Vanilla Moon: Acrimony

by Airiel Hawkins

  Wolfgang nodded. I knelt beside him and enveloped him in my arms as he broke down. To keep from breaking down myself, I tried to calculate the battle in my head. Once I'd gotten Mira into the truck, it had taken me almost fifteen minutes to get here. Between waiting for Sophia, getting Mira checked out, and then coming in here to update Wolfgang's parents, we'd only been here for twenty minutes at most. The battle with Brenda hadn't lasted for very long.

  Wolfgang clung to me. He cried for their loss and I felt like an intruder. I didn't know any of the Guardians the way he and his parents had. Their loss wasn't as acute for me as it was for them, although it did hurt me. Mira also didn't understand as her parents grieved the loss of their friends. Her blue eyes met mine and I saw that she was scared.

  I closed my eyes and wished that her stuffed bunny could be here for her. As I opened my eyes and blinked back my own tears, I reached out to her. She came to me and hugged me tightly. I held both her and her brother until the tears subsided.

  "I hate to display my ignorance, but what happens now?" I asked.

  Leon cleared his throat. "We mourn," he said. "Then, when the time comes, new Guardians will step forward and the cycle will continue."

  Wolfgang was in no shape to drive, so when we left the clinic, I put him in the truck and climbed into the driver's side. We were silent on the way to his parents' house. It would be a long time before that house felt like home to me. Our home was our apartment we shared with Riley and Selena.

  When we entered the house, an eerie, heavy silence hung in the air. We heard a door from the direction of our room. I looked while Wolfgang shuffled away.

  Sophia entered the foyer, looking both exhausted and haggard. She gave me a tired wave as I walked over to her. "Luke?" I asked.

  She nodded as tears fell from her eyes. "Suicide," she whispered. "One of the greatest Guardians and women I've ever had the pleasure to meet and she died because she killed herself…. You know what's crazy?" she asked through her tears.

  "What?" I asked, looking at her red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

  "I'd do it too," she confessed. "Luke and I haven't even mated yet, but I know that I'd die if he did. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of agony."

  "I pray you never will," I said, pulling her in for a hug.

  She pulled away and met my eyes. "You know as well as I do that that's not likely," she said. "As often as Wolfgang calls on him?" She shook her head. "We all know that he's going to be right next to Riley as they stand up before anyone else to be Wolfgang's Guardians when you take over the pack. That means that he's going to be in a steady stream of danger. I'm terrified every time the three of them walk out of this house. If Riley dies, I lose Lena too. If Wolfgang dies, I lose you too. If Luke dies…." She sighed and wiped fresh tears away from her face. "No matter what, I lose someone."

  I nodded. "I know," I agreed. "That's why Wolfgang tries to keep me here when he goes and does the dangerous stuff. He figures that if he can keep me locked up in a box that I'll be safe."

  Sophia gestured to the blown-out door. "Obviously, that isn't true," she said. We hugged for a moment before she pulled herself back together and headed back to their room. I followed her down the hallway and continued to Wolfgang's room. I heard the shower running when I walked in, so I followed the sound to see him standing under the water.

  "Hey," I said, leaning against the opening to the shower. "How are you holding up?"

  "I feel like a hypocrite," he confessed as he shut off the water. He reached for his towel and wrapped around his waist as he stepped out. "Here I am, mourning the deaths of the people I feel responsible for, but I don't give a shit about the people I actually killed." He looked at the foggy mirror and shook his head before looking back at me. "What kind of monster am I?" he asked. "How can I grieve for them if I'm cold toward my own victims?"

  We've had similar conversations before. There's a constant struggle in our lives between balancing the wolf and the man. It isn't easy. We all have our moments where the monster starts to win. The trick is accepting the guilt and knowing that it is the only thing that keeps us human.

  "You are not a monster," I said. "A monster wouldn't care about the friends he's lost. A monster would rejoice."

  "I can't take much more of this," he whispered.

  "You won't have to," I said. "The coven is gone. They're all dead. There's no reason to worry about anything else anymore. We're safe, baby. We, as a pack, can heal now."

  He leaned against the counter and slumped forward. "I'm not even the Enkidu yet," he said. "I shouldn't have had to deal with any of this shit."

  "Think of it as a trial run," I said. "I think you passed the audition."

  "You've done better than I have," he sighed. "You got to know some of the survivors. You made sure everyone was fed and comfortable. All I did was charge into battle."

  "Not true," I said, shaking my head. "You kept the pack together. You protected it. You destroyed the threat that would have finished us off. You have done everything to ensure that this pack still lives on tomorrow. Don't think for a moment that you didn't do your job."

  "Because of me, my best friend is now an orphan…."

  "That was a possibility the second they chose to become Guardians," I countered. "Luke has always known that he might lose them. They were a mated pair. One dies, the other dies. He and Sophia will have to deal with that too. As will we. Both of our parents are the Enkidu and Skaapie of their respective packs. We can all become orphans at any moment. Our world is too volatile to believe anything else."

  "Yeah," Wolfgang sighed, although he didn't seem convinced. He cleared his throat. "Until we know otherwise, I want to assume that you're pregnant," he said. "I don't know if it'll happen or not, because I've never heard of a couple mating twice, but I'd like to think that you are."

  I ran my hands through my hair and let out my breath in a rush. "Gods, I don't know if I'm ready for that," I whispered.

  "Like you said," he began, placing his hand on my stomach, "we're safe now. You don't have to worry about anyone taking this from us again."

  I nodded and looked down at the floor, away from him. "It's not just that," I said. "I haven't even gotten past our loss yet. I still cry. I still look at all of the pregnant women around us and I hate them because they get babies and all I had was a glob of blood that wasn't even baby-shaped yet."

  "Hey," Wolfgang said as he drew me into his arms. I buried my face in his wet shoulder. "Enough of that." I clutched him tight. "You're going to be a mom," he promised. "I will bend over backward to see it happen whenever you're ready for it. I just think it might happen sooner than that."

  I nodded. "I know," I said.

  Wolfgang held my face in his hands and met my gaze. His eyes were blue. I felt like it had been forever since the last time I'd seen his eyes their natural color. Our lives had been so intense lately that they had been amber for far too long. He leaned in and kissed me. Any time I found myself in his arms, I felt safe and protected. This time was no different than any other. I felt safe, protected, and as though I could tackle the world if I had to.

  When Wolfgang pulled away, he seemed hesitant. I knew that there was more we needed to do. He started through the doorway to our bedroom and I followed. "I need to deliver the news to everyone," he said. "Tell them that they can all go home now."

  "You might want to put on pants first," I said, eyes on the towel around his waist.

  He grinned at me. "You're going to regret saying that," he promised. The humor didn't quite reach his eyes and I knew it would be a long time before it did.

  I smiled, despite my own grief. "I look forward to it," I whispered.

  Chapter 20 ~Wolfgang~

  I made my way down to the basement to deliver the news of Brenda's defeat to the pack and our guests. Once I had everyone gathered, I sat down on the edge of the platform. I didn't feel like I belonged up there, at their head. Not right now.

  I cleared my throat. "First,
I want to thank you. Each person in this room, and those of us who are elsewhere, have given far more than any single person should have to. For the first time in the history of this pack, we were forced to ask for help. I thank Moab and the wolves of Desert Moon for that assistance."

  "You're welcome," Rodney said from somewhere to my left.

  I smiled in his direction before I looked at the others. "Aside from gratitude, I gathered each of you here to tell you that Brenda and the remnants of her coven have been destroyed." The crowd around me cheered. "We saved my sister," I continued. More cheering. "Our pack is healing. Those in the hospital will be able to return home by tomorrow evening. We will be able to return to our own homes tonight." I grinned with their excitement. "The danger is gone!" I shouted with my fist in the air. They cheered around me, louder than before. The cavern filled with their joy. Our triumph.

  I basked in that joy for only a moment. I knew the pack needed to know the truth. They needed to know we had a traitor in our midst. They needed to know that three of our four Guardians were gone. I cleared my throat. One at a time, they calmed down until they were ready to listen again.

  "Unfortunately, our victory came at a high price," I said. They started looking around nervously. "Scythia, Roulet, and Rusalki were all taken from us." A collective gasp went through the crowd. "Their tokens have been retrieved and their bodies will be burned so that we may dance on their ashes when we mourn the others who have fallen this week. "We mourn them as we mourn all of our fallen. And we pray that we lose no more."

  They bowed their heads. We gave our fallen comrades a moment of silence before I continued speaking.

  "There has also been a piece of truth hidden from you these last few days," I continued. I saw the same worry etched on all their faces. "Your Enkidu and I chose to keep this information from you so that you would not worry about it in addition to the danger we faced. It was always our intention to tell you as soon as the immediate danger, Brenda, was taken care of."

  They stared at me, amber gazes unmoving. They feared what I had to say. The fact that I could have something more, something we didn't want to tell them sooner, was terrifying.

  I cleared my throat again. "We have a traitor in our midst," I said. I saw a few knowing glances and others started looking fearfully from one person to the next. "I did not tell you this because I want you to point fingers at each other. I do not want dissent in our pack. I am telling you this because I want you aware. We have narrowed down our traitor and are certain we know who it is. We will act accordingly when the time comes. If you have something you wish to tell us, in confidence, about who you think the traitor might be, or if you simply have concerns about the actions of others, I want you to know that I am always here to listen. We have lost too much in the last few days to lose more of us to infighting. We are a pack. We are a family. Remember that.

  "I am also telling you this because you all know that there is no way the Witches could have found both our Hunting and our Resting Grounds without insider knowledge. The fact that they knew where the house was is not a surprise. That they didn't venture down here when they attacked says that they did not know enough about us to know where the bulk of us would be. Our traitor is responsible for the loss of our loved ones, but not close enough to the heart of the pack to give away all of our secrets."

  I saw the people toward the back start moving aside, catching my attention. I glanced at them to see Ceres approaching me. Many bowed as she passed them. I smiled. They already accepted her. They saw how hard she worked. They acknowledged her ability to be their Skaapie.

  She walked up to the platform and sat next to me. I smiled at her before I kissed her. "I want to discuss the orphans," she whispered to me. I nodded and gestured for her to take the floor

  She stood on the floor, on their level. "There are children in this room who no longer have parents to tuck them in at night," she said. She looked at every adult in the room before she turned her gaze toward the children in the corner. "They need a place to call home," she said in a soft voice. "They need families to call their own."

  She was right. I knew my mother would take care of the issue when my father was well, but Ceres recognized that they needed to be taken care of before then. "I want to start with volunteers," she said. "Who has room in their homes and their hearts to take in one of our orphans?"

  Ceres looked at one of the pregnant women who had helped with taking care of the children. "Will you bring them up here?" she asked. "The ones whose parents were lost."

  The woman nodded before she walked away to gather up the children. A few other pregnant women helped her, and they got the kids up onto the stage with Ceres's help. She looked at them. "You guys know what happened, right?" she asked. They nodded. She looked back at the woman she'd asked for help. "These are just the ones whose parents' were lost, right?" she asked. The woman nodded again.

  Ceres turned to the crowd. "Who will raise these children?" she asked.

  A few volunteers stepped up and took the babies from the women who carried them. Ceres took everyone's names down, to help her with the paperwork she would later have to fill out for the adoptions.

  There were a brother and sister pair who held each other's hands. They went with a volunteer who had no children at home. Three more went to a couple who lost their teenage children in the attack. Another one went to a man who knew the child's parents so well that he felt as if the kid was already his nephew.

  The list went on and on. No child was left unclaimed, but there were so many children that it made our loss even more staggering. These weren't just nameless and faceless people we lost. They were mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and children. They had hopes, dreams, families, and futures. They were people I knew. They were people I grew up knowing. They were gone in the blink of an eye.

  The woman holding the last infant looked at us. "She was my sister's baby," she said. "I will keep her."

  I nodded. Ceres took down her information as well before I looked at the crowd. "I'm proud of all of you," I said. "I'm proud to call you pack and family. Go home," I said. "And if there is anything you need, reach out to us and—"

  My speech was cut short when I saw the Neuri enter the basement. I stood up, my eyes locked on them. Those around me noticed where my attention diverted and soon everyone stared at our judges.

  The hush that fell over the room propelled me toward them. Ceres followed me. The crowd parted for our passage.

  They spoke in unison. "Anica Isabelle Garcia is guilty of the crime of treason," they said.

  "Her cellular phone records show multiple contacts with the Witches, going back for almost a year," Chindi continued.

  I was stunned. Anica's betrayal started almost a year ago. That was well before Ceres came here, so that meant that her betrayal had nothing to do with my mate. It did, however, line up with our breakup.

  Virgil spoke next. "At this point, Anica has disappeared and we are unable to locate her for final judgment and sentencing, adding to her guilt."

  I felt like someone dropped a bowling ball in my stomach. I stared at the Neuri and I couldn't form a single comprehensive thought. My ex, a woman who claimed to once love me as no one else on this planet could, was responsible for almost destroying the most important part of my life.

  I would have sworn that her grudge was against me and me alone, that she wouldn't have hurt anyone else to get back at me.

  I was wrong, but I was also right.

  I understood Anica now in a way that I couldn't have before. I became desperate enough to throw my life away to avenge my pack. Her vendetta was indeed personal. She failed at getting us killed. She failed at destroying us through Alan.

  She was out of options until she found a stronger Witch. They could destroy the pack. She could appear to be the hero. I would turn to her for support as I grieved.

  It could have been perfect.

  It should have been perfect.

  Her flaw was that they didn't put he
r under. They knew we would be curious as to why she came home when no one else could. They knew we would question her injuries.

  Richard entered the basement then. He looked at me and sighed. His cheek was swollen. "She's gone," he said. He cradled his side. "She figured out what Dr. Cyrus was testing her for, freaked out, and ran. She's gone."

  I bit back my reaction to swear. I couldn't let these people see how this news affected me. I cleared my throat and turned to them. "Who wants to hunt our traitor?" I asked. They cheered. "I want her returned to this house alive and unharmed!" I ordered. "Moeris will deal with her."

  They cheered again before they ran up the staircase like a river flowing uphill.

  I looked at the Neuri. "I want to hear why she did it," I said. "I want to question her."

  They nodded. "You will," they promised.

  I looked at Richard. "Did Dr. Cyrus get the test run?" I asked.

  He nodded. "She's pregnant," he said. "We were getting ready to take her in for an ultrasound when she escaped. She caught me off guard and knocked me into the gurney before she bolted for an emergency exit."

  "Do my parents know?" I asked.

  Richard shook his head. "I came to you first," he said.

  "Thank you," I said before I walked away from them. Ceres followed me toward the stage. I sat down on the edge of the stage and she sat next to me. I reached for her hand. "We'll find her," I promised.

  "What's going to happen to her baby?" Ceres whispered.

  I shook my head. "That's for my father to decide," I replied. "We cannot execute her while she's pregnant. Her child didn't do anything."

  "I'm glad to know we have better standards than the Witches," she whispered.

  I nodded as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. "I've got to tell my parents," I said. She nodded and sat silently next to me as I called my mother. She answered on the third ring.