One Last Summer

by Connelly, Victoria

  ‘If you’re trying to ask if I have a bucket list, just ask.’

  ‘Okay then – do you?’

  Harrie nodded. ‘Honor made me write one after the first diagnosis. I didn’t want to because I’ve always thought that, if you really want to do something, you’ll just do it. You don’t have to write it down first.’

  ‘But lists are good,’ Audrey said. ‘They help you to focus on what’s important.’

  ‘I understand that now,’ Harrie said.

  ‘So, what did you do?’ Lisa asked.

  ‘Don’t get excited, I didn’t bungee jump off a bridge or anything. But there were some places I wanted to see so I booked a ticket to Italy and Honor and I spent three weeks over there.’ She smiled at the memory. ‘It was wonderful. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of. We drank hot chocolates in San Marco in Venice and had one of those gondola rides where an impossibly good-looking Italian sings to you.’

  ‘Now, that’s going straight on my bucket list!’ Lisa said, and they all laughed.

  ‘We stood on Juliet’s balcony in Verona, drove around hairpin bends along the Amalfi Coast, ate ice cream on the Spanish Steps in Rome and too much pizza in Naples. I think I put on at least a stone.’

  ‘But that’s good, isn’t it?’ Lisa said. ‘I mean, you lost weight, right?’

  ‘It was all good,’ Harrie told her.

  ‘What else?’ Lisa asked.

  ‘Well, I’d always wanted to see New York so we went there for Christmas and we bought matching necklaces from Tiffany’s and posed like Audrey Hepburn outside the shop. There were lots of little days out too, like a trip to the Cotswolds, where we did a one-day chocolate-making course, and a night in London seeing Mamma Mia! But now, I want to be still and just commune.’

  ‘Commune with what?’ Lisa asked.

  ‘Please don’t tell me you’ve gone and found Jesus,’ Audrey said.

  ‘I haven’t found Jesus,’ Harrie confirmed, ‘and I thought you’d understand, Lisa, what with your meditating. I mean, how many times can you truly be still?’

  Lisa nodded. ‘Good point. Stillness is good for the mind and the soul.’

  The three of them sat for a little longer until the sun slipped slowly over the horizon and a pale moon started its ascent. It soon became too chilly to stay outside and, reluctantly, they went indoors. Harrie hovered for a moment at the front door. Another day had passed. The thought could have brought on a bout of melancholia but, instead, Harrie decided to think about all the wonderful things the day had given her: Samson’s kindness, the generosity of Mrs Ryder’s lunch, the moment of intimacy with Honor in the meadow, and the shared laughter with her friends in the garden. So many beautiful moments.

  ‘Thank you,’ she whispered into the soft cool night.

  Chapter 19

  ‘And you’re sure she’s not coming back?’ Mrs Ryder asked as she heaped Honor’s bedding into her arms.

  ‘I’ve said she’s welcome to, but I don’t think she will,’ Harrie said.

  ‘And you’re not expecting any more unannounced guests?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Right! At least I know where I am.’

  Harrie tried to hide her grin at the housekeeper’s bossiness.

  It was funny just being the three of them again, Harrie thought as she walked into Honor’s empty bedroom. She hadn’t realised what a difference it would make not having her daughter there, but she’d brought a different dynamic to the group.

  Nothing stays the same for long, she mused. That’s what she’d learned over the past few years. You could take absolutely nothing for granted. Every single moment had to be recognised and grasped. That’s why she had booked the priory. She’d instantly known that one of life’s beautiful moments could be shared here.

  She’d been thinking about life’s special moments a lot lately. Many of them could be planned for, such as birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, et cetera, but others had to be met halfway – you had to go out and search for them – to make an effort and play your part in realising them because life passed by all too quickly and it was so easy to get swept up in a busy routine with work, paying the bills, cleaning the house and doing all those mind-numbingly dull things which meant that all the good things were postponed until tomorrow. The mythical tomorrow. One of the hardest lessons to learn in life was how to turn tomorrow into today. Harrie hoped she’d learned how to do it.

  Leaving Mrs Ryder grumbling about the ancient washing machine, Harrie ventured into the garden. She was wearing her broad-rimmed sun hat and its golden straw had bleached wonderfully that summer. They’d been so very lucky with the weather. They’d all practically lived outdoors and it would be a real wrench leaving the place and to be forced to wear shoes once again. Harrie had read somewhere that walking barefoot was good for one’s mental health – that the positive connection with the earth was something that humans had long forgotten in their concrete jungles.

  Harrie tried to imagine herself walking barefoot down the high street of her small market town. She would be seen as quite mad and would also be too fearful of treading on or in something. But here, she was safe, as long as there wasn’t a wayward thistle growing in the lawn. She was free to flex and curl every single toe and what a great pleasure that was. One often forgot how many individual toes there were when one’s feet were scrunched up into shoes all day. And what appalling shoes too. Honestly, it was a miracle that evolution hadn’t changed the shape of women’s feet into arched, pointed weapons by now.

  So Harrie walked across the grass with her sun hat on and her shoes off. Audrey was sitting in a sunny corner, one of her books in her hand.

  ‘You’ve really embraced this doing nothing, haven’t you?’ Harrie said, sitting down next to her.

  ‘Does it suit me?’ Audrey asked.

  ‘Very much.’

  Audrey laughed. ‘I don’t believe you, but it’s actually quite nice sitting in the sun just reading. You know, I haven’t thought about checking in with work for a few days now.’

  ‘That’s good.’

  ‘Or checking my emails. I think a lot of things like that become nervous twitches and you have to step right away from them.’

  ‘Mike would be proud of you.’

  ‘You think so?’

  ‘I know so.’ Harrie decided to push her luck. ‘Have you thought any more about what he said?’

  ‘You mean the Norfolk idea?’

  Harrie nodded.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘I think we should go there.’

  ‘Oh, Aud! That’s so exciting!’

  ‘For a holiday.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘I think we need to spend more time together, for sure, and Norfolk might be just the place to do that. Maybe we could even talk about retiring there one day.’

  ‘You might change your mind when you’re there,’ she told Audrey.

  ‘I don’t think so. I think a breath of sea air will do us both some good and then we can knuckle down and get back to work.’

  Harrie sighed inwardly. Poor Mike, she thought. He was certainly going to have to work hard to persuade Audrey to leave her job and London.

  ‘Those two are spending a lot of time together. Are you sure they’re just doing yoga?’ Audrey asked, peering over her sunglasses at Lisa and the gardener.

  ‘I think so.’

  ‘He comes here even on his days off now.’

  ‘Lisa told you that?’

  ‘She didn’t need to. He’s here practically every day.’

  ‘She must be a good teacher,’ Harrie said.

  ‘That’s a funny sort of yoga, don’t you think? They’re writing stuff down.’

  Harrie craned her neck to try and see properly, but couldn’t make anything out.

  ‘I’m going to find out what’s going on,’ Audrey said.

  ‘You probably shouldn’t,’ Harrie said as Audrey stood up and headed over there. Harrie sighed and got up too. After all,
she didn’t want to miss anything.

  Five minutes before Audrey spied Lisa and Alfie with their heads together, they’d just completed a twenty-minute meditation.

  ‘Feel okay?’ Lisa asked him.

  ‘Feeling good!’

  She laughed. ‘Brilliant.’

  ‘Hey, I had a chat with my dad last night.’

  Lisa’s eyes widened. ‘About work?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘I fessed up and told him I didn’t want the position he was offering me.’

  ‘Oh, Alfie! I’m so proud of you.’

  ‘Well, I had Mum on my side. She told Dad pretty much what you said – that I had to find something that fulfilled me, and which was my dream and not his. I felt a bit sorry for Dad actually.’

  ‘Yes, but you would’ve been feeling sorry for yourself for the next few decades if you’d taken the job.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘How did he take it?’

  ‘Pretty good. He didn’t swear or turn red or punch me or anything.’

  ‘I should hope not!’

  ‘But he said he was disappointed, but then went on to say that he’s got his eye on some graduate who’s been working there for the last year. Seems he was made for the role Dad’s been keeping for me.’

  ‘Then it’s all worked out for the best?’

  ‘Yeah, I guess.’

  ‘So what now?’

  ‘You know the friend I told you about with the outdoor-activity centre? I texted him last night.’

  ‘And?’ Lisa said. ‘Don’t keep me in suspense!’

  ‘He wants me to start next week. Can you believe it?’

  ‘That’s great!’

  ‘Yeah, isn’t it? I can’t wait. He says he’s got schools queuing for visits and I’ve got all sorts of ideas for the kids.’

  Lisa smiled. ‘And this is what you see yourself doing in five or ten years’ time?’

  ‘What?’ he cried.

  ‘You said you’ve got all sorts of ideas.’

  ‘Yes, but that’s for the immediate future.’

  ‘So project further.’

  ‘I can’t think that far ahead!’

  ‘No? Well, you should. Just imagine it for a minute. Go on!’ She gave him a little nudge with her elbow.

  ‘You’ve slipped into teacher mode again.’

  ‘I know, and you love it.’

  He laughed at her as she got up from the yoga mat and went to get the bag she’d brought out with her.

  ‘Somewhere in here is a notebook.’

  ‘What do we need that for?’

  ‘We’re going to brainstorm. Ah! Here it is,’ she said, returning to the mat with the notebook and a pen. ‘Right, let’s write down everything you want to be doing in the future, whether that’s next week when you start your job or in five, six, seven or even ten years’ time.’

  ‘You’re crazy!’

  Lisa smiled. ‘Just a little bit, but crazy sometimes works.’

  Alfie was halfway down the page when Audrey and Harrie approached them.

  ‘What are you two up to?’ Audrey asked.

  ‘Nothing!’ Lisa said, looking up in surprise.

  ‘Doesn’t look like nothing. What’s that?’

  ‘She’s got me writing a list for the future,’ Alfie said.

  ‘Can I see?’

  Lisa looked at Alfie and he shrugged, handing it to her.

  Audrey took her sunglasses off and appraised it. ‘Opening your own outdoor-activity centre. Taking a team to the Alps. This sounds impressive.’

  ‘I might not achieve all that,’ he said.

  ‘But the will is there,’ Lisa said, ‘and I find it’s easier to make things happen if you write them down first. Like a lesson plan.’

  Alfie grinned. ‘Can I keep it?’

  ‘Of course,’ she told him, neatly tearing the page from her notebook.

  ‘Thanks,’ he said, leaning across and kissing her cheek.

  Lisa gasped and felt her skin flush. Luckily, he’d got up and had waved goodbye, seeming not to notice her fluster.

  ‘You’ve got an admirer there for sure,’ Harrie said after he was out of earshot.

  ‘I’m just trying to help him.’

  ‘You’ve done something really wonderful there,’ Audrey told her. ‘Now, if only you were as good at inspiring yourself.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Lisa said.

  ‘I mean about your career. If you teamed your natural talent for teaching with your love for yoga, I really think you’d be onto something. Give me that notebook.’

  ‘Why?’ Lisa asked, flinching as Audrey sat down on the mat beside her.

  ‘Come on – you’re going to make a list of your own.’

  ‘Oh, no, no.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I’m just a teacher. I inspire others.’

  ‘Well, it’s time to inspire yourself. Let’s start with the basics. What do you need to earn a year – roughly?’

  ‘Oh, blimey! I’m hopeless at this sort of thing.’

  ‘Just give me a really rough figure and I’ll do the number-crunching.’

  Lisa took a deep breath and scribbled something down. ‘There.’

  ‘Okay. Good start.’

  They then worked everything out in more detail, from what Lisa paid in rent each year to all her outgoings and a little bit extra for luxuries. After all, what was life without a few luxuries? Then they focused on how she could make that money by teaching yoga. They went indoors and got Harrie’s laptop out on the kitchen table, did some research about yoga retreats, the price charged for courses, venues you could hire, equipment needed, insurance – everything they could think of.

  Finally, Audrey turned to Lisa and nodded, a big smile on her face.

  ‘It’s feasible?’ Lisa whispered in awe.

  ‘It’s totally feasible,’ Audrey said.

  Lisa sat staring at the computer screen for what seemed like an age.

  ‘I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before,’ she said at last.

  ‘I think you’d be a total natural,’ Harrie said.

  ‘It would certainly beat waiting around for my agent to call,’ Lisa said.

  ‘You could advertise in all sorts of clever ways too with Instagram and Facebook. You could even make your own videos for YouTube.’

  ‘I could have my own channel!’ Lisa said.

  ‘Absolutely! You know the popular ones make good money from advertising fees,’ Audrey told her.

  ‘Yes, and my agent wouldn’t see a single penny!’ Lisa declared. ‘That’ll teach him!’

  ‘And you could always supplement it with supply teaching if it didn’t work.’

  ‘It’ll work,’ Harrie said.

  Lisa reached out and wrapped her arms around Audrey. ‘I’m going to do this. I’m really going to do it!’

  Audrey laughed. ‘Just let me know when you’re up and running and I’ll be your first pupil!’

  Harrie left them both to it. During their session on the Internet, she’d felt her phone vibrating in her pocket and took a moment to check who it was, expecting it to be Honor. Only it wasn’t Honor – it was Charles.

  Going up to her bedroom and sitting on the bed, she took a moment to think about whether or not to ring him back. She made a guess at what had happened. As soon as she was back, Honor would have seen her dad, who, naturally, would have asked after Harrie. But had Honor told him the truth? Maybe she was jumping to conclusions and Charles was just reaching out of the blue for a general catch-up. Their calls were becoming rarer now that he was married to Lizzie, but they still managed to keep in touch.

  Believing that she would probably regret her decision, she called Charles. He answered his phone immediately.

  ‘Harrie?’ He sounded upset and she immediately knew. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ He swore and she could hear him crying. She’d never heard him cry before and she felt utterly helpless.

  ‘Char
les? Are you okay?’

  ‘No, I’m bloody not okay! Our daughter’s just told me that you’ve got terminal cancer.’

  She kept quiet while he ranted some more.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Harrie? Honor said this has been going on for years. Why did you keep all this from me?’

  ‘Because we’re not married anymore, Charles,’ she said simply.

  ‘What’s that got to do with anything? I still care about you, for god’s sake! You’re still the mother of my child and you’re still my first wife!’ He swore again and she couldn’t help but feel touched by his passion. ‘Harrie?’ he said after there was a moment’s pause.

  ‘I’m still here,’ she told him.

  ‘You should’ve told me.’

  Hearing the pain in his voice, she suddenly realised that she’d made a huge mistake in not telling him. She had tried to protect him from the pain of it all, but she’d probably just made matters worse and caused him more.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said in a small voice. ‘I should have told you.’

  They took a moment to calm down and then he apologised.

  ‘And I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to shout like that.’

  ‘It was quite impressive!’ she told him with a tiny smile, wishing he was in the room with her so she could hug him. They might well be divorced, but she did still love him and he was one of the last people on earth that she’d ever want to hurt.

  They talked some more, calmer now. Harrie told him about the priory and what they’d all been doing there. She told him about the special time she’d spent with Honor and the two of them talked about her relationship with Benny.

  ‘She’s sounding serious,’ Harrie observed.

  ‘You think so?’

  ‘Trust me. I’ve not seen her like this over a boy before.’

  ‘A boy? He’s a man, Harrie, and Honor’s a woman.’

  Harrie smiled wistfully. ‘She’ll always be my little girl.’

  Harrie heard him mutter something.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  There was a pause and an intake of breath. ‘You know you’ll always be the love of my life, don’t you?’ Charles told her.

  ‘It’s safe for you to say that now that I’m dying, isn’t it?’

  ‘That’s not why I’m saying it. You know it’s true. I’ll always regret us breaking up. We should have fought harder to keep things going, Harrie.’