The Boyfriend Plan

by J. S. Cooper

  “Maggie, get off the phone and pack. If you have time, maybe drop by the mall.”

  Gayle didn’t even get to finish what she was saying before I hung up. Aha, I thought to myself. I’m going to go to the mall. I would pop into Victoria’s Secret and get some new bras and negligees and then hurry back home to pack. Blake was going to pick me up in two and a half hours, so I knew I had to be back in about an hour. I grabbed my iPad and my purse and rushed out the door.

  “So, I’ll take the red and the black. Ooh, and the bustier.”

  “What about the crotchless panties, miss? Do you still want them?” The salesgirl beamed at me. I could tell the commission was adding up in her head, and I was about to make her very rich. At least my MasterCard was, if it got approved.

  “Um, do you think they’re too slutty?” I whispered to her, not wanting the elderly women behind me to hear.

  “No, ma’am. I think your husband will appreciate them.”

  “I’m not married. Well, yet.” I beamed. Who knew what was next in my relationship with Blake. “I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if he proposed to me in Paris. How fantastic would that be?”

  “That would be wonderful,” the salesgirl gushed at me.

  I beamed at her while wondering if I had time to pop into a jewelry store. My phone interrupted my thoughts. “Maggie, I’m on my way to pick you up.” Blake’s voice was on the other end of the phone.

  “What?” I screeched.

  “I’m on my way to pick you up for the airport,” Blake drawled into my ear. I looked down and my watch and almost fainted. I was late.

  “Oh, uh. I went to Starbucks to write. I’ll meet you at the airport.”

  “Are you sure?” Blake sounded concerned.

  “Yeah, uh. I’m going to catch a cab now.” I hung up the phone quickly. “I have to go, that was my, uh, boyfriend. I’ll take everything.” I grabbed my credit card from my wallet. “Do you sell suitcases?” I asked hopefully.

  “No, ma’am.” The girl looked at me, worried. I bet she thought I was going to cancel my order after spending the last two hours with me.

  “Miss, there’s a luggage store just by the food court.” The elderly ladies beamed at me.

  “Thanks.” I smiled at them and winced at my 450 dollar bill. Blake had better appreciate my new underwear. I rushed to the luggage store and bought a new suitcase and stuffed my new underwear into it. I drove to the airport and sighed as I parked and saw the daily charges. I was going to owe a fortune when I got back.

  I checked in my luggage and called Blake. “I’m here. Where are you?”

  “I’m at the Applebee’s by the gate. I’ll order you a drink.”

  “Yay. Thanks.” I released my breath and exhaled. I had made it to the airport on time, had my sexy underwear, and all was good. I’d worry about a change of clothes once I got to London.

  “Hey, Maggie Moo-moo.” Blake stood up and greeted me with a kiss, and I kissed him back enthusiastically. “Whoa, slow down, Tiger.”

  “I missed you.” I grinned at him. I didn’t bother telling him that I was also trying to get him in the mood for some mile high nooky. I couldn’t imagine what my friends would say if I told them our first time was on a plane. That would be epic for sure.

  “I’m glad you made it on time. I was starting to worry about you.” He looked at me curiously. “Did you get a lot of writing done?”

  “Huh?” I looked at him in confusion before I remembered my lie. “Oh, yeah, yeah. Lots of good stuff. Indeed, very good stuff.”

  He laughed and had a sip of his coffee. “I’m sure you did, my dear.” I could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t believe a word I was saying. “By the way, I told Chad we would call him when we landed in London.”

  “Oh okay, cool.” I felt guilty because I hadn’t even bothered to tell anyone in my family that I was going anywhere. Oh well, that’s why it was so great to date someone like Blake.

  “We need to talk about the work you will be doing on the trip, Mags.”

  “I thought you told me you didn’t need me to act as a secretary?” I pouted at him.

  “I’m talking about your writing – or do you not consider that work?” He looked at me quizzically, and I knew it wasn’t the time to tell him of my dreams of being a kept woman.

  “Oh, well of course I’ll be writing. At Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Harrods. Ooh, the places are endless.” I beamed at him, truly excited to visit the country I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl watching ‘Fawlty Towers.’ “Can we go into the countryside as well? I really want to visit Buckinghamshire.”

  “Sure. We can go up one weekend.” He smiled at me, bemused. “Seems like I am really going to be boyfriend of the year if I keep this up.”

  “Whatever.” I smacked his arm, but inside I was beaming and singing. He called himself my boyfriend, he called himself my boyfriend. I knew that mentally I was reverting back to a 16-year-old, but I was just so excited to be dating a guy as handsome and funny as he was.

  “Are you sure you want to smack the arm of the man who got you your first first-class ticket?”

  “Oh, my God, what!” I jumped up squealing and gave Blake a hug. “I cannot believe I’m traveling first class!”

  “Well, let’s go walk to the gate before the plane leaves without us, Maggie.”

  “Okay.” I beamed at him, already wondering what movies they were going to have available on the plane. I hoped they had that new Bradley Cooper movie, ‘The Words.’ That would just make my day.

  “I hope you have your iPad in your hand luggage, Maggie. I’d like to hear some of your book and maybe you can create an outline for the rest of the book so you can finish it while we’re in London.”

  “Uh, yeah, sure.” I blinked at him. What was he on? Did he really think I was going to work on the plane instead of watching movies and enjoying free booze? Didn’t he want to join the mile-high club with me?

  5

  Dear Diary,

  Why is it that white lies are soo easy to tell? You would think that I would have written about ten books by now with all the different stories I have up in my head. I wrote a bit of my book on my iPad (do you know how hard it is to write on those things?), and then when I realized Blake had fallen asleep, I got into a conversation with a girl and her mom who were sitting across the aisle from me. And let’s just say, they think I’m a famous actress. Who knew the Brits were so gullible?

  I was so excited to get on the plane. I had never been in first class before. The seats were wider and softer than I had ever seen. They reminded me of La-Z-Boy recliners, and I felt like I was in heaven. The best part was the free champagne the airhostess brought us as soon as we sat down. We didn’t even have to wait for lift-off. I could definitely get used to this lifestyle.

  “Are you sure you want another glass of champagne already, Maggie?” Blake looked at me in concern, and I wanted to roll my eyes. He really had become infuriating since we started dating.

  “If it’s free, then I’m saying yes.” I gave him a winning smile. He should be thankful that I was getting drunk on the airline’s dime and not his.

  “Just because something is free doesn’t mean you have to take it, Maggie.” He frowned at me. “Are you going to be able to concentrate on your book if you’re drunk?”

  “A glass of champagne is not going to make me drunk.” I giggled as I hiccupped, and I knew Blake was not impressed. But really, he needed to loosen up. He was fast becoming a terrible bore; not the fun and caring man I had fallen for.

  “If you say so, Maggie.” He took out his copy of the NY Times and proceeded to ignore me. I stuck my tongue out at him and sighed. I hated feeling like I was being a disappointment to people.

  “Alcohol actually helps me to concentrate even better,” I lied to Blake. “I think it has something to do with the tannins. They, uh, electrify my brain and provide protons to make me think better. You know, cognitive functions at work.” I tried t
o look at him with a knowing look on my face.

  “Oh, Maggie, what am I going to do with you?” Blake burst out laughing. “And how did I get through law school without you?”

  “I don’t know, Blake.” I frowned at him. For some reason, I had a feeling I was the butt of the joke and not the provider of a great comedic experience.

  “Maggie, if you want to drink your heart away tonight on the plane, go ahead.” He sighed. “I guess you can always get to work once we land.”

  “I knew you would understand.” I squealed and kissed Blake on the cheek with happiness. “It just makes more sense to drink free booze and watch movies right now.”

  “Uh huh.” Blake rolled his eyes and went back to his paper. To show him that I could be serious as well, I took out my iPad and started writing part of my new book. I was writing a YA fantasy book, and I was excited about the world I was creating, though I found it hard to remember the names of all the different characters and creatures I was creating.

  “Shit, what’s an Orbitop again?” I mumbled to myself as I tried to finish the last scene I had been writing.

  “What’s that, honey?” Blake smiled at me over his paper, happy to see me typing away on my iPad.

  “Nothing. Just trying to decide what I want to happen to the hero in my story,” I lied smoothly and opened the notepad app on my iPad and decided to make some notes.

  To Do:

  -Go over the characters’ names in the books and write them down.

  -Create creatures with different first letters. It is too easy to forget the difference between an Orbitop, Orgiro, and an Ogletop.

  -Figure out which characters are going to be good guys and bad guys before you continue on with the story.

  I bit my lip as I read my “to do” list. If I didn’t understand it myself, then I couldn’t continue writing my book and actually have a plot that was understandable to my reader. I peeked over at Blake, and his eyes were closed as if he were napping. It would be smarter for me to put the writing away for now. I really did need to make sure I knew what was going to happen before I continued writing. I mean, I didn’t want to mess anything up. I smiled to myself as I put my iPad away and settled back into my seat, eager to watch one of the movies that was about to start.

  As I was fiddling around with the headset, I noticed a young girl staring at me shyly. She was sitting a couple of seats ahead of me and every time we made eye contact, she bobbed her head back and forward quickly. I smiled at her and made a goofy face, feeling happy that she wasn’t sitting behind me. I knew how annoying kids could be on planes with their crying and kicking of the chairs in front of them. I saw it as a sign that luck was on my side that she wasn’t sitting behind me. So I decided to pay my good luck forward and try and be friendly.

  “Hi.” I waved at the little girl. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine, thank you.” The girl spoke with a proper English accent, and I realized she wasn’t American. Maybe that accounted for her politeness.

  “I’m Maggie. What’s your name?”

  “Madeline Matthews.” She sucked her thumb and stared at me. “I’m six.”

  “Wow, you are a big girl, Madeline Matthews.” I looked at her curly brown hair and big brown eyes and I wondered if my daughter would look like that if Blake and I had kids together.

  “Are you an actress?” She looked at me eagerly, and I felt a sudden thrill. No one had ever asked me if I was an actress before, and I had lived in Los Angeles for years. I was about to tell her the truth, but I figured I would give her a thrill and let her show off to her friends at school the next week.

  “Why, yes I am, Madeline.” I beamed at her. “I try not to let my fans see me in public, but I figured today I would deign them worthy of my presence.”

  She looked at me like I was an alien, and I realized she probably didn’t understand what I was talking about. “Oops, sorry, Madeline. I meant to say yes I am a huge Hollywood star. I’m going to be starring in a movie with, Um, Bradley Cooper next.” I smiled sweetly at her and felt myself flush with excitement. Imagine if I were to really star in a movie with Bradley Cooper; that would be awesome. I paused for a moment to think. What would I do if Bradley Cooper wanted to marry me? Would I dump Blake? I looked over at Blake sleeping and bit my lip; he was so handsome and sweet, but c’mon; Bradley’s my dream. I was sure Blake would understand.

  My daydream was rudely interrupted by Madeline pulling on the sleeve of my shirt. She had gotten out of her seat and had a pen and piece of paper in her hand.

  “Can I get your autograph please?” She beamed at me, and I tried to ignore the chocolate stains she had gotten on my sleeve.

  “Uh, my autograph?” I looked at her closely. Was this kid really six?

  “Yes please.” She beamed at me and then pointed back to her seat. “Mummy said it was okay.” I looked and saw a lady a little older than me smiling at me pleasantly, and I reddened. Did she know that I was lying? I felt really bad and embarrassed and hesitated before signing the piece of paper.

  “Hello, I hope you don’t mind Madeline bothering you. She is just excited to see her first real actress.” The lady beamed at me. “I have to admit it is my fault. I told Madeline that when we went to Los Angeles, she would see lots of stars, but unfortunately, we didn’t see anyone.”

  “Oh, okay.” I smiled weakly and took the pen. For some reason, I signed the paper as Maggie Cooper, instead of Maggie Lane.

  “Thanks, Mrs. Cooper.” Madeline smiled at me. I noticed she had a tooth missing and wondered if I should give her some coins and tell her that the Tooth Fairy had asked me to pass them along.

  “Mummy, Mrs. Cooper signed my paper.” Madeline went running back to her mummy’s chair.

  “Mrs. Cooper?” Madeline’s mother looked at me in interest. “As in Bradley Cooper?”

  “Uh, yeah,” I smiled weakly. I wasn’t really lying. I mean I had chosen the name Cooper because of my crush on him, not because I was pretending I was married to him.

  “Oh, my God, this is so cool,” the lady beamed at me. “I loved ‘The Hangover’ movies.”

  “Yeah, they were cool.” I wanted to tell her that I preferred ‘The Words’ and ‘The A-Team’ but didn’t think now was the time to get into a debate about my favorite Bradley Cooper movies.

  “How long have you two been married?” she whispered to me in her British voice, and I felt a secret thrill that she would believe that I was actually married to a sex god.

  “Oh, it’s very recent,” I beamed at her. “It was love at first sight, and well, now we’re starring in a new movie together.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t recognize your face.” The lady looked apologetic. “But maybe I would recognize your name. What was it before you got married?”

  “Uh, it was Maggie Lane,” I smiled at her awkwardly.

  “Oh, yes, yes. Of course. The Maggie Lane.” She nodded her head enthusiastically and I half wondered if she wasn’t an actress herself. “Well, thanks soo much for the autograph, Mrs. Cooper. I promise Madeline and I will keep the news to ourselves.”

  I smiled at thanked the lady and sat back in my chair. For some reason, I felt really uneasy. I mean, only a fool would believe that I was a famous actress and married to Bradley Cooper. It wasn’t really my fault. I was just trying to be nice to a little girl. I couldn’t help thinking that somehow this was going to bite me in the ass. But really, how could it? I would never see them again.

  6

  Dear Diary,

  London is a magnificent city. And the people are soo friendly. Who knew? I expected them all to be Lords and Ladies with sticks up their asses. But they are all so much nicer than that. And the shopping is terrific. I’ve been given so many free gifts in the stores, and people are waving at me in the streets. I’m starting to think I should talk Blake into moving to London. I could get used to this kind of life.

  I was really disappointed when we got to the hotel in Knightsbridge. Not because it was shabby;
no, not at all. By all means, it was the most luxurious hotel I had ever stayed in, in my life. I was upset because Blake had gotten us two separate rooms. I didn’t understand why, but what guy invites a girl on a trip overseas, asks her to be his girlfriend, and then gets separate rooms? Was he not attracted to me? I knew I was still a few pounds overweight; okay, I could easily lose another 25 pounds, but he knew that before he asked me to come with him. I was getting fed up with the chaste kisses he gave me each night before bed, as well.

  “Ready to go down for breakfast, Maggie?” Blake knocked on my door and called out to me.

  “Yes.” I opened the door and smiled at him sweetly. I figured the best approach was one of sultry sweetness, and I was determined that he would be beating down my door by the end of the week. I wasn’t going to let him know how disappointed I was that he hadn’t taken me into his arms and made love to me until I couldn’t remember my own name.

  “Morning.” He ruffled my hair, and I tried not to sigh. I reached over to him and gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, pressing myself close to him.

  “Good Morning, Blake.” I then pressed my lips to his and was delighted to feel him kiss me back with an urgency I had never felt from him before. Well aside from the night we spent together a couple of months ago. He finally stepped back from me after a good long French kiss. And I beamed at him. Score one for me!

  “Well, that certainly woke me up.” Blake laughed. He took my hand and we walked down to breakfast. I smiled at everyone we walked past and clung on to Blake’s hand with happiness.

  “And what would madam like for breakfast?” The waiter looked at me without a smile. He reminded me of a butler and I felt like royalty as I ordered my food.

  “Well, what do you recommend?” I tried to smile at him and make him feel uncomfortable.

  “Many people enjoy a good ol’ English fry-up for breakfast, ma’am. Eggs, bacon, sausages, beans, and toast. We can add tomatoes and mushrooms as well, if you want.”