by Cara Wylde
“Because it was the only way to get your attention,” he hissed in my face, his lips so close to mine that if I rose on my tiptoes, we could have kissed. “Didn’t you hear me the first time? Didn’t you hear what I told you after Mabon? What I wanted to tell you, but you stopped me? I…”
“No!” I knew what he was about to say. Or, maybe I didn’t. Whatever it was, it was better not to hear it. Just like it was better for GC not to ask Lorna if she’d pulled a prank or not. It was easier not to know. Not yet. Not until I decided what I was going to do with the information if it proved to be exactly what I thought it was. “Stop this. You have to stop it. Date Patty if you like her and you’re happy together. But if it’s all fake, if it’s just a game to you, then leave her alone. She doesn’t deserve this shit.”
“Oh, look at you, all fair and noble. Maybe you did land in the wrong cabal, after all. Your name says Merciful, your attitude says Righteous.” He leaned in, and I could feel his delicious breath on my face. “You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”
This was getting out of hand. I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and tried to pull my hair free. It wasn’t fun anymore. It was getting dangerous. He only tightened his grip.
“What do you want?” I spat out.
“You know what I want.”
“I don’t.”
“You’re so stubborn. A kiss.”
“Is that it?”
“No, I want so much more. But a kiss will do. For now.”
I struggled and hit him in the chest with my free hand. He caught it and immobilized it as if it was nothing. Where was that damn librarian when I needed her?! Just when I was getting ready to scream, he pressed his lips to mine, and all that came out was a muffled sound of protest. He had me in a strong grip. He pulled at my hair when I tried to push him away, and once he felt me concede, he let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist, pressing me flush against him. He was hard. So hard. His cock rested on my belly, and I could swear I felt it throb when he pushed his tongue into my mouth. What was this urge I was feeling to rub myself against him and make him even harder? Rub myself against him until he’d cum in his pants? That would’ve been some sort of victory, because there was no way I could fight him now that he had me trapped, but maybe I could turn this on him. I melted, instead. I relaxed in his arms, and his fingers soon released my blue locks. We kissed for a few seconds longer, and when he finally pulled away, I was panting, my eyes still closed. What have I done?
He was cheating on Patty, but he was Paz. He cheated on everyone. I was cheating on GC, and I was Mila. This wasn’t me. It was as if a demon had entered my body and taken over the reins. Which wasn’t far from the truth. Pazuzu was a demon.
“This is wrong,” I mumbled. I looked up into his intense green eyes and touched my lips. “I have to go.”
I ran out of there before he could stop me. Where do I go? Minutes ago, I was so excited about spending my holiday at the Academy, with no one to bother me, and now… it had all changed in the blink of an eye. Or a touch of the lips. With Paz here, I would never have peace and quiet. He’d seek me out everywhere I went, try to get under my skin. He was already under my skin…
I ran to my room and locked myself in. If there was one place where he wouldn’t look for me, hopefully, it would be my room. I got into bed with my laptop and prayed I wouldn’t get hungry too soon. The last thing I wanted was to come across Patty today and explain to her why I’d just kissed her boyfriend. Because I didn’t think I could see my friend and not tell her the truth. I still considered her my friend, even if she didn’t.
I started binge-watching some new TV show with zombies and tried to take my mind off everything. Off Paz, off GC, and off the guilt that I’d, basically, just cheated on my boyfriend. My boyfriend who’d saved me from certain drowning, made my bullies stop pulling shit on me, and called me his normie goddess. He doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him. I pulled at my long wristbands. This was going to be one sucky winter vacation.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Paz had either figured out I liked to hang at the Holy Chapel on his own, or Francis had told him. Either way, the sacred place wasn’t sacred for me anymore. If I went to the dining room, he was there. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner soon turned into a hurdle. If I ate at the VDC table, Paz was there, and I’d have to keep him at a distance. I knew that Patty was probably watching us, or she’d asked her girlfriends from the kitchens to do it. If I wanted to eat with the staff, Patty would inevitably be there. At least, when I turned up. The fact that she walked out every time I walked in, made things even worse. A few days of this cat and mouse game, and I was almost sure Paz had told her everything just to turn her against me even more. What was he hoping to accomplish?
Moving on, if I went to the Holy Chapel, he was there, too. If I went to the library, he’d suddenly turn up working on some project for extra worth points. It was as if he’d had me tagged, so he could find me anywhere. Which I hoped wasn’t true. I realized I didn’t know much about demons’ abilities, so I checked out a book on demons and demonology from the library and made my way to the only place where I hoped I’d finally get some peace and alone time. The Unholy Chapel.
As expected, the Unholy Chapel was opposite from the Holy Chapel. Such a cliché. But at least it made sense, and at the moment, I was more than fine with things that made sense, even if they were clichés. Just like the Holy Chapel, this one had two access doors, too. One from inside the Academy, and the other one from the outside. I crossed the long hall separating the two entrances and I found myself deep in the forest. Interesting. So, the Holy Chapel opens toward the ocean, and the Unholy Chapel leads straight into the woods. Fitting. It was cold, the snow had covered the trees, the bushes, and the ground in a thick white pelt, and the sky was of a dark, sad gray. We hadn’t had much sun in days, and the gloomy weather was starting to get to me. I went inside, ready to explore the house of Satan.
The Unholy Chapel wasn’t much different from the Holy one in regard to structure and design. The walls and the ceiling were covered in paintings depicting scenes from the Old Testament, noticeably darker than the ones in the Holy Chapel. The Nine Circles of Hell, ugly devils torturing wretched souls… the usual. Instead of statues of saints, the niches in the walls were occupied by statues of demons with hybrid bodies. Furfur had the body of a hart and the wings of an angel. Adramelech had the face of a mule and the mighty tail of a peacock. I passed from one statue to the next, my awe growing with each step I took toward the front of the chapel. The art was incredible! There were no two demons alike. Each was unique in his own way. Candles burned at their feet, the light dancing on their marble and bronze faces, making them look almost alive. In front of the altar, I stopped to look up at the statue of the horned god, with his hooves crossed at the foot of his throne, his goat head held high, and his angel wings spread behind his back. Satan? No. This must be Baphomet, the son of Satan. Just like in the Holy Chapel, where God wasn’t depicted in any way, here the Anti-God wasn’t depicted, either. Their sons stood front and center. I wonder… If I ask Paz what his father looks like, will he tell me? Does he even know?
I stayed like that for a while, simply staring at Baphomet. Just like Jesus on the cross in the Holy Chapel, he seemed distant and indifferent. Lifeless. A statue and nothing more. Eventually, I shrugged and sat down. I felt just as welcome here as in the other place. I opened the book on demons and looked over the Table of Contents. The first two chapters were on the history of demonology and the most famous contributors, then the next chapters were divided into a couple of loose categories: demons of war, demons of gluttony, demons of lust – which was, basically, an entire chapter on incubi and succubi, – demons that brought plagues upon the world, demons that were patrons of various sciences, demons who possessed humans, and demons who possessed animals. It was far from an exhaustive treaty on demonology, and after I turned the book over a few times, I realized it was o
nly volume one in a collection of twelve volumes. Well, tough luck. I had no intention of studying demons more than it was necessary to give me a quick glimpse into who Pazuzu was and what he could do. I already knew he wasn’t the original Pazuzu, the Mesopotamian King of the Wind, Storms and Drought. But he had similar abilities, so what exactly did that mean? Aside from the mages, no one had really used their supernatural powers at the Academy. Okay, and aside from GC, who’d turned into a real golden calf and let me ride him to safety. But what about the other students? What about angels and archangels? They could fly, sure. And what else could they do? What about incubi and succubi? I knew they fed on sexual energy, and Kitty, at least, looked like an honest-to-God succubus who could have devoured men alive (metaphorically speaking?) if she felt like it. But Patricia was half-succubus, too, and she wasn’t scary at all, nor a bitch. I found the chapter on demons of lust and started reading. Two paragraphs in, and I heard the door open and close. I turned to see if Paz had found me here too, but it wasn’t him. It was Patty. And that was when I knew for sure that, among all the other things they could probably do, demons were, first and foremost, good with telepathy.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” I almost couldn’t believe she’d greeted me first. When she sat down next to me, I looked up at her curiously. “Is… everything all right?” If Paz had told her about the kiss, she had all the right to punch me right then and there. I wouldn’t have fought back.
She shrugged, instead. “I guess.”
We stayed in silence for a while. I felt like she wanted to tell me something but didn’t know how. I was happy to give her time. Just being in the presence of my only friend at the Academy felt comforting. It had been a while…
“I broke up with Paz.”
“What?! Why? When?” Too many questions, Mila. Keep it together!
“Last night. After…” she sighed deeply. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over, and I just wanted to let you know. I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry for pushing you away like I did. It was silly of me, and you were right.” She chuckled lightly. “We should have never fought over some guy.”
“But he isn’t just some guy.”
“He is. Was.”
“Not to you.”
“I’ll get over it. I liked him, he didn’t like me. I’m too smart to fool myself this will ever change. Anyway, he’s Pazuzu fucking Eremus, the son of Satan. He was engaged to Pandora and cheated on her all the time. He would have done it to me, too, sooner or later.”
My heart sank. I wanted to tell her so badly. I felt like I should have told her. It was only a kiss, though. Nothing more. Is it worth upsetting her about a kiss when we’re just about to be friends again? I swallowed hard.
“And… there’s one more thing, then I don’t want to talk about this ever again.” She turned to me and looked me in the eye. “If you want to be with him, I’m fine with it. No hard feelings.”
“Oh my God, Patty! I don’t want to be with Paz. I’m with GC. And we’re doing great! He’s so sweet, his parents like me… even after the clusterfuck at the Yule Ball…” My voice trailed. I still didn’t know what to think of it.
“Yes, I heard. What a bitch!” I involuntarily tensed, and she sensed me because she immediately added: “Lorna! Lorna was such a bitch.” I nodded. “Do you… Do you know if what she showed everyone was real?”
I shook my head. “It can’t be real. I know who my parents are. She either lied intentionally, or maybe she’s not as powerful as we all think she is, and she got everything mixed up. Either way, I just want to forget about it.”
Patty nodded, and we were silent for a while. On the one hand, just being with her was nice, but on the other hand, long moments of silence like this were uncommon between us.
“So, what are you reading?” She leaned over to take a look at my book.
“About all sorts of demons. I realized I know nothing about your abilities, and the worst part is that this is just volume one, and I’ve barely managed to grasp that you all seem to have unique powers. Or skills. I don’t even know what to call them.”
“You’re reading about succubi.”
“Yeah. I have a question.”
“Shoot.”
“This is just a feeling. I haven’t yet found anything in here to confirm it. But, is it true that you have some sort of telepathic abilities?”
She smiled, looking at me from behind those long, lush lashes of hers. “Good catch. Yeah, we do. The spawns of Hell are all telepaths to some extent. Now, that doesn’t mean we can read everyone’s thoughts. It’s more like we get glimpses of impressions and emotions. Not all the time. It depends on how open the person we want to make a connection with is, or how much we actually want to use our abilities. Knowing what someone feels and thinks, no filters, is not pleasant. I, for one, don’t like to prod people’s thoughts too often.”
“Wow! I knew it!”
“So, when I say that Pazuzu has feelings for you, you should believe me. And I know…”
She looked at me intensely, and my cheeks suddenly turned hot. I felt my palms starting to sweat on the book in my lap. Could I block her? But why would I? It wasn’t like I had anything to hide.
“We kissed,” I blurted out. “I mean, he kissed me. I didn’t want it. He grabbed me and…”
“You didn’t want it at first.”
I gulped. She was right. I didn’t initiate it, but when it happened, I enjoyed it. No! It had been more than that. I’d wanted more, I’d wanted it to last longer, and it had taken all my strength to push Paz away.
“I’m sorry. I meant to tell you.”
“You just told me.”
“No, before. Like… right after it happened.”
She smiled, and it broke my heart when I realized that her smile was genuine. “Mila, don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. We don’t choose who we fall in love with.”
“Who said anything about love?!”
She rolled her eyes. “I can sense your confusion, so okay, fair enough. You’re not in love with him, or you haven’t figured it out yet. But he is. In love with you.”
“No, he can’t be. I’m with GC.”
“That doesn’t change anything.”
“Well, it should. It will. I’m not available, and he’ll have to accept that.”
She shrugged, already bored with the conversation. “None of my business. I just told you what I know, because you’re my friend.”
I beamed at her. “We’re friends again?”
“We never stopped being friends. I was just… an ass for a while. Will you forgive me?”
“Oh my God, there’s nothing to forgive! I kissed the guy you like! If there’s anyone who should ask for forgiveness, it’s me.”
She took my hand and pulled me up. “Come on. I want to show you something.”
We went outside, in the cold winter air. The sun was setting, even though it wasn’t even five in the evening, and the gray clouds hovered over the forest and the Academy menacingly, holding the promise of a storm. Winter in Massachusetts was not something to be messed with. Accustomed to the mild winters of Kentucky, the cold and the storms that raged almost every night made me feel uncomfortable and slightly unsafe.
“What do you know about incubi and succubi?” Patty asked me.
I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm. “That you feed on sexual energy and you’re telepaths?”
“And what do you think we do with that energy we absorb from our partners?”
“I have no idea. It’s not like you don’t eat normal food like normal people. Maybe you don’t need it at all?”
She laughed. “We need it if we want to do this…” She knelt and touched a shrub with the tips of her fingers. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out evenly, and just as I was wondering whether I was supposed to see something and I didn’t, the shrub started blooming before my very eyes. “Sexual energy is life. It’
s magic and creativity. We need it if we want to be… well, creative.” She opened her eyes and looked at the shrub as if it were her baby.
I blinked and stepped closer, albeit reluctantly. I’d thought only mages could to something like that. As it turned greener and its buds opened one by one, the shrub turned out to be a beautiful wild rose with petals as red as blood.
“This is amazing! You can do magic!”
“Not really.” She stood up, and the moment the rose bush lost contact with her fingers, it started losing its color and shrinking back to its original wintery state. “It’s only temporary, and it’s not magic. It’s more like taking this creative energy that I absorb while… you know… I sleep with someone, and turning it into something else, something new. Something beautiful, that pleases the senses. Why do you think my cakes and cookies are to die for? Because I’m a succubus who’s passionate about baking, so I use all that energy in the kitchen. Lame, I know… I could have had a fancier hobby.”
“No! This is incredible!” I grabbed her by the shoulders and squeezed lightly to get my point across. “You should have told me earlier. Now I feel like… I haven’t known you at all, even though we’ve been friends for like… what? Four months? You’re just so beautiful, and special, and…” I didn’t know what was happening, and I certainly had no idea the next words would roll out of my mouth. “I wish I was more like you. You’re all demons, and angels, and gods, and fays… and things that I don’t even understand yet. I’m just… human. I can’t read minds, can’t make flowers bloom, can’t fly… can’t anything. I’m normal. And you’re not. Still, you work in the kitchens and I run around pretending I’m a Grim Reaper. It doesn’t sound fair to me. It should have all been the other way around.”
Patty looked at me for a long minute, as if she were unsure of how she should react. For a second, I thought she’d burst out laughing. She certainly had the impulse but smiled instead.