"Okay." My voice was scratchy and barely audible. I felt defeated. Utterly destroyed. "Can I leave now?"
"Of course," she nodded kindly. "Don't worry, Estella, we can still sort this out. Why don't you make an appointment with me via the website for this week? We can go through the other schools, maybe your second and third choice."
"Sure," I managed miserably while I gathered my things and got up. "Miss James?"
"Yes?"
"Does... does Milo know yet?" I asked, feeling the lump in my throat.
She gave me a smile, saying, "He is about to come in so I can tell him."
"Okay," I nodded. So, he's about to find out. And he'll never let me hear the end of this. To think he wouldn't have even finished his essay if I hadn't tried to help him out... God, what a mess. "I'll see you later this week, Miss James."
"See you soon, Estella."
I left her office, closing the door softly behind me. By then, only a few minutes remained before the lunch break, and I knew the hallways were about to get filled with people. I fought the internal urge to scream, swallowing my cry of desperation in time to hear the bell ring. I threw my hair over my shoulder, picked myself up and held my chin up high. Nobody messes with Estella Hawthorne.
Despite that mantra that I kept repeating to myself as I made my way through the crowded hallways, I knew it wasn't true. Papa wouldn't like this one bit, and soon enough, I'd have to pay the price for my failure.
A body slammed into mine as I was walking, and I yelped, falling flat on my butt.
"Shit, sorry!"
"Jackass," I hissed, my eyes connecting with a pair I knew all too well. "Milo. Of-fucking-course."
"Sorry," he muttered, offering me his hand and helping me get up. "I'm kind of in a rush. Didn't mean to do that."
I dusted off my uniform with a disgusted expression, examining my shoes. "Fucking great, Milo," I muttered. "You broke the heel on my shoes. These are Giuseppe Zanottis, for fuck's sake!"
He gave me a blank stare and I groaned. For such a know it all, he sure is clueless.
"Good luck with Miss James," I added bitterly.
"How did you know that's where I was going?" he asked, giving me a suspicious look.
"I just came from her office," I admitted, feeling crushed.
"Oh," he offered lamely, running his hand over his dark hair. "Hey, everything okay?"
"Sure, Milo," I spat out. "Everything's just fine and dandy."
"Have you seen my brother?"
"No." I sighed. Natan hadn't even bothered to find me that day yet. We'd been official for eight months now and he still didn't give a damn. I sure know how to pick them. "Why?"
"Oh," Milo said, seemingly surprised by what I said. "Weird."
"There's nothing weird about it," I barked. "Now please move. I have to go."
"Bye," he said, rolling his eyes. "Wow, still as bitchy as they come, aren't you, Estella?"
"Fuck you," I muttered, roughly pushing past him and making my way to the principal’s office. I hope your life goes up in flames like mine just did, Milo.
5
Date: September 3rd, 2019, 11 a.m.
Place: Wildwood Academy
Milo
After my run-in with Estella, I shook my head at her rudeness and kept walking until I reached Miss James' office. My brother's girlfriend was spiraling, and I was pretty sure I knew the reason. Estella hated being judged. She hated not being the most popular even more, and now, even with Tinsley and Crispin gone, the tables had turned, and she wasn't as important as she had been last year. Her anger was obvious, and I could tell she was struggling with her new role as the mean girl, the main bitch, and nothing else. She had been the one person girls wanted to be and the one guys were desperate to have only months ago, and now it had all crumpled at her feet like a house of cards.
I knocked on Miss James' office door, and she called for me to come in. My heart was pounding as I walked inside, closing the door behind me. Miss James stood up from her desk, looking fucking heart-stopping in a white blouse and black pencil skirt. Her hair was pinned up, with a few tendrils escaping the tightly coiled bun and framing her pretty face. She couldn't have been more than ten years older than me, but she looked even younger.
"Hello," I said, walking closer to her desk. "You wanted to see me, Miss James?"
"Yes," she nodded, her enthusiasm catching on with me as well. "Take a seat, Milo."
I sat down in front of her desk, sinking into the leather of the seat. I knew whatever she had to tell me had to do with Eastvale, and my heart wouldn't let me forget it. Whatever she'd say next would shape my future forever.
"Milo, you applied to Eastvale," she said, giving me a long, inquisitive look. "As you know, we had two early applicants to the college - yourself and Miss Hawthorne."
"I know," I nodded, the lump in my throat making it harder to swallow. I also knew only one of us would get the spot - a thought I'd pushed to the back of my mind over the summer. I'd been going to the same school as Estella since we were kids. The thought that we'd be separated in one short year made me feel weird. She'd always been a part of my life. It would be a weird adjustment to be without her around me. "So, have you heard back from Eastvale?"
"I have," Miss James nodded with an ecstatic smile. Fuck, don't give me false hope, woman.
"And what did they say?" My heart skipped a beat. Do I even want to be accepted to Eastvale? I shook my head to get the thought out. Of-fucking-course I do. It's what I've been working for my whole time at Wildwood. Eastvale is the dream.
"You got in!" Miss James clapped her hands together. "They accepted your application and you've been invited to attend Eastvale next fall. Congratulations, Milo!"
Something washed over me. A feeling between elatedness and dread made my knees feel like jelly. I stood up, letting out a surprised laugh just as Miss James rounded the table and touched my shoulder. She had long, pale pink nails, and they dug into the fabric of my school blazer as she smiled at me.
"I'm so proud of you, Milo," she said. "The essay you wrote was truly special. I knew it would get you in."
"Thank you," I managed, my mind suddenly blank. "I'm... I'm glad it worked out this way."
The crushing feeling of what happened hit me a moment later. I got in... which means she didn't.
"We'll get everything ready for you soon," Miss James went on as if nothing had happened, her hand still resting on my shoulder. "I'll have some print outs for you as well as Eastvale brochures. Of course, everything else, including the syllabus, might arrive a few months after, but I'll do my best to help you prepare for this even before the deadline."
"I..." I started, my words tapering off into nothing. "Thank you, Miss James. I really appreciate the help."
"Of course," she beamed, smoothing down the crease in my jacket. "I'm so happy for you, Milo. Nobody deserved or wanted this more than you did."
How do you know that? Estella wanted this. And maybe she even deserved it more than I do. I didn't say any of that out loud. I just swallowed the lump in my throat, managing a weak smile as I nodded.
"When do I have to give them my answer?" I asked next, my voice slightly shaky. "I assume I have a couple of weeks at least?"
"What do you mean?" Miss James laughed uneasily. "Obviously I've already accepted the offer on your behalf, Milo."
"Oh," I managed lamely.
"It's what you wanted, isn't it?" she wondered out loud, and I just stared into the distance contemplating her question. Is it?
"Sure."
"And I have some news regarding myself, too," Miss James went on, a light blush tinting her cheeks. "I applied for a position at Eastvale as well, as a school advisor."
"Oh?" I managed, struggling to seem interested in whatever it was she wanted to tell me, given that I had my own problems to deal with. "And?"
"And I got it," she announced proudly, beaming wider than ever. "I'm going to Eastvale with you, Milo! I start in the next school year
, so you will have a familiar face to look forward to every day."
"Great." I managed a strained smile. But you aren't Estella. Wait, what the hell am I thinking? Why would I care if she's there or not? I shook my head to get the thoughts out. Any other guy would’ve been thrilled about a hot piece of ass like Miss James hitting on them. It just felt weird to me.
"It's going to be so much fun," Miss James gushed, finally taking her hand off my shoulder. "I'm so excited for both of us, Milo. And I'm determined to make your experience at Eastvale something you'll never forget."
"Great," I said again.
"Now, if you'll sit down," she motioned to her desk. "We can go through the forms you need to fill out."
"I..." I struggled to find the right words. I felt something strange happening in my body, my head and heart pounding. I could barely breathe. Blood was rushing through my head at an alarming pace, making me dizzy. "Miss James, can we do this another day?"
"Why?" She seemed genuinely puzzled. "Is everything alright, Milo?"
"I... I just need some fresh air, I think."
"You want me to come with you?"
"No." I realized how harsh my answer must have sounded and sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "I mean, it's okay. I should really... check on someone."
"This is a great moment for you, Milo," Miss James insisted. "You should really be celebrating."
"But since I got in... I'm assuming Estella didn't."
Her smile paled, but only a little, and she shook her head. "No, unfortunately she didn't. I just told her the news."
"How did she take it?" My heart was pounding again. I was worried. Worried about the girl I wasn't supposed to give two fucks about. Not just because she was my competition, but because she was dating my goddamn brother. "Is she okay?"
"Well, you know Estella," Miss James laughed, shaking her head. "She never takes bad news well, does she?"
"No," I muttered. "I suppose she doesn't. Shit, I feel a bit nauseous.”
Miss James grabbed a glass of water from her desk, running to my side. I was seeing spots, my vision darkening as I took the glass from her and took gulp after gulp of water. Moments later, I came back to myself, noticing the faint outline of Miss James' pink lipstick on the rim of the glass. She gave me her own drink.
Her voice drifted in from somewhere far away, and I turned to the side, my eyes locking with hers.
"...can call the nurse if you want, but I think it's really best if you wait..."
"I should really go,” I muttered.
She came to stand in front of me, saying, "Oh, Milo, I know how emotional this is. I really think you just need a hug."
I stayed quiet as she stepped forward, and suddenly she was all up in my personal space. She enveloped me in an embrace, filling my nose with her scent. She smelled like clean cotton and lavender, and it made me slightly nauseous.
"It's okay," she whispered. "Everything's going to be alright, Milo, just breathe."
She didn't pull back for ages, making me feel uncomfortable. But Miss James seemed oblivious to it, and when she finally took her hands off me a moment later, I was shaking, feeling like I was going to be sick.
"You needed that," she told me. I managed a weak nod as her fingers lingered on my clothes, straightening out the lapel of my blazer. "You're going to be fine, Milo. It's just excitement over everything that's happened. You must be so ecstatic."
Why are your hands still on me, Miss James?
As if she'd just realized the same thing, she looked down at her own hand.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry, Milo,” she muttered, taking a step back. “I’m so… messed up because of my breakup. I shouldn’t have done that.” She stepped away.
"It’s alright. How's the breakup going, anyway?" I found myself asking before I could stop myself.
She pulled her hand back, giving me a shy smile as she tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Kind of a nightmare. I'm supposed to move out of the place by next week." She made a face, crinkling up her nose. It’s kind of cute. "I don't know how I'm going to do everything by myself, honestly."
"Well, if you need some help, I'd be more than happy to lend a hand," I offered.
"Really?" Her eyes were glowing with excitement. "Oh, Milo, if you could do that, I'd be eternally grateful."
"Of course," I said with a smile. "Just tell me when to show up, and I'll help you move your stuff."
"This weekend would be amazing. I really appreciate it, Milo. It's good to know someone's got my back no matter what happens. Makes me feel so..."
"Miss James, I got you that form you wanted!"
We stepped apart, and a feeling of guilt washed over me even though we hadn't done anything wrong. The door of Miss James' office slammed and in strolled my brother.
"Oh hey, bro-seph," he grinned, slamming his fist into my shoulder. I mumbled something in response, rubbing the now sore spot on my arm. "I'm just dropping off some college applications."
"Three months too late, I might add," Miss James told him coolly, but the only response Natan had was a wide grin.
"What can I say," he shrugged. "Lacrosse keeps me busy."
"You don't play during the summer," I reminded him, and he shot me a murderous glare. "Whatever. I'm out of here."
I walked to the door, feeling Miss James staring after me. A moment later, another pair of footsteps joined me on the hallway, and my brother slung an arm around my shoulders.
"Why the long face, nerd?" he asked, and I sighed.
"It's nothing. Everything's fine."
"Oh fuck," Natan remembered. "You didn't get any Eastvale news, did you?"
"I did," I said miserably. "I got in."
"What?" Natan whooped and clapped me on the back. "That's so amazing, bro-ccoli! I'm so happy for you."
I shot him a look, muttering, "Don't you care about how Estella feels right now?"
"Why?" He seemed completely oblivious.
"She applied to Eastvale as well, and she didn't get in. And she probably won't, either. They only accept one student from Wildwood."
"Ah, shit," Natan rubbed the back of his head, adding, "I guess I'm never going to hear the end of this then. Milo this, Milo that."
"She talks about me?"
"Yeah," he grinned. "She complains about you all the time. Goddamn, this rivalry between the two of you is really getting fucking old, you know that?"
"Whatever," I mumbled as we kept walking.
"Hey, by the way." Natan stopped in front of his locker and I leaned against the wall as he dug inside for something. "Set us up on a double date on Friday."
"What?" I rolled my eyes. Abso-fucking-lutely great. That's about the last thing I need right now. "A double date? What is this, grade school?"
"You should be thanking me." He slammed his locker shut, stuffing a textbook in his backpack while he winked at me. "I scored you someone fucking hot as sin. You'll be kissing the ground I walk on once you get your hands on her."
"Who is it?"
He leaned closer, bumping me with his elbow. "Harlem."
"Harlem?" I groaned. "God, the resident bitch in second command?"
"I thought you'd be happy, bro-linski. She's a nice piece of ass."
"I..." I let out a frustrated sigh. "I just don't have time to date right now."
"Why not?" Natan seemed genuinely puzzled. "We're gonna have a blast. You and Miss Cheerleader Supreme, me and my girl."
"Estella's coming?"
"Duh," he gave me a weird look. "It's a double date, freak."
"I don't want to go."
"Too bad. You need some pussy before all those books turn your head, bro." He raised his eyes to someone behind my back, grinning widely. "Hey, babe. Looking fucking hot as ever."
Estella strolled right past me, leaving behind a faint hint of sweetness. It was gone the next moment as she walked up to my brother, and he grabbed her by the hips, pulling her in and giving her a deep sensual kiss. "Gross," I muttered.
They kept making out and I shook my head, ready to walk away from their over-the-top PDA.
"Yo, nerd," Natan called out. "Tonight at seven. Clancy's. Don't forget."
"What's happening then?" Estella glanced between the two of us. "Bro date?"
"We're going on a double date," Natan said. "That is, if brother dearest doesn't pussy out before then."
"I'm not pussying out," I growled. "I just don't wanna do it."
"Because?" Estella demanded.
"Because it..." I groaned. "It's gonna be awkward as hell. I don't like Harlem."
"Harlem?" Estella laughed. "God, Natan, you couldn't pick anyone else? You know I'm fighting with her right now."
"I would have," Natan shrugged, giving me a wicked grin. "That is, if Miss Harlem wasn't head-over-goddamn-heels into Milo here."
"Harlem is into me?" I shot a glance at Estella. Her lips were tightly pursed, and she looked none too pleased about the fact. "That's news to me."
"Yeah, because you're fucking blind," Natan laughed. "She's been making googly eyes at you all of last year."
"Ugh," Estella rolled her eyes. "I need to shop for a new outfit then. See you after school, Natan?"
"Sure, babe." Another make out session followed before Estella left, shooting me a filthy look as she passed me in the hallway. I noticed she was shaking when she left, but I didn't mention it.
"You didn't even ask her about Eastvale," I told Natan.
"What?" He looked up from his phone, obviously in another world. "Oh, right. We'll talk about it later, I guess."
"Natan," I said. "This was really important to her. You can't just act like it's nothing. You're her boyfriend, for fuck's sake."
"Yeah, well..." he shrugged, a devilish grin taking over his face. "I'm not sure how long that'll be the case." "What do you mean?"
"Let's just say I'm getting restless, and she's not giving me what I want. If you catch my drift."
"Ew, Natan. The fucking hallways catch your drift." I made a face. "So, you still haven't...?"
"No," he groaned, falling into step beside me. "And it's not looking like we will anytime soon. She's like, dead-fucking-set on waiting."
Boys That Read: A High School Romance Page 4