The Minute I Saw You

by Paige Toon

  ‘I’m nervous,’ he whispers.

  Against his shoulder, I frown. ‘Why?’ I whisper in turn, allowing him to remain hidden from my scrutiny.

  ‘I’m nervous about what happens next.’

  This is not an admission he feels comfortable making, that much is clear.

  What’s not clear is exactly what he’s talking about. And then I get it, all at once.

  ‘You’re worried about us having sex?’ I lift my head to stare at him because I can’t not.

  His cheeks brighten as he nods.

  ‘Oh,’ I say, surprised.

  ‘We’ve waited so long. I’ve missed you intently. I’m scared it’s not going to live up to expectations.’

  ‘Is that all?’ I ask with relief.

  His blue eyes meet mine apprehensively and he nods again, just once.

  ‘We don’t have to tonight,’ I tell him, placing my palms flat on his chest.

  ‘I want to,’ he says, his hands resting lightly on my hips. He gently bumps me against him, bringing me closer again. ‘But after all this time, I don’t want it to go wrong.’

  ‘Come and sit on the sofa,’ I urge, wanting to take his worries away. ‘There’s no rush,’ I insist, propping myself up at one end so I can look at him. ‘I’m knackered anyway. I’d be happy with you just holding me tonight.’ Like he did almost every night in the weeks leading up to me going to Australia.

  He reaches out and pulls my feet onto his lap. ‘What if I think of him?’ he asks in a tortured voice. ‘I might not be able to . . .’

  ‘Then we press pause,’ I reassure him softly. ‘I’m not going anywhere, Sonny. I love you. We’ve got all the time in the world. You were originally going to hold out longer anyway, so if it doesn’t happen this week, or next month, or next year even, then we give it another go whenever you feel ready. I have learned to be patient when it comes to you.’ I smile and reach across to take his hand.

  ‘Sorry,’ he mumbles.

  ‘Don’t you dare apologise for this,’ I say sharply. Then instinct takes over and the need to hug him overcomes everything else. I move to straddle his lap.

  He gives me a half-smile and I kiss away his worry lines before bringing my mouth down to his.

  Our kiss is soft, slow and full of love. We break apart after a few moments and rest our foreheads together as he wraps his arms around my waist, holding me tightly. I can feel his chest expanding every time he inhales.

  ‘I love you,’ I whisper.

  ‘I love you too,’ he replies, pulling me in tighter still.

  Desire pulses through me. I try to ignore it.

  His hands come up to my face and, when I stare into his eyes again, his pupils have dilated.

  Our next kiss is nothing like the last. This one is deep and passionate, our tongues locking and colliding, our mouths slipping and sliding. His lips find my neck and then he’s lifting me in one fluid movement and laying me down on the sofa, the warm solid length of his body pressing me firmly into the cushions. I wrap my legs around him and pull him even closer.

  Be okay if he stops, I remind myself sternly. Show no disappointment.

  It’s okay. I’ve got this. We’re taking it slow.

  Except that we’re not. His lips are back on my neck and he breaks contact only to tug his T-shirt over his head.

  He shakes his head at me, wide-eyed and startled at how ready he suddenly is.

  I reach for the buttons on his shorts, but he takes over when my fingers fumble, so instead I whip off my own top and try my best to wriggle out of my skirt with him kneeling between my legs.

  Seconds later he helps me rid myself of the cumbersome fabric and now we’re in only our underwear and he’s regarding me with awe as he moves back down to kiss me. The weight of his body is blissful and my skin is igniting with tiny electric shocks as his chest brushes against mine, soft skin, hard muscle. And then he’s removing my bra and his mouth is on me and I can barely believe we’re in broad daylight and I’m almost naked and I’m okay with it. Better than okay.

  I gasp, arching my back as he draws away and brings his mouth back up to my lips.

  ‘This might be very, very quick,’ he warns me.

  ‘That’s okay. I’m fine with that,’ I say in a delirious jumble of words, pushing my hands through the roots of his hair and tugging. He rocks against me.

  ‘Holy shit,’ I mumble, wanting him in me. Like, yesterday.

  ‘We’ll go slower next time,’ he promises in an unsteady, spine-tinglingly sexy voice.

  And then he’s easing his boxer shorts down and I’m attacking my own underwear, my eyes devouring him as he takes over from me, putting himself back between my legs.

  ‘Look at me,’ he requests in a low deep voice.

  I nod quickly. I wasn’t planning on looking away, but I know what he’s thinking. He’s remembering that neither of us has made eye contact during sex before.

  With our gazes locked only on each other, he slowly sinks into me.

  And I am lost in sensation, light-headed with lust, giddy with love.

  *

  I can’t catch my breath for a long time afterwards. Sonny’s body is still covering mine, but every time he makes to retreat, concerned that he’s crushing me, I hold him in place. I don’t want to let him go yet.

  Eventually I find my voice. ‘That was . . .’ I falter. ‘Well, it surpassed all of my expectations.’

  He lifts his head and gives me a small, sleepy smile, propping himself up on his elbows so he can better study me.

  ‘How was it for you?’ I inwardly chastise myself for not checking with him sooner.

  His smile turns into a slightly cocky but endearing smirk. ‘Worth the wait.’ He gives me a soft kiss. ‘Sorry it was a bit quick,’ he adds in a quiet apology.

  ‘No, it was fine,’ I hurry to say. ‘More than fine.’ I’ve had much quicker and far less satisfying encounters. ‘I promise I’ll never have expectations, okay?’ I reiterate lightly. ‘Let’s always agree to take each and every moment as it comes.’

  ‘You’re naked,’ he realises abruptly, his expression marvelling. He skates his hand down to my hipbone.

  I laugh and cover his hand with mine, not even flinching, not in the slightest. ‘Have you only just noticed?’

  ‘There’s daylight and you’re naked and I love you,’ he announces.

  My insides melt. ‘I know you do. I love you too, Sonny Jim Jimmy James Denton. You have no idea how much.’

  Chapter 46

  ‘You may kiss the bride.’

  The congregation – only their very nearest and dearest – erupts into applause. There could be three times the amount of people here for all the noise we make.

  Archie and Matilda are finally married, and no one could be happier for them.

  *

  Matilda cracks open a bottle of Champagne. She and Archie might be squeezed together in an even smaller space than the snuggler seat, but they are ecstatically happy.

  ‘Pull over and have a toast with us,’ she urges as Archie pours chilled fizz into flutes.

  Sonny and I navigate the canoe out of the way of passing punters and I carefully turn around in the front seat so I can see everyone better. Archie passes out glasses, first to his new wife, then to me, followed by Sonny, retaining one for himself.

  ‘To a lifetime of love and happiness,’ I declare, raising my glass.

  ‘For all of us,’ Archie adds pointedly, and then we almost capsize the boat trying to chink glasses.

  Matilda looks so beautiful in her floor-skimming flutter-sleeve white dress. Her long dark hair has been left down and is perfectly tousled into gorgeous glossy waves, and she’s wearing a crown of tiny white roses. She’s glowing.

  Archie himself is heartbreakingly handsome, his broad shoulders encased in a slim-fitting black suit and skinny black tie, and his sandy blond hair as messily dishevelled as ever.

  ‘Thank you so much, guys,’ Archie says sincerely, his brown eyes shining
. ‘If it weren’t for you two, I don’t think this would be happening.’

  ‘It would have happened,’ Matilda scoffs. ‘But yeah.’ She grins at us. ‘Thank you for helping it to happen sooner rather than later and in such a bloody brilliant manner. This is incredible!’ she squeals, reaching her hand into the water and flicking some up in the air.

  I laugh and flick some back towards her.

  ‘I’m so happy,’ she says, grinning at Archie.

  Sonny and I smile at each other over their heads.

  He looks hot as hell in a suit that is very similar to Archie’s, on Archie’s request. Sonny is his best man and, to my amazement and joy, Matilda asked me to be her one and only bridesmaid. Sonny and I were witnesses, signing the register. I have never felt more honoured or flattered.

  I’m wearing a floor-skimming dress of my own in emerald silk, also chosen on our London shopping trip. My hair is down and wavy, but pinned back at the sides with costume jewellery emerald-studded golden combs that Matilda gave to me as a bridesmaid thank you gift.

  Sonny gets out his camera and clicks off a few shots. He offered to do the photos so Matilda and Archie wouldn’t have to stress about finding a wedding photographer at short notice.

  I’m not sure this outcome is stress-free for Sonny, but he’s chilled. He only wants the best for the people he loves.

  ‘Hannah,’ he calls.

  I look his way and he clicks off a shot.

  I’m getting more used to him photographing me now. I’d wondered if he might ask to do macro shots of my eyes, seeing as he was so invested in them in Amsterdam, but he admitted he didn’t want to look at me under a microscope; he wanted to take me as he saw me.

  There was something quite lovely about that, I thought.

  The rest of the evening flies by in a whirlwind of bubbly, confetti and dancing. Archie’s cricket pals are here, and Faith too. She and I have a laugh and a bit of a boogie and she drunkenly confesses that she’s thrilled Nessa wasn’t invited. Archie told us that she’s applied for a job in London where her family lives. Can’t say I’ll miss her if she moves away.

  Archie and Matilda are having so much fun that they’re in no hurry to call time on the evening. Because Sonny and I are canoeing them home, we decide we’d better cut back on drinking as the night wears on.

  It’s a sound plan, but we’re nevertheless pretty damn tipsy when the four of us stumble down to the river. It’s everything we can do to hold the boat steady for our newly-weds to climb in.

  Luckily the return journey is downriver so less strenuous than the trip up. The tide helps carry us home and we’re drunk anyway so our strength is superhuman. We talk and laugh until we reach the point in the river where we’ve agreed we can safely moor up. Sonny and I will return in the morning and paddle back to Charles’s, but now we’re heading to his.

  I feel a thrill at what the rest of the night has in store. The last few days have seen us making up for lost time and it has honestly been so far beyond expectation that it’s unfunny.

  Archie and Matilda are off on a mini-break tomorrow to Amsterdam. Sonny is putting them up in his apartment, a last farewell before his sale goes through. He’s planning on buying a place here in Cambridge and has asked me to help him look. He wants me to move in with him, and while I know we’re undoubtedly jumping ahead fast, it doesn’t feel like it – we’ve been practically living together for the last couple of months anyway, and let’s not forget that we were in a relationship well before I even knew it.

  My heart has already said yes to him.

  Archie, Matilda, Sonny and I exchange emotional farewells on the muddy banks of the River Cam, no doubt made even more intense by the amount of alcohol we’ve all consumed. There are lots of ‘I love yous’ and ‘you’re the best friends ever’ and ‘Stranger Things when we get back, yeahs?’

  We make a date for Tuesday and I’m already looking forward to it. We can fight over the snuggler seat when we get there.

  Sonny and I walk the rest of the way, hand in hand, falling into his sofabed at the end of our journey – and nearly bouncing off again.

  I can’t wait to get a proper bed.

  *

  The next morning, we gingerly paddle back upriver to Grantchester, hung-over but happy. Yesterday couldn’t have gone better for our friends and we are elated for them.

  Charles and Bertie give us the warmest of welcomes when we arrive at the cottage, Bertie even leaping up on my chest the way she did with my uncle on his return. Charles puts on the kettle and makes us a cuppa and we sit at the kitchen table and tell him about yesterday. He also wants to hear more about my trip to Australia. I had to go straight back to work when I returned, so we’ve barely seen each other.

  ‘I really must make Australia my next big holiday. Ellen is forever asking me to visit. I won’t go for a while, though,’ he says, scratching Bertie behind her ears, a fond smile on his face. ‘This old girl isn’t going to be with me for much longer, sadly.’

  ‘I would always be happy to look after her, I hope you know that,’ I say sincerely.

  ‘Oh, I do, dear. I’ll keep it in mind if I ever need an excuse to drag you home again.’

  I gawp at him.

  He winks at me.

  ‘Did you use emotional blackmail to get me to stay put in the UK for a while?’

  ‘It worked, didn’t it?’ He smiles at Sonny.

  ‘I had no idea you were so manipulative,’ I say with amusement.

  ‘I simply wanted you to settle in one place for a bit, my dear, to give you a chance to make proper friends instead of fleeting flirtations with fellow travellers.’

  Sonny and I grin at each other. My uncle is a cad.

  I use the bathroom before we leave. Charles has closed the left-hand cabinet, as he always did when I lived here. Out of habit, I reach forward and open it a touch until two faces stare back at me.

  I am smiling, smiling at life, smiling at Anna.

  ‘It’s all going pretty well now, Sis,’ I say quietly, looking at her face in the mirror. ‘I’ve found a man who loves me as much as I love him, and I’ve even come to love his two little girls who remind me so much of you and me. I’ll watch them grow over the years and I know I’ll never stop thinking about what you and I could have had, what we could have been. I’m so sorry you’re not here with me. I’m so sorry I haven’t got to watch you grow and find love and happiness. But you will always be with me, Anna. I carry you in my name and in my heart. And although I might not talk to you as much as I used to, I’ll always love you. Do you know that? I love you.’ I take a deep shaky breath, letting the seconds tick by as I stare into her greeny-gold eyes. ‘But for now, I’m saying goodbye.’

  I reach up and gently push the mirrored cabinet closed.

  And I am still smiling as I walk downstairs.

  Acknowledgements

  My first thanks go to you, lovely reader! Whether you’ve been with me since Lucy in the Sky or are new to my books, I can’t thank you enough for choosing to read this book. I adored writing Hannah and Sonny’s story and I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much.

  I’m going to be doing a series of auctions to win signed copies in aid of charities related to this book, so if you’re interested in bidding for one, please keep an eye on my social media channels and sign up to #TheHiddenPaige at www.paigetoon.com.

  Thank you to every book reviewer, blogger, Booktuber, Bookstagrammer and anyone who has ever taken the time to write a few kind words about one of my stories – I read all your reviews and appreciate every single word, so please keep them coming!

  Huge thanks to the talented team at Simon & Schuster UK, but especially Rebecca Farrell, Jessica Barratt, Sara Jade Virtue, Pip Watkins, Gill Richardson, Dominic Brendon, Hayley McMullan, Richard Vlietstra, Joe Roche, Amy Fulwood, Rachel Bazan, Maddie Allan, Francesca Sironi, Judith Long, Amy Fletcher, Anne O’Brien and, above all, Suzanne Baboneau, who has been there for me at every stage of this book-writing adventure –
I hope you know how much I appreciate you!

  Thank you to all of my friends who continue to indulge me when I’m wittering on about people who don’t exist, but in particular this lovely lot who read early drafts of The Minute I Saw You and gave me some fantastically helpful feedback: Jane Hampton, Katherine Reid, Femke Cole, Rebecca Banks, Dani Atkins and last but not least, Kimberly Atkins, who continues to go above and beyond – thank you!

  Also, heartfelt thanks to Ali Watts for her spot-on advice and the team at Penguin Random House ANZ for everything that they continue to do for my books Down Under. Ditto to Carla Grosch and the team at S. Fischer Verlage who have published my books in Germany for the past fourteen years and are long overdue a HUGE DANKE!

  I am also very grateful to the following people for their help with my research: Hannah Burgess, Sophie Burgess, Russ and the team at David Clulow Opticians in Cambridge, Barry Griffiths at Jimmy’s Cambridge, Will Pearce from Vision Care for Homeless People, Emma at Cambridge Cyrenians, Will Hill from the School of Art at Anglia Ruskin and Dr Lewis Barnes, Georgie Barnes and their dog Berry, who in no small way inspired a certain black Labrador in this book.

  Please note that the character of Evelyn is dedicated to Debbie McGreevy in memory of her late mother.

  Finally, thank you, always, to my family: my parents Vern and Jen Schuppan and my parents-in-law Ian and Helga Toon. And above all, my husband, Greg (who does so much behind the scenes for my books but hates me gushing about him in my acknowledgements), and my kids, Indy and Idha. Thank you all for putting up with my madness when I’m on deadline – I love you to bits xxx

  More from the Author

  If You Could Go Anywhere

  One Perfect Christmas and Other Stories

  Five Years From Now

  A Christmas Wedding

  The Last Piece of My Heart

  The One We Fell in Love With