The Hope

by Patricia Davids

“It’s lanolin from the wool. It gives you soft skin,” Ruth said. She held out her hand. Owen drew his finger across her palm. Ruth’s mouth went dry. She inhaled sharply as her heart beat faster. Owen looked into her eyes and her gaze locked with his. The noise of the sheep and Grace’s chatter seemed to fade away until she and Owen were alone. He took a step closer. She leaned toward him and closed her eyes.

  She wanted more than the brief touch of his fingers. She wanted him to hold her hand, to pull her close. She wanted to lean into his strength, to be held in his arms, to know the gentleness of his lips against hers. The intensity of her feelings shocked her. Her eyes flew open. She took a quick step back. “I’d better get lunch ready. Go wash up, Grace.”

  She rushed toward the house as if she could outrun her troubling thoughts. Had he noticed how she had practically fallen into his arms? What must he think of her behavior after her comments yesterday?

  * * *

  OWEN RAKED HIS fingers through his hair. For a second there, he thought he was going to throw caution to the wind and kiss Ruth. When she closed her eyes, he mistakenly thought it was an invitation. It was a good thing he hesitated because she had bolted like a frightened deer when she realized how close she was to him.

  He took his time sharpening his shears and sweeping the shearing area before he went up to the house. It gave him enough time to decide how he was going to act around her from now on. He would pretend there was nothing but friendship on his mind.

  No, it couldn’t be a pretense. He wanted to earn her trust. He needed her to believe she could rely on him.

  At the house he found her setting the table. The delicious aroma of beef stew filled the air. It had been simmering on the stove while they were working. She turned to the stove and lifted the lid from the pot. She cried out and jerked away when the hot steam burned her wrist. He immediately pulled her to the sink and turned on the cold water to soothe her arm. Tears gathered in her eyes. One slipped down her cheek. He used his hand to gently wipe it away.

  She closed her eyes and tipped her head to rest her cheek against his palm. She was so delicate and soft. He wanted to wrap her in fleece and keep her safe from every harm.

  “That was such a foolish thing to do,” she said softly.

  “Is it a bad burn?”

  “I don’t think so.” She pulled her wrist out from under the water and hissed when the air struck it. She quickly stuck her wrist under the water again. “It’s going to be sore for a day or two.”

  “No more sheep wrestling for you.”

  She kept her gaze down. “It will be fine. I’ll be careful.”

  Grace came bounding into the room. “My hands are clean. See.” She held them up for inspection.

  Owen stepped away from Ruth. “See if you can find some crackers to go with our stew. Ruth, where do you keep your bandages?”

  “In the cabinet over my head.”

  Grace immediately rushed to Ruth’s side. “Did you get hurt?”

  “I burned my arm on the hot pan. It isn’t bad.”

  “Do you want me to kiss it for you?”

  Ruth smiled gently at the child. “That’s kind of you to offer.”

  Owen opened the cabinet and pulled down the adhesive bandages and some antibiotic ointment. He wanted to defuse the tension between them. He tipped his head and looked back at her. “I’d be happy to kiss it for you, too.” He wagged his eyebrows.

  She rolled her eyes. “That won’t be necessary.”

  “It’s no bother. I’d be happy to do it.” He kept a wide silly grin on his face.

  She seemed to relax. “I said that won’t be necessary.”

  “Okay.” He opened the drawer and pulled out a clean kitchen towel. “Dry your arm good with this so the dressing stays on.”

  After opening the bandage, he applied the ointment and examined her arm. The burn was red and angry-looking with several small blisters. He gently covered the injury, then wrapped some gauze around her wrist and taped it in place. “You’ll need to keep this out of water for a while. Grace, that means you and I will do the dishes all week.”

  “Okay.”

  Ruth patted Grace’s head. “You are a goot child. Always willing to help.”

  Owen used a hot pad to move the pan off the heat and began ladling the stew into bowls on the counter. He carried them gingerly to the table. Ruth and Grace sat down. “Careful, it’s hot.”

  “Are you making fun of me?” Ruth demanded.

  “I was warning Grace. I know you already figured that out the hard way.” He took his place at the table.

  Grace leaned forward to blow on her bowl. “How many more sheeps do we have to shear?”

  “Sixty head,” Owen answered.

  Grace looked at Ruth. “Is that a lot?”

  Ruth nodded. “It’s a lot. It may take us two or three more days to finish.”

  Owen propped his elbows on the table. “I once worked on a sheep ranch in Montana where we sheared two thousand head. That was a long week. There were three of us working with electric clippers. One guy was so fast he could shear a sheep in under a minute. I think he was the state champion.”

  “Maybe we should see if he is available,” Ruth quipped.

  Owen was happy to see her good humor returning. “I lost his number. You’re stuck with me.”

  “It will make Faron feel bad to hear it, but you are quicker than he is with the shears.”

  He pressed a hand to his heart. “I will take that as a compliment, Ruth.”

  She smiled and bowed her head toward him. “It was meant as one. Treasure it. It may be the only one you ever hear from me.”

  He laughed and began to eat with a renewed sense of satisfaction. They were back to being friends and he would do his best to keep it that way.

  After lunch he and Grace cleared the table and washed the dishes over Ruth’s protest. It didn’t take long, and they were soon back shearing sheep in the barn.

  He kept an eye on Ruth but didn’t notice Grace had wandered off until he needed the shearing platform swept again. He stood up and looked around. “Where is that girl?”

  She had climbed on the fence and was petting a black-and-white Icelandic ewe who seemed curious about the little girl. “Be careful, Grace,” he warned.

  Ruth dismissed his concern. “That is Polkadot. She is as tame as the pony.”

  Grace came running back. “Can I ride her? Mamm let me ride our pony sometimes.”

  “I wouldn’t be surprised if you could. Get your broom and clean off the platform.”

  She quickly swept the area and raced back to her new friend.

  Owen finished shearing the sheep he had and noticed that Ruth was having trouble controlling one frisky ewe. The animal bumped her sore arm. A fleeting expression of pain crossed Ruth’s face. Owen stepped into the holding pen to give her a hand.

  “I can get her.”

  “I can get her faster.” He grabbed the animal’s snout and began backing her up. A high-pitched yell made him look for Grace. She was astride the black-and-white sheep, holding on for dear life as the animal streaked around the pen. He and Ruth raced to the fence as Grace flew past.

  “Don’t worry, sweetie, hang on.” Owen jumped over the fence, ready to snatch Grace off the runaway animal.

  “Hurry, Owen. Before she falls.” The panic in Ruth’s voice raised his own level of fear. The sheep was making a second lap with Grace crouched low over her neck. Her hands were wrapped in the sheep’s long corded wool. The rest of the flock were milling around the center of the pen.

  “Sit up, Grace. I will catch you.”

  “Nee, this is fun!” the girl shouted and crouched lower. He missed Grace by an inch as the sheep streaked past him.

  He looked at Ruth in disbelief. “She’s enjoying it.”

  “I don’t think Polkado
t is. If she tries to jump the fence, Grace will fall for sure.” Ruth dashed into the barn and returned with a bucket in her hand. She climbed the fence and began calling, “Here, sheep, sheep, sheep.”

  The rest of the flock began moving toward her. She poured a line of grain on the ground. Polkadot immediately slowed as the others lined up for their treat in front of her. Ruth held the bucket out to Polkadot. She moseyed over and stuck her head in it. Ruth lifted Grace off her back and carried her to the fence. She sat the child on the top board. “You frightened me half to death.”

  “But you said I could ride her.”

  “I said I thought she would let you, but I didn’t mean for you to go and try.”

  “I’m sorry. Can I do it again sometime?”

  “Maybe,” Owen said before Ruth could say no. “But she will have to have a halter on, and I will be holding her so she can’t take off with you.”

  Grace grinned from ear to ear. “Okay. Can we teach her to pull a cart?”

  “Ask the sheep expert.” He nodded toward Ruth.

  Ruth crossed her arms over her chest. “Sheep can be trained to pull a cart, but I’m not going to do the training.”

  Grace put her hands together. “Please, Owen, will you train her?”

  “We’ll see.”

  “That means you will. Mamm will be so surprised to see me driving a sheep. I wish she could hurry up and get here.”

  Owen and Ruth exchanged knowing glances. Although many of the people in the area were still searching for her mother, none had found any trace of her. It didn’t seem that she would be coming back for her child. When did he tell Grace?

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “THE DIARY CAME in the mail today.” Owen stood in her entryway, holding out a newspaper.

  Ruth was standing at the sink, peeling potatoes. She put down her knife and wiped her hands on her apron. “Does it have my story in it about Grace?”

  “I haven’t looked.”

  She snatched it from his hand. “How could you not look?”

  “Because I knew you would want to see it first.”

  “You are right. This is so exciting.” She sat down at the table and opened the paper. She kept reading until she found what she was looking for. She stabbed the page with her finger. “Here it is.” She began reading aloud.

  “A mystery in Cedar Grove, Kansas. A three-year-old Amish girl named Grace was found during a snowstorm on February 28. She was unable to supply a last name or her father’s name. She stated that she was traveling by car with her mother. A search was immediately started for the woman. Neither she nor her car has been found. The child is a brunette with curly hair and brown eyes. She speaks English as well as Pennsylvania Dutch. If anyone has information about a missing mother and child, please contact Owen Mast, Bishop Weaver or Sheriff McIntyre.

  “From a concerned scribe in Cedar Grove, Kansas.

  “Then I go on to list the addresses and contact information, including the number of our phone shack. What do you think?”

  “I think it’s enough information for someone who knows Grace to get in touch with us. I pray this brings answers about her.”

  “The same article will run in Family Life Magazine. I could also send it to The Budget. That newspaper has a lot of Amish readers.” She closed the paper and stared into space.

  “What are you thinking?”

  She gave him a sad smile. “I was thinking how much I will miss her if we find her family.”

  “I had thought of that, too. It’s selfish, but I wonder if no one claims her maybe she could stay with me.”

  “Do you have room in your life for a child?”

  He sat down to the table. “Two weeks ago I would’ve said absolutely not. Now I’ve started to wonder why not? It would mean staying in one place.”

  “Could you do that?”

  “If I had a reason.”

  Ruth folded her hands on the newspaper. “Do you mean that you would stay in Cedar Grove?” Her heart started pounding. What if he said yes?

  “I have to head back to Shipshewana to meet with my sister as soon as Ernest returns. I’m not sure what’s next after that. Cedar Grove wouldn’t be a bad place to settle down eventually. You could see Grace as often as you wanted.”

  “That sounds wonderful.” She smiled and looked away. Could she trust him to return as he said, or would she be waiting for something that would never happen?

  “That would be only if no one claimed her. The rest of her family must be frantic not knowing where she is or what has happened to her. As much as I want to keep her, they must want her back ten times more.”

  Reality sank in as Ruth folded the paper. There was too much uncertainty with Owen. Maybe no one would come for Grace. Maybe he would keep her. Maybe he could settle here. She needed certainty before she could risk becoming more involved with him, but her heart acted as if it had a mind of its own. She was growing fond of Owen even as she tried not to.

  “I hope you find a reason to settle down one day even if Grace isn’t that reason.”

  “I have a lot of things to explain to you. Reasons for the way I acted in the past.”

  “You don’t have to explain anything.” She didn’t want to hear his excuses or reasons. She didn’t want to dredge up those heartaches. “The past is in the past and it should stay there.” She got up and went back to the sink to finish her potatoes. “What we do now is all that matters.”

  He followed her and stood close behind her. She could feel his breath on her neck. “I’m happy you feel that way, but I am sorry for the times I let you down, Ruth. You didn’t deserve that. I know that no man can replace Nathan in your life, but you deserve to be loved for the wonderful woman that you are.”

  “That will not happen.” To open her heart again, to risk the deep pain of loss because he left her willingly or because God took him from her. She wasn’t ready to face that.

  “Why not?”

  She turned to face him. “Because I’m not brave enough. I can’t face another loss. I couldn’t go through that again. I was a broken woman when Gott took Nathan away. If it weren’t for my children, I think I would’ve lain down on his grave and let the grass grow over me until I was part of the earth that held him. I learned to go through the motions of living until those motions became natural again. It took a long time. I’m sorry but I’m not as wonderful as you think.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m honored you chose to confide in me.”

  “Danki. We are friends now, aren’t we? Like Nathan wanted?”

  He gave her a halfhearted smile and then squared his shoulders. “We are.”

  She laid a hand on his chest. “I’m very glad.” She meant it, and she would do her best to be a friend to him when he needed one.

  “Well, I reckon the sheep won’t finish shearing themselves.”

  She drew a deep breath. “I only wish they could. Where is Grace?”

  “She went to the barn to visit Polkadot.”

  Ruth frowned. “She’s not going to try to ride her again, is she?”

  “Nee, we talked about that on the way over here. Polkadot needs a lot of attention. I said she needs to get used to having a little girl around her. First become her friend and then we’ll see about getting her used to a halter. How is your arm?”

  She held it up so he could see she hadn’t gotten it wet. “It stings but it’s better. At least I don’t notice my knee hurting now. You go on to the barn. I’ll get this casserole in the oven and then I’ll join you.”

  A wry smile curled his lip. “It won’t hurt me to miss a meal.”

  She smiled, too. “You might wanna wait until the lambing season is over before you make that prediction.”

  “I can hardly wait.”

  He went out the door and Ruth covered her face with her hands. Had she done the right thi
ng? Could she maintain a friendship when every day she spent with Owen made it harder to hide her growing feelings for him? She was a frightened woman, afraid of loving again. She prayed God would show her the path she needed to take.

  * * *

  OWEN STOPPED OUTSIDE at the bottom of the porch steps and raised his face to the sky. There wasn’t a cloud in the bright blue vault overhead. There should be low gray clouds to match his mood. Ruth was still suffering from the loss of Nathan, and he couldn’t do anything to help except listen to her.

  He started toward the barn but the sight of a tractor coming up the lane made him wait where he was. It rolled to a stop in front of him. Joshua King was driving, and Thomas Troyer was riding behind him.

  Owen waved. “Good morning. What brings you out this way?”

  Thomas stepped down from the tractor. “We heard you might be shearing sheep and we came to give you a hand.”

  “Could you use some help?” Joshua asked.

  “I sure could. Yesterday Ruth burned her arm and Grace decided to go for a ride on one of the sheep so we are falling behind schedule.”

  Grace came running out of the barn. “Did you bring Caleb to play with me? I want to show him my new friend. She’s the sheep, and her name is Polkadot.”

  Joshua shook his head. “I didn’t bring Caleb with me this morning, but my wife is going to bring him by this afternoon.”

  “And my wife is bringing our young’uns, too. You’ll have lots of new friends to play with. I’m sure my boys will be jealous of your friend the sheep. Melvin has a pet pig named Goody. I reckon he’ll tell you all about it.”

  Ruth came to the front door. “I see I’m going to have to make another casserole.”

  Joshua waved aside her suggestion. “Don’t bother. The women are bringing enough for all of us. Owen, show us how to shear a sheep. I know engines inside and out, but I’ve never worked with woolly creatures.”

  Owen was grateful for their offer of help, and it also meant he wouldn’t have to work directly with Ruth all day. He led the way to the barn. Grace tagged along beside him. “My job is to sweep the shearing platform.”