldn’t remember me.”

  “I might not have,” Paul admitted. “But you’re pretty unforgettable now.”

  That must’ve been the right thing to say, because Cliff couldn’t hide his smile. “That was nice to hear.” He laid his cheek on his knees. “We should go inside, and I can start dinner. You are planning on staying for dinner still, righ
t?”

  Food was the last thing on Paul’s mind at the moment. For all that he kept his sexuality under wraps, the more he gazed at Cliff, the more he thought about kissing him again.

  “Yeah.”

  “Then let’s do it.” Cliff jumped to his feet, and Paul rose a bit slower, brushing off the soil and leaves clinging to his pants. “If I don’t get started now, you might be here all night before we finish.” Cliff unlocked the back door and held it open.

  Might not be such a bad thing.

  Paul entered the kitchen, and when Cliff turned on the light, it surprised him with its homey warmth. Maple cabinets lined the light lemon-colored walls. Gleaming stainless-steel appliances and a huge center island indicated Cliff enjoyed cooking.

  “Nice place.”

  “Thanks. It’s a good space for me to decompress after a long day. If I get frustrated at work, I can stand and chop a mound of vegetables, pretending it’s someone who annoyed me.” Cliff opened the refrigerator, grabbed two bottles of beer, and handed him one with a small grin. “Did I make a mistake by saying that?”

  Paul twisted the top off and took a long pull. “I’ve already ruled you out as a suspect, remember?” He tipped the bottle toward Cliff. “You’re good.”

  “Good to know,” Cliff said with a cocky grin. “Want to help with the steaks?”

  His emotions on overdrive, Paul nodded.

  They worked side-by-side, making a green salad and baked potatoes that Cliff had rubbed with olive oil, salt, and pepper. Then they sat across from each other and ate in comfortable silence. They’d moved on to their second beers, and Paul eased back in his chair, regarding his empty plate.

  “This was probably the best meal I’ve had in the past five years.”

  “It wasn’t anything special.”

  Hard to explain to someone who didn’t know, but to Paul, it was special. He’d had dinner at Rob’s house on occasion, or at Maria’s, but for the most part he was alone. He lived alone and went to bed alone. And when it got too much and he found someone for a few hours, the physical release left him empty.

  Alone was his default.

  “It is to me. It means a lot.”

  Without responding, Cliff collected their plates and loaded the dishwasher. He returned to Paul with another beer. “So…what do you want now?”

  Their fingers brushed when Paul took the beer. “Is the ball in my court, then?”

  “I’m not thinking of this as a game.” Instead of returning to his seat opposite Paul, Cliff hitched a chair over to sit next to him. “I want you to feel comfortable. But you have to be there with me in mind as well as body. I don’t want to do this alone, or with you going through the motions.”

  Control was a powerful thing, and Paul liked being in control. It would be easy to take Cliff by the hand, find out where the bedroom was, and fuck each other until neither could move. And yet, that didn’t seem right. Cliff was more than a body to bump with in the night.

  “I think maybe we should wait.” But he leaned forward, and though his intention hadn’t been to kiss Cliff, it seemed natural to bury his fingers in Cliff’s hair, pull him close, and press their lips together. Cliff twisted beneath him, mouth opening under the thrust of Paul’s tongue. He was beginning to regret his decision, when Cliff broke the kiss, gazing at him with wild, dazed eyes.

  “You can’t say you want to wait, then kiss me like we’re going to rip each other’s clothes off and fuck on the table.”

  With great reluctance, Paul released his hold on Cliff’s face. “I’m sorry. I guess I really don’t know what I want.”

  “You don’t? Should I be insulted that you had your tongue in my mouth and still said that?” Cliff laughed, but Paul heard the uncertainty.

  “Oh, I want you. That should be obvious, or at least I hope it is by now. But the timing of this leaves a lot to be desired.” Paul ran his fingers through his hair, hoping his words came out right. “I’ve got to focus on finding out who murdered Jerry. For me, that takes precedence. If that’s a problem…” He shrugged. It was why he’d never bothered with relationships. His job always took precedence over his personal life. Cliff might want to do lunch every day and dinner at six every night. Fun Sunday brunches and walks in the park. Investigating a murder didn’t allow for a schedule.

  “I do understand.”

  Relieved he hadn’t scared Cliff away, Paul smiled, though it was tinged with regret. “Then I’m glad we talked. I’d better get back home. Dinner was great, but I’m going to go in early tomorrow and see if they found anything on my car. Plus, I still need to turn in the sand.”

  “Right. You mentioned they can test that.” Cliff took a drink from his beer bottle.

  “Yeah. We send it out to a special laboratory, because we don’t have that capability in Thornwood Park. I know Forensics is analyzing the shoe imprint they found next to Jerry’s car with this special camera and software program we do have.” While Paul spoke, Cliff propped his chin in his hand, and Paul expected to see him fall asleep. He couldn’t imagine this being interesting to anyone not directly involved. “Sorry if I’m boring you.” His lips twisted in a rueful smile. “They don’t call me Bulldog for nothing.”

  “I think it’s fascinating. And I want to see Jerry’s killer brought to justice as much as you. Just because he slept around doesn’t mean he deserved to die.”

  “Right. I’m glad you get it. I’ll call a car.”

  “You don’t have to. I can drive you home.”

  Sitting next to Cliff in the confines of his small car was not where Paul needed to be, so he shook his head. “I think for both our sakes, it would be better for me to call that car service.”

  A wry smile touched Cliff’s lips. “Maybe you’re right.”

  Paul pulled out his phone and pulled up the Lyft app. “Trust me. I am.…It’ll be here in three minutes, so I need to get outside.”

  They walked through the darkened house to the front door and stood waiting on the porch. Headlights appeared in the distance, and Paul turned to Cliff. “I’ll probably be at the precinct tomorrow for a good part of the day. I have to write up my interview notes and check in and see what the forensics team came up with, if anything.”

  “Okay. I guess I’ll see you when I see you.” Cliff turned away from him as the car pulled up.

  “But if you’re interested, I’ll be heading out for a run at seven tomorrow morning.”

  Cliff glanced over his shoulder and gave him a brilliant smile along with a thumbs-up, then entered the house and closed the door. Feeling better, Paul ran down the steps and slid into the back seat of the car. It was going to be a pain in the ass to have to cab it to work every day until they released his car. He might have to look into a rental until the investigation was over. Paul felt in his pocket for the Ziploc bag of sand. That might prove to be key, and he couldn’t wait to get it to the lab. It all tied in to the killer, and Paul hoped the answer was somewhere in his notes, with one of the witnesses they’d interviewed.

  * * *

  They’d already done one lap around the park, and Paul appreciated Cliff not chattering about aimless crap. They rounded the loop and passed the playground. Cliff raised his hand and waved at someone.

  “Who was that?” He squinted through his sunglasses.

  “Oh, it was Amy and her son. She’s working the late shift tonight, so I guess she’s taking him here early.”

  Paul glanced over his shoulder as they ran, and saw her pushing a boy on a swing. It might’ve been early, but the playground was already half-filled with children on the swings, going down the slide, and playing in the sandbox. “It must be hard on her, doing it all alone.”

  “Yeah. And I know she’s tried to get as many shifts as she could, but there are only so many hours in the week she can work.”

  They ran a few more minutes when Paul recalled what he wanted to ask Cliff. “Did you think it odd that Jerry helped Amy with her son? Why would he do that? I’ve never met the guy,
but it didn’t seem to fit his personality, at least from what we’ve learned about him during our questioning.”

  Cliff continued to run, but Paul, keeping pace at his side, could see his mind working. Paul had never thought he’d enjoy running through his thoughts with a person out of uniform, but Cliff had a sharp mind and had working relationships with the witnesses, so his insights could prove meaningful.

  “I did, but I really didn’t know Jerry well. Or at all, to be honest. He seemed nice enough and always had a smile when I’d stop by the bar for a drink or to chat.”

  Unease settled in Paul’s stomach. “Did you ever hook up?”

  “What?” The outrage in that one word would’ve been enough to convince Paul, but Cliff continued. “Never. I never date employees, never hook up with them. Dammit, I don’t even flirt with them. Never ever.”

  Paul held his hands up. “Okay, okay. I had to ask.”

  A bit red in the face, Cliff gave him a sharp nod, and they ran for a few more minutes before Cliff spoke again.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bite your head off. To get back to your original question, now that I think harder on it, I don’t really know my employees that well. I didn’t know Jerry was sleeping with half the staff, I didn’t know Jade was involved with him and giving him the best shifts.” A frown touched his lips. “Maybe I should come out of my office more and see what’s happening.”

  “It’s hard to be the person in charge, responsible for everything. That’s a lot on your plate. Don’t blame yourself. And you certainly don’t know that it has anything to do with the murder.”

  Cliff didn’t answer him, and they completed the run, slowing down to cool off, then stopping at the entrance gates of Thornwood Fields. The air blew cool against his overheated cheeks, and Paul knew he needed to go in and take a shower, but he waited, prolonging his time with Cliff before he had to jump into his crazy day.

  “I didn’t mean to snap at you before,” Cliff said. “Guess I’m a little touchy.”

  There were questions floating in the air, but Paul wasn’t completely sure what he should ask. “It’s okay.”