by Cara Wylde
I bit the inside of my cheek. This was going well, so far. My scythe struggled against Sariel’s grip and pulled so hard that his arm went back, his tuxedo ripping at the armpit. I patted my lips with a napkin. I needed more than just my hand to cover my ever-growing smile.
“What is he doing?” I heard people ask around me. “Is he out of his mind?”
“Oh, this is bad, so bad,” Lorna was stressing over a few tables away. She wrapped her arms around Pandora, almost knocking her off the chair. “Should I help him? I should help him.”
“Don’t even think about it,” Pandora hissed. “If he’s an incompetent, it’s his business. Do you want your parents to catch you doing magic to cover his ass?”
That seemed to shut Lorna up. Hm. She really loves him if she’s willing to risk her reputation to save his. That, or she was really stupid. Since the semester started, Lorna had done everything in her power to please Sariel. And she had a lot of power. Still, he treated her coldly, and I hadn’t once seen them kiss or hold hands. It was as if he was there, shining like the handsome, perfect archangel that he was, and Lorna was like a beaten-up puppy following him around, adoring him even when he kicked her in the butt. Now that I thought about it, I was glad I hadn’t taken my revenge on Lorna. She’d been a pawn all along. Sariel was the king. And it was time for the king to fucking pay.
I didn’t know what got into me. Seeing Lorna like that, scared and devastated, ready to jump to his rescue if necessary… I got mad. Really, really mad. My brows furrowed, I looked over my glass of wine and focused on the blade of my scythe. It belonged to me, it was attuned to me, and I knew it would listen to me even from a distance, even if I wasn’t the one holding it. I commanded it to struggle harder against Sariel’s grip. I commanded it to pull itself free, if possible, because there was nothing more mortifying to a Grim Reaper than having his scythe fly out of his hand. It would crush Sariel’s reputation and ego, and I wanted him crushed. Like the cockroaches he’d asked Lorna to put in my bed.
I was so focused that I didn’t hear Klaus step closer to me.
“What are you doing? Stop it. It’s getting out of control.”
Francis and Paz had stepped away from Sariel, and the beautiful, perfect choreography Mrs. Charon had spent so many days teaching the VDC turned into a cacophony of chaotic movements and blades scratching and clattering against each other as the students tried to put space between themselves and the archangel.
“Oh, for Heaven’s sake, just stop!” Sariel’s father raised his voice above the whispers and chatter. “This is a disgrace! Stop it right now.” He took a couple of steps toward the stage, and his wife followed him quickly, her tiny hand on his arm, trying to stop him from going up there.
“Mila, seriously,” Klaus whispered.
“Fine.” I let go mentally, but the effect on my scythe was quite the opposite. It flew to the left and hit Paz in the face, leaving a long, bleeding gash on his cheek. I covered my mouth with my hands. That wasn’t supposed to happen. I had never, for one second, willed my scythe to attack matter. It had done it on its own, in its desperate attempt to escape Sariel’s grip. It really didn’t like him, apparently, and now Paz was being dragged off the stage by his mother, who was also the only parent who’d bothered to show up at the ball and support him. He left a trail of blood as he was rushed to the infirmary.
“That’s enough.” Mr. Gracewing jumped on the stage, grabbed the scythe from Sariel, and threw it to the floor. The other students had dispersed, except for Francis, who was still by Sariel’s side. “You’re an embarrassment to this family. An embarrassment and a disgrace. Look what you’ve done! Your sister should have received that invitation, not you. You will never become a Grim Reaper.” With that, he left the stage and stormed out of the room, leaving both his son and his wife stunned. Mrs. Gracewing eventually motioned for Sariel to get down, and they both sat back at the table, even though it was obvious that was the last thing Sariel wanted to do.
“Now what?” Klaus asked me.
We both had our eyes fixed on the scythe on the floor, in front of the stage.
“I don’t know. I have to get it back.”
“I can make the switch, but not when everyone is looking.”
Mrs. Charon saved the day by grabbing the scythe off the floor and stuffing it in a dark corner, away from the RDC, MDC, and NDC scythes.
“Just pretend you’re going to the bathroom,” I told Klaus.
“Fuck. Okay.”
He walked toward the side of the room where Mrs. Charon had put my scythe, and my eyes followed him. That was when I saw Lorna staring right at me, hate in her eyes, and a scowl on her pretty pink lips. She stood up and pointed at me, and from that moment on, it felt like everything happened in slow motion.
“It was her! Mila Lazarov, the filthy human! I saw her! She was laughing at him. She was laughing because she’s been behind it all along.”
I shook my head. I didn’t know what to do. Shrug? Smile? Pretend like it was all a misunderstanding or a bad joke?
“Darling, that girl isn’t right in the head.” Andromeda took my hand and pulled me away. “Come on, a visit to the restroom is in order. To powder our noses. We don’t have to listen to this nonsense.”
I would’ve been eternally grateful to Mrs. Apis for what she’d tried to do then, how she’d tried to save me from Lorna’s wrath. Too bad it didn’t work.
We were halfway across the room when I heard Lorna’s booming voice fill every crevice of the building, as if she’d grown in size, and her voice had grown with her. I pulled my hand free from Andromeda’s grasp and turned to the mage. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t look away.
“She’s not who she says she is!” Lorna walked to the center of the room, where the dance ring was supposed to be. That was, if anyone still felt like dancing after this disaster was over. “Do you know where she comes from? Do you know why her parents aren’t here? Because they are vermin. Filthy peasants who made her in the gutter and gave birth to her in the gutter. Let me show you who Mila Lazarov is, and then you’ll see it was all her doing.”
Lorna threw her head back. As she lifted her arms toward the ceiling, her eyes rolled in her head, and when they rolled back front, the clear blue irises we were all used to turned into sapphire blue energy that took over her pupils, overflowing like tears down her cheeks.
“Look at her… My little girl,” I heard Lorna’s mother say. There was pride and deep emotion in her voice. “She’s so powerful.”
Indeed, Lorna was powerful. I’d had no idea how powerful until this very moment, when she started creating, or more like materializing, a vortex between her open arms, a vortex that soon took the form of a huge ball of energy. When its surface cleared, images started moving inside the globe, popping in and out of coherence, until Lorna managed to catch them, control them, and put them in order.
I felt GC step behind me, his arms coming to wrap me in a protective embrace.
“Don’t worry. What is she going to show us? Your parents back in Kentucky? Your house and your old school?” He chuckled. “Nothing I don’t already know about. The entire Academy knows and, you know what? It’s not that bloody shameful.”
Well, I appreciated his effort, but Lorna’s strange vortex-turned-magic energy ball wasn’t showing my parents at all. It was showing a woman who wasn’t my mother. She was tall, sickly thin, dressed scantily, with long blond hair she wore in a thick braid on her back, and eyes as blue as the ocean. She was struggling to walk in a pair of cheap, ridiculously high sandals, down a dark alley. When she reached the main street, she stopped to light a cigarette. A man came from behind her, pulling his pants up and securing his belt. He threw a few bills at her, and she gave him an angry look, but then smiled forcefully and bent down to pick them up. He slapped her ass and went on his way.
The images inside the energy ball changed. The same woman was now in a dingy bathroom, looking at something in
her hand.
“Well?” Another woman banged at the stall door.
The blond woman sniffed. “Positive.”
“Fuck, Katia! Fuck fuck fuck! How did you get pregnant, stupid?! What will the ma’am say?”
“I don’t know.” She was crying harder now.
“She’ll kick you out!”
The images shifted again. There she was, in a rundown apartment, giving birth by herself. No one was there to help her, not even a friend. It didn’t last long, though, and soon she was holding her baby to her chest. “Mila,” she whispered. “Your name will be Mila because you’ll bring mercy and grace to this godforsaken world.”
Fuck. I felt my knees give in. Luckily, GC was there to support me. No. This isn’t true. My mother is Ilena, and my father is Stepan. My hands flew to my chest, then my throat. I felt like I was choking.
But that wasn’t it. More was coming. Katia was arguing with a man. He had his back to her. She had her baby in her arms, and she was trying to convince him to hold her. Hold Mila.
“She’s yours. You’re the only one… the only one… Please, at least look at me! Look at her!” She grabbed him by the shoulder, and he turned around. Half of his face came into view…
“Enough.” Headmaster Colin stepped forward and made Lorna’s magic ball disappear with a flick of his hand. Lorna fell to the floor, exhausted, and he nodded toward her parents to help her. “Enough with this madness.” He turned toward the students and their parents, toward all of us. “Enough with these games. It has all been in bad taste, and I apologize. Ladies and gentlemen, eighteen is a difficult age. Forgive our students their childish ways. Now, we shall eat, drink, and watch the Righteous Death Cabal perform their scythe demonstration.”
“I have to get out of here,” I whispered. “I must… I can’t breathe.”
“Shh… it’s okay. It’s okay, my goddess. We’re going.”
GC dragged me out of there. When I looked back at Andromeda and her husband, I noticed something had changed in the woman’s eyes. She seemed… intrigued.
By what? By a sex worker’s daughter?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
We slow-danced under the stars as the music poured through the open windows of the dining hall. GC held me and guided me through the motions, and I let him lead, not even knowing what I was doing with my feet. I was there, but not there at all. I was with that woman, the blond, sickly mother who’d given birth alone to a girl named just like me. Mila. But it couldn’t have been me.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I answered after what must have been a minute. “I’m sorry, I… I can’t focus.”
He kissed my forehead. I could feel his body against mine. My hands on his strong chest, our legs touching as we moved, his crotch brushing my pelvis every now and then. But I was so distracted that I couldn’t even react the way I used to. When he tipped my head back and kissed me passionately, I went through the motions, but didn’t even close my eyes. I could still see Lorna’s blue vortex running images from the past, and the more I allowed myself to think about it, the more I let myself fall into the mage’s trap, the more I started to believe there was an invisible connection between me and the woman. I kept seeing her face, her eyes, and I felt like I’d known her a long time ago, like she was someone I’d lost and now finally found again.
“You’re not into it.”
“Mmm? Sorry.” I pulled away and touched my lips. How was this possible? GC was here, with me, when he could have been at the ball, dancing with some other girl. Or other girls. I had him all to myself, and… this was crazy! I didn’t want him. I wanted… to be alone.
“I understand.”
I chuckled bitterly. “You do? Because I don’t. What I just saw in there… What Lorna showed everyone… I don’t know what that was.”
He sighed deeply. “I can… ask around. Hell! I can go ask her, if you want me to. If it was a prank, I’ll get it out of her.”
“No! Don’t. I… I’ll figure it out by myself.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Mila, you don’t have to do anything by yourself. Not anymore. You have me.”
“And I…” I stepped closer to him and cupped his face with my trembling hands. God, he was handsome! His eyes were a dark shade of green now, – which reminded me of Paz; so, so weird… oh my God, Paz was hurt! – and his hair was dark red, almost kind of brown. When would I get used to his shifting features? GC fucking Apis was here, he wanted to help me, he wanted… me, and I couldn’t focus. I just couldn’t. I’d had plans for tonight! Big plans. They’d all gone down the drain, and what wouldn’t I have given to take it all back. The prank I pulled on Sariel, the embarrassment I’d caused him, the scar on Paz’s cheek… And then, Lorna wouldn’t have suspected a thing, because there wouldn’t have been anything to suspect, and she wouldn’t have gone all wild mage on me. “I appreciate all you’re doing for me. I do. Thank you for being here, thank you for… trying to help…”
“But?”
“I… I think I want to be alone. I need time. To think.”
We were both silent for a while. Eventually, when he saw that I wasn’t going to change my mind, he nodded and offered to walk me up to my room. I told him to go back to the party and to his parents and reassure them that I was fine. The truth was that I didn’t want to go straight to my room. Not yet. I wanted to stop by the Holy Chapel first, sit in an aisle, and gaze upon the gold statue of Christ on the cross until my eyes hurt. I knew I wouldn’t find the answers to my questions there, but I would find peace, and for now, peace would have to do.
I probably spent half of the night in the Holy Chapel. When I finally went up to my room, I was so tired that my brain couldn’t come up with any new theories about what Lorna had showed me and the entire school. I crashed and slept till late afternoon. When I woke up, everyone was already gone. The Christmas vacation had officially begun, and I was the only student left at the Academy. Only a few professors had stayed, along with minimal staff. Or, so I thought…
* * *
I loved having the whole Academy to myself. Not that I intended to do much, but still. It felt nice to go exploring wherever I pleased without having to look over my shoulder every two minutes and try to anticipate what my bullies might be up to this time. Lorna had gone home with her parents, and so had Sariel, GC, and Francis. I’d thought Paz had done the same at first; after all, his mother had come to the Yule Ball. When I saw him sitting by himself in the library, my heart sank. Shit shit shit. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say? I wanted to apologize, but that would’ve meant confessing that it had been me who’d messed with Sariel’s scythe. No, I couldn’t apologize. Not out loud. I could say I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry over and over in my head, until, maybe, it worked, and my guilt was appeased.
“Hey, GC’s arm candy!”
“Don’t call me that!”
“GC’s girlfriend, then?” He grinned. He knew he was pissing me off. He was doing it on purpose.
“I’m not defined by whom I date.” I rolled my eyes.
“Aha! So, you two are dating. Like… it’s for real. You’re an item.” He patted the seat next to him. “I thought after last night, things would be different.”
I sat down. The gash on his cheek was red and swollen, but at least it wasn’t bleeding anymore. Sariel had gotten him good. No. I’d gotten him good.
“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be home for the holidays?”
“Oh, you haven’t heard? My father is disowning me.”
“What the fuck? Your father as in… Satan? Satan is disowning you?”
“Yeah. Because I broke the engagement. My sister was pissed. At least, now I know he’s always liked her better.” He laughed, but there wasn’t much joy in it.
“Crap. I’m sorry.”
“Whatever. It wasn’t like I was going to inherit the throne of Hell or anything. But now I do have to become a Grim Reape
r. It’s my only option. So, here I am, at the library, trying to figure out how to earn myself some more worth points.”
I looked at him as if he were the eighth wonder of the world. Pazuzu struggling to gain worth points? Since when was everything so completely and utterly upside down? Since I’d started dating GC? Since Sariel had made an ass of himself on stage? Since Paz had broken up with Pandora? For some reason, it suddenly felt like I had the upper hand, like I wasn’t the ostracized one anymore. And for some reason… it didn’t feel as great as I’d hoped it would feel.
“I better go.” I stood up to leave, but he grabbed me by the hand and pulled me back down. I resisted him. “I don’t want Patty to see us together.”
“Oh, Patty!” he laughed out loud. “Well, she isn’t here, is she? What business would she have at the library? She’s probably in the kitchen, baking some shepherd’s pie for dinner.”
“How do you know it’s shepherd’s pie?”
“It’s my favorite, and I asked her to make it.”
I pulled my hand free and made to walk away. “You’re a jerk. You’re just taking advantage of her, and I don’t know to what end, but it sucks. You suck. She really likes you, you know.”
“You really don’t know why I’m going out with her?”
I turned to face him, my hands curled into fists at my sides. The idiot! Patricia was my friend! My only friend in this wretched place filled with venomous snakes and lizards, where you never knew whom you could trust. Probably no one. Not even the boyfriend you were thinking could be your first lay.
“No, Paz, I don’t. Care to enlighten me?”
He closed the distance between us, his hand came to grab me by the back of my neck, his fingers entangling in my blue hair. He pulled slightly, and I winced, but didn’t fight him. I’d resisted him earlier when he’d taken me by the hand, but I couldn’t do it again. He was in a position of power and I… I liked it. I’m messed up in the head.