by Juanita Kees
Fen pulled off the plastic seal around the top of the juice bottle and called out, ‘Hey, Liam. My name is Fen. Your dad asked me to bring you an apple juice.’
Silence met her call and her heart took a little dip. Another quick look around showed all the gates surrounding the play area were closed.
‘Liam?’ She edged closer to the play equipment, searching the windows of a yellow cubby, the clear panel on the red tunnel that housed the interactive play boards, and the green platform with the periscope and pirate flag.
A little sniffle reached her ears from the tunnel that covered the slide. She leaned over to look inside. At the top of the slide, a little boy sat crouched over with his knees hugged to his chest and his head resting on a grubby-looking stuffed toy.
‘Are you okay up there, mate?’
A mop of brown curls shivered as the little boy shook his head. A soft sob escaped his chest and he buried his face deeper into the stuffed toy.
‘Okay, so your dad asked me to bring you a drink while he and my mum go and look at the cottage where you’ll be staying.’ Where was Diane? Why wasn’t she here to take care of her son? ‘Do you think you’d like to live here?’
Breath-stealing sobs echoed down the tunnel. Fen sat down on the edge of the slide. ‘Why don’t you come down and tell me what’s making you sad? Maybe I can help.’ The boy’s heart-breaking sobs made her eyes sting with tears and her throat clog up. Fen patted the space next to her. ‘If you come down, I’ll make you a special drink. It’s one of my favourites. Do you like lizards?’
At the top of the slide, Liam sucked in a breath and let it out on a word. ‘Dunno.’
She’d kill for curls like his. Rich brown hair touched with caramel, just like his dad’s. Did he have Diane’s eyes?
‘I like lizards. A lot. How about I make you a special drink called the Grumpy Lizard and you tell me if you like it or not? It comes with a lizard straw. The lizard’s feet hook over the side of the cup. I’ll let you keep it when you’re done. Would you like that?’
Liam stretched out his legs, a teary look in his eyes the exact same shade as Kieran’s. He eased forward on the slide and moved down it inch by slow inch, using his boots as a brake. Fen waited until he reached her side and his feet reached the soft-fall next to hers. She held out the apple juice, but he didn’t take it.
‘Want to tell me what those tears are for?’
Liam twisted the ear of a worn stuffed sheep and his mouth formed a pout. ‘I don’t want to live here.’
‘Why not? We have lambs like the one you’re holding. Real live ones. Down in the paddock near the river.’
‘But I want to live where my mummy is.’
Fenella’s heart skipped a beat. Had Kieran and Diane separated? ‘Okay. And where is that, mate?’
Tears slid down his cheeks. ‘She’s an angel.’
* * *
Up at the cottage, Liv held out her hand and Kieran shook it. ‘We have a deal.’ He and Liam needed this. A clean break, a new start.
‘It’s going to be a challenge, Kieran. I can’t promise you any different. Luke Sampson left this place in a mess and it’s going to take some time to recover from it.’ Her smile faded. ‘Muzz will be turning in his grave knowing what that man did to us.’
Kieran shifted on his feet. He still couldn’t believe Muzz was gone. A man larger than life with the patience of a saint and an infectious belly laugh. A man who could fix anything from heavy machinery to electronics, even teenage kids with attitude. ‘I’m sorry, Liv. I’ll do my best to turn it around for you.’
‘I have complete faith in you. Fen blames herself for what happened. I’ve tried so hard to help her understand that it wasn’t anyone’s fault except that scoundrel Luke’s.’ Liv put her arm through his and they strolled back through the vines to the cellar door. ‘Will Diane come over once you’ve settled in?’
And there it was, the question he’d known he wouldn’t be able to avoid. The failure he preferred not to think about without a glass of something in his hand to make him forget. Kieran pushed open the gate leading into the gardens outside the cellar building. ‘It’s just Liam and I now. Diane passed away twelve months ago.’
‘Oh, Kieran, I’m so sorry to hear that.’ She squeezed his arm.
He let out a breath against the tightness in his chest. He’d never get over hearing those awful words that had echoed through the hospital corridors that day. She’s gone, mate, sorry. We did what we could to save her.
‘Thanks, Liv.’
The sound of crying reached his ears as they made their way into the play area. Kieran’s heart tripped. He knew that cry well. He’d heard it so many times over the last twelve months. Had spent many a night holding back his own fears and doubts while he tried to still it. If only Liam hadn’t been in the car with Diane that day then the nightmares that haunted his dreams, and sometimes his waking hours, wouldn’t keep resurfacing. If only Kieran had paid closer attention to his wife.
‘Oh dear,’ Liv whispered. ‘He sounds heartbroken.’
‘Excuse me for a moment, Liv?’
‘Of course, go to him.’
He hurried into the play area, fighting the ache in his chest that tried to slow his steps. Fen sat on the edge of the slide with Liam gathered in her lap, her arms around him, a glimmer of tears on her cheeks. He understood how she felt hearing those cries. Helpless, useless, powerless. Because he could never give Liam what his son needed most. His mother.
He knelt next to them and brushed a hand over his son’s hair. ‘Hey, mate. What’s up?’
Liam stuck his thumb in his mouth and reached for Kieran with his other hand. As Fen’s arms dropped away, he gathered his son to his chest and stood. Liam cuddled into him, his damp face buried against Kieran’s neck.
‘I’m so sorry. I had no idea,’ Fen whispered.
He heard the regret in her voice and tried to keep the pain from his own. ‘It’s okay.’ Except it wasn’t. It might never be okay again. Not for Liam. ‘It’s been a long day for you, hasn’t it, mate?’ Kieran turned to Liv. ‘Will it be alright if I swing by and sign the contract tomorrow?’
‘Of course, love.’
‘Thank you.’ He turned back to Fen. ‘Thank you for taking care of him. I appreciate it.’
‘No problem.’ She hugged her arms under her breasts, her eyes full of conflict and sadness.
He knew the thoughts that would be churning through her mind. He’d once been close enough to her to know her deepest, darkest secrets. Fen would be remembering what it was like to be abandoned, unwanted, unloved. To lose a mother the way he’d lost a father. To be adrift in a cold, hard world until they’d found peace and a home in the hearts of Wongan Creek.
Here, Liam could be with him out amongst the vineyards, away from the sad memories, and he’d have new people around him. As much as he owed the Vincents for giving him a chance in life, their grief at losing their daughter consumed them to the point where they no longer had a place in their hearts for Liam. Or him.
‘Why don’t you stay here tonight, Kieran?’ Liv’s suggestion fell into the silence that had settled awkwardly between them. ‘Go into town and collect your things. Liam might feel better if he’s settled sooner rather than later.’
No point delaying things further. It wasn’t as if they had anything to keep them in town. All they’d brought with them from Sydney were clothes and toys. Everything else had been put into storage until he or the Vincents could deal with the sad memories and pain of parting with Diane’s possessions.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course.’ Liv patted his arm. ‘We’ll be ready for you when you come back. Take a couple of days to settle in. We have a wedding to cater for on Saturday, so we’ll be busy all day. On Sunday we have breakfasts, lunches and tasting tours all booked. You can sit back and see what we do to get through the winter season before we put you to work on the clean-up in the vineyard.’
Fen stood and dusted off the seat
of her denims. ‘Will Liam be okay?’
The concern in her voice touched his heart. It had been a long time since Fen was a foster kid, but she’d understand the fears that went with strange places and people. ‘He has a few favourite things he’s brought over with him. I’ll bring them over.’
‘We’ll make the transition as easy as possible for him.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘Okay, I’d better go and clean up. Those glasses won’t wash themselves.’ Fen brushed against him as she leaned over to pat Liam’s back. ‘See you later, mate. I’ll save that Grumpy Lizard for when you come back.’
Liam’s head moved under Kieran’s chin as he looked at Fen and nodded. ‘K.’
The single sound drifted out quietly from his son’s lips and warmed some of the ice that gripped Kieran’s soul. Liam was at least responding. It was more than he could ever have hoped for so soon. Perhaps in Fen his son had found a kindred spirit, a loner just like him.
Kieran tried to inject a lighter note into his voice he didn’t feel and let a glimmer of hope warm him. Maybe coming home to Wongan Creek was a good idea after all. ‘Right, we’ll see you later then.’
Liv walked him out to the car and waited as he strapped Liam into his booster seat. Stepping back, he closed the door and looked out across the valley where rows and rows of vine leaves had turned brilliant shades of autumn colours. The quiet, peaceful view eased some of the tension from his shoulders. Across the creek, the Whispering Hills rose to meet the sky, as beautiful as he remembered them. He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed them. So different from Sydney and the Blue Mountains, yet no less beautiful. If only Diane had loved Wongan Creek the way he did.
‘It takes a while, love.’ Liv’s touch was soft on his sleeve. ‘But time will heal the hurt and ease the loss.’
He shook his head slowly, hands on his hips as he watched an eagle soar over the ridge. If Liv only knew the full story … It would take more than time to heal, especially for Liam. But the less people knew about the way Diane died, the better. No matter what she’d done, he had to look after his son’s interests first. Liam was his focus now.
‘I hope so, Liv.’ Because second chances and forgiveness were damn hard to earn.
Chapter 2
Fen retrieved a Cranky Lizard plastic drinking cup and set it aside for Liam, along with a lizard straw for him to use. His tears had shaken her, but his words had broken her heart.
The screen door opened, and a crowd of guests filled the space around the bar as the rear lights of Kieran’s rental car disappeared up the drive. He’d be back, and her heart shouldn’t be bunny-hopping the way it was. They weren’t friends anymore, they were strangers. Gone were the two street kids who’d found friendship and trust in each other, cast into the unknown in a strange town. They’d lived, loved and lost, and now there was a desert and a decade between them. Yet somehow knowing Kieran was home again took the edge off the mess with Luke.
‘Turn up the wattage on that smile, sweetheart. You’re scaring the customers with the frown.’ Liv gave her a little nudge. ‘You take the shots, I’ll take the wine-tasting.’
Fen grinned and assessed the audience as she twirled a bottle of butterscotch-flavoured liqueur before putting it down on the bar. ‘G’day, folks, and welcome to The Cranky Lizard. Ten bucks gives you five shots and another ten gives you a sneak peek at some mixes to play with when you take home a few Lizards today. Who’s first?’
The hour-long session flew by with a responsive audience. This was what she loved best—the interaction, the appreciation on the faces and lips of the tasters and knowing that what they produced was high quality they could be proud of. Luke might have stolen money from them, but that’s all she’d let him take. The group walked out the door loaded up with cases of wine and spirits, and Liv’s smile grew with every sale. Liv’s happiness was all that counted.
As the bus pulled out, Fen delivered a double-handed high five against her mum’s. ‘Go you!’
‘Team effort.’ Liv hugged her tightly. ‘We’ll fix this, darling. You know we will.’
‘I know, Mum. I only wish I’d been paying closer attention to what Luke was up to.’ She ran a hand across the wood of the bar counter in a place that held her happiest memories. ‘I almost lost you everything.’
‘Stop that now. You had your hands full with the renovations. Painters, builders, decorators. You couldn’t be everywhere. And Luke had me fooled too. I trusted him as much as you did. He seemed like such a nice guy.’ Liv cleared the glasses and began washing them out. ‘How do you feel about Kieran taking the job?’
‘I have faith he’ll get us back to where we need to be.’
‘And maybe rekindle that friendship again?’
‘Don’t you go getting any ideas.’ Fen shook her finger at Liv. ‘I’m not in the market for romance after what Luke did, and Kieran—’
Kieran had to be heartbroken over Diane. He’d loved her so much. Fen pushed away the stab of pain. He’d never love her the same way. She’d always be the girl he’d shared a ride with in the back of Martha Wallace’s car, the mate who’d had his back through the adjustment period in their new foster homes. It had to be enough. They could only ever be friends. Anything else would change that bond between them in a way they could never mend again if things didn’t work out.
‘Little Liam is cute.’
‘So are kittens.’ Fen tossed a damp tea towel into the laundry basket under the bar counter. ‘You want romance, I could always organise you a date with Harry Murchison.’
Liv laughed. ‘Harry wouldn’t remember we had a date. I’d be lucky if he remembered who I was. Poor soul, his Alzheimer’s is getting worse. Still, he’s such a character. Heather and Travis have their hands full taking care of him, but they love it. I think little Casey will be good for Liam.’
‘You’re packaging again, Liv. Heather and Travis. Casey and Liam. Kieran and I can’t be a package.’
‘Can’t you, love? You and Kieran were close once.’
Until Diane. ‘We were lost kids with dubious pasts and doubtful futures, but all that changed thanks to you.’ She kissed her mum’s cheek.
‘All I did was love you. You were easy to love, even when you were fighting it. So sad about Diane.’ Liv shook her head. ‘So young. She had so much talent too. Such a good artist.’
‘I remember seeing her art on the walls at the library. I hope they were happy together.’
Liv sighed. ‘He broke your heart when he moved away. Have you forgiven him for that?’
‘It was a long time ago, Mum.’ Forgiveness hadn’t been easy, acceptance even harder, but Kieran had loved Diane and Fen hadn’t been able to deny him that happiness. Even when it meant giving up the boy she’d loved with all her heart. ‘Can you finish up here while I go up to the cottage to make the beds?’
Liv turned to hug her. ‘Of course, sweetheart, thank you. Look in the storeroom to see if you can find a few things that will make young Liam’s room more welcoming.’
‘Will do.’ A room could feel so cold and unwelcoming to a child. Very often that room never grew warmer or more comfortable. Fen knew that better than most. She smiled and hugged her mum back. ‘Thanks.’
When she’d come to Muzz and Liv’s, they’d had love in abundance to give away. Fen had tested their patience as a sullen, rebellious teenager, yet not once had they ever given up on her. Not even when screams had haunted her dreams at night and echoed off the walls of the house. Nor when the demons that haunted her memories tried to surface, but flitted out of reach again, denying her mind the healing it needed.
She’d lost count of the foster homes she’d been forced to leave, the names she’d been called—devil child, manic depressive, unstable—when all she’d wanted was someone to understand her, to silence the voices that kept her from sleep. And the doctors who’d prodded and probed her mind, only to label her behaviour a result of the circumstances that had made her an orphan. Repressed memories that remained trapped in the corr
idors of her mind, locked behind doors she couldn’t open.
Fen made her way to the storeroom where they kept all things lost and found. She picked her way through perfumes, wine bottles and a collection of souvenirs until she struck gold with a couple of boxes of building blocks from back when wizards and magic were a thing, a puzzle with cartoon sheep on it and a bundle of books written by a local children’s author for Liam’s age group. She dropped her treasure into a wicker picnic basket she found on the bottom shelf next to a bedside lamp.
The lamp. A smile touched her lips. God, she’d forgotten about it. A wooden base with a hand-painted shade full of crawling lizards. Her smile grew wider even as her chest tightened with the memory.
She and Liv had painted it together a long while after Fen had destroyed the original shade. In a fit of frustration when she’d been angry at the world, she’d hurled it across the room. Liv hadn’t even flinched. Instead, she’d picked up the lamp, removed the twisted metal, material-covered frame and tucked the base under her arm.
‘We can fix this or we can throw it away, Fenella,’ she’d said in that quiet, patient tone that reached inside Fen’s heart every time whether she’d wanted it to or not.
‘I hate this place. I want to go back to the city.’
‘To what, love?’
To what? To an endless roll call of foster families, some of whom cared and some who didn’t about a child who curled up in a corner and sliced at her wrists. To a phantom father whose name was taboo. To the place where her drug-addicted mother had died in a room off the dark and dingy corridors of a gentlemen’s club, where most of the members were far from deserving of the title. Back to the streets of Perth, where she’d end up exactly like Antoinette. So, she’d stayed, and Liv had taught her all about the resilience of lizards then they’d made the new lampshade.