The Hope

by Patricia Davids

  Owen smiled at her. “Thank you for teaching me all about baby sheep.”

  “Thanks for being a good student. Is it as bad as you thought it would be?”

  “Nee, I kinda liked it.”

  “I’m glad. I hoped you would.” She walked toward the house with a light heart. Owen liked her sheep.

  The following day was a church Sunday and while Ruth hated to leave the sheep unattended for even a few hours she joined Owen and Grace for the service at a nearby farm, but they left before the meal was served.

  The weather turned cold and rainy the next day. It was a potentially devastating situation for all the newborn lambs.

  Most of the recently shorn mothers sought the shelter of the barn, but others chose less suitable places to have their babies, such as dense thickets or draws in the pasture. Both Ruth and Owen tramped through the wet grass, slid down muddy embankments and pulled aside dripping branches to look for lambs in every nook and cranny.

  Ruth and Owen worked long hours to move each reluctant mother with her newborns into the barn. Grace couldn’t keep up. She often napped in the lamb nursery with Meeka beside her, a watchful and massive guardian. As the rain continued Ruth and Owen quickly ran out of room for the ewes and new lambs.

  Owen built additional pens inside the barn and even moved Licorice to Ernest’s place so he could turn her stall into a sheep maternity ward. Polkadot had to give up her private stall, as well. Owen put her out into the corral beside the barn and moved three new mamas and babies into it. Ruth divided her time between searching for new lambs and making sure Owen had food, hot coffee and dry clothes. She all but forgot about the threat to Grace except for the continued presence of the sheriff’s officers stopping by.

  Grace, on the other hand, was at her happiest. She stayed in the lamb nursery bottle-feeding a pair of orphans every three hours. Her giggles and delight in her new babies made Ruth and Owen smile no matter how tired they were. Ruth entered the nursery and found Grace pushing a lamb under the sink cabinet. “Grace, what are you doing?”

  Grace spun around and kept the door closed with her hands behind her back. “Nothing.”

  The pitiful bleating of the lonely lamb was muffled but plain as the look of guilt on Grace’s face.

  Ruth walked over and moved Grace aside. She opened the door and the lamb sprang out. “Your little one doesn’t want to be shut in a cabinet.”

  “I have to have a safe place for my babies. I have to teach them to go to the safe place.”

  Ruth sank to her knees and pulled Grace into a hug. “Our home is a safe place. Gott is watching over us. There is no need to hide. Not for you and especially not for your lambs.”

  Grace didn’t look convinced, but Ruth didn’t find any more lambs under the sink the rest of that day. Would Grace ever feel truly safe or would she constantly search for somewhere to hide?

  As Ruth was returning to the house that evening, she caught a glimpse of car lights turning in at the end of her lane. She waited to see if it was one of the sheriff’s cars, but the lights shut off. She waited a few minutes, but they didn’t come back on. Out in the pasture, she heard Meeka barking ferociously.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  OWEN SAW RUTH staring out into the darkness. It had stopped raining. He walked up beside her. “What are you looking at?”

  She shrieked and jumped like a startled rabbit. Pressing a hand to her chest, she glared at him. “Don’t scare me like that.”

  He held up both hands. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. What’s so interesting?”

  “I saw lights turn into our lane and then they went out. They haven’t come back on.”

  “Probably an Englisch teenage couple looking for a little privacy.”

  “Maybe.” She kept gazing out into the night.

  “Do you want me to go check it out?”

  She shook her head as she turned to him. “Nee, you are probably right and it’s nothing. What are you up to now?”

  “I’m actually headed for bed. You should be, too.”

  “I am. Check under your cot for any lambs.”

  “Grace?”

  “Yep. I found her today trying to make a lamb stay under the sink. She said her babies need safe places.”

  Ruth clasped her upper arms and hunched against the chill. “I wish she felt safe here.”

  “You’re cold. Take my coat.” He took it off and laid it across her shoulders.

  His hands lingered there and then slid down her arms. This was what she wanted, to be close to him, but she wasn’t close enough. She leaned back against him with a sigh. He was so strong, and she needed his strength.

  * * *

  IT FELT RIGHT to hold her this way. Owen didn’t want the moment to end. “You smell goot.”

  She chuckled. “Like a sheep?”

  “More like a flower garden. Soft, sweet, like spring flowers.”

  “It’s my shampoo. I couldn’t find my usual unscented one, so I picked up this discount brand without realizing it was heavily scented. I know it’s too fancy, but I haven’t gotten back to the store this week and I had to wash my hair.”

  She was so dainty, so delicate. How had she managed to run a farm, raise children and not crumple beneath the weight of it all? He fought the urge to slip his arms around her and hold her tight, but knew he was about to lose the struggle. He abruptly stepped away. “Good night.”

  “Good night, Owen.” The confusion in her voice shamed him. Should he tell her how he felt and be done with it, or should he continue hiding his love for her, knowing she couldn’t return it?

  He could only keep his secret if he avoided being alone with her. He both longed for and dreaded the return of Ernest and Faron.

  The next morning Sarah showed up to help as promised. Owen could have hugged her. She took over the cooking and watching Grace, giving Ruth a much-needed respite.

  Owen saw how exhausted Ruth was as they walked in from the pasture. “Take a break for a few hours.”

  “Me? I’m fine.”

  “You should be sitting down with your leg on a pillow. You’re limping worse now than when you first hurt your knee. Did you hurt it again?” He closed the pasture gate behind them as they headed to the barn.

  “An ewe with an attitude tried to knock me down, and I twisted it getting away.”

  “Unbelievable. You are done for today. Do you hear me?”

  “Owen, you know how I hate being told what to do.”

  “I have no idea how you have remained Amish. With your attitude you should have been shunned for pride ages ago.”

  She shrugged nonchalantly. “What can I say? The bishop likes me. I’m going to add fresh straw to the pens. You are going to go in the house and make me some hot cider and check on Grace. I’ll be there in half an hour and then I will rest.”

  “See that you do.”

  It only took her twenty minutes to finish. She made her way to the house. The smell of hot spiced cider greeted her the second she stepped inside. Grace was sitting on the floor of the kitchen with two new lambs asleep in her lap and wrapped in her favorite quilt.

  “Where did they come from?”

  Owen stood at the stove. He turned around with a large white mug in his hand. “I saw number seventy-one had twins beside the barn, but she wouldn’t nurse either of them. As soon as I’m done here I’ll take them out to the nursery and get them into warming boxes. Sit. I will get you a pillow so you can put your leg up. And this time you are not going to object to being told what to do, because you know I’m right.”

  She sat down with a weary sigh. “Boss me all you want but that doesn’t mean I’m going to obey you. Right now I’m going to sit down and put my leg up on a pillow. Could you fetch one for me, please?”

  A tiny shake of his head showed his disbelief. “I see. It’s only a good idea
if you think of it?”

  She smiled at him. “Now you are beginning to understand me. While I’m resting, can you check the temperature of number twenty-six’s lamb? He wasn’t nursing, and he looked weak.”

  “What’s a normal temp?”

  “Around 102 degrees. If he’s colder than that move him to a warming box, heat some milk replacer and tube-feed him.”

  “Now who’s being bossy?”

  “This isn’t about us. It’s about saving as many of my lambs as possible.”

  “I’m sorry. You’re right, Boss.”

  * * *

  OWEN DIDN’T REALLY care if Ruth was being bossy. He just wanted her to take care of herself. The pace had been grueling for him and he knew it had to be tough on her. When she had her foot up and a mug of hot cider on the table in front of her, he left the house.

  The lamb’s temperature was low. Owen bundled him in a towel and carried him to the nursery. Ruth had set four boxes around the stove. Owen put the lamb in one and got the milk replacer out of the fridge. The old propane stove had only two burners, but it provided rapid heat to warm the water he set the bottle in. He had just finished putting a tube down the lamb’s throat when Ruth walked in.

  He scowled at her. “I thought you were taking a break?”

  “I did. The hot cider was delicious, danki.” She sat on a folding chair.

  He finished tube-feeding the baby and put it in the warming box. He slanted a look at Ruth. “Did you have anything to eat today?”

  “Of course I did. I had French toast for breakfast.”

  “That was yesterday.”

  She tilted her head to the side. “Really? Then I must have had some graham crackers.”

  “You can’t work all day on a couple of graham crackers.”

  “Okay, what did you have to eat today?”

  “The same thing Grace had. Church spread on toast. Church spread on white bread and church spread on celery.”

  Ruth chuckled. “I’m glad you were able to get some vegetables in her diet. I’m glad Sarah is here. She loves taking care of Grace. Of course, so do I.”

  It probably wasn’t the right moment but it had to be said. “Ruth, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

  “Okay.” Her tentative reply almost made him change his mind.

  “Grace has asked me numerous times to take her home. I promised her I would. When Ernest and Faron get back, she and I will be leaving for her mother’s farm near Columbia after the custody hearing next Monday.”

  Ruth pulled her sweater tightly across her chest. “I see. Won’t you consider staying in Cedar Grove? She seems to like it here and you and I are getting along.”

  If only she knew how much he wanted to say yes. How could he stay when simply sitting across from her in a barn that reeked of sheep left him wanting to take her in his arms and kiss her? How much harder would it become each day to pretend those feelings didn’t exist?

  “I’m hoping Grace will feel secure at the home she is familiar with. She needs that, and I need to take her there. Maybe I can learn something about Rebecca. She is still an unsolved mystery to me.”

  “When do you think you’ll be back?”

  “I can’t say.”

  Ruth nodded slowly. “I understand.” The disappointment on her face gave him pause. Did she want him to stay because of Grace? Or was there another reason?

  He rose to his feet. She spun to face him. “I haven’t thanked you for your help. I’m sorry I doubted your usefulness and your determination to see the job through.”

  “I’ve given you a few reasons to doubt me in the past.”

  “I won’t ever again.” She stepped close and laid her hand on his cheek. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  “You’re very welcome,” he said softly. His resistance crumbled. He leaned down and kissed her.

  Her lips parted as if in surprise, but she didn’t pull away. Overwhelmed by the love in his heart he knew he should stop but he couldn’t. He slipped his arms around her and pulled her close. It felt so right to hold her this way. One part of him said it was wrong. She still loved Nathan. Another part of him said that it didn’t matter because he loved her even if she could never love him.

  She flattened her palms against his chest, but she didn’t push him away. He ended the kiss and saw her eyes flutter open. They widened with confusion. With all she had to worry about she shouldn’t have to concern herself with his actions. It wouldn’t happen again. Without a word he walked out of the barn, calling himself every kind of fool. But it had been worth it.

  * * *

  RUTH PRESSED HER hand to her lips. His kiss had been brief but tender. Why had he walked away without saying anything? What did it mean? It wasn’t a kiss between friends, she was sure of that. Maybe it was a goodbye kiss. Her heart sank.

  Ernest and Faron would be back in a few days. What would life be like without Owen? Without Grace? She didn’t like to think about it. That goodbye was going to be almost too much to bear. She sank onto a chair and covered her face with her hands, determined not to cry.

  She heard the door open. Owen came back in with something buttoned up inside his coat. Crossing to the stove, he knelt there. “I need your help.”

  He opened his jacket enough for her to see he had two tiny wet lambs bundled against his body for warmth. They didn’t look good.

  Ruth sprang into action. She pulled towels from the supply closet. Returning to Owen side, she waited as he extracted one black-and-white lamb and handed it to her. “Dry her good. She might make it. I’m not so sure about her brother.”

  “Did their mother reject them?” She wrapped her baby in a towel and handed a second towel to Owen.

  “Ja, they belonged to Polkadot. She had triplets, but she would only nurse one.”

  Ruth put the little one she was drying down and stuck several towels in the oven to warm. She continued to dry her charge as best she could. The vigorous stimulation seemed to help. When the towels in the oven were warm, she wrapped both lambs in them and put them in the warming box.

  “They’ll need colostrum,” Ruth said. The first milk the ewes produced was essential to the newborns’ health. Ruth kept a supply frozen in the freezer section of her refrigerator.

  “I’ll get some heated up.” He headed to the fridge.

  She grabbed his hand as he went past her. He stopped. She didn’t understand the pain in his eyes. “I’m glad you found them. Grace will be heartbroken if anything happens to Polkadot’s babies.”

  “You’re an amazing woman, Ruth. I don’t know how you do it. I admire your dedication, your skill, your selflessness, your faith. This has been a time I will never forget.”

  Then why leave? She couldn’t bring herself to ask the question, because she already knew the answer. He cared about her. But he didn’t love her enough to stay. She was the one in love, and she didn’t know what to do about it.

  The silence stretched between them as they fixed bottles for each lamb and began to feed them.

  Owen cleared his throat. “Ruth, about that kiss.”

  “What about it? You surprised me, but it was a sweet kiss.” She tried to sound nonchalant. Her heart began pounding so hard she was afraid he must hear it. What if he had meant something other than goodbye? Was she ready to take that next step in their relationship if that was what he wanted? She was.

  “It was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

  She blinked hard. “A mistake?” She hadn’t expected that.

  “You know what I mean.” He put his lamb in the warming box.

  She carefully placed her lamb in beside his. “Actually, I don’t know what you mean. Did you want to kiss me or didn’t you?”

  He stared at his feet. “A man shouldn’t kiss a woman unless he is prepared to marry her.”

  “And?”
She held her breath as she waited.

  He looked at her then. “And you aren’t—I mean, I’m not prepared to marry you.”

  A rush of hot tears filled her eyes. “Oh.”

  “Not that you aren’t a fine woman.”

  “But not fine enough to marry! Too old? Too set in my ways? Give me a hint.” She sniffled and brushed at her cheeks.

  “Don’t twist my words. It’s none of those things. I know you are still in love with Nathan, and I respect that.”

  “Nathan has been gone for four years.”

  Owen slipped his hands in his pockets. “I know.”

  She waited for him to say something, anything. He stood staring at the floor.

  “Owen Mast, you must be the blindest man I’ve ever met.” She whirled on her heels and left the room.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  OWEN SAT DOWN on his milk crate with a heavy sigh. The lambs bleated at him. He gazed at their cute faces. “That didn’t go well.”

  What did she mean that he was blind? He had seen the tears in her eyes. Should he follow her and ask what it was he should have seen? She was in love with Nathan, wasn’t she? She’d said so at the cemetery. He fed the last crying lamb, rose and walked slowly up to the house.

  Inside he saw Sarah in the kitchen. She scowled at him. “What did you say to Ruth?”

  “Why?”

  “She’s upstairs crying.”

  He never wanted to hurt her. He rubbed his palms on his pant legs. “Do you think I should go talk to her?”

  “Not if you want to live to be a day older.”

  “Maybe I’ll wait until later. Where’s Grace?”

  “She went out to see her lambs. It’s almost time for their feedings.”

  “I was just in there and she wasn’t anywhere around.”

  “That’s odd.” Sarah put her dish towel on the countertop.