All I Ever Wanted

by Alexa Land

  “What does a rip cord have to do with surfing?”

  “Isn’t that the thing that tethers your ankle to the board?”

  I shook my head. “That’s a leash.”

  “I think rip cord is a way better name for it.”

  “But still.” I grinned at my roommate, then looked around at the beautiful interior and muttered, “Shit.”

  Cole sat down beside me and asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m in love with this house, but I know I can’t keep it.”

  “Why can’t you?”

  “Because I live in San Francisco, and there’s no place to put it.”

  Cole took my hand and said, “Sure there is. Hey, you know what? It would easily fit in a corner of the warehouse Skye and Dare are renting.”

  “But my brother needs that space to work. You know how big his sculptures are.”

  “Yeah, but that place is huge, and I’m sure Skye would gladly accommodate you.”

  “I don’t want to impose, though.”

  Cole brushed my hair from my eyes and said, “That was just one idea. If you want to keep the house, we’ll think of something.”

  I glanced at him, then looked at the polished wood floor and said, “Could I, um…talk to you in private for a minute?”

  “That’s our cue to give ‘em some space.” Quinn did a backflip out of the loft and landed effortlessly on his feet, then said, “Come on, romper brigade and Brian, let’s get to work building that bonfire, like we talked about.”

  As our friends started to leave the house, I said, “I didn’t mean to chase you guys off. I was just going to step outside with Cole for a minute.”

  Hunter paused in the doorway and smiled at us as he tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “No worries. You two take your time, and join us on the beach whenever you’re ready. There’s a big fire pit, and we bought stuff for s’mores. To hell with my diet this weekend.” He jumped out the door, and Quinn followed with a graceful ballet leap that probably had a name, but damned if I knew what it was. Ash and Brian followed at a more leisurely pace, and then Brian reached back inside for his cane and grinned at us before heading to the bungalow.

  I frowned and said, “I should have waited to talk to you. I feel bad for chasing everyone off.”

  “What do you want to talk about?”

  I watched him for a long moment, then said softly, “Do you think this house is big enough for two? Never mind that we live in the city and have no place to put it. Could you see yourself living here with me? I know we’ve only been going out a month and it’s stupid to be talking about this already, but….”

  “You can’t really say we’ve only been going out for a month. All that time we were together before the break-up still counts, so this conversation isn’t premature.”

  “Okay good, because I need to know what to do here. As soon as we get back to San Francisco, I’ll have to come up with a plan for this house. If you don’t think it’ll work for us long term, there’s not much point in trying to find a place to keep it.”

  “I think this house is a dream come true, and I can’t imagine anything better than living here with you and making it our home.” I smiled at him, and Cole added, “I also like the fact that your father built it, that gives it even more meaning. I know he can be a pain, but it’s obvious you two love each other.”

  “I do love him. He has his faults, but he’s a good guy. I gotta say though, I’m shocked he gave this to me. It wasn’t like I planned to collect on all that money I lent him. I only mentioned the possibility of setting up some kind of long-term repayment plan, and the next thing I knew, I was the owner of a tiny house!”

  “Let’s be honest, though. He benefitted, too. This not only wiped out his debt and his guilt over owing you so much money, it also did him a favor. This house was clearly in the way inside his warehouse, and he said he’d tried to sell it, but all his clients wanted custom-designed homes. Giving it to you was a win-win.”

  I thought about that and said, “You know, it makes more sense now. I was wondering what the hell he was thinking.” Cole settled back against the comfortable, built-in couch, and I snuggled against him and looked around us. The setting sun filled the house with a warm, orange glow, and I said, “Are you sure about living here, though? I mean, I love this house, but I don’t want it if it’ll cause problems between us.”

  “Why would it cause problems?”

  “Because there’s absolutely no privacy, except in the bathroom. It’s the only room that even has walls. Aren’t you going to get sick of me with this much together-time?”

  “We were basically together twenty-four/seven before.”

  “Yeah, and we broke up.”

  Cole rested his head against mine and said, “That’s not why our relationship ran into problems. I always loved spending time with you. Although really, we won’t be doing that very much when we get back to the city, even after we move in together.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re going to be at the restaurant about seventy hours a week.”

  “You know what’s weird? I hadn’t given that place a single thought in more than twenty-four hours.”

  “Really? I thought it was constantly on your mind.”

  “It used to be, but these last few days, it just didn’t matter. Only you did.” I thought about that as we watched the sunset through the big window beside the door, and after a couple minutes, I sat up and murmured, “I’m making a huge mistake.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I always thought my dream job was to run a restaurant. But you know what? I love being a caterer! I always took it for granted and thought of it just as something to do ‘for now’, until I managed to make my dream a reality. But it’s actually the perfect job. I get to cook, and come up with new recipes, and I don’t have to answer to anyone. I won’t get rich at it, but that was never the goal. I get to do something I love and make enough to live on while still having plenty of time for the rest of my life. It’d be crazy to give that up!”

  “You have a point.”

  “The restaurant is going to totally consume me, and I don’t want that, Cole. Trevor did the right thing when he quit that job to spend more time with his family. But what should I do? Dante’s been incredibly kind and generous, and I can’t throw the job back at him with a thanks but no thanks! I can’t just abandon him, either. His chef is leaving the country at the end of next month, and Dante expects me to step in!”

  Cole turned my face toward his with a gentle hand on my cheek. “We both know you’re not just going to abandon Dante. There’s still plenty of time to hire a qualified chef to fill Remmy’s position and implement all the work you’ve done on the new menu. Meanwhile, if Dante wants you to, you could easily keep working on recipe development and menu planning while still running your catering business. You’d basically just be switching hats from chef to consultant.”

  I searched his handsome face and asked, “How do you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “Fix all my problems so effortlessly.”

  “It’s always easy to figure out what to do when it’s someone else’s life. My own? Not so much.”

  I leaned back against the couch and said, “We need to do for you what you just did for me. Take a turn in the career counseling seat, and let’s see what we can come up with for you.”

  “Actually, as far as work goes, I already know what I want. I’d love to go back to working with you in the catering business, now that I know you’re not planning to give it up. Jamie and Dmitri are great guys, but I’m so over waiting tables in their restaurant. I’m over waiting tables anywhere, after all those years.”

  “God, I’d love that. Are you sure that’s what you want to do, though? Cooking’s always been my passion, but I know it’s not yours.”

  “I loved that job. But I know Trevor’s back onboard, so if there isn’t enough work for all three of us, it’s okay. I can keep doing wh
at I’m doing.”

  “I have a little money tucked away. We can use it for advertising, and once we do that, I’m sure there’ll be plenty of work to go around.”

  It felt so good to see him smile. “Thanks for letting me come back, River.”

  “I’m the one who should be thanking you. Getting to work with you again makes me so happy.” Cole kissed me, and I cupped his cheek and said, “You know, in the last few minutes, we decided to live in this tiny house and go back to working together. Wow, are you ever going to get sick of me.”

  “Not possible.”

  “You sure?”

  “I’m positive. You might get tired of seeing me all the time, though.”

  “No chance. I can’t get enough of you, Cole.” He kissed me again, and then I told him, “Even though we’re making all these plans, I haven’t forgotten what we said about taking this slowly. I’m not expecting you to move in with me as soon as we return to the city. I’ll find a place to set up our house, and whenever you’re ready, whether that’s in six months, or a year, or whatever, it’ll be waiting for us.”

  “We don’t need six months or a year. We’re ready now, River.”

  I looked in his eyes and said, “But you were so afraid of getting hurt again. We both were. That’s why we weren’t going to rush into anything. That, and we needed time to learn from our mistakes and figure out how to avoid screwing everything up this time.”

  “You’re not going to hurt me, River. You’re just not. I know that for a fact.”

  “Never intentionally,” I said softly. “But we made a lot of mistakes, and I know you’re scared it’ll all fall apart again, just like last time.”

  “It won’t. Maybe it took being apart to gain some perspective, but it’s all so clear to me now. It was too easy the first time. We ended up taking our relationship and each other for granted. But we’re not going to do that again, now that we know what can happen.”

  “You’re right about that, but we still have a lot to learn.”

  Cole swung his leg around and straddled my lap. When he smiled at me, he was so beautiful that it made my heart stutter. “We do,” he said, “but that can be the relationship equivalent of on-the-job training. When issues come up, we’ll deal with them together, one by one. I know we’ll make mistakes and hit rough patches, because we’re only human. But I’m totally committed to making this work, River.”

  I said, “Even though I’m totally onboard with all of that, I can’t help but think this isn’t the time to be making major life decisions.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you just lost your Gram and made it through a couple hellish days in a place you never thought you’d revisit, and all of that must have left you reeling.”

  Cole rested his forehead against mine. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing Gram so suddenly, just like I never got over losing my dad. But don’t you see? When you suffer a loss like that, it puts everything into perspective. It’s a huge, brutal reminder that life is way too short, and we can’t take even a single day for granted. I already wasted a whole year apart from you, and I’m not willing to waste another minute. You and I belong together, today, and tomorrow, and every single day we’re blessed with after that.”

  I murmured, “God, I love you.”

  “You’re the love of my life, River, and I absolutely adore you. You know what? I don’t tell you that enough. I should be shouting it from the rooftops. In fact, I’m going to.”

  Cole leapt up and rushed to the open door, and I grinned and followed him. He stuck his head out and looked around, and then he hoisted himself up by grabbing onto the edge of the roof. Meanwhile, I climbed out of the house and off the trailer, and stepped back so I could see what he was up to.

  He stood at the highest point of the pitched roof and cupped his hands around his mouth, and then he yelled, “Everyone in the world, can I have your attention, please! I want you all to know I adore River Flynn-Hernandez! He’s the kindest, most beautiful, and most loving person I’ve ever met, and he deserves to hear how special he is, every single day of his life!”

  I laughed embarrassedly as the color rose in my cheeks, and our friends appeared around the side of the bungalow and cheered and clapped. Then I yelled, “I love you too, Cole, more than anything. Now please come down from there before you fall off the roof!”

  “I’ll come down in a minute. There’s something I have to do first.” He pulled out the tiny pocketknife he kept on his keychain and crouched down, and then he quickly scratched something into the decorative beam that spanned the peak of the roof.

  I called, “What are you doing?”

  He straightened up and tucked the knife back in his pocket as he yelled, “I carved R + C into this beam and drew a heart around it. I figured our home needed a bit of personalization.”

  “I love the sound of that, our home.”

  He smiled at me and yelled, “I’m gonna marry you, River. I won’t ask you today, because you probably think I’ve come unhinged and won’t take me seriously. But I need you to know it’s going to happen. I want to spend my life with you in this perfect, tiny house, and I want to surf with you, and go to work with you, and climb in bed with you and hold you every night. I want to breathe you in, and feel your skin under my fingertips, and make love to you, and I really want to get off this fucking roof right now, so I can kiss you.”

  Cole started to jog down the sloping shingles. But in his hurry, he lost his footing and tumbled over the roof’s edge. My heart leapt, and I lunged forward.

  In the next instant, I caught him in my arms. He looked dazed for a moment, but then he smiled up at me and said, “My hero.”

  I kissed him gently, and then I told him, “That was the sweetest thing ever, but promise me, no more rooftop proclamations. I almost had a heart attack.”

  “Well, then I guess I’ll just have to buy a bullhorn and yell out the window.”

  When I put Cole down, he pulled me to him and kissed me again, so tenderly. And when he leaned back a couple inches to look at me, I said, “Spoiler alert: I’m going to say yes when you ask me to marry you.” His smile lit up his dark eyes.

  Off in the distance, Hunter chuckled and said, “Come on, let’s give those two lovebirds some privacy.”

  Cole traced my lower lip with his fingertip and said, “Will you go for a walk with me? I need a little time with just you, before we join our friends.”

  “I’d love to.”

  “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” He climbed back into the house and jumped out a minute later with the navy blue blanket that had been covering the queen-size bed. He tucked it under his arm and took my hand, and we circled around the bungalow, where we found our friends trying and failing to light a huge stack of driftwood in the fire pit. We told them we’d be back soon, and then we left our sandals beside a couple folding chairs and headed south, down the beach.

  Since that particular stretch of the coast was accessible only by cutting through private property, it was pretty deserted, aside from a couple locals out walking their dogs. But they were headed in the opposite direction, and pretty soon, we found we had the beach to ourselves. Huge, dark boulders dotted the shore, and to our left, the land sloped up gradually, as low dunes gave way to a steep cliff. A few houses lined the top of the cliff, but it still felt an awful lot like the beach belonged just to us.

  I assessed the waves automatically in the purple twilight. As I took a deep breath of clean, cool, sea air and enjoyed the feel of the foamy surf as it washed over our feet, Cole said, “You’re happy to be home, aren’t you?”

  Even though we were actually several hundred miles north of San Francisco, I knew exactly what he meant. “It feels fantastic to be back at the beach, like I’m exactly where I belong. Do you have a place like that?” Cole nodded, and I asked, “Where is it?”

  He grinned at me and squeezed my hand. “I’ll answer that a little later.”

  After a few minutes, we spotted
an opening in the rocky cliff face and decided to check it out. It was shaped like an upside-down V, and it was maybe twenty feet deep and a dozen feet wide at its base. But when I looked up, the little cave seemed to go on forever, growing narrower and narrower until it vanished into darkness.

  He spread the blanket on the sand and knelt down on it, and when I dropped to my knees in front of him, he pulled me into his arms. His kiss was slow and deep, and his fingertips played across my cheeks and jaw. After a moment, I pulled off my T-shirt and his, and then I ran my hands down his back as he licked my earlobe. It was so quiet in that little cave. The only sounds were the steady thrum of waves in the distance and Cole’s breath on my ear. He brushed his cheek against mine, and I ran my hand over his chest and felt his heart racing.

  Cole lowered me onto the blanket and stripped us both, and then he explored my body with his tongue and lips and fingers. He drove me wild. I writhed under his touch, and when he took my cock in his mouth, I moaned and tangled my fingers in his hair. In the fading light, I could just barely see him as he looked up at me and slid his lips down my shaft. Love and lust overwhelmed me.

  He edged me for several minutes as the darkness around us became absolute, bringing me to the brink of orgasm before easing me down again. Since I couldn’t see him, or anything at all, it seemed as though my other senses kicked into high gear. I listened to his breathing and the wet sound of his mouth on my cock as I stroked his hair and felt the warmth of him between my thighs. He ran his palm up my body, and when he found one of my nipples, he circled it with a fingertip until it was hard. It sent ripples of pleasure through me, and I whispered, “Oh fuck,” as my cock twitched between his lips.

  When he sat up, I blurted, “No, come back!” I felt him moving around, and a moment later, he was illuminated by the soft blue glow of his phone screen.

  He was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. A light sheen of sweat made his skin look like satin, and his hair was tousled into a wild, glorious mane. He gave me a playful half-smile as he knelt between my legs, and I murmured, “My God, you’re beautiful.”