Bigger Leaner Stronger

by Michael Matthews

  Interestingly, “good” behaviors that can justify the “bad” don’t even have to be related. Studies show that shoppers who pass up a purchase are more likely to feel justified in splurging on indulgent foods; when reminded of their virtue, people tend to donate less to charity; and merely thinking about doing something good can increase the likelihood of immoral or excessive behavior.29

  In an even stranger feat of mental contortion, when some people imagine what they could have done but didn’t, they feel virtuous.30 They could have eaten the entire cheesecake but only had a couple slices, or they could have skipped four workouts but only skipped three, or they could have bought the $2,000 suit but opted for the $700 one instead.

  Just to illustrate how absurd moral licensing can get, can you figure out why, after adding healthier items to its menus, McDonald’s began selling more Big Macs than ever?

  According to research conducted by scientists at Baruch College, the mere opportunity to eat healthily gave people some of the satisfaction of actually doing it, which in turn permitted them to choose the cheeseburger.31

  As you can see, the moment we feel an itch for moral permission to stray from our goals or standards, it’s all too easy to find that emotional green light.

  The irony, however, is that all these “licensed” harmful behaviors keep us from achieving what really matters—a fit body, a robust mind, a long life, a balanced budget, a completed project.

  When we think this way, we’re tricking ourselves into believing that squandering our health, money, time, effort, and opportunities is a “treat” to be “cherished,” that self-subversion is okay so long as it feels okay. Who are we really kidding, though? Only ourselves.

  To escape from this trap, we must first stop moralizing our behaviors. Instead of using fuzzy feelings of “right” and “wrong” and “good” and “bad” to guide our actions, we need to remember why we’ve committed to doing the hard things like exercising, following a meal plan, educating ourselves, sticking to a budget, and working overtime.

  We need to view these actions as independent steps necessary for achieving the outcomes we desire, not as “good” behaviors that we can “cash in” for sins.

  For our purposes here, remember that our goal isn’t just good workouts or on-target eating. It’s hitting the pool or beach with confidence. It’s throwing away the scale because you don’t need it anymore. It’s the surprise on people’s faces when they haven’t seen you in a while. It’s the newfound intimacy in your love life.

  In short, bingeing on ice cream and missing workouts aren’t little “oopsies” that you can erase with the right thoughts. They’re direct threats to your overarching objectives. Remember that when you come face to face with sticky willpower challenges.

  The Crystal Ball of Delusion

  Another favorite way for people to abandon their self-control is justifying their sins of the present with planned virtues of the future.

  For example, research shows that simply planning to exercise later can increase the likelihood of cheating on a diet.32 In another study, making a future commitment to volunteer three hours per week for a charity doubled people’s likelihood of choosing to buy an extravagance like designer jeans over a practical item like an identically priced vacuum cleaner.33 In yet another study, agreeing to tutor a fellow student decreased the amount of money that people donated to charity.34

  This type of thinking not only smacks of moral licensing, but it also introduces another critical flaw into the mix: the assumption that we’ll somehow make different decisions in the future than we do today.

  “Today I’ll eat more dessert,” we might say, “but tomorrow I’ll stick to my diet.” Or “Today I’ll skip my workout, but tomorrow I’ll double up.” Or “Today I’ll binge on my favorite TV shows, but I won’t watch any for the rest of the week.”

  Such optimism would be reasonable if we knew we could implicitly count on ourselves to follow through. But we both know that’s not how it goes. When the future finally arrives, that noble, idealized version of ourselves is nowhere to be found, and the new burdens are more pressing than we imagined them to be.

  What to do, then? Put it off again, of course, hoping that our savior will rescue us next time.

  We simply give our future selves too much credit, counting on them to be able to do whatever we can’t bring ourselves to do now. We’re too quick to assume that we’ll be more enthusiastic, energetic, willful, diligent, motivated, brave, morally strong—whatever—in a couple of days, weeks, or months, and often for no good reason in particular.

  In this way, we burden Future Us with an impossible load of tasks and responsibilities.

  Remember that Future You isn’t some abstract entity whose emotions and desires will be radically different from Present You’s. And when tomorrow comes, the chances of doing what you didn’t do today are slim. More often than not, you’re going to find yourself in the exact same state of mind, and you’re going to respond in the exact same way.

  This is why we can all benefit from improving our ability to connect our present actions with their future consequences.

  Scientists call this future self-continuity, and research shows the better you can do it, the easier it’ll be to get and stay in shape, and to do the many other creative, constructive things you want to do in your life.35

  The following mental exercises found in research conducted by scientists at the University Medical Center Hamburg-Eppendorf, McMaster University, and Erasmus University are simple ways to improve your future self-continuity:36

  You can think about how you will behave in the future.Just thinking about the future—not even the rewards per se—can strengthen your willpower. Specifically, by imagining yourself in the future, doing what you should be doing or refraining from what you shouldn’t be doing, you can increase your chances of success.

  This has unlimited application. For example, if you’re struggling to stick to a meal plan, you can imagine yourself shopping and eating differently, or if you’re dreading the next day’s workout, you can envision yourself getting it done despite how you feel, or if you’re anxious about an upcoming holiday party where you’re going to be surrounded by your favorite foods, you can picture yourself having a good time without being excessive.

  You can write a letter to Future You.In this letter, you should write about what you think Future You will be like, what your hopes for him are, what you’re doing for him now that’ll pay off later, what he might say about Present You, and even what the consequences of failing now will mean for him down the line.

  If you want to make this more fun, use the website www.futureme.org, which allows you to write an email to yourself and choose a future date on which it will be delivered.

  You can imagine Future You in vivid detail.To do this, explore the future consequences of your current behaviors, both good and bad.

  What will your Future Self look like if you don’t commit to stopping the things you know you shouldn’t be doing and starting the ones you know you should? What are the likely physical, mental, and emotional outcomes? Disease, regret, shame, ugliness, depression, and loneliness? Don’t hold back.

  And what if you do succeed in changing your ways in addition to continuing your current good behaviors? How will you look and feel? Will you be proud and thankful? What might your life be like? Again, explore the possibilities.

  If you want a comprehensive, evidence-based, and guided method for doing this, check out the Self Authoring Program (www.selfauthoring.com) from Dr. Jordan Peterson.

  Like physical exercise, the more you do these three drills, the stronger your future self-continuity will become, and the better you’ll be able to deal with willpower challenges of all kinds, fitness-related and otherwise.

  “Oh, Why Not? I’m a Lazy Idiot Anyway!”

  What do people tend to do after a relatively minor misstep, like missi
ng a workout or eating too many sweets?

  Do they shrug it off and move on, or do they berate themselves, catastrophize the affair, and go whole hog?

  Unfortunately, the latter is far more common. For many, the vicious cycle of slip up, regret, and splurge—called the what-the-hell effect by psychologists—seems inevitable and inescapable.37

  This is how the extra handful of chips can become the whole bag, the nibbles of chocolate can continue until the entire bar is gone, and the glass of wine can be a prelude to the bottle . . . or two.

  Whenever people confronted with a setback say to themselves, “I’ve already messed up, so what the hell,” they’re exhibiting this type of behavior. They give in, and then, to feel better, they indulge in earnest, which often triggers even worse feelings of shame and regret, which can lead to even bigger failures.

  Well, I have good news for you: you’re going to make mistakes in your fitness journey. You’re going to eat too much at parties, skip workouts for no good reason, and give less than 100 percent sometimes.

  Why is that good news? Because you have nothing to worry about.

  Like most everything in life, you don’t need to be anywhere near perfect to win in the fitness game. You just have to be good enough most of the time. Perfectionism isn’t required, nor is it even desirable because it often makes the whole process more stressful than it needs to be.

  So don’t get down on yourself when you mess up. The “damage” is never as bad as you might think, and an abusive tirade of self-criticism will only make things worse.

  For example, many people worry that they’ve “blown” their diets after a single instance of overeating, not realizing that the absolute amount of fat that they can gain from a single meal or day—no matter how much they’ve eaten—ranges from negligible in the case of a single “cheat meal” (a few ounces) to mildly irritating in the case of a day of feasting (0.5 to 1 pound).

  Therefore, when you stumble (and you will), show yourself the same compassion and forgiveness that you would show a friend.

  Research conducted by scientists at Carleton University and Duke University shows that this type of response in times of frustration and failure is associated with better willpower and self-control because it helps us accept responsibility for our actions and steam ahead, unfazed.38

  Nothing Fails Like Success

  Once we’ve set our sights on a goal, what do we crave most?

  Progress, of course. We want to see positive change and forward movement, which, we hope, will give us the energy we need to keep going.

  But that’s not how it necessarily goes. Progress can cut both ways because the satisfaction it produces can become complacency, a powerful catalyst for weakening willpower.

  Instead of reinvigorating us for another charge into the breach, progress can convince us that one step forward has earned us the privilege of taking two steps back.

  This paradox has been demonstrated in a number of studies. For example, research conducted by scientists at the University of Chicago found that when people were led to believe they were closing in on their weight loss goals, they were 32 percent more likely to choose a chocolate bar for a snack over an apple.39

  I’ve seen this many times over the years. All too often, people use weight loss progress as a license to loosen the dietary reins and hinder further progress.

  How can we guard against the slackening effects of success?

  According to another study conducted by the same team of scientists at the University of Chicago, we should avoid getting into the habit of patting ourselves on the back for all the work we’ve done.40 Instead, we should view our wins as evidence of how important our goals are to us and how committed we are to seeing them through.

  That is, we should look for reasons to keep going, not to slow down and take in the scenery.

  This has been one of my personal “secrets” to success inside and outside the gym. I’ve always remained more focused on how much road I still have to travel to realize the future I want for myself and my family than on how far I’ve already come. I’ve always allowed myself to be contented, but never satisfied.

  This has certainly increased the stress quotient in my life, but the payoff has been well worth it, and I don’t just mean that in a financial sense. In fact, the nonfinancial rewards, which can be summed up in one word—self-actualization—mean a lot more to me than the money.

  •••

  Human nature is full of paradoxes, and willpower and self-control are no exceptions.

  We’re drawn to both delayed and immediate gratification in the forms of long-term satisfaction and short-lived spurts of delight. We’re inherently susceptible to temptation but also have the power to resist it. We’re often juggling contradictory emotions like frustration, anxiety, and doubt intermingled with happiness, calm, and certainty.

  We may or may not be able to fundamentally change ourselves through strengthening our willpower, but we certainly can improve our ability to conquer the demands of daily living with more mindfulness, effectiveness, and confidence.

  In many ways, fitness is the ideal training ground for these virtues because its challenges and difficulties are fundamentally analogous to the obstacles and barriers we face everywhere else in our lives.

  If you can develop the will to push through a punishing workout when every ounce of you wants to quit, to tackle dietary temptations large and small, and to successfully follow regimented diet and exercise plans, then chances are you’ll also have what it takes to meet important deadlines, resist seductive invitations to overspend, and realize your greater ambitions for self-development and growth.

  Key Takeaways

  Regardless of the types of tasks performed, people’s self-control is at its highest in the morning and steadily declines as the day wears on.

  We can increase our willpower by “training” it with regular, small acts of self-control.

  What we’re really training when we exercise self-control is what psychologists call the “pause-and-plan response,” which involves pausing before we act, noticing what we’re about to do, and choosing wisely.

  A willingness to think thoughts and feel feelings without having to act on them is an effective method of dealing with a wide variety of challenges, such as mood disorders, food cravings, and addiction.

  Trying to suppress negative thoughts and feelings, like self-criticism, worries, sadness, or cravings, can lead to greater feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, depression, and even overeating.

  A successful strategy that’s helped people cut back on smoking and other external coping mechanisms for stress and desire involves three steps: notice and accept the undesirable feelings, remind yourself that while you may not always be able to control where your mind wanders, you can always control how you respond, and remember the goal that’s at stake and why you committed to abstaining in the first place.

  A simple way to implement this coping strategy in your life is to put a mandatory 10-minute wait time in place before you allow yourself to act on a craving or other impulsive urge to do something you know you shouldn’t.

  If you’re dreading something you know you need to do, commit to doing it for 10 minutes and then deciding whether to continue.

  People with a high time preference heavily discount the value of future rewards and care far more about immediate gratification than long-term consequences.

  People with a low time preference exhibit the opposite behaviors, caring more about future pleasure and foregoing immediate prizes to maximize it.

  Thinking about the future reward at stake first and how giving in now will sacrifice progress toward it or some part of it can lower your chances of acting against your best long-term interests.

  Another highly effective way to change your time preference is a strategy called precommitment, which entails taking action now
to strengthen your position and commitment to a behavior and ward off any underhanded attempts at self-sabotage.

  Anything you can do today that makes it difficult and uncomfortable to change your mind tomorrow is going to help you keep your impulses and feelings under control so you can stay on course.

  What others do—and even what we think they do—has a marked effect on our thoughts and behaviors whether we realize it or not, especially when the people we’re observing are close to us.

  Even if we don’t directly adopt the negative attitudes, ideas, and behaviors of those we’re around most, their mere presence will act on us in insidious ways, making it harder for us to do the things we want to do and become the people we want to be.

  If we surround ourselves with people who are generally upbeat, uplifting, and possessed of higher than average willpower and self-control, we too can “catch” these traits.

  You can make your life easier by limiting your exposure to instances of people failing willpower challenges, by joining forces with at least one person who’s on the same path as you and making progress, and by reading or listening to stories about how others have gotten fit.

  Moral licensing refers to telling ourselves that by being “good,” we reckon, we “earn” the “right” to be a little (or a lot) “bad.”

  “Good” behaviors that can justify the “bad” don’t even have to be related.

  Instead of using fuzzy feelings of “right” and “wrong” and “good” and “bad” to guide our actions, we need to remember why we’ve committed to doing the hard things like exercising, following a meal plan, educating ourselves, sticking to a budget, and working overtime.

  A favorite way for people to abandon their self-control is justifying their sins of the present with planned virtues of the future.

  We give our future selves too much credit, counting on them to be able to do whatever we can’t bring ourselves to do now.