I wondered about those who’d survived but didn’t go into the tunnels. How were they faring? Especially folks in the area of the winter storm. With no shelter, they’d have to build one from scratch. With no electricity, they’d have to make fires. And how much available food would there be? Probably not much. Even most of the animals like chickens and pigs were probably in coops and barns during the collapse.
Across from me, Donut was eating her third plate of salmon pâté.
I’d been deliberately avoiding looking up at the board, but I did now. 4,148,111. How soon before my number would be ticked away?
I tried asking Tally some general questions about the dungeon, but he refused to answer. He’d only answer questions directly relating to the Safe Rooms.
“If I buy a personal space, will it transfer from level to level?”
“Yes, it will,” he said. “And from safe space to safe space. Also, it’s best to buy all the accessories as soon as you can. Some of the items only upgrade when it goes down a level, so if you wait several levels before you purchase a crafting table, it won’t get as strong as one purchased earlier.”
Soon thereafter, we left to hunt for some bugs.
Outside, the hall was just the same as before. I looked warily about for red dots, but I didn’t see any of the bugs. I stepped a bit from the entrance, and I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, sighing deeply. I counted, and I had nine left after this one.
“Really, Carl. Must you light that? You know how I feel about them.”
“Jesus, Donut,” I said. “You’re worse than Bea.”
“While Miss Beatrice and I don’t always see eye-to-eye on certain policy decisions of the household, I must agree with her on this one. Cigarettes are disgusting.”
“Well, there are only nine left, so you won’t have to suffer…”
I stopped dead as the trio of Scatterers rounded the corner, chittering as they approached. It was two level twos and a level four that was larger than the others. This third bug was almost the size of Donut. I wouldn’t be squishing this one with my foot.
Scatterer Brood Guardian. Level 4.
Cockroaches that have been baptized in rage and Monster Energy drinks.
Like its smaller brethren, the Scatterer Brood Guardian is a giant bug who wants nothing more than to fuck you up. Unlike his little brother, these guys are dangerous.
Shit. That doesn’t sound good.
I really didn’t want to fight this thing with my hands. Despite knowing I did less damage this way, I pulled out my toad cudgel and clasped it in my hand while Donut blasted the large cockroach three times with a magic missile. It hissed and rolled back a few times, its health knocked down by half.
“Want me to hit it again?” Donut asked. “I'll have to down a mana potion.”
“No,” I said, relieved that the missiles did so much damage. “I’ll take it.”
I stomped forward with my foot, crushing both the smaller roaches.
The brood guardian jumped back up and charged again. It was fast, but I was ready for it. It skittered forward, mandible-antennae things thrashing. I swung the cudgel down at its head. The rounded edge of my weapon bounced off the creature, which hissed and fell back.
The hit didn’t appear to do much damage. Plus I had to awkwardly bend down to use it. I quickly switched to my poker to see if that’d be better. It charged again, and I stabbed with the iron stick. Its giant head knocked the poker right out of my hand, and it went flying.
This place has the shittiest weapons.
I stepped back and snap kicked, hitting the roach right under its little, semicircle head. It squealed. The kick did more damage than the magic missile. I swept forward, continuing to kick at it while it shrank back. Donut leaped off my shoulder with a hiss as I jumped in the air, coming down hard on its back.
The cockroach exploded like a balloon filled with coconut pudding.
“Goddamnit,” I said, looking at the goo on my feet.
Donut crept forward and sniffed the remains. It didn’t leave anything lootable.
“The level 4 ones aren’t too hard to kill,” Donut said. “Oh, he just smells awful.”
I looked at the map. A couple curves of the halls led to the large room. It looked as if there was a door, too.
“Okay, this is what we’re going to do,” I said as I went to retrieve my poker. The damn thing was useless, and I shoved it in my inventory. “We’ll wait until your mana refills, then we’re going to creep toward that main room and peek inside. If it’s too much to handle, we’ll run back here and rush into the safe room.”
“The safe room door won’t open if mobs are outside,” Donut said.
“We’ll be fast.”
“That’s fine,” she said after a moment. “Just remember I can run a lot faster than you.”
We ended up killing a couple dozen more of the level 4 Scatterers before we reached the door. We found a hit to the face with a magic missile just before it lunged would stun it. I’d punch down a few times and then stomp the head. Stomping the head almost always resulted in a critical hit. We received several vials of something called Scatterer Hemolymph, which looked like the white goo that came out of them when they died. The system identified it as an alchemy material.
Every once in a while, the Scatterer would get inflicted with Sepsis when it was hit by the magic missile. When that happened, it would turn and try to run off. It would usually collapse and die after it took about thirty steps.
Both Donut and I were level 5 when we got to the door.
For me, the higher levels didn’t really mean anything. I received three stat points every time I leveled, but I couldn’t distribute them yet. The only thing that helped was that my Pugilism, Unarmed Combat, Foot Soldier, and Smush skills were all level 5 now also.
Because of Donut’s special buff, she was growing with each level up. Her strength was at 15. Now when she jumped onto me, I could feel the strength of her claws on my shoulder, even through the leather jacket and trollskin shirt.
“Do you have any sort of slashing skill?” I asked. “You know, something with your claws?”
“Of course I do,” Donut said. “My Slice Attack is at level four, and my Back Claw is also level four.”
“Okay, good,” I said. “You can help if we get into trouble. Your strength is way higher than mine. You should get in there once your magic runs out.”
The door at the end of the tunnel didn’t have any sort of official sign on my minimap. We crept toward it, going as silently as possible. Donut’s little bell jingled with each step. The room beyond was large and round shaped, probably about 1,500 square feet. The door itself was old and grimy with a doorknob that appeared to be hanging on by a single bolt. While it wasn’t labeled on the minimap, there was a paper sign attached to the door written in Spanish. It looked like some sort of official notice. The sign was old and weathered, and it looked like it had been there awhile.
“No entrar,” I whispered, squinting at the sign. “I think that means do not enter. The next part ‘por orden del Centro de Salud,’ I don’t know. By order of something, I think. Can you read it?”
Donut just looked at me like it was the stupidest question she’d ever been asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” I whispered. “Okay. We’re cracking the door and looking inside.”
The doorknob didn’t work, and the door wasn’t fully latched. I pushed it open as slowly as I could. The door screeched, and I cringed.
The room was pitch black. I couldn’t see a damn thing. I heard rustling, so I knew there was something in there, but I couldn’t see what it was.
Donut was standing completely still, her hair poofed out like when she was freaked out.
“What do you see?” I asked.
“There’s a lot of level one and two cockroaches in there. Lots and lots of them. But there’s other stuff in there, and I can’t tell what it is. It looks like piles of garbage. It smells like that bag you take with you on thos
e days that other guy comes over to the apartment. You know, like socks. But hundreds of them. I don’t see anything else. Light a torch and throw it in there.”
“Wait, what?” I said. “Are you talking about my gym bag? Some guy was coming over to the apartment when I was at the gym?”
“Focus, Carl. Light a torch.”
“Actually,” I said, “I have a better idea.”
I couldn’t believe it. Actually, I could believe it. It was my own fault. I should have broken up with her long ago. I felt like an idiot. I also suddenly felt very reckless.
“Get ready to run,” I said as I pulled out the stick of goblin dynamite. The red stick was wet and sticky on the outside, like it was sweating. I examined its properties.
The game show voice whispered the description:
Goblin Dynamite.
This stuff is especially volatile. It’s so volatile, you probably don’t even need to light the wick to set it off. It’s so volatile, even loud noises might set it off. Keep it in your inventory until you’re ready to use it. Be gentle and don’t squeeze too hard or else you might get the…
The AI didn’t speak for a good two seconds.
BOOM!
The AI shouted that last word in my head, and I almost pissed myself. I stood still for several moments, my heart thrashing.
“You are a fucking asshole,” I whispered up at the air.
“Okay,” I whispered to Donut. “Run now. I’m right behind you.”
Donut scampered away as I carefully pulled my Zippo. I lit the long wick, which started hissing and popping like a sparkler. I tossed the dynamite into the room, throwing it as hard as I could. I turned, and I ran.
I prayed it wouldn’t blow when it hit the ground.
11
It blew when it hit the ground.
I’d chucked the dynamite a pretty good distance into the large room, but I was only a few steps away from the door when it went off. Bam! The sudden, resounding concussion sent me flying. I hit the stone floor and bounced, sliding. The wooden door splintered, and a jagged hunk of wood ricocheted off my head. Stinking, billowing smoke poured through the entrance. Blood seeped from a cut deep in my scalp.
My vision flashed red, and I received a DANGER LOW HEALTH warning. But it quickly abated.
Behind me, I could hear the crackling of fire. I groaned, rolling onto my back as my health slowly kicked its way back up. I felt as if I’d been run over by that goblin bulldozer thing.
Donut appeared above me, looking down.
“Are you dead?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “I don’t think so.”
“Then you better get up. Let’s go see what we just killed.”
I pulled myself up. Mordecai had said I’d be fully healed in two minutes, but two minutes was a long time when you were in pain. I had over a dozen healing potions now, but I didn’t want to waste one just yet. Not when I didn’t have to.
The room glowed red. I pulled a torch from my inventory. I went to grab my lighter, but a box appeared above the torch, asking if I wanted to activate it. Weird. It was different than the dynamite. I mentally clicked Yes, and the torch lit on its own. A half-hour timer appeared and then faded as the bright, dancing flames engulfed the top half of the stick.
I paused at the entrance, peering inside. The room looked as if it was the interior of a dumpster. Mountains of trash rose to the ceiling. Multiple small fires burned, giving it a pulsating, red glow. I tossed the torch in, and the room lit up further.
I spied multiple bug pieces scattered about. My map populated with about three dozen x’s indicating bug corpses. I didn’t see any movement and red dots. I’d also received a ton of notifications, but they were all in the folder.
“I think we killed them all. Do you see anything?”
“Nope,” Donut said, strolling into the room. She stopped a couple steps in, looking distastefully at her paw. She’d stepped on something that looked like a dirty diaper. “The only thing that smells worse than trash is burning trash. You made a real mess of this place.”
I followed her in. Donut jumped to my shoulder and immediately began licking her paw. I pulled up the notifications as we cautiously moved deeper into the room. The ceiling was higher than out in the hall, almost as tall as the main corridor. Piles of garbage filled the room, stacked at least 15 feet tall. A black garbage bag was ripped open at my feet, and I could see fast food wrappers, soggy Spanish-language magazines, and empty cans within.
Why would they transfer garbage into here?
I stepped gingerly as to not cut my feet, but I already felt as if my feet were changing, becoming less sensitive to the bare ground. Before, I knew this would be pure agony. It was still uncomfortable, but it was getting better. And it was happening much more quickly than it would have before all this happened.
I’d received several skill upgrades just from that one move. Explosive handling. Dangerous Explosive Handling. Goblin Explosives. In addition, I’d received another Silver Goblin Box for killing more than 10 mobs with an explosive and a Gold Crowd Control Box for killing more than 15 mobs with the same attack. I’d received a huge experience bonus for that, taking me almost up to level six.
I had one more notification, an achievement. I clicked on it.
“Do you hear music?” Donut asked, pausing her cleaning to look up at the ceiling.
New achievement! Boss Babe.
You have struck a blow against a dungeon boss and caused damage to it. Here’s a fun fact. For crawlers who make it through the tutorial, this achievement is, by far, most often the last achievement they ever receive. Isn’t that interesting?
Reward: Let’s wait a few minutes before we decide on whether or not to waste a prize on you.
Shing!
The door, which moments before had been blown to bits, magically reformed itself, locking us in the room. And just to hammer the matter home, silvery, glowing bars of metal appeared, locking it in place one by one with a clink, clink, clink. Three, skull-headed torches appeared, arising from the garbage heaps.
At the far end of the room, something rustled. Something big.
Music started playing, the sound filling the room. It was odd, intense, disjointed. It was like a harp playing with distortion with a heavy beat under it.
The ground rumbled as the announcement came.
Boss Battle!
You have discovered the lair of a Neighborhood Boss!
Put your game faces on ladies and gentlemen! Aaaand Here. We. Go!
The AI was louder than usual. He sounded like an announcer at a Monster Truck rally. Normally, I was only really hearing this stuff in my head. This time it was through an actual loudspeaker. It echoed, shaking the walls and the piles of garbage.
“Carl! Carl, I don’t like this! Take me from here immediately!” Donut cried. She jumped from my shoulder and started scratching at the door, which would not open. “Carl, open the door this instant!”
I pushed myself against the back wall, waiting for the monster to emerge.
“Donut, get ready!” I cried. “Just start pumping it with magic missiles. Use your mana potions to refill yourself!”
Donut turned and panic-fired a missile, which bounced ineffectively against the sifting garbage pile.
“Wait until we see what it is first!”
The garbage exploded upward in a geyser of scorched trash bags. Bug parts and paper and food wrappers rained. A woman appeared, reaching into the air, screaming as she rocketed up like she’d been shot out of a cannon. She landed with a heavy crash twenty meters in front of us.
Donut and I looked at one another.
This was a human woman, about 35 years old, enormously fat. She wore a filthy and ripped t-shirt and no bra, and her skin was covered in open sores and scabs. A blue pair of sweatpants with the word PINK along the leg appeared to be stretched to their limits. Her black hair clung to her head in clumps. Like me, she wore no shoes.
She was also 15 feet tall.
She spied us cowering, and she screamed again.
Everything stopped the moment she screamed.
She froze, I froze, and Donut Froze. The only thing that kept moving was my mind, which raced.
What the actual…
A mugshot-style shot of my face in a round frame appeared floating in front of me, my name and level written under it. A second image of Donut appeared next to mine.
A huge Versus splattered into the air.
The Hoarder!
Level 7 Neighborhood Boss!
Trapped in her pile of rubbish, abandoned by society, the war inside her head has seeped out of her mind and infected both her body and her surroundings. Now nothing more than a garbage troll, the Hoarder is a horrific reminder of what can happen to those who fall out of the light! Protected by her minions, she’ll do anything to keep her precious stockpile safe!
The woman’s title—The Hoarder—appeared in a stylized, metallic font with blood splattered around it. It was straight out of a fighting videogame. The moment the description ended, we could all move again. The giantess finished her scream and took a few steps toward us, garbage cascading around her with each step.
Half of the woman’s face was burned to hell. She had a health bar over her head, and it was already 3/4's gone. I’d cheated the boss fight, killing her minions and hurting her before it even began.
“Ayúdame por favor,” the woman cried, reaching for us. Her voice was deep, beefy. Scared. The giant woman sounded terrified. “No se que esta pasando. Me duele el estómago. No se donde estoy. Por favor, tengo miedo.”
“Shit, I think she’s a person,” I said. “Like she was in her house when it happened, and they turned her into this thing. We should help her.”
“Yeah, that’ll be a no,” Donut said. She shot a magic missile at the woman, who staggered as it exploded against her chest. The tattered remains of the woman's filthy t-shirt burned away, revealing pendulous, stretch-marked breasts that fell over a sagging, equally marred stomach. Her health barely nudged.
“Ayúdame!” the monster woman cried again. She made a gagging noise, and when she opened her mouth, a pair of level two Scatterers came out and charged at us, hissing.
Dungeon Crawler Carl Page 9