Little Spirit

by DaNeo Duran

  Beside the quaking bass player, Raphael raised a hand, drumstick twirling. Without warning sticks flew crashing into cymbals. Danny and Calvin leapt towards the ceiling in an explosion of sound. Amy gasped seeing Danny and Calvin teleport to the front of the stage. Well practiced both lads bore eyes into the Spartan audience. Amy gazed as Danny looked her in the face before his attention shifted to her friends. She caught his last look as she grinned back at his smoky smile.

  Panning to the other side she watched Calvin looking as though his intensity and thumping bass would knock a hole through the back wall. Swapping sides of the stage Calvin entertained Amy and friends with looks she wouldn’t have recognised from the flatmate who tidied up after himself and who moments earlier had looked so scared. Looking Danny’s equal, distinctive and amazingly right for the job, Calvin set Amy and friends’ adrenalin racing.

  As Calvin lifted his gaze above Amy to the rest of the audience Amy’s attention shot to Raphael who looked every bit as good as he had when she’d first seen him with Taboo Tortured just weeks earlier.

  Danny and Calvin resumed their positions before Calvin prowled his way to the drums sharing a moment with Raphael. Then spinning he stepped back to his mic so all three could break into Life in the Sunshine, a new song full of speed and excitement juxtaposed with understated laid back vocals.

  After the first song Amy and friends cheered feeling exposed as their voices stood alone in the still under populated room. Looking round she saw people drifting in but it seemed few had been so moved by Little Spirit’s first attempt.

  Appearing undeterred, Calvin with hands behind his head and guitar swinging crotch-high came forward to introduce Little Spirit whilst Danny and Raphael provided a backdrop of sound comprising of muted guitar and cymbal rhythms before bursting into the second song.

  Amy knew having seen 10,000 Faces with other amateur bands in dirty rock clubs that by the time they closed their set the audience had usually lost interest and would be ready for the next act. Little Spirit managed to keep Sunday’s audience progressively more hooked as the walk-up crowd diluted the reserve of the subsequent bands and their possies. At the end of their twenty minute set each audience member had received personal acknowledgement from each band member. The atmosphere had livened up and Amy almost expected requests for encores.

  On stage Danny and Calvin unplugged their guitars and helped Raphael pack away cymbals.

  ‘My god that went well,’ Raphael said once they’d moved to the side of the stage.

  ‘I know,’ Calvin said with unmistakable excitement. ‘We were fantastic.’

  ‘What do you think?’ Raphael asked Danny play-punching his shoulder. ‘Are we ze best band in London?’

  Fighting the urge to burst with enthusiasm he agreed, ‘We couldn’t have wished for a better first gig.’ But he turned from them preferring to dam his flowing elation until he’d spoken with the management. He knew they’d done well but suspected they’d lost perspective of how great they’d actually been.

  Preparing for the next band Stosh spotted him and said, ‘Well done, I really enjoyed that.’

  Looking but finding no cracks of insincerity Danny thanked him saying, ‘You did a fine job; the sound was crystal on stage.’

  ‘It helps doesn’t it? You’re back here again shortly aren’t you?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘You’ll sound better still then. Was that your first gig?’

  Was it that obvious? Danny thought. Stretching the truth he said, ‘First one with Raphael on kit.’

  ‘He was good, you all were.’

  Danny let him continue his work. The promoter approached him next.

  ‘You did alright,’ he said avoiding eye contact. ‘Expected a few more people though.’ Danny looked around the now three-quarter full room but the guy said, ‘Door count says only ten of this lot are yours.’

  I’m surprised it was that many, Danny thought having only spotted two additional poly friends of Calvin’s. Worrying that the next gig might get pulled Danny said, ‘Yeah, sorry about that it was a bit short notice and given the students have broken up … We’ll have loads more next time.’

  ‘I’d appreciate that. You’re lucky. There’s a good turnout for a Sunday and they’re drinking too. Normally I expect bands to bring at least twenty people, fifteen minimum.’ He turned to leave but added, ‘Nice harmonies. I’ll see you soon.’

  Danny expelled a sigh of relief but had a nagging sense that Little Spirit had fluked the show getting through on nervous energy.

  Tuesday 05th July 1983

  Though Amy asked, Calvin hadn’t said much about the first day at his new job. In fact he’d been quiet generally. On Tuesday morning Amy lay in bed until she heard him click the front door shut. She didn’t notice the gentle thump at the bottom of the stairs minutes later.

  She revised until 2pm before deciding she should get some fresh air and groceries. Only when she returned did she notice the morning’s mail delivery that both she and Danny had failed to notice. Balancing the groceries on her knee she stooped picking it up. Amongst the bills one letter caught her eye. French stamped and addressed to Calvin in beautiful handwriting she guessed by its weight it’d be long.

  She stared at the envelope delighted for Calvin but with a twinge of jealousy. She’d heard all about his ten Franc note and the phone call that followed. Visualising Katherine (beautiful beyond words, priding herself on not lying down at the first compliment a man showed her) she considered how easily Calvin’s heart had been won. She reckoned she’d love to be in Katherine’s shoes; treated like a princess despite having no actual wealth.

  Upstairs she placed the letter on Calvin’s pillow.

  In her room she lay cuddling the teddy she’d owned since aged eight. I’m happy aren’t I? I study, enjoy friends and get drunk. What more could a girl want? Tormented by feelings for Danny the quiet voice of Amy’s intuition told her to expect more from life and to let Danny go. Not wanting to hear the last bit she got up to settle back to revising.

  Later she heard the sound of Calvin’s key in the door she jumped to meet him.

  ‘Wow,’ he said startled seeing her at the top of the stairs, ‘you nearly gave me a heart attack.’

  ‘Sorry love,’ she said positioning herself so as to shepherd him towards his room. ‘How was work?’

  ‘Ok. I got through it.’ Unable to hide her smile she almost pushed him into his bedroom. Seeing what lay on his pillow Calvin stopped in his tracks. Amy watched him pick the envelope up and examine it before looking at her.

  ‘She wrote.’

  ‘She did. Aren’t you going to open it?’ she asked despite sensing his desire for privacy.

  As if reluctant to cause damage to the envelope, Calvin broke the seal and pulled out the pages. ‘There’s a lot to read. Both sides.’

  ‘No photos?’

  ‘Afraid not.’

  ‘Disappointing,’ Amy tutted before leaving him to read.

  * * *

  Calvin only reappeared after Danny had come back from his shift.

  ‘Amy says you got a letter,’ Danny said.

  ‘I know. Brill eh?’ he said taking the armchair next to Danny and Amy on the settee.

  ‘So it’s all good?’ Amy asked.

  ‘It is, but it’s just a letter.’

  ‘So she’s not moving to England?’

  Calvin put his finger through a hole in the chair’s arm. ‘Nah, somehow I don’t see that happening.’

  ‘You’re gonna write back though?’

  ‘Of course – already have.’

  ‘So there is a return address?’ Danny asked.

  ‘Yup, a gift shop.’

  ‘Ingenious.’

  Making her way to her room Amy said, ‘I’ll give you a couple of photos from the Hippodrome to send.’

  * * *

  Later that night finding herself alone with Danny, Amy said, ‘You’ve not had a girlfriend for a while.’

  ‘Do
n’t really want one right now,’ he said not shifting his attention from the TV. ‘Why d’you mention it?’

  ‘I’d like a boyfriend.’

  ‘Amy you have loads of boyfriends.’

  ‘Oh, I hate it when you say things like that.’

  ‘Sorry.’ He shook his head.

  ‘I haven’t brought anyone back here or gone back to anyone’s house since—’

  ‘I know, I’m sorry.’ He turned from the TV.

  ‘And he was a mistake.’

  ‘Well, I wouldn’t say—’

  ‘I’m going to bed,’ Amy said getting to her feet.

  ‘Sit down,’ Danny snapped surprising them both. Amy sat. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I don’t know why you’re so touchy.’

  Nobody spoke until finally Amy said, ‘Okay, thank you.’

  ‘There are loads of guys out there that would love to be your boyfriend.’

  ‘Oh sure there are,’ Amy laughed bitterly.

  ‘Yeah, there are, I’ve seen the way boys look at you.’

  ‘Yeah me too – like I’d be a five minute ego boost. I’m sick of it.’

  Still not understanding Danny said, ‘Amy, you’re wonderful. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said once again deflated by Danny’s use of the word friend. ‘Again, thank you, I’ll go to bed now if that’s okay.’

  She went to him for a hug and left him with his guitar and pad of paper where he’d written, The Only Time is Now.

  Closing the door to her room Amy criticised her observation of boys recognising she used them as five minute ego boosts not the other way round as she’d just suggested. Undressing and cursing her reflection she thought, Five minutes might be fine but if I were a boy I wouldn’t want to wake up with that body every day. No wonder Danny draws the line at friends.

  * * *

  Katherine’s letter to Calvin had asked questions. Given that he’d started a new job and gigged The Water Rats, Calvin felt he had lots to say. He went to bed to reread what he’d written. Full of crossings out and rephrased questions and sentences he rewrote it trying to end the letter as neatly as he’d begun.

  He kept his questions to her easy going, respecting her private nature and hoped the enclosed photos would prompt her to include photos of herself should she reply.

  Friday 8th July 1983

  Days later Katherine sat alone on the quay where she’d brought Calvin. Her fingers trembled as she opened the letter and observed neat but unmistakably male handwriting that deteriorated slightly towards the end but re-neatened for the final paragraphs. He must’ve written as much as I did, she thought, counting the pages.

  Though dying to read, she first cupped a hand shading the photos from the sun’s glare. In the first picture she recognised Calvin, happy and full of colour. She sighed finding he looked better than she’d remembered. After reading the letter she returned to the photos guessing the tall lad with Calvin would be Danny and the cheeky faced one Raphael. The second photo included a blonde, she guessed must be Amy. She thought her pretty despite the wrong makeup and bad dress. Focusing on the two images she couldn’t help but respond to the joyful energy captured in the stills.

  She reread the letter relishing noteworthy sentiments; savouring the vigour of Little Spirit’s short evolution.

  As Katherine leant back against baking concrete her mind composed the reply that might even make that day’s post. A giggle escaped as she considered the sweet but innocent absurdity of Calvin’s invitation to Little Spirit’s upcoming gigs.

  * * *

  Danny stood by his mic in that night’s rehearsal with his guitar singing as passionately as him and his bandmates.

  After another pass of Life in the Sunshine Calvin said, ‘You look pensive. Everything all right?’

  Danny nodded. ‘It’s sounding great.’

  ‘But?’

  ‘I haven’t told you that The Water Rats’ promoter nearly pulled the second gig.’

  Calvin and Raphael looked to each other their faces stunned.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘On account of us bringing so few people.’

  ‘But the room was nearly full before we finished,’ Raphael said.

  ‘In spite of us, not because of us. They know who turned up for what band you know.’

  Calvin said, ‘I suppose five names was quite pathetic.’

  ‘It wasn’t five; it was ten.’

  Calvin and Raphael looked at each other. ‘Ten?’

  ‘Presumably some audience members hadn’t come to see one band over another so when asked chose us.’

  ‘Hopefully some of those people are Little Spirit fans now,’ Raphael said. ‘Perhaps they’ll come to ze next gig.’

  ‘Maybe,’ Danny said not feeling so optimistic. ‘We’ll need posters because the promoter’s expecting at least twenty people.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll sort out posters at work,’ Calvin said. ‘With some luck we’ll have better numbers at The Dog and Parrot. Hopefully some of them’ll get along to the next Water Rats gig.’

  Saturday 16th July 1983

  Downstairs in The Dog and Parrot’s main bar Calvin, buoyed by a second letter from Katherine, spoke to Kev the manager who asked in his Geordie accent, ‘You got many coming down tonight like?’

  ‘Yeah, we’ve plastered posters all over Chingford.’ He motioned behind him adding, ‘Danny’s got some family coming along too.’

  Joining in Raphael said, ‘Plus Amy’s postered up ze poly.’

  ‘Who’s Amy, that bird you pulled last time you was here?’

  ‘They’re just friends now,’ Danny said.

  Little Spirit made their way to the band room upstairs and waited where Amy and Raphael had flirted on their first visit.

  Calvin watched a skinny cigarette yellowed soundman prop his balding head on his hand. Turning knobs the shabby sound system reflected the venue’s comparative size and laid back feel. He did a good enough job and headliners, The Babyloves, sounded fine.

  When The Babyloves left the stage the soundman nodded and Little Spirit advanced with their gear. Setting his amp in front of the other guitarist’s unavoidably encroached on Danny’s performance space. Like at The Water Rats, Calvin took stage left in order to hear Raphael’s grooving hi-hats. Above them three stage lights dangled precariously from exposed wires.

  Two hours later Amy bumbled through the door with Alison, Joanne and other friends. Seeing Danny with his mum she tugged her frayed denim skirt to a respectable length. Leaving her knot of friends at the bar she approached Danny.

  He broke off a conversation with a towering man and greeted her. ‘This is Uncle Nick and you’ve met my mum before.’

  ‘Nice to see you again Veronica,’ Amy said smiling after greeting Uncle Nick. Wanting to create the best impression she decided she’d avoid alcohol. Winning Veronica might help winning Danny.

  * * *

  Danny left Amy with his mum and dragged the band onto the muggy street for a bonding session.

  Though Calvin would never admit it he felt nervousness rising. He’d have never got on stage but for his cousin’s encouragement. Geoff, a doorman by profession, advised him never to let fear stop him doing anything stating, Crapping yourself figuratively or literally is no excuse for avoiding what must be done. Calvin had forged Geoff’s advice into the phrase, If you can’t do something with confidence do it without confidence.

  Nevertheless Calvin enviously watched Raphael joke around, stretching muscles whilst Danny revved himself up.

  ‘Time to rock,’ Raphael said heading for the stairs.

  Calvin let his bandmates lead the way. He trudged up the stairs after them feeling his blood leaden. Almost breathless at the top of the stairs he saw Danny signal the barman who’d turn the jukebox off after whatever current track finished.

  ‘You alright mate?’ Danny asked as they waited off stage.

  ‘Yeah mate,’ Calvin lied holding his nerve together. />
  As the jukebox faded Raphael made for his drums and started the intro tape. Danny picked up his guitar. Calvin reaching his weighty Musicman heaved the strap over his head with trembling muscles.

  Facing the audience all but the first song’s initial chords left Calvin’s memory. First chord is G, he thought gripping the neck and fingering the third fret of the E-string. G to C to D, nothing could be easier, he tried convincing himself.

  With tunnel vision he turned to face Raphael. His knees almost buckling as he dipped preparing for take-off. His legs didn’t want to jump.

  As Raphael’s sticks sliced the air Calvin powered against his reluctance. Picking a spot on the stage he watched it diminish with lift-off and enlarge again as his feet touched down with cymbals crashing his eardrums. He struck G and behind him bass whumped wonderfully from the amp surrounding him and vibrating his kidneys.

  From G he found C and D. Without thought his fingers continued past F and Bb. Glancing right he looked into Danny’s confident face and gained more strength; his nervousness already way behind him. They both nodded. Time to swap sides.

  At his drums, Raphael enjoyed visualising bigger uproarious audiences but noticed the temperature rise as people engaged in the never-before-heard Little Spirit music. Unlike previous bands Calvin and Danny freed him to play drum parts as his spirit would; nothing beat seeing the faces of audience members communicating their understanding of his art.

  At the end of the set Danny thanked the audience, venue’s management and The Babyloves before unplugging his guitar and leaving the stage. He stopped. It may only have been Amy and friends but neither he nor Calvin or Raphael could ignore the room’s encore requests. ‘One more?’ Danny said.

  Back on stage Calvin thanked everyone. ‘Here’s a new one – not quite ready but we’d love to know what you think. Here’s, Only When it’s Saturday.’

  Everyone stayed until after The Babyloves’ set when Kev began clearing the room of people.

  After Danny’s mum and uncle had left, Amy hit the vodkas. ‘We’ll head to the Hippodrome and see you there shortly?’ she said to Danny.