Kisses at Sunset

by Sarah Morgan

  Hero whined and stuck his nose in her hand. The whine turned to a growl and he barked as someone rapped on the door.

  Ally froze. Sean, of course. Well, she could hardly ignore it, could she? At least she’d pulled her jeans back on after her bath, instead of getting ready for bed.

  Pulling herself together, she padded across the wooden floor and jerked open the front door.

  ‘Is he back?’ Sean came straight to the point and she nodded.

  ‘Half an hour ago. Thanks for looking after Charlie…’ She gave him a polite smile and went to close the door, but he was too quick for her, planting a foot in the door and shouldering his way past her.

  ‘I’ve let you avoid me for a week. That’s long enough.’

  Her heart galloped uncontrollably and she gripped the doorhandle. ‘I’m not avoiding you, I just—’

  ‘Close the door, Ally, you’re letting out the heat.’ His expression was grim. She hesitated and did as he ordered.

  ‘I think Geoff Thompson might be depressed.’ Maybe if she kept the conversation professional she could avoid having to talk about more painful things. Like the fact he didn’t love her and never would. ‘Mary says he’s—’

  ‘I don’t give a damn about the Thompsons. I want to talk about us.’

  His legs were planted firmly apart in a gesture of pure male domination and she wrapped her arms round her body and gave a little shiver. It was because she’d just come out of the bath, of course. ‘There is no us.’

  ‘There was on Saturday night,’ he said with brutal frankness, and she turned her head away so that she didn’t have to look at him, the sudden action loosening the towel around her head. Her damp hair fell in soft waves around her shoulders and she heard the hiss of his indrawn breath.

  ‘For goodness’ sake, Ally, I don’t understand what this is all about.’ He closed his hands over her shoulders and pulled her towards him. ‘I didn’t force you…’

  ‘No.’ She gave a shake of her head, her eyes bleak. ‘No, you didn’t force me.’

  ‘I know I hurt you and I’m sorry. Is that what’s wrong?’ His voice was rough and she coloured at the intimacy of his question.

  ‘No. You were—’ Her throat clogged and she coughed. Oh, hell! ‘It was fine.’

  ‘Fine?’ He gave her a little shake. ‘Fine?’

  ‘Oh, what do you want me to say?’ Suddenly she was shouting at him. ‘It was fantastic. It was the single most wonderful thing that has ever happened in my life—there, are you satisfied now?’

  He looked totally baffled. ‘So why are you avoiding me?’

  Her anger dissipated and she felt suddenly tired. ‘Because you wish it had never happened.’

  His hands fell to his sides and a muscle worked in his cheek. ‘That’s not true.’

  She jerked away from him, the towel around her shoulders sliding to the floor. ‘It is true, Sean, and we both know it. Let’s be honest here for five minutes, shall we? I love you. I love you with every bone in my body…’ She saw him tense slightly and gave a short laugh. ‘Oh, I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s the truth, and if you really want to know why I’m avoiding you then you’d better hear the truth—and the truth is, we don’t want the same thing.’

  He was frowning. ‘I never wanted a one-night stand.’

  ‘Oh?’ Her eyes were bright with tears. ‘So you wouldn’t have minded second helpings?’

  ‘Dammit, it wasn’t like that and you know it.’ His dark eyes were alight with anger and suddenly she sagged, the fight gone. She just wanted him to go, too.

  ‘Forget it, Sean. You’ve made your position more than clear.’

  His expression was grim. ‘This isn’t about me.’

  ‘No, of course it isn’t.’ Ally used sarcasm to hide her pain. ‘It’s never about you, is it, Sean? You don’t talk about your past, you don’t open up to anyone, you don’t trust anyone, you don’t expose your feelings to anyone—’

  His hands were clenched by his sides. ‘Have you finished?’

  ‘Actually, no.’ She stared at him calmly. In a minute she was going to burst into tears and make a total fool of herself, but first there were things she needed to get off her chest. ‘You accused me of being afraid to take a risk, but what about you, Sean? Do you take risks? Do you allow yourself to get close to anyone, to develop a relationship? No, you don’t. Because you just might fall in love and that would cause all sorts of complications, wouldn’t it? And God forbid that you should ever have children because you’re afraid that loving them will make you vulnerable, too—’

  His eyes were full of pain. ‘Dammit, Ally—’

  ‘Well, let me tell you one more thing, Sean Nicholson.’ Her voice cracked slightly and she took a deep breath. ‘As you once pointed out to me, there are no guarantees in life. The best you can do is to have hope and trust people. And you know what? Being a parent does make you vulnerable, because suddenly there’s someone in your life that matters more than yourself. Parenthood is all about exposing yourself to hurt, and it’s tough. Really tough. But that doesn’t mean people give up on it. Very few people are like your mother, Sean.’

  His face was white. ‘You don’t understand.’

  Ally stared at him sadly, all her anger suddenly gone. ‘No, I suppose I don’t, really, because you’ve never trusted me enough to explain. And that’s why this relationship is never going anywhere. I thought I could take whatever you were prepared to give, but it isn’t enough.’

  He stared at her for a long moment, a muscle working in his cheek. ‘You’re saying you want me to marry you?’

  ‘Because you’re the first man I’ve ever been to bed with?’ She gave a short laugh. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Sean. I don’t care about marriage—but I do care about commitment. I can’t have a relationship with a man who bails out before he gets emotionally involved. I thought I could, but I can’t.’

  His whole body was rigid with tension. ‘So that’s that, then?’

  ‘It would seem so.’

  Why didn’t he argue with her, dammit? Tell her he loved her madly. Tell her everything he was thinking and feeling? But he didn’t.

  The tears were going to come at any moment. If he didn’t leave soon she’d make an utter fool of herself.

  He stood for a long moment just staring at her, his eyes tormented, and for a wild moment she thought he was going to kiss her. But then his hands clenched into fists and he walked away from her, wrenching open the front door and slamming it behind him.

  CHAPTER NINE

  THE next week was a nightmare.

  Every time Ally turned round she seemed to fall over Sean, her only consolation being that he seemed to look as drawn and strained as she felt. She couldn’t sleep, she didn’t eat and then, to cap it all, she went down with a stomach bug that seemed to be affecting most of Cumbria.

  On the third day she felt slightly better and dragged herself into work, ignoring the feeling of nausea that gnawed away in her stomach. She hadn’t actually vomited for two days so she should be fine to work. Anyway, one of the other partners was off with the same thing so she really needed to be there, helping.

  Will didn’t think so. ‘It’s hardly a good advertisement for the practice if the doctors look as though they’re at death’s door. Go back to bed.’

  Ally shook her head. ‘I’m fine now. I just feel a bit feeble.’ And exhausted. Totally drained. Like a puppet with its strings cut. But if she sat down she’d be OK.

  Will was watching her closely. ‘This is more than a stomach bug.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Ally avoided his searching gaze and sorted out her desk. ‘Everyone’s got it.’

  ‘Agreed—but it lasts twenty-four hours and then they’re as right as rain.’

  Ally rummaged in her drawer. ‘I’m as right as rain.’

  ‘It’s Sean, isn’t it?’

  Her hand stilled and she gritted her teeth. She wasn’t going to break down. Not here, with a surgery to run.
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  ‘I’m fine, Will.’

  There was a moment’s silence. ‘Well, I’m really sorry, and if there’s anything I can do just ask.’

  The kindness in his voice brought tears to the surface. ‘Thanks, Will.’

  Fortunately Will had the wisdom to leave her alone then, giving her time to pull herself together before surgery. But as she buzzed for the first patient, something he’d said nagged in her brain. The stomach bug only lasted for twenty-four hours—so why was she still feeling sick?

  She went through surgery on automatic, looking in ears and throats, listening to chests, writing prescriptions for antibiotics and seeing more people with the stomach bug, and as her last patient shut the door behind her she reached for the calendar, her hands shaking.

  Carefully she counted the days, then checked again and closed her eyes. Dear God, her period was late and in all the stress she hadn’t even noticed. How could she not have noticed? She’d been due the night she and Sean had made love, which was why she’d thought she’d been safe. For a moment she sat and stared at the calendar, totally numb, and then a flame of excitement sparked inside her.

  A baby. Sean’s baby.

  She put the calendar down on her desk and stared out of the window at the mountains, a smile starting on her face. What was the matter with her? She should have been feeling horrified! She was expecting a baby by a man who didn’t want children or commitment. So why was she smiling?

  She placed a hand over her abdomen in an instinctively protective gesture. Because it was part of Sean. Part of her love for him. There was no question of her not keeping it. The only question was what to do about Sean…

  Her smile faded. He didn’t ever want children, he’d made that clear enough, and he didn’t want her either—not long term, at least. As she stared out of the window she saw that it had started to snow heavily and suddenly she felt more peaceful. She’d survive. Of course she would. And she wouldn’t tell Sean about the baby. What was the point? He didn’t want her and he’d made it clear that he didn’t want a child. She’d manage with the help of her family and friends. After all, she’d managed with Charlie…

  * * *

  It snowed heavily for another three days and most of Cumbria was paralysed.

  ‘Nothing’s moving on the roads, but the patients still seem to manage to turn up for surgery,’ Helen grumbled, checking the appointments to try and squeeze in another extra.

  Ally gave her a wan smile. ‘I expect they’re bored so they want to come and see us.’

  ‘Yes, well, I wish they’d—’ Helen had glanced up and stopped in mid-sentence. ‘Ally, are you all right? You look dreadful!’

  ‘Thanks.’ Ally gave her a wry grin. ‘You know how to make someone feel better, I’ll say that for you. Any extras for me?’

  ‘Two more with the stomach bug,’ Helen told her, her eyes reflecting her concern. ‘Do you want Will or Sean to see them?’

  ‘No!’ Ally took a deep breath and picked up the notes. ‘I’ll see them. Send the first one in, will you, Helen?’

  She settled herself in her consulting room, wondering whether she’d survive three months of nausea. She thought back to the number of times she’d glibly told patients that it would pass in time, and vowed never to be so dismissive again. She felt ill, totally drained of energy and exhausted, and sooner or later she was going to have to think of a new excuse because the ‘stomach bug’ routine was wearing thin.

  She forced herself to concentrate as her first extra of the morning tapped on the door, another victim of the stomach bug. After examining him and giving him advice on rehydration and managing diarrhoea, Ally showed him out and then suddenly lifted her hand to her throat. She was going to be sick. She made it to the staff toilet just in time, and when she staggered out ten minutes later she found Sean standing there, his expression grim.

  ‘Helen told me you still aren’t well.’

  Oh, not now! She just wasn’t up to a confrontation. ‘I’m fine, Sean.’

  ‘You look it!’ His wry tone made her shrug ruefully.

  ‘I’ve just picked up the same bug everyone else has.’

  He stared at her for a long moment, his gaze measuring. ‘Except that everyone else seems to have recovered in half the time.’ There was a strange light in his eyes and for a brief moment of panic Ally wondered if he’d guessed.

  ‘Dr McGuire!’ The urgency of Helen’s voice carried down the corridor and Ally breathed a sigh of relief, excused herself and walked briskly to Reception.

  ‘What’s the matter?’

  Helen was just replacing the receiver, her expression worried. ‘That was Felicity Webster. She’s gone into labour and there’s no way she can get to hospital in time. The roads are impassable and she’s contracting every two minutes. She’s in a total panic.’

  ‘Where’s the midwife?’ Ally was picking up her coat even as she asked the question.

  ‘Stuck with a woman in premature labour the other side of the Kirkstone pass.’

  ‘You can’t go—you’re not well.’ Sean picked up his bag and made for the door.

  ‘Wait!’ Ally caught up with him, her expression determined. ‘Of course I’m going—she’s my patient.’

  ‘Well, you’re not going on your own!’ He stared at her and then gave a wry smile. ‘I’m starting to learn how stubborn you are, so shall we compromise for once? We’ll both go.’

  Ally frowned as he jangled a set of keys. ‘You won’t get through in your car.’

  ‘Will’s already lent me his four-wheel drive for my calls.’ Sean shrugged on a heavy jacket. ‘Are you sure you’re up to this?’

  She nodded, wrapping a scarf around her neck and pushing her hands into her pockets. ‘Absolutely. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I love delivering babies.’

  He gave a short laugh. ‘I’m glad one of us does because it’s certainly not my strong point.’

  Ally followed him out to Will’s Range Rover, relieved to sit down. She felt awful. What would happen if she felt like this for the whole nine months?

  All along the road to Felicity’s they passed abandoned vehicles, some strewn haphazardly across the road where their drivers had obviously become stuck in the snow and slush. The snow was worse as they approached Felicity’s, but Sean handled Will’s vehicle with enviable ease, negotiating patches of ice and heavy slush in his usual cool manner.

  Felicity’s husband was standing in the doorway when they arrived, waving his arms frantically.

  ‘Is he a panicker or is she delivering?’ Sean switched off the engine and they both hurried down the path.

  Hugh greeted them with relief. ‘She’s pushing!’

  ‘Well, tell her to try not to, Hugh!’ Ally elbowed her way past Sean and took the stairs two at a time, forgetting how exhausted she felt.

  Felicity was crouched on the floor at the foot of the bed, her hair tangled and her face blotched with crying.

  ‘Oh, Dr McGuire, thank goodness you’re here. I’ve been so scared…after the awful time I had with the others.’

  ‘Everything will be just fine, Felicity,’ Ally soothed gently, stroking her patient’s hair and giving her shoulders a quick squeeze. ‘You’ve had an excellent pregnancy and there’s no reason why this birth shouldn’t be the nicest, calmest experience you’ve ever had. Now then, I need to examine you so let’s get you back on the bed.’

  With Hugh and Sean helping, she manoeuvred Felicity onto the bed. Ally then scrubbed her hands and snapped on a pair of sterile gloves.

  ‘OK, let’s take a look.’ With infinite care she examined Felicity, discovering that the cervix was fully dilated.

  ‘Oh, that hurts so much!’ Felicity screwed up her face and Ally finished her examination, tugging off the gloves and giving the labouring woman a smile.

  ‘Well, this baby isn’t hanging around!’ She glanced at Sean, who was looking tense and edgy.

  ‘Can you open the delivery pack, Dr Nicholson, and draw up the Syntometrine?’ Sh
e turned to Felicity’s husband. ‘Hugh, can you fetch some candles and play a tape with something really soothing on it—any Schubert string quartets?’

  Hugh gaped at her. ‘Well, yes, actually, but—’

  ‘Great.’ Ally rearranged the pillows and made Felicity comfortable. ‘Fetch them, will you? Now, Felicity, you can lie down if you like, but you might find it easier to go back on the floor where you were and squat. What do you think?’

  Felicity clutched her hand. ‘I don’t know. I just think it’s all going so wrong.’

  Ally slipped her arm round her patient’s shoulders and gave her a hug. ‘It’s not going wrong at all, Felicity. It’s perfect. Trust me.’

  Felicity gave her a wobbly smile and allowed them to help her back onto the floor.

  ‘Pass me some of those towels, Hugh,’ Ally ordered, spreading them carefully beneath Felicity. ‘That’s it. There. Now, doesn’t the room look nice with those candles?’

  It did. Warm and calm, and suddenly Felicity seemed to relax. ‘I’ve got another contraction coming.’

  Ally snapped on a fresh pair of gloves. ‘OK, push down with the pain. That’s it. Good girl. I can see the head, Felicity. Lots of dark hair.’

  ‘Ooh…’ Felicity groaned and reached out for Hugh.

  ‘Stand behind her and support her under her arms,’ Ally suggested, and he did just that, holding her while she laboured.

  ‘Will it be all right like this?’ Felicity made a noise somewhere between a moan and a giggle. ‘I don’t want it to bang its head when it’s born.’

  Ally laughed. ‘I’ve got my fishing net ready. It’ll be fine.’

  She glanced up and caught Sean watching her, an odd expression on his face. With a soft smile she handed him the suction tube.

  ‘Can you clear the baby’s mouth and nose?’

  He nodded and watched while she applied gentle pressure on the perineum with one hand, while placing her other hand on the head of the infant to control the rate of delivery.

  The head slid out neatly, and emotion clogged her throat. It was so amazing, the birth of a baby. And she was going to have one of her own. She was going to have Sean’s baby. She blinked rapidly. But he’d never know. He didn’t want to know.